


From the Underground // Levi Ackerman

by 90slevi



Series: From The Underground [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Awkward Tension, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Depressing, Emotional Roller Coaster, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Female Titan Arc (Shingeki no Kyojin), Flirting, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Gentle Sex, Hange Zoë & Levi Are Best Friends, Hange Zoë Ships It, Hange is Amazing, Jealousy, Levi is In Denial (Shingeki no Kyojin), Levi is Whipped (Shingeki no Kyojin), Made For Each Other, Manga & Anime, Minor Character Death, Minor Oluo Bozado/Petra Ral, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Original Special Operations Squad | Squad Levi, Protective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Romantic Face Punching, Sad Backstory, Sad and Happy, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sexual Tension, Sexual Violence, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Survival, Sweet Petra Ral, Violence, Wall Sina (Shingeki no Kyojin), best friend petra ral, petra isn't an asshole in this story lol, tbh this is really sad but also sweet in some places oops, they hate each other but not for long, thug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:53:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 40
Words: 116,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24133132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/90slevi/pseuds/90slevi
Summary: "'Bratty'? Can I have a better, more original nickname?""No. I think it suits you more than anybody else.""Well, that's wonderful."---You were a notorious thug from the underground, known around Wall Sina simply by the alias 'Wendy'. Nobody knew anything about you and were constantly in fear of them or a family member being murdered.That was until you were caught by humanity's strongest warrior and forced onto the Survey Corps.However, Levi seems to enjoy your company, and despite both of you wanting to hate each others' guts, that hate blossoms into something totally different.No matter how shitty this world is, you and levi hold onto each other.Because that's all you have.Each other.---I hope this follows the official anime timeline whoops---Rape/non-con & sexual violence only for a backstory!! Also, canon-typical violence (but I'm sure you knew that aha)
Relationships: Levi & Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Oluo Bozado/Petra Ral
Series: From The Underground [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795483
Comments: 232
Kudos: 581





	1. ~ prologue

"Finally, some good fucking food," you muttered to yourself, holding a thick slice of bread in one hand and a small slice of meat in the other. Within minutes, they were both gone, and you were peering out of the corner of the alleyway you were hiding in with your signature black hood covering your eyes and head. Peering around, everyone seemed to be going about their daily business, and occasionally, an excited child ran past you, screeching at the top of their lungs while their friends laughed and followed. To them, you were completely invisible. Good.

After a few minutes, you heard a woman complaining to her husband about the fruit she'd just bought, and you turned to spot a large, fat man behind one of the stalls selling what seemed to be rotten and gone-off food to the poorer civilians. A smug, disgusting expression was slapped on his greedy face and, rolling your eyes, you couldn't wait to slice that smile off his face.

Nobody expected thugs or killers inside Wall Sina. Usually, people expected that kind of thing to happen in the Underground and the districts in Wall Maria rather than up in the posher areas of the walls. That's what made you all the more threatening and nerve-racking, mainly because people didn't know how to react or defend themselves. That was, of course, if they weren't a Survey Corp. Those people you respected whole-heartedly, but you could never see yourself becoming one. It was frightening, and although your mentor had spoken of one of his 'Students' becoming a higher-up in the Survey Corps, you hadn't wanted that same future. 

You'd learnt from that same man, Kenny, that people like this man in front of you were filthy rich and profiting off the poor, and although he'd had different goals to you, it'd been imprinted in your mind that people like this deserved to die. You pitied the poor and wanted them to live their lives as best as possible, and this man was profiting off of their vulnerability. Scumbag. As if this world wasn't painful enough already, people like him just had to make it so much worse, and people didn't even realise it. Another young woman had gone up to his fruit stall to buy some more fruit with the little money she had, and little did she know it'd go off in less than five hours. Despite it not being your way of murder, you were tempted to just run up and kill him right there in front of everyone and expose how much of a money-hungry ratbag he was, but you didn't fancy getting arrested. After all, there was a group of Military Police just around the corner, and although you could easily get away from them, you didn't fancy being chased down. 

"Hello? Young lady, are you alright?"

Startled by the contact on your shoulder, you glanced behind to see an older woman looking at you, worry plastered on her face. Her grey hair was bunched up in a loose bun, and she was carrying a basket of clothes underneath her arm, most likely to wash. A pair of crescent-moon-shaped glasses were perched on the tip of her nose, and she looked kind, like the mother you'd never been lucky enough to have. Although you'd never had good social skills under the ground, you'd learnt from watching others up here and how they spoke to one another, and finally, you could use that to use. Act kind and genuine and anyone will trust you.

"Yes, thank you," you smiled, pushing your hood down to reveal your h/c hair and bright eyes. Despite being the biggest criminal of the town, you still liked to help those in need. Once again, this was another habit you'd developed after coming to the upper levels, and you realised that if you truly wanted to help people, you couldn't just go around killing people. You needed to help those more vulnerable too. It was... strange, to say the least. "Do you need help with your basket?"

"I'm alright," she smiled, shaking her head. "My house is only around the corner. I noticed you were watching Mr Ferne, the fruit seller."

"Yeah," you scowled, wrinkling your nose as you watched him laugh at a poor boy who'd fallen over, grazing his arm. "What an asshole."

"I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that," she chuckled, shaking her head. "In my little area of town, we've warned each other not to buy fruit from him. I was coming to warn you too, but I assume you already know."

"Yeah, I noticed," you answered with a nod. "God, I hope he gets a taste of his own medicine someday."

The old woman laughed with a shrug of her shoulders. "True, he does deserve something. Anyway, I live quite nearby! I make fruit myself, so if you ever need any, come visit! The name's Elizabeth Becker, most people know of me and can point you in a vague direction. And you are?"

"Wendy," you replied, shaking the woman's free hand. Down in the Underground, you'd been known simply as Z, mainly because you didn't want people knowing your true name or associating you with others. Up here, on the other hand, Z simply sounded incredibly suspicious and just wasn't necessary, so you'd chosen a new name. "It's what I go by, anyway."

"Ah, okay, I like the mysteriousness" the woman smiled, patting your shoulder. Then, she glanced down to see the blade hidden in your belt pocket, usually disguised by your cloak. However, because you were so invested in this conversation with the woman, you'd completely forgotten to keep it discreet and hidden. Mentally face-palming, you attempted to come up with an excuse, but a chuckle left her lips. "Defending yourself? Whatever for? You're not in trouble, are you?"

Laughing, you shook your head. "Of course not, don't worry, ma'am! I used to be from some dodgy parts of Wall Maria before I moved here, and it's kinda stuck in my mind to carry a knife with me just in case something happens. I'm not the type to just pick fights."

The woman nodded, and you were unsure if she believed you or not. "Well, Wendy, good luck with whatever you're doing! I've got to go home now, back to the Grandchildren with their freshly washed clothes!"

She pointed inside the basket and you noticed a pile of clothing that belonged to two or more children, most likely the grand-kids she was talking about. Your heart ached, and you bid the woman farewell as she left the alleyway and down the street. As kind as she was, you'd have to watch her in fear of her mentioning the blade. She seemed to be an intelligent woman just by the way she spoke and acted, and you were certain she half-believed your lies and stories. For sure, you didn't want to murder her in fear of being caught, but at the same time, you didn't want to go back into hiding in the Underground. Measures would have to be taken, whether you liked it or not.

Pressing your back to the wall with a groan of frustration, you stared up at the sky to see the sun beginning to set over the horizon, turning the light blue into stunning shades of pinks and oranges. _Mr Ferne, eh?_ He was definitely your next target, and as your hand slipped over the cool blade of your knife, you let out a shaky sigh. Unfortunately, you'd left your stolen 3D manoeuvre gear at home, so this would be a bit more difficult than usual. You'd have to use your own body strength and climbing abilities to get away, and thankfully, the houses looked pretty easy to climb with multiple alleyways to hide in and confuse the Military Police. However, when an hour passed and barely anyone was in sight, you saw a slim-looking woman wander over in an apron. Blocking out your thoughts about this man, you hid behind a large bin and peered over the top, watching intensely. The poor woman's lips twisted into a forced smile and her eyes filled with fear, an expression you were used to seeing when someone was being abused by their husband. You'd been raised in the Underground after all, and you knew all sorts of different mannerisms you hoped never to see on a person. The man looked over at her, a sick grin on his face, and you physically recoiled.

What a disgusting bastard.

"Tim is all tucked up in bed," the woman said, shivering when the man planted a sloppy, half-arsed kiss on her cheek. Your stomach churned. Just from what you were seeing, you were surprised nobody else had taken notice of this awful relationship. And there was a child involved too. She was clearly scared of Mr Ferne, and you couldn't wait to see her in a week or so without the burden of having this arrogant man as a husband. "John, please come home tonight! Tim misses you, and it's so difficult being alone in the house without you."

"I'm busy," he huffed, placing the boxes of rotten fruit underneath the stall on top of each other and closing up shop. It was as clear as day he didn't give a shit about his wife, and you wanted to go punch him square in the face. "Go and be a whore or something if you want company, Lucienne."

"Johnathan!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide and brimming with tears. However, the small flinch she made when he called her by her name showed that just hearing her name come from his mouth meant a lot to her, and your heart shattered. You wondered what names he called her when they weren't in public. "You know I won't do that! It's... it's wrong!"

"Then don't complain that I'm not home," he shrugged, his gold tooth shimmering in the moonlight. "Now go away, will you? I've got someone to meet."

"Who is it this time, John?" she asked weakly, and your face showed just how you were feeling. She knew he cheated on her? How many times had he done it, and how was he affecting her mentally? Not only was he scamming people out of the little amount of money they had, but he was a domestic abuser too. How sick can someone get? "Marianne? Penelope? Daria? Fucking Gertha? Just stop it! I want my husband back instead of... whatever this is! I pour my damned heart out into this relationship, looking after Tim, doing the housework, cooking your dinner and doing anything to make you happy! And how do you repay me?! Like this? I'm fed up, John! Please, just come home!"

Before she could continue, the man slapped her across the face, sending her to the ground with an agonising thud. Her cries became so much louder as her hand covered her face, and the man simply looked at her with an expression of disgust and... amusement. Your eyes widened and you glared, holding the blade's handle tightly in your hand as you pulled the hood over your head, hiding your chin and lower half of your face with a black mask. Everything was hidden except for your eyes, and as the woman stumbled back onto her feet, holding her red cheek, you ran. That was it, that's what drove you to murder him. That was his last chance to redeem himself, and he'd gone and failed. Now, his time was up.

You dashed behind the man and slit his throat, a loud gurgle of a scream leaving Mr Ferne's lips as he tried to grab you. He'd seen you coming with your knife bared, and as soon as he noticed, he knew he was going to die. He clutched his bleeding throat as he attempted to breathe, but a mix of blood loss and asphyxiation was what killed him. And his death came quickly too. Even after he'd gone, the woman's screams were still audible, even when you were clambering up a pole of a house and hiding on the roof. She didn't seem to be crying though, which meant she was just in shock. For someone who'd just lost their husband and watched him get murdered right in front of her eyes, she didn't look to be upset at all, just... scared. Of you.

Within minutes the military police arrived. Nobody had called them over, and there was no way of them knowing a murder had just occurred, but the woman's screams of fear and panic were loud enough for anybody to hear. You gulped, and you were about to turn around and run until you noticed something peculiar. Amongst the Military Police, who were usually lazy and too slow to catch up with you (or simply couldn't be bothered to even look into the murders and what caused it), was a Survey Corp on a horse right at the back, his green cloak over his head. You knew for a fact that the Survey Corps were so much more skilled than the Military Police, so had they bought this person along to try and catch you? That meant they knew there was a murderer on the loose, and someone in the MPs was much more intelligent than they were letting on and knew that this series of killings were up to one person. 

Standing up, you began to run across the rooftops, knowing that you were in danger without your 3D manoeuver kit. You had no idea how talented this Survey Corp was or what techniques they used; you'd never actually come across one before and seen them in action, so this would be a challenge. Thankfully, you knew all the best nooks and crannies in this part of the city, and you weren't afraid to hide in a trash can just to escape. Did the Survey Corp know the area as you did? Probably not.

"Up there!"

Eyes wide as you heard a loud, feminine voice shout in your direction, you jumped down in between a pair of houses, landing against the floor with a thud. You ran down the alleyway, pulling off the cloak and bandana and dumping them into a wedge in the wall, hopefully still there when you returned to get them. Underneath your costume, you looked like a normal woman, wearing only a pair of dark green cargo jeans and a white v-neck tucked in. You'd chosen such attire to come off as a man, your figure hidden underneath the cloak, but now your face was out, it was obvious you were female. All you needed to do was get into a public space with a lot of people to get yourself lost and remain unknown. Would you get there in time, though?

Then, right behind, you heard the zips of the 3D manoeuver gear, and you glanced over your shoulder in surprise to see this single Survey Corp chasing you, his hood now down to reveal his narrow grey eyes glaring at you, his black undercut bouncing with every powerful movement he made. He'd caught up incredibly quickly, and you shivered knowing that this was one of your first real challenges after coming up to the surface. If he caught you, you would have to make a move on him, which was a shame. He looked like a really talented Survey Corp, and if he was going to make humanity better, it'd be a shame to kill him.

But... you noticed something. The way he held his blades and the way he manoeuvred in the way. The way he glared at you through gritted teeth and the way his eyes narrowed with every twist and turn. It reminded you of somebody, and you groaned in irritation under your breath. If this was who you assumed it was, you were in a LOT of trouble.

Was this...

"Ah!" you yelped, feeling his hand grasp for your back and nearly rip the back of your shirt. You quickly dodged and got away from him, hopping onto one of the bins and jumping over a building, eventually hitting the ground and turning a corner to lean against a wall. Panting as you tried to regain your breath, you tried to figure out a route to find your gear and get out of this situation. Once you'd got that, you'd outrun him easily. Right?

Unless this was who you thought it was.

"C'mon out of there, brat," the man muttered, and just by that sentence, you knew it. This was Levi Ackerman. "I know you're down here. I'm not stupid like the Military Police. You can't outrun me."

Mildly frightened by his tone, you ran again and grabbed onto a pole that climbed up a taller house, one where the grips of his gear wouldn't dig into. Using this route, he'd have to put his gear aside and climb up himself, but your hand slipped due to your panic and you fell to the concrete floor with an agonising slap, your head hitting the ground. Cursing loudly, you sat up and pressed your fingers to the back of your head and felt something wet. Bringing your hand back to your line of sight, you saw a small trickle of blood, and you cursed again. You stood back up and wiped your bloodied hand on your trousers, about to start running again, but you felt a tight grip on your collar.

"Ah, there you are," the man hissed, pinning you against a wall with your back to him. You had no idea what he was feeling and thinking other than the fact he was pissed, and that was evident in not only his voice but his expressionless, blunt face too. "Wendy, huh? Tch, I doubt that, brat."

Great, so that woman had ratted you out. 

"What's your name?" he asked, and you reached for your blade discreetly as you opened your mouth to answer. Unfortunately, Levi wasn't stupid. He'd been watching the blade in your belt and he swatted your hand away. Within seconds, you were face-down on the floor, your arms pinned behind your back so you couldn't reach for them again. In this position, there was no way you'd be getting away. "Don't you fucking dare. Reach for your knife again and you won't live to see tomorrow. I'll ask one more time, what's your name?"

"Y/n," you hissed, giving up and realising there was no way you'd get away from him easily. Then, you felt a sharp pain in your arm as he twisted it, and you yelled loudly. "Y/n Y/l/n! Ow! Stop it, that hurts!"

"Y/n, huh?" he asked in his monotone voice, ignoring your request to let go and deciding to hold your arms in an even more painful position. "I'm sure I've heard of your awful name before."

"I'm not surprised," you snapped, attempting to turn so you could face him. His almost terrifying and unbothered expression hadn't changed in the slightest from when you'd met, which was incredibly different from Kenny's more energetic and teasing attitude. It was cool to see the differences, but like this, everything was just irritating, uncomfortable and... well, shit. "Now could you maybe let me go? I can't lie, this hurts a lot- OW!"

Bored with your complaints, he then kicked you in the ribs, which shouldn't have been possible in the position you both were in. But then again, it was Levi, one of the strongest and most powerful people humanity had seen. At least, that's what Kenny had said, and he'd also added an "apart from me," at the end of it. Also, a lot of people who'd mentioned him had boasted about how powerful he was, even if he was a bit of an asshole with zero people skills. Even some kids you'd eavesdropped on had spoken about how, although he was scary, they admired him. Right now, though, you'd rather admire anybody else.

"This is what your victims felt, scumbag," he hissed in your ear, and you rolled your eyes. If he was gonna give you a lecture, you'd much rather have one inside and not fearing for your life. "Why shouldn't I just kill _you_ here?"

"Because that'd make you a murderer and an idiot," you said bluntly, and he scowled at the fact you were still joking in such a serious situation. He hated it. "An idiot because you didn't let me give my motives and definitely-justified reasons, and a murderer because... well, you murdered me. I don't think you need to explain that one."

"God, you talk a lot," he replied with a sigh, before kicking you swiftly in the stomach again, making you yell out and almost vomit all over the floor. You cursed at him and was going to spit at him just so you could show him what you felt of him, but you chose against it. You knew for a fact he'd probably beat the shit out of you if you even dared think about doing that. "So, tell me, brat, what made those killings justified?"

"Those scumbags found pleasure in bullying and ruining other people's lives," you hissed, wrinkling your nose as you began to get a headache, your head pounding from when you'd fell. "Ow..."

"I didn't even do anything," he grumbled, finally noticing the blood seeping from the back of your head and remembering your fall from earlier. "Good motive, but not good enough. Doesn't that just make you a hypocrite?"

"Maybe it does," you shrugged, feeling a sudden weight on your back. "Ow! Did you just sit on me?!"

"I noticed you reaching for your knife again," he muttered, but you knew this was just a way for him to pin you down easier. Also, this way, he had easy access to breaking your arms, and just thinking of that made you shiver. He was dangerous, so no wonder the MPs had asked him for help catching you. "What are we gonna do with you, eh?"

"Lock me up," you shrugged, knowing how to lockpick easily. Kenny had taught you so many ways of how to get out of a jail cell, and the ones in Sina were no different from the ones in the Underground. "I'll get out easily. Kill me now. Torture me, I couldn't care less."

"I've seen you using the 3D manoeuver gear before," he said after a minute of silence, and you raised an eyebrow. "Where did you learn that?"

"None of your business," you groaned, rolling your eyes. "Why are you bothered? Gonna put me on the Survey Corps or something? Great idea, putting a dangerous killer like me in the Squad."

"They did the same with me," he replied, and you scoffed. You knew Levi Ackerman used to be from the Underground, but surely they didn't put a murderer in the higher-ups of the Survey Corps. Then again, they did need all the help they could get, and Levi was definitely powerful. You wondered how many titan's he'd killed and if he was helpful. "But I think prison is a much better option. I can't wait to see murderous scum like you rot in jail."

"Great. I absolutely cannot wait," you sighed, and as soon as the pressure on your body was lifted, you leapt up in an instant and grabbed your knife, kicking your leg under both of Levi's and pinning him to the ground, your knife to his throat. His eyes widened for a split second, either surprised by your agility or surprised that you'd got him in this position. However, your plan didn't work, because not even ten seconds later, he'd managed to grab your wrist, slam it into the ground so your knife was stuck between two slabs of concrete and flip you over. Now you were face down in the mud with Levi's knees either side of your waist, one of his hands pressing your face to the ground and his other holding both your wrists above your head with your arms bent. This hurt even more than before, and you grumbled a string of curse words under your breath. 

"Can I even stand up without you trying to kill me, brat?" he asked, blatantly on the verge of breaking your arm. You winced in pain and nodded. "Prove I can trust you, brat, or you'll be dead where you lie. Which will be a shame, this uniform is new and I don't fancy your blood all over it."

"I won't try again," you muttered, but nothing happened instead, his grip on your head and wrists got tighter. "I promise?"

"Yeah, because that's really gonna make me believe you," he sighed, still twisting your arm. You cursed again, gesturing to the two other knives in your belt with your eyes so he could remove them. Levi took his hand away from your head and took them out their pockets, throwing them to the side along with the one stuck in the ground. He then vaguely checked the rest of your clothes for any more weapons. Not to his surprise, there was another smaller pocket knife stuck in your sock, and he removed it swiftly and stuck it into his pocket, most likely to make sure you didn't come at him again. When his fingers brushed against the skin of your ankle, you flinched. "Ticklish, brat?"

"Shut up," you replied swiftly, feeling pink appear in your cheeks. Not only was he incredibly powerful and tough, but he was also an asshole too "I'm so gonna kill you when I get out of this stupid mess."

"Yeah, try me," he said nonchalantly, and you glared. Why did you have to get caught by Levi out of all people? If it was anyone else, you were sure to get away. It seemed that you were very close to Levi's skill set, but not close enough to run away when he was after you. "Right, no weapons. Get up."

You did as he said, his hands not leaving your wrists as he placed you in a pair of handcuffs. Levi even noticed when you pulled a small paperclip from the seam of your shirt (prepared for when your hands were tied behind your back) and tried to pick the lock and pulled it away from you, throwing it away. "Can't I get a little bit off my sentence because I had a good motive?"

"No. Murder never has a good motive," he said bluntly, and you groaned in annoyance, rolling your head back in frustration. "Now, if you struggle, I won't be afraid to knock a few teeth out. Got it?"

"Whatever," you mumbled, finally leaving the alleyway. The military police were trying to comfort the wife of the man you'd murdered, but there was something strange about her. Even Levi noticed it, and he almost paused to observe. Lucienne was crying now because of the shock and panic, but it didn't all seem to be of sadness. She turned to face you, and although she still seemed scared, her eyes lit up and her mouth opened a little bit. It looked as if she was about to thank you for what she'd done and as if she'd been waiting for a gruesome end to her husband for a long time but couldn't admit it. You gave an expression that was a mix of a grimace and a smile, unsure what to say or react, but when Levi pushed your head down to stare at the ground, you rolled your eyes. For the first time in your life, you were off to jail, and you didn't mind that.

As long as you didn't have to put up with Levi again, you were happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited: 10/08/20


	2. ~ prison

"Ah, is my saviour finally here to get me out of here?" you asked with a sigh, dramatically twiddling a stick you'd picked up from the ground between your fingers. Just by that alone, you didn't even have to guess how dirty the rest of the cell would be. Specks of blood stained the mattress you slept on from whoever else had been here, and disturbing yet small drawings were scattered across the uncomfortable brick walls. You stared forward, ignoring the two men who'd entered the prison and stood on the other side of the cold metal bars you'd been imprisoned in. One of them was a tall, muscular man with neatly combed blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, whereas the other one was... Levi Ackerman, standing beside who you assumed to be his superior. He scowled at you before leaning against the wall and his arms over his chest. "From that look, I suppose not." 

"Y/n Y/l/n," the blonde man began, ignoring your complaints and staring directly at you. Despite being incredibly intimidating, he didn't give off the same, scary aura as Levi did. This was much more authoritative and, although merciless, he seemed to be more understanding and chose to negotiate instead of beating the shit out of someone for answers. Another strange thing that happened was that you shivered just at the tone of his voice, and you knew instantly that he was nobody to be messed with. "My name is Erwin Smith, the commander of the Survey Corps, and I'm here to talk to you about something you may find interesting. I needn't introduce Levi, since I assume you've already met."

"Oh, we've met alright," you muttered, your memory going back to a week ago when Levi had you pinned against the ground with your arms in a very dangerous position. The black-haired male rolled his eyes at your snarky comments, completely ignoring them with the same expressionlessness he gave to everything. You wondered if his face was permanently like that. "I really enjoyed the moment when he attempted to break my arm."

"What did you expect? You tried to kill me," the shorter man said bluntly, but before anything else could be said, Erwin hushed you. Not only did Levi's mouth snap shut, but so did yours. Something about this man's aura unnerved you, and you knew he could probably get anybody to do whatever he pleased just with a simple string of words. No wonder he was a Commander if he could get people like Levi to shut up.

Or, he just didn't want an argument to occur in fear of the two of you killing one-another.

"We've been informed of your use of 3D manoeuver gear, Y/l/n," Erwin began, and you nodded with a grin, glad people had noticed your talent and experience. "Something that takes years to perfect and something that even some of the higher-ups in the Military Police, Garrison and Survey Corps alike can't fully use to their potential. Yet you, someone who shouldn't even know how to put it on, knows movements and tricks that only the best of the best know."

"Mhm," you replied simply, pushing yourself up from the ground and dusting your nightgown down, choosing to move to a more comfortable place to sit. The mattress was still rough and mostly awkward to sit on, but it was better than the floor, after all. "I used it all the time for getting around. It's really good equipment, actually. I'm surprised you managed to come up with it, and I respect those who use it."

"That respect is appreciated," Erwin responded with a nod, leaning against the wall beside Levi with his arms crossed. Levi had kept his mouth shut, making sure he didn't cause an argument and ruin what Erwin was trying to do. He knew for a fact the blonde was much better at negotiating than he was, and if he got involved, things would not go the way the Commander wanted to. "I would ask you where you learnt your skills, but I'm sure you won't tell us and that is completely unnecessary right now."

"Wow, you're smart," you replied sarcastically with a small smile. "But if I told you, would you let me out of here? It's pretty boring in here, and have you seen what's under the mattress?! It's disgusting!"

"You're a murderer, Y/l/n. We can't let you out just because you don't like your current living situation," Erwin explained, but you noticed Levi shake his head with a wrinkled nose at the state of the prison cell. You wondered if he actually felt sympathetic for you, but then again, he was probably just happy he wasn't in there. "You may have had good intentions, killing those you deemed to be cruel or wastes of oxygen, but you still killed people."

"I knew that already," you sighed, putting your head in your hand and choosing to look away in fear you'd get angry at the blonde and ruin your chances of getting out. Levi, the bastard, had already put an extra lock on the cell, making sure you didn't get out even though you didn't have any paperclips, hairpins or anything to pick the lock with anyway. "If all you're going to do is tell me what I did was wrong, you can leave. I already know.

It was true; your entire life of crime wasn't something you enjoyed or felt pleasure in. It made you feel disgusting and vile, knowing you were putting people's lives to an end despite believing they deserved it. It was the way you'd grown up, and back in the Underground, it was all you'd ever known. You'd lived with people so much worse than you, with intentions you didn't ever want to imagine or see again. If Erwin chose to simply patronise you and pity your situation, you didn't want him here. You wanted him gone, to just leave you alone to rot for eternity in your prison cell.

"That wasn't what we were planning to do," Erwin continued, making you raise your eyebrows suspiciously at him as he clasped his hands together and lean forward. His voice was much quieter, probably so the other prisoners couldn't hear what he was going to say, but Levi chose to do nothing and stay stood there, almost disgusted with what the blonde had planned. "From what we've seen and heard, we've realised that your talent is what we need on the Survey Corps. Of course, we usually prefer to not have serial killers and criminals on the team, but for the benefit of humanity, we will hire anybody we believe will help. Your talents and skill set are capable of matching Captain Levi's, and if we end up having a second soldier as strong as him, we will be saving so many lives. If trained properly and you agree, we could have an extremely strong member on our team."

"And what if I refuse?" you asked, kicking one leg over the other lazily and watching the two for their reactions. You couldn't lie, it was a very good offer. Switch your entire life in prison for a life as a Survey Corp. Of course, you'd never particularly fancied becoming one, knowing that the dangers past the walls and fearing for your life would probably kill you before you reached the age of 30, but anything was better than this shithole. Levi tutted with a glare, his intimidating gaze attempting to shut you down. It seemed that, although he most likely didn't want you working alongside him, he also agreed with Erwin. "What if I don't want to go out there? Being eaten by a titan doesn't really sound like an appealing death to me."

"Of course, you can refuse and stay down here for eternity," he shrugged, putting his hands into the pockets of his green trenchcoat as he turned to face the corridor, ready to leave. "And I'll let Captain Levi do as he pleases. After all, I think he needs some stress relief from how much pain you caused last week."

"And what the fuck does that mean?" you asked with a scoff of disbelief, jumping up and grabbing the bars so harshly your knuckles went white. Surely he didn't mean... torture, did he? You knew Levi was a very threatening and powerful man, but he wouldn't do that to another human being, would he? Surely... surely not? "Go on, tell me."

"Well," the blonde uttered under his breath, leaning closer to the bars so only you could hear him. You shivered as his breath fanned your face, and you gulped. "Most people don't usually live to tell the tale. I'll give you a few hours to come up with an answer, Y/l/n, but for now, I must go see to some things. I'll be leaving Captain Levi here to try and convince you, but he prefers going to... physical measures."

With that terrifying response, Erwin Smith then walked out of the dungeons, his boots echoing down the hall. The further he went, the more fear you felt. You'd never admit it, but being alone with Levi unnerved you, knowing that he was far stronger than you physically and could probably kill you with his bare hands if he wanted to. For years, you'd always been stronger than the people you'd come up against, but this was new. And you didn't like it.

Silently, you turned your head to face Levi, who was sitting down in one of the chairs outside the cell and staring at you with his dangerous grey eyes. Usually, you liked to tease those in power and poke fun at them to ease the tension in the air, but at this time, you had no idea what to do. Listen to him in fear of getting tortured? You still weren't sure if he'd actually do such a thing, but then again, this was someone even Kenny had warned you of. If Kenny knew him, then surely Levi was dangerous or had at least been very dangerous in the past too. You were in a dangerous situation.

"The Commander may have told me to use this time to convince you to join us, but I have questions I want answering," he said rudely, his expression never changing as he spoke. You had no idea if he was angry, frustrated, upset, bored or a mix of all of them plus more. Chuckling to yourself, you got up and leaned against the wall, refusing to look over at him as he spoke. "Why do I know your name? Tell me. Who are you and where are you from, Y/n?"

"Y/n Y/l/n and I'm from the Underground," you answered with a click of your tongue. It wasn't like you to have people know who you were, mainly because, in the Underground, you'd distanced yourself from everybody you didn't know closely. Although you and your alias were popular, your real name wasn't. So how and why did Levi know it? Had you met him in the past? "Why does it matter, anyway?"

"Because it does," he snapped, and you sighed in exasperation, shaking your head at his negative nature. "Anyway, I don't necessarily agree with Erwin's decision to put you on the Survey Corps, and as much as I'd rather use this time to my advantage, he insisted. So shut up and sit down, brat."

"I'm sure you'd love me on your team, Levi," you chuckled, finding it humorous that before, he'd made an inclination about putting you on the Survey Corps, but now he hated the idea more than he hated titans. "What changed your mind?"

"Tch, I thought your skills were useful, not that I wanted you to join. Especially in my squad," Levi said with a glare, shaking his head. You returned the glower, but all he did was roll his eyes. It seemed that none of your intimidation techniques worked against Levi, and instead made him feel better than you. "Your stare doesn't affect me, you dumbass. Unlike the folk you ruthlessly murdered, I could kill you first."

"Pfft, try me," you replied, wandering back over to the bars with a small, teasing smile. You had no idea how Levi would react to somebody teasing him, but if you were going to be stuck in jail forever, you may as well try it out. "I bet you were the one who asked to put me on the team! 'Oh Commander Erwin Smith, you know how much I love and respect you, sir! You know that girl we just threw in prison, she's so cool and nearly killed me, she'd be so good on the Survey Corps!"

You spoke in a deep, growly voice, nothing like what Levi's was, but that's just what made it funnier. You let out a laugh, but it was clear Levi wasn't amused. Although, his expression did change very slightly, and that was shown through the small arch his right eyebrow made. Rolling his eyes, he put his head on his hand and stared through you with... tired eyes?

"Shut up, brat. You're boring me already."

"Oh, _you're_ bored?" you chuckled in disbelief, wandering back over to the bars and pressing your face between two of them, your nose wrinkled. "Go kill a titan or something while you've still got the freedom to. I'm bored out of my fucking mind, sitting in here with nothing to do. God, if I'm in here any longer, I might just DIE of boredom."

"Wouldn't that be a sight to see," he responded angrily, standing up and grabbing the bars of your cell, his fists right above yours and almost touching. His face was inches from yours, and it almost felt like an intimidation game; who would back down first? Except, it would probably be you because you'd pissed him off and you were worried about what he'd do next. "Now, you stupid brat, do I need to torture you to the point of death? Watch you bleed out as your teeth and fingernails are scattered across the floor? Would that excite you more, Y/n, or are you going to do as we say and join the Survey Corps?"

"Would I have to see your obnoxious face every day, Levi Ackerman?" you hissed back, pulling away from him and letting your hands dangle by your sides as you clenched your fists. He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't dare... would he? That look in his eyes was unreadable, and after years of being able to read people like a book just from simple movements of their face or body, you became frightened. Unable to tell whether he was bluffing or not scared you more than the fact you'd been threatened with unthinkable torture, and you wondered if he acted this way to the other Survey Corps. No wonder he was so high up. 

"Unfortunately, yes, you would," he said, surprised to see a smirk on your face as you messaged your temples. He pulled away from the bars, glad this hadn't turned into a loud fight. Erwin had specifically informed him to not turn the interrogation and negotiation into a full-blown argument, but for Levi, it was so difficult not to. However, what you were to choose in those few moments would change both their lives forever, and neither knew whether it'd be for better or for worse.

The mere thought of those disgusting creatures in Wall Maria and wherever else terrified you; you weren't like Levi Ackerman or the other Survey Corps with their bravery and talent of being able to ignore the fact that these creatures could kill them in any second. Yes, you could easily kill them. You'd been able to kill humans easily, how difficult could a titan be? Your skill set was like Levi's, as Erwin had said, and he was alive with all of his limbs, but what if you froze in fear? Death was never something you'd feared because everyone was going to face it someday and it was inevitable, but... so young? You'd come so far with so many fallbacks, were you just going to let yourself die to a monster? Absolutely not. But at the same time, hadn't saving people been something you'd wanted to do your whole life? And... the way Levi was looking at you now, thinking you were weak. 

You weren't weak. And Levi had no reason to think you were.

"Sure, whatever," you muttered quickly, and he seemed somewhat surprised by your answer. Anybody could see you'd become nervous very quickly, and the man realised that this was no time for games. He remembered his first time joining the Survey Corps, and he was sure you were feeling a similar sort of fear he had done.

"Are you willing to sacrifice your life, or are you just saying that to seem impressive?" Levi asked, his nose wrinkled as he raised his eyebrows. "Because if you're not willing, I don't want you getting in the way of the rest of my team and getting them killed because of some stupid mistake. This isn't some game-" 

"Yes, I'm willing!" you interrupted, and truth be told, you were. Becoming a Survey Corp, although it wasn't something you wanted to be now, was an occupation you'd dreamed of as a child. Imagine saving so many people just by killing a titan, and you wouldn't even feel bad about the death of such a disgusting creature. Years later though, your respect for the SCs had never left your heart, but you'd lost your dream of entering the trainees. Putting yourself in danger constantly and being on the verge of death every time you even heard or saw a titan was scary and not something you wanted to get involved in. "I've always wanted to help those vulnerable and protect those who need it the most, so I guess... this is the best way to do it"

"Y/n, you have good intentions, for sure," Levi began, looking away as both his tone and expression softened. You were surprised; you hadn't known this man for long, but this seemed incredibly out-of-character for him. Did he actually have emotions? "You want to help people. But you go about it the wrong way. Joining the Survey Corps would be good for you."

"Thanks, I guess," you mumbled with a pout, sitting down on the bed and sighing. As you put your head in your hands, you wondered what your life would be like now. Completely different from what you'd wanted and expected. What the hell were you signing up to? A death sentence? 

Glancing over, Levi felt both a pang of shame and understanding. A murderer from the Underground, it sounded so much like his own past. One his was both ashamed of and regretted deeply. He was certain you felt the same way, just by the way you were acting. Not only did he pity you but he felt empathetic too, and he felt guilty for trying to force you onto the Survey Corps with an empty threat of torture. Although he'd rather put his life on the line than stay cramped up in that cell (especially after seeing how disgusting it looked), it wasn't his choice. It wasn't up to him to force you onto the Survey Corps, especially considering how dangerous it was. Then again, maybe you'd be one of the few to survive their first expedition. He hadn't seen your experience with the 3D manoeuver gear yet, so he could be surprised. 

He opened his mouth to say something but was surprised to hear something muffled. It sounded oddly like... crying.

"Brat, what are you doing?" he asked, glancing over to see you with your head in your hands. As you looked up at him, he realised you weren't crying at all but were cursing quietly at your decision. But there was a hint of water in your eyes, indicating that you would've cried if he hadn't distracted you. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing," you laughed harshly, looking away as you rubbed your eyes with the palms of your hands and shaking your head. "Shut up, will you?"

"Whatever," he grumbled, rolling his eyes and standing. You looked up at him and into his eyes, and he had to look away. In that split second, you reminded him of a girl he'd tried to forget years ago, somebody he'd lost so quickly. He didn't want to think of her again, so he spoke quickly. "I'll tell Erwin what you've decided. You'll most likely be put with the trainees or under the care of one of the higher-ups, but I'll be watching over to make sure you don't try to kill somebody. Is that understood?"

"Whatever," you chuckled, mocking his voice again. It seemed that Levi wasn't an awful guy. Yeah, he was violent and pretty rude at times, but from the way he'd spoken a few minutes before, he seemed to care. How much, though, was uncertain. Yet, the corner of his lips wobbled as if he was trying to conceal a small smile, smirk or noise of amusement, but he walked away before anything could happen with a tut.

Flopping down on the bed, you ran your hands through your hair. _This_ was how your training as a Survey Corp began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited: 11/08/20


	3. ~ new friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention, but in this story, you're twenty-three years old :)

A week passed, and soon it was your first day of being a Survey Corp in training. Erwin Smith had been the one to let you out of your cell and pass you training gear, but other than that, you'd spoken to nobody. That was until you'd entered the mess hall.

It was midday, meaning it was time for lunch, but as soon as you entered the room, you received off glances from people whispering, trying not to look obvious as they spread their mostly untrue rumours about you. But... what did you expect? You were a new-comer and an older one at that. Most trainees were in their early teens, whereas you were in your early twenties, and you'd just appeared out of the blue, not even belonging to any training groups like everyone else had been so it wasn't a surprise that rumours had begun to circulate. The first and only time people had seen you was that morning when you'd been put to work with one of the trainee groups (only to be taken out straight after since you were much more advanced stronger than they were), and your strength was something to be admired, albeit a bit strange too. 

The rumours, however, were incredibly wrong. Even though you were right them, a pair of boys were pondering about how you could be some sort of secret weapon the military had been preparing for years, but you could only scoff as you received your bean soup and bread from the kitchen staff. Nobody could even imagine that you were previously a thug from inside the walls of Sina and the Underground. The only ones who knew were Captain Levi and Commander Erwin, who were being forced to keep their mouths shut in fear of losing their status. 

Sighing, you sat down at an empty, circular table in the far corner, your tray of food balanced in one hand. Cursing quietly to yourself, you picked up the wooden spoon you'd received and aimlessly stirred the soup, watching and poking the small floating beans and bits of potato swim past in the thin liquid. In the Underground, you'd barely eaten. It wasn't that you couldn't afford to feed yourself; it was the fact that rations were even worse in the underground than they were up above, and if you wanted to eat, you had to steal. 

Yet, you weren't hungry in the slightest. Your appetite had vanished and, instead, you wanted to go to sleep. Not because you were tired, but more because you wanted to escape again. But if you did, who knows who could sneak up behind you or report you to the higher-ups? If you ended up back in that prison cell, you were doomed execution, which was NOT the prefered way to die. Instead, you decided to listen in on other people's conversations, finding out the latest gossip about a supposed traitor in the mix or about how they, single-handedly, would kill the titans.

"Hey, you're Y/l/n, right?"

Sitting up in surprise by the voice you didn't recognise, you glanced over your shoulder to see a short male with a shaved head and shimmering hazel eyes looking at you. He wore a warm, confident smile across his face, and hiding behind him was a girl of the same age biting into her bread already, her hair stuck up in a messy, half-arsed ponytail. Rolling your eyes and indicating that you didn't want friends, you nodded and pressed your hand to the bowl, noticing it was already going cold.

"The name's Connie Springer," he said enthusiastically, sitting opposite you and ignoring your expressions of dismay. Raising an eyebrow, you wondered if you'd sat in his seat and wanted you to move, but when you noticed a few people glancing over at him from another table in confusion, you figured he just wanted to make friends instead. "Proud member of the Survey Corps!"

"And I'm Sasha!" the female said with her mouth full, sitting down next to Connie and beginning to wolf down her food as if it was her last meal. "Sasha Blouse!"

"Nice to meet you," you muttered lowly, hearing footsteps getting closer and assuming they'd bought more friends along. "Sorry, I can move if I'm sat at your table."

"Nah, I thought we'd sit here today," Sasha replied, crumbs falling into her lap and across her lips. It was as if she'd never been taught manners, but you weren't one to judge. "You know, introduce ourselves and all that."

"She just enjoys making friends," Connie whispered, loud enough for Sasha to hear as he took the jug of water from the middle of the table and poured himself a glass. "Mainly to steal food off of other people when she can, but she's been like it since training."

"Wonderful," you said sarcastically as you spooned some soup into your mouth. Your eyes flickered upwards to see Connie's mildly put-off expression, finally catching onto your attitude, and you began to feel guilty. They hadn't done anything, after all. "Sorry, didn't mean to come off as rude."

"I'll just assume you had a rough day," Connie grinned, brushing it off and shaking his head. "We all have those. I'll forgive you."

"Rough week, to be fair," you chuckled underneath your breath, not loud enough for anybody to hear except yourself. Thankfully, Connie and Sasha's attention got diverted to the next male who came to sit beside you. He had large blue eyes and a rather roundish face, complimented by his bouncy blonde hair that wrapped around his jawline and button nose. 

"Hey Armin," Connie began, giving the blonde a look of recognition before biting into his bread. "I see you guy's decided to relocate too."

"Yeah, we thought we'd join you," Armin smiled, turning to face you with a welcoming gaze. "I'll assume you're Y/n Y/l/n?"

"Oh god, how do you know my name?" you grumbled, hiding your face with your hand in irritation as you awkwardly pressed your spoon between your lips. "And yeah, I'm Y/n."

"Ah, don't worry!" Armin said quickly, scratching behind his neck as his eyes widened, realising he probably came off as creepy or believing the rumours being spread around. Which he didn't, they were all ridiculous. "There's nothing wrong with you. People are just... surprised with your abilities, that's all."

"In a good way or a bad way?" you asked, looking behind you and making direct eye-contact with a girl who was obviously talking about you. The fact that these people were making up rumours and gossiping about you was pathetic, really, and you expected more of the Survey Corps. Armin grimaced, but thankfully, Connie spoke up.

"A good way!" he ensured, a black-haired girl with a thick red scarf sitting beside him. Her stare was distant, and it was clear she didn't want to be involved in the conversation. "Everyone saw you training earlier, and for someone who's just arrived, you're really talented! Better than people were expecting."

"Thanks," you muttered, hiding your smile with the glass of water you'd just poured.

Earlier, you'd been pitched against a group of trainees to test your combat skills. This was for the higher-ups to figure out which trainee set you should be put with and if you were even suitable for the Survey Corps, but what they found out shocked them. Watching you were Levi, Erwin, and someone named Hange Zoe, who was also a Squad Leader and a good teammate of Levi's. Despite them having a rough idea of your strength, they didn't expect to see utter chaos on the pitch, with you completely demolishing the competition within ten minutes and also accidentally fracturing someone's ankle. You were now estimated to graduate within two weeks, with little to no training necessary if your ODM techniques were up to par, plus you'd be useful on the expedition that was to take place soon and would possibly help save a lot of lives.

"Y/n, your power matches Mikasa," a new male said, sitting beside Sasha. He was much larger than the rest, with broad shoulders and a very muscular torso. He had a squarish head with a pointed nose and short blonde hair, giving him a very unintentionally intimidating look, but he seemed friendly enough. "I'd love to see you fight someday."

"Mikasa?" you questioned, cocking your head. The compliments you were receiving certainly fueled your ego.

A cough then came from in front of you, and you turned to the dark-haired girl from before. 

"Me," she said, not looking up from her soup as she ate. You'd heard of Mikasa before by one of the trainees, who'd mentioned wanting to be just like her once she graduated. You assumed then and there that this Mikasa was not someone to be messed with and would beat the shit out of somebody if necessary. Despite her very porcelain and doll-like features, she was surely a warrior, and just one look into her black eyes said everything you needed to know. "I'm Mikasa."

"Hey," you murmured, and within that lunch break alone, you'd learned a lot about what'd happened in the past month, along with the names of everyone on that table. Connie, Sasha, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Reiner, Berthold, Annie, Ymir, Krista and Eren. All of them had come from the same training group back from the Southern Division, and they'd become somewhat close since (except for Annie, but she seemed closed off from everybody). It was somewhat... wholesome, and you liked the fact that in this hellish world, they could still be companions and work together.

"Y/l/n," a blunt, easily-recognisable voice from behind said, and you rolled your eyes before turning your head. You hadn't spoken to Captain Levi since he and Erwin had explained your new life to you a week ago, and quite frankly, you hadn't wanted to talk to him again. Looking up at him, he looked even more pissed than last time, his arms crossed and his eyebrows furrowed. "Meet me in my office. Ten minutes."

With that, and giving you no time to protest or ask questions, he walked away, leaving you more confused than you should've been. Reiner and Jean started to tease you, using crude jokes to get under your skin, but you ignored them with a simple roll of your eyes. Armin tried to stop and protested, claiming that they shouldn't make inappropriate jokes after only just meeting and especially about Captain Levi, but they didn't take notice. They did, however, stop once you cursed them out and left them speechless, leaving Ymir amused from across the table. 

"Y/n," Krista then said quietly, catching your attention. "You should go, you have two minutes."

"Ah, thanks," you sighed, finishing your meal off quickly and wiping the corners of your mouth with a napkin. Picking up your tray, you then thanked them for sitting with you. 

"No problem!" Connie exclaimed, giving you a cheery thumbs-up. "Anytime!"

A small smile appeared on your face as you shuffled over to the kitchen, leaving your tray on the counter and walking out of the mess hall. Although these teenagers were a little younger than you were, they were probably the few friends you were going to have on the surface, and you appreciated that.

However... you had no idea where Levi's office was stationed, which was a large issue. Especially since your ten minutes was nearly up and you were wasting time just wandering around aimlessly. Groaning, you wondered if you should just go back to the table and ask for directions, but you chose against it. You didn't want to look stupid in front of your new friends, and you especially didn't want to go back into the hall and get stared at even more by people you didn't know. Surely it wasn't that far... right?

A set of stairs were outside the door of the kitchen, but you knew climbing them would be useless. You highly doubted Levi's office was above the mess hall, so you turned around and left the building altogether. Cursing quietly to yourself, you knew the ten minutes were over, but it would be a miracle if you ever found yourself inside Levi's office in the next ten hours. You had no idea where you were.

"You look a little lost," you heard a female laugh from behind, and you turned to see Sasha, sucking the crumbs off of her fingers as she strolled over. "I remembered you haven't been here long, and from that expression on your face, I guess you have no idea where you're going."

"Yep, you got that right," you sighed with an embarrassed smile, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. Grinning to herself, Sasha then grabbed your arm and lead you across the street. You didn't particularly enjoy being uncomfortably dragged around and you attempted to get pull away or loosen her grip, but her fist was tight. You questioned if she even knew her strength, and although you could easily get out with enough force, you didn't want to. Not only was she a friend, but she also didn't deserve being flung over your shoulder.

"It's not too far now," she said finally, stopping in front of an average-sized building. "His office is on the second floor, and you'll spot it easily since it has his name on it."

"Got it, thanks," you smiled, waving as she rushed off to tackle Connie. He'd managed to sneak out a couple of potatoes in his pockets, and she was ready to steal them off him any chance she got. Sasha certainly had weird food habits. 

Pushing open the main door to the building, you were hit with a warm gust of air. A male and a female were walking down the stairs, having a rather loud, distasteful and vulgar conversation, but you found it amusing and chose not to get involved. However, they didn't seem to notice your presence, and instead almost barged past you. Cursing silently at the pair, you then began to walk up the stairs, noticing that not only the banister but the carpets, walls and frames of photos were spotless. There was no dust, stains or dirt anywhere, and the building looked almost brand new.

As you reached the top, you wandered down the long corridor, taking note of the different offices with plagues nailed onto the doors, mainly of names you didn't recognise. Once you eventually came to the end of the corridor, you spotted Levi's name in gold letters, holding your breath when you went to knock on the smooth wooden door. You had no idea what he was going to be talking to you about, but you knew you'd get reprimanded for being late.

When you heard the shuffling of papers and his voice echo through the gaps in the door telling you to enter, you twisted the doorknob and set foot into his office.

Levi was sat rather comfortably at his desk, piles of papers placed neatly in front of him in an organised order. The first thing you noticed upon entering was how immaculate it was; two bookshelves leaned against the left wall, filled with both files and... well, books. His desk was sat by the back wall beside a window, also clean of any dirt or stains, apart from a small tea spill that'd stained the wood and he tried to cover up with the white porcelain mug he was currently drinking from. A second chair sat opposite the desk who he could interrogate whoever he wanted to, and today, that seemed to be you.

"Sit down," he commanded, pushing his ink and quill aside before placing his current papers on top of the already large pile. He then shifted his tea to a more appropriate position on the desk, giving him room to place his arms. Closing the door, you strolled over before sitting down in the appointed seat and lazily putting your head in your hand while your elbow was placed uncomfortably on the arm of the chair. Levi raised his eyebrows before taking a sip of his tea, holding the cup in a manner you'd never seen anybody do before. Then, once he put it back down, he glared at you, his grey eyes piercing through you like bullets. You shifted uncomfortably, trying to avoid his gaze, but like before, it was impossible to. "You're late, brat."

"Only by five minutes!" you exclaimed, shrugging your shoulders in protest. "I didn't know my way!"

"Well learn quickly then," Levi snapped, and you looked away, not wanting to look him in the face anymore. He didn't seem to enjoy your sarcasm and jokes right now, so you shut your mouth. With your freedom in his hands, you didn't fancy pissing him off to the point where he'd throw you back in jail. "Anyway, I don't want to spend more time than necessary with you, so let's get to the point. The skills you showed today were impressive, and you'll be graduating soon since there is no reason to put you through training when you'd stronger than most of our top Survey Corps."

He spoke formally with an expressionless face, and you despised not knowing what he could say or do next. Usually, you could determine what a person was feeling just by the tone of their voice or a simple movement of their eyebrows and lips, but Levi? He was completely unreadable, even when he was dishing out compliments.

"Thanks," you grinned, feeling prideful of your talents.

"However," he began, his voice lowering as if what he was asking was not to be heard by others. "Where did you learn all of that? A regular criminal from the Underground doesn't just beat everyone up that easily."

"That's for me to know and for you to maybe, most likely never, find out," you answered teasingly, your mood lifting a little. He sighed in annoyance, knowing he probably wouldn't get an answer today, and stood up. Then, he wandered around the desk and over to you, and you were about to question him until you felt his harsh grip on your chin. You held your breath as you felt his on your cheek, surprised by the sudden contact, and your heart raced as he tilted your face to the left and right. His eyes glossed across your face, behind your ears and neck, and cursed to himself when nothing came up. "Wha-"

"Tch, no markings," he muttered to himself, interrupting your question and causing you to raise your eyebrows in disbelief. 

"Why did you do that?" you asked, wrinkling your nose as he stepped backwards. You prayed to whoever was up there that you weren't blushing, and he seemed somewhat surprised by what he'd done because he couldn't look you in the eyes.

"There's a criminal group in the Underground who leave a burn mark behind the ear after intense training. If it's on the left, it means the person wasn't worthy enough and forced to leave, and if it's on the right, it means they're good enough to join. I'm sure you've heard of them," Levi explained, and your mouth turned to an 'O', knowing he meant the criminal gang lead by the one and only Leon Wagner. The group was one of the most violent and well-known in the Underground, but you were rather offended to be even compared to those guys. None of them, including Leon, were as skilled as you were, and they were surprisingly awful at what they did. Their clumsiness and lack of tactics scored a fat zero in your books. 

"Yeah, of course I know who they are," you scoffed, trying to get your mind off of what had just happened. "Is that all you wanted? To check if I was one of them? If so, you clearly don't think that highly of me then. I'm almost offended."

"I see you don't like them either," Levi replied, taking a sip of his tea, and you shook your head.

"They're overrated," you sighed. "I could kill Leon on my own if I wanted to. His techniques and strategies and overall fighting skills are shit. His physical strength greatly over-powers mine, but without that, he'd be useless."

"Well, that crosses one group off," Levi muttered, drawing an X over Leon Wagner's name in an imaginary list. "Y/n, I've heard of your name, and I'm sure that if we'd known each other in the underground, I'd recognise you straight away. So why don't I?"

"I don't think we've met before," you replied, chuckling to yourself and raising your eyebrows. "I'd know instantly just by looking at you. Pretty sure you're using this as an excuse to know me better."

"I can't tell if that's an insult or a compliment coming from your bratty mouth," he said, and you grinned at him. His face was still as emotionless as usual, but you knew he somewhat liked the jokey way you spoke towards him. All you needed was the tiny movement of his left eyebrow to confirm this. 

"Pfft, 'Bratty'?" you asked, looking up at him. He was currently leaning against the wall just beside the window, his arms over his chest with his signature glare. Was this his way of intimidating people? "Can I have a better, more original nickname?"

"No," he responded, shaking his head. You pouted. "I think it suits you more than anybody else."

"Well, that's just wonderful," you replied sarcastically, standing up from your seat and wandering over to the bookshelf. It was mainly filled with books older than Levi himself and about subjects you weren't interested in, but brushing your fingers along the spines and reading the titles was somewhat... relaxing. "So, do I have somewhere to stay? I don't fancy staying in that cell again."

"I wouldn't either," Levi muttered underneath his breath, his memories going back to when he met you in jail for the first time about a week ago. He would rather die than be stuck in such a dirty, disgusting cell like that. "Anyway, since I have to do everything myself around here, you'll be stuck with me for the time being."

"You sound like my old teacher," you chuckled, but as soon as those words escaped your lips, your mouth went dry. You hadn't seen your nanny in... how many years? Five? Ten? How long had it really been, and why was she coming back into your head now?

After a few seconds, you came back into reality, realising you'd been silent for a little too long. You looked up, rather embarrassed, to see Levi watching you from across the room, his eyebrows furrowed as he watched you stumble over your words. "A-ah! Sorry, I spaced out."

"I saw," he said, sitting back down into his seat, which then caused you to do the same. "Tomorrow, you'll be wanted in training again. This will be a test to see how you work with your ODM gear, and I expect you not to be late this time."

"You're gonna hang that over my head forever, aren't you?" you grumbled, rolling your eyes. Levi clicked his tongue in annoyance before continuing, rather annoyed you'd interrupted him before he'd finished.

"As for your sleeping accommodations, you'll be staying with me," he said, and your mouth dropped in disbelief. "Trust me, I want it no more than you do, but Erwin still doesn't trust you. Who knows if you'll go off in the middle of the night and kill the cadets or trainees?"

"Can't I stay with a different higher-up?" you complained, massaging the sides of your temples in dismay. "That Hange looked like a lot of fun, why can't I stay with them?"

"Absolutely not," Levi snapped, his eyes narrowing as he glared at you. You froze and quickly snapped your mouth shut, really not wanting to get on his bad side again. "Hange may be a brilliant fighter, but after the fight you put up with me and what I've seen of you, I doubt they'd be able to handle a murder attempt. The only other person equal to you is Commander Erwin, but he's way too busy to put up with an asshole like you."

"You planned all this, didn't you?" you sighed, resting your head on your hand as he looked at you with a wrinkled nose. "You just wanted best friend Y/n Y/l/n as your roommate."

"Yeah, that's definitely what I wanted," he said sarcastically, standing up again and wandering over. He then stared right into your eyes, giving you chills, and continued, "Try and kill me, and you'll never see the light of day again. Is that understood?"

"Wow, I'm so scared," you muttered irritably, running a hand through your hair. "I'm that dangerous that I can't have a room of my own... I'm almost flattered."

"Until we can trust you, no," he replied, wandering over to the filing cabinet he kept next to the bookshelf and pulling out another sheet of paperwork to fill in before sitting back down. "As for now, get comfortable. I'm busy for another hour or so, and you're not leaving my sight."

"Can't I make a head-start to your apartment or wherever you live or do I have to sit here in boredom and watch you do shitty paperwork?" you asked, and he didn't even look up at you or say anything. Deciding it was the latter, you groaned under your breath in disappointment and repositioned yourself in the chair, hanging your legs over the side of the arm and resting in a comfortable position. Levi clearly disapproved but chose to say nothing. 

That was when you noticed how exhausted you truly were. When was the last time you'd slept properly? The cell was cold and dank, and the mattress was the most uncomfortable thing in the world. Even when you got comfortable, there was no way you'd be able to sleep when the guy next door spoke very loudly to himself almost 24/7. Every time you complained, he'd do it more and louder, if that was even possible. Then, before Levi had arrested you, you'd slept on the streets, finding the most comfortable rooftop or alleyway to tuck into a corner with your cloak as the only source of warmth. Maybe it'd been over five years since you'd had a full eight hours or more of sleep, and it'd definitely caught up. 

Levi glanced up every so often and saw as you slowly drowsed off, your eyes fluttering shut. At one point, he couldn't help but watch. You looked so... restful and at peace, something he hadn't seen before with you. It was nice to see, and when he looked out of the window, he noticed that the sun had nearly gone down, indicating it was somewhere around 7pm. He rested his head against the back of the chair, trying to find somewhere in his brain any indication of who you were and why this mystery was so important to him.

Cursing quietly under his breath, he glanced over at you again, only to notice the small scratches and bruises up and down your arms. He wasn't surprised at all about the larger injuries; you were a criminal, after all, and it was expected of you. However, he was confused as to how he hadn't noticed the oddly-shaped scars before. They were likely bigger at one point, shrinking and healing while you were in jail, but he knew they were probably knife wounds. He'd had some himself from the Underground that'd begun to vanish, and he was curious to see what other scars you had, but he chose against it. He knew how rude, insensitive and just damn weird it would be to even ask about them, never mind look without your permission, so he chose to ignore them and think about something else.

Despite you being so out-there and loud, you were still incredibly strange with a lot of mysteries he wanted to eventually unravel, which was what Levi took interest in. He liked spending time with unusual people, people who weren't snobbish or uptight like some of the Survey Corps he dealt with and the masses of Military Police he met daily. He enjoyed spending time with someone who wasn't afraid of him and who was able to have a joke here and there without pushing it too far. He'd never admit it, but maybe spending time with you wouldn't be so bad after all, as long as you didn't plan to murder him. 

Thinking to himself, he finished off the final piece of paperwork he was on and stood up from his chair that'd served as a bed for the past three weeks. He rarely went back to his apartment, spending most of his time in his office focussing on paperwork and distracting himself from the harsh reality he lived in, thus resulting in little sleep. At most, he got three hours a night, and he felt somewhat jealous that you could fall asleep so easily. 

But how would he get you back to his room? He couldn't leave you in the office alone and he certainly couldn't carry you while you were asleep. What the hell would people think of him if they saw him carrying an unconscious person back to his apartment? Should he wake you up instead?

Since when did he care?

"Oi, brat," he muttered, gently kicking the side of your leg to wake you up. Grumbling, you opened your eyes and looked up to see Levi standing over you, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans. "We're going to my room now. Get up."

"Can't I just stay here?" you muttered, turning over and away from him. You hoped this would result in a more comfortable position, but it didn't. It just hurt your sides, but you didn't want to get up either. "I can't be bothered to move."

"I'll carry you," he threatened, only to see an unexpected smile on your tired face. You opened an eye and glanced up, and he immediately regretted what he'd said. 

"Go on then."

Cursing to himself, he dug his hands underneath your body and effortlessly picked you up bridal-style, surprising you awake. Your cheeks went pink as you tensed up a little, not expecting him to actually pick you up. When you looked up into his face, his grey eyes didn't seem as intimidating anymore. Just more... tired.

"Well, I wasn't expecting this," you muttered, trying to hide your face as discreetly as possible by shaking your hair over your cheeks. "Y'know, you're surprisingly really strong for a short guy."

"And you're surprisingly light for a bitch," he retorted, helping you stand up. You gasped and pretended to faint at his insult, almost stumbling over your own feet as you did so. 

"Touché," you chuckled, dusting yourself down and regaining posture. "So, are we off?"

"Whatever," Levi uttered, rolling his eyes but trying his best to hide the hint of a smile as he opened the door to his office and left.


	4. ~ levi's apartment

Walking into his apartment, you weren't surprised to see it just as spotless as his office was. In fact, it was even cleaner, if that was possible, with pristine white sheets on top of his double bed that was stationed in the corner of the room. A bookshelf lined with even more books stood up against the wall proudly and there was a small desk in the opposite corner of the room with a tea set on top. Teabags sat in a jar beside it, and you couldn't help but notice the small tea rings from the cups he'd probably tried so desperately to remove. 

A dark green sofa sat next to the bookshelf, and Levi's cloak laid neatly over the side. His shoes sat symmetrically to the side of it, the mud stains wiped off from earlier and polished to look new.

Then, beside the tea set was a pile of letters still in their envelopes, but it was clear he'd read them at one point. Whether he'd responded or not was a different matter, and you noticed the top envelope seemed somewhat old, the paper fraying and staining a little with age. However, you managed to read the smudged writing on the back, and the note seemed to be from somebody called... Isabel Magnolia?

"You seem to be liked," you chuckled, sitting on the edge of the bed and leaving them there. You may be a thug but you weren't about to go through somebody's private letters. Levi glanced over, noticing that you were staring at the letters and wandered over, shoving them into the drawer underneath. He didn't respond, and you wondered if you'd said something wrong. "So, this is a little awkward."

"Indeed," Levi muttered, rolling his eyes as he sat on the sofa, sinking down and rubbing his eyes. If you didn't know any better, he was an insomniac. The small bags under his eyes proved it all, and you felt almost bad. Sleep was something you adored, craved even. "Are you ever going to tell me where you're from, brat?"

"Are you ever going to give up asking?" you chuckled, slipping off your boots and wandering over to where Levi was sat, propping them neatly beside his. Levi glanced up at you, almost glaring, and you smiled cheekily. "It's something I'd rather not share."

"I'll tell you about my letters," he said, and you raised an eyebrow in disbelief. 

"Like hell you would," you answered, sitting beside him and tucking your legs up to your chest. "If I'm staying here, I think it'd be more polite if you took the bed and I took the sofa."

"I barely sleep anyway," he responded quickly, sitting up and sliding his brown blazer off his shoulders. You felt heat appear in your cheeks and you glanced away, putting your head in your arms and glancing up at the ceiling. "You're quiet."

"Yeah, maybe I am," you muttered, heart racing against your chest. "Levi, do you ever get... I dunno, scared? Fearful? Y'know, when you do something and you're unsure whether that's what you should be doing but you do it anyway because... why not?"

"Would I be human if I didn't feel those things?" he asked, rubbing his eyes with his fists and relaxing his head against the back of the sofa. "Why? Has one of those brats said something to you?"

"No," you replied, a small chuckle escaping your lips. "Everything's just... weird at the moment."

"Fair enough," he answered, stepping up and rolling up the sleeves of his shirt to reveal some crazy arm muscles. You tried not to stare but still felt yourself blush. He even unbuttoned his two top buttons and wandered over to the window, staring out of it and sighing deeply. "If you could've stayed underground for the rest of your life, would you?"

"Absolutely not," you answered with a scoff, dropping your legs back over the sofa and taking off your jacket to reveal your much less-defined biceps. You were strong, definitely, but you didn't necessarily work-out as much as Levi. "This world is much better than under there, and I couldn't stand watching people die the way they did. I'm sure you understand, Levi."

The man didn't say anything, and you assumed that was the end of that conversation. Sighing, you rubbed your forehead, a banging headache beginning to form. "Levi, why are you so... I dunno, interested in who I am? I'm a murderer, remember? I should really still be in those cells."

"Don't make me change my mind and throw you back down there," he hissed, and you chuckled at him. "If you had some sort of shitty, stupid reason, I'd have left you for dead for sure. But I guess... I guess I pitied you, sort of."

"Thanks," you said sarcastically, stretching upwards and grumbling. He looked back over at you, his eyes no longer what they'd been before and much, much calmer. Did he like being in your company? "So, why did you pity me? C'mon, I like the ego-boost."

"You don't need any more ego-boosters, brat," he scowled, turning his entire body around and leaning against the wall. "You wanted to help the vulnerable, and I admire that."

"Although maybe not the murder part, huh?" you grinned, turning and lying down on the sofa, one of your legs dangling off the side and staring up at the ceiling again, tracing the lined-pattern with your eyes. Silence filled the room, and your eyes began to close. However, you then heard Levi's footsteps coming towards you, and your left eye flicked open, noticing that he was looming over you. "Well hello there."

"Why are you sleeping on that?" he asked, his hooded eyes piercing through you. You grimaced and shrugged, and he picked you up again. He wandered over to his bed, you struggling in his arms, and plopped you down. "Take the bed. It's comfier."

"Exactly!" you exclaimed, sitting up with a pout to watch him fold up your trainee jacket and place it on top of his. "You're really gonna force me to sleep in your bed, aren't you?"

"Don't make it weird," Levi snapped, strolling over to the tea station. He placed a teabag into one of the cups and poured some hot water he'd stored up from a flask into it, stirring with a spoon he pulled out from a small draw underneath. You turned to your side and watched him, nodding when he asked if you wanted a cup.

It was strange; Kenny had always said to be aware of Levi, saying he was a traitor and dangerous, but in reality, he didn't seem that bad. Yeah, he could probably kill you within seconds and had threatened to do so quite a few times, but this domestic-side of Levi was actually... lowkey really sweet. Even if he did had a bit of a bad temper.

"You're all going out on another expedition soon, aren't you?" you asked, and he froze, seemingly surprised that you were still awake. "Is that why you're forcing me to graduate so quickly? So I can just die as soon as I get out there?"

"If I thought you were going to die, I would've made you train longer," Levi hissed, glancing over his shoulder at you and glaring. "Erwin may be heartless and use those trainees to his advantage, but that's not me."

"Sure," you muttered, placing your hands on your stomach to regulate your breathing, sitting up when he passed you a cup and saucer of black tea. "You're going on an expedition, aren't you? The 57th?"

"I assume someone told you," he said, sipping from his cup and placing himself beside you. Nodding, you looked away, a tight feeling in your chest. "It's in a month. My squad took Eren away to an old scout base to make sure he was safe and if he genuinely wanted to save humanity. We've got our 57th Expedition outside the walls in two weeks, and I want you to come with us."

"Is this just selfishness or do you genuinely need me?" you asked bluntly, staring the man in the eyes. However, he ignored your attitude and sipped again, something that was getting on your nerves.

"You're definitely needed on my squad," he said, raising an eyebrow. "I handpicked those four who are already on it, and they're the best of the best, so it's only fair you're with them too."

"Yeah, that's totally fair," you grumbled, taking a large gulp of the tea to calm your nerves. You wiped the drop of tea that was about to fall from your chin and watched as Levi held his cup in a unique way. It was... weird, but also kinda cute. 

"Your nervous," he said, and you glared at him in a way to say 'yeah, well done'. "You'll be fine."

"I don't want to see people die, Levi," you snapped, placing your teacup gently on the desk and laying back, your head hitting the pillow. He watched you, his black hair hiding his eyes. He was handsome... wait, why were you thinking this now?

"I didn't either, but it can't be helped," Levi answered, standing up and cleaning the cups before returning them back to where they were stationed before. "Sleeping in those clothes will be uncomfortable, Y/n."

"Are you suggesting I strip?" you asked with a scoff, and you were sure you saw him blush a little. "Because I am not sleeping nude in a stranger's bed, thank you very much."

"I wasn't asking you to do that," he snapped, glancing over at you with a stare that could kill. "I have a nightgown somewhere you can borrow."

"Didn't take you as a cross-dresser, Captain," you teased, but he wasn't amused at all. Grimacing, you wondered if you'd accidentally touched a nerve and shut up. "But... why do you have a woman's nightgown?"

"It was one of my friends," he said, squatting down and rummaging around in the drawer. "There was two of them, and we used to... well, they were the closest friends I could get."

"So you spent the night together," you smiled, not pressing the conversation further as you assumed the worst. "That's sweet. And you want me to wear her pyjamas? Isn't that a little... weird?"

"You don't have to," he chuckled, pulling out a white night-dress that looked almost brand new. He clearly was looking after it well, and it must mean a lot to him. You wondered if you'd feel guilty wearing it. "It's the only thing I could think of. I'm sure she'd want you to wear it."

He passed you the nightdress and wandered over to the couch, unable to look at you. Was this Isabel's, the girl who you'd seen on the envelope? You glanced over at him and your heart sunk. Whoever these two people were, they clearly meant a lot to him, and if they'd died, that was so much worse. 

"Cover your eyes, pervert," you joked, and you were sure you heard him chuckle. You slipped under the covers and began changing; although Levi definitely wasn't the type to peep at you while nude, you couldn't be certain. When your head popped back over the covers, you giggled when you felt how static your hair was. "I'm back from the unknown!"

"Your hair's a mess," he said bluntly, and you gasped, pretending to be offended. You pulled your clothing out from the covers and hid your undergarments in between your neatly-folded top and bottoms. 

"I'm rather offended by that," you answered, stepping out of the bed and feeling rather... exposed.

The gown only went down to the top of your knees, so he could see your legs easily, and due to it being oversized for the sole reason of comfort, it showed your collar-bone, neck and a little bit of cleavage. However, it wasn't see-through, so that was a bonus. 

"Never thought I'd be this exposed in front of a man I met a week ago," you smirked, placing your clothes on the floor beside your shoes. Levi raised an eyebrow at your choice of placement, but then remembered he was supposed to be sleeping on the sofa. 

"Yeah, me neither," he said, rolling his eyes and perching himself on the edge of the couch, picking up a book and flicking through the pages. He watched as you wandered back to the bed, slipping under the covers and sighing. It was so warm and comfortable, how come Levi had so easily given it up for the couch? That thing must be heaven if it was better than the bed. 

"If you need me, I'll most likely be awake," Levi said, kicking one leg over the other as he began reading. You nodded and shut your eyes.

"How do you know I won't kill you while you sleep?" you asked with a giggle, and you heard him scoff.

"Impossible," he said in response, and you fell asleep with a small smile on your lips.


	5. ~ the nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:  
> this chapter is very violent, with descriptions of heavy gore and cannibalism.  
> it also has mentions of rape, underage sex, paedophilia, suicide and forced-prostitution.  
> suicide and heavy swearing is included.  
> <3

_**"You're a mistake, you stupid bitch."** _

_**"You're enjoying this, aren't you? Look at me, you ugly cunt!"** _

_**"C'mon, pretty girl. I didn't spend $50 to just have you sit in the corner."** _

_"Well, Y/N, you've made us $250 in the past week."_

_You looked up from the ground, your arms wrapped tightly around your legs. Your knees were pressed against your chest, and the freezing cold floor numbed your entire body. Bruises formed across your body and your muscles ached. The only emotions you felt at that specific time were hate, anger, disgust and just pure sadness. All the life had been sucked and drained from your body, and you couldn't even cry anymore. If you did, you knew exactly what the consequences were, and you didn't want to think of that._

_"What do you have to say for yourself, huh?" the balding, large man snarled, counting the notes that sat between his fat, ugly fingers and glancing over at your young, frail body, covered only by a large, oversized white t-shirt. He'd thrown a loaf of bread at you to last the rest of the day, which you hadn't even tried eating. You were well and truly alone, surrounded by these sick fucks._

_Ahmya Lee-Choi was first to go, being kidnapped by one of her 'Clients' and getting murdered brutally in a way you couldn't comprehend, and Emilia Shumacher had starved herself to the point of death. You wondered if you could do the same just to escape this hell-hole, and you felt a solitary tear dribble down your cheek._

_"Nothing?" the man cackled, going only by the name 'Bomb'. You didn't even know his real name; not that you cared, anyway. Your eyes pierced up at him, and you rubbed your nose with the back of your hand._

_"Well done to me," you muttered, your glare never faltering. That stare could kill, and if you'd got any sort of weapon, you would've destroyed that man and his stupid accomplices. Your heart raced every moment of every day, wondering whether you'd get beaten or not for doing absolutely nothing. At that moment in time, you didn't really care. If he whipped you, so be it._

_"Ooh, someone's brave," Bomb chuckled lowly, and you gulped. He wandered over, slapping the money on the desk beside him and squatting down, his gold tooth outshining the rest of his manky teeth and his disgusting breath fanning over your face. He placed a harsh hand on your shoulder and rubbed a circle on your collarbone with his thumb. Shivering, you never let your gaze disappear, your nose wrinkled and your stomach tight, as if you were going to be sick. "I thought someone like you would make more than that, Y/n. Our clients aren't coming as much as they used to. Have you said or done something, Y/n?"_

_You were silent; of course, you had. Instead of doing as the men asked, you sat in the corner, refusing to move an inch. You weren't worth the money they paid, and you were glad. If you slowly weened off the customers, you'd either be killed or set free, and those options were as good as each other._

_Closing your eyes, you shook your head, waiting to be smacked, but nothing came. Instead, you opened one of your eyes to see his entire body sliced in half on the floor, blood splattered all over you and pooling on the floor. His eye sockets were empty - his eyeballs stuck on top of spikes in the corner of the room - and he was naked. Parts of his insides were strung across the room, and you felt something squishy in your hands. Looking down, you saw what could only be his heart sitting in your lap, and you screamed, throwing it across the room. In your other hand was a sharp blade, covered in the blood of Bomb. Your heart raced and tears streamed down your cheeks, and you couldn't tell whether they were from happiness or fear._

_"What the fuck have you done..?" a growly voice from across the room hissed, and you looked up to see three men, each one recognisable from their bodies, heights and faces. The one who'd spoken was called Elmar and was a tall, skinny man with long black hair covering most of his face. However, you could still see the anger in his thin brown eyes, and you squeaked, unable to say a word. The shortest of the three, Sascha, was storming over to you, his left fist clenched by his side and his right hand reaching out for you, grabbing a clump of your hair and throwing you across the floor, landing in the middle of a red pentagram that certainly wasn't there before._

_Crying now, you looked up to see Sascha still there, the blade now in his hand and a sadistic look in his sick hazel eyes. His black hair was tied up in a messy man-bun, showing off his entire face as he laughed, your completely nude body now visible. Eyes wide as you tried to cover your body, you saw Elmar and the third man, Heiner, circling you. Completely surrounded, you closed your eyes, tucking yourself into a ball and pushing your fists into your eyes to stop the tears from falling and to stop yourself from seeing what was going to happen._

_At such a young age, you'd learnt that your fear was what these men prayed on._

_Eyes opening slowly, you screamed at what you saw. Laying in front of you was Ahmya's mangled, broken body, her limbs missing at her head sat upon a spike. Blood that wasn't yours covered your body, and you watched as a man stood in the corner of the room, eating Ahmya's left arm. The head cried out as if she could still feel everything, and then her bloodshot eyes met yours._

_"I'm sorry," you whispered, crying hard now. "I'm so sorry Ahmya!"_

_"It's your fault, you stupid slut!" she spat back, and you screamed, crying so much you could barely breathe. Your chest hurt and you were sure you were going insane. You looked over at the man in fear, who was still feasting on her remains. You recognised him; it was Mirco, the man who'd supposedly taken Ahmya that night. His weird, gross giggles echoed in the room, contrasting against your pained cries for help._

_"Ahmya!" you yelled, trying to stand but realising you were stuck. A rough chain had been clamped around your ankles, and you couldn't run. You couldn't move. All you could do was watch your friend get eaten and tortured. "Please forgive me!"_

_"You caused this, you good-for-nothing piece of shit!" the head cried out, and you watched as the man threw the bone of Ahmya's arm across the room. He then stood up, glee sparkling in his eyes as he held two small knives in his hands. He walked over to Ahmya's head and did the worst._

_Glancing down at the floor, you couldn't watch. Yet you couldn't close your eyes either, and your hands were stuck where they were. You had to listen to your best friend's screams as her eyes were gruesomely removed, and you stopped crying entirely. That was when you heard it._

_Gunshots._

_"Ahmya, I'm sorry," you whispered, feeling your body be lifted up by an unknown shadow. You watched as the door began to close on the poor girl, left alone forever with Mirco. You screamed at the shadow, punching him to go back, but he never did. He didn't even respond. "Ahmya!"_

Sitting up and breathing heavily, your eyes shot open in the dark room, feeling tears run down your face. You put a hand to your chest to feel your heart racing faster than ever, and your head was pounding. 

"Y/n?"

"Don't fucking talk to me!" you yelled loudly, grabbing the thing closest to you, which was a book and aimed it at whoever spoke. The room went silent, and all you could hear was your heavy breathing. Your vision was blurred due to just waking up and watery eyes, but it was enough to see a figure standing over you. "I can and will kill you, so move an inch and your tongue will be-"

"It's me, you brat," the voice said, and you felt your arms relax a little at the familiar tone. "Levi."

"P-prove it," you stuttered, rubbing your eyes with one hand and sure enough, Levi's face came into view. He turned on a lamp that sat on the side-table, the dim light illuminating his face. His eyes were wide, surprised by your sudden outburst, and he had a cute mop of bedhead. 

He squatted down beside you and took your hand, removing the book and placing it back where it belonged. "Nightmare?"

"Y-yeah," you muttered, feeling your cheeks flush as you rubbed your cheeks, trying to move all signs of you crying. "Sorry."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, and you shrugged, looking anywhere but his eyes. He was still wearing his grey button-up with the top three buttons undone and his ascot was missing. On his bottom half, he was still wearing the flexible white jeans they were given as part of their uniform, which must be uncomfortable to sleep in, but then again, did Levi even sleep? Sighing, he sat on the bed beside you, unsure what to do in this situation. "Do you need a hug?"

"Dunno..." you mumbled, but soon you were nuzzled into the side of his body, his arm wrapped comfortably around your shoulders. "Levi, sorry for waking you."

"I wasn't asleep in the first place," he responded, rubbing circles on your collarbone soothingly. You flinched a little at the contact, but relaxed when you remembered who it was. Despite absolutely despising this man a week and a half ago, he was much, much better than that gang of rats from your childhood. In fact, he was the only man you'd ever met who cared for you this much, even if it wasn't a lot. "You were moving a lot in your sleep so I ignored it, assuming you were dreaming, but when you started crying and yelling and knew something was up. Who was the girl you were talking about?"

"Wha-" you started, and your mind went back to the dream. _Ahmya..._

Slapping your face to get yourself out of it, you sighed deeply, making Levi flinch a little. "Sorry, she was a girl I... used to know. It was years ago, it doesn't matter."

"Rough childhood?" Levi asked bluntly, and you nodded hesitantly against his shoulder. His heart ached, wanting so desperately to see that jokey, smiley version of you he absolutely hated again. He wasn't sure why he cared so much, but at the same time, he saw a bit of himself in you and if you were feeling the same amount of pain he was, then he definitely needed to help you as much as possible. But how could someone as useless at emotions as he was do that? "Do you... want to talk about it?"

"Maybe," you sighed, feeling a knot form in your chest. If you told him, would it help you emotionally? Would it get that burden off of you? You'd never told anybody what you'd been through - not to the full extent anyway. "Would it help me to do that?"

"I don't know," Levi said, and you rolled your eyes, a small, sad smile appearing on your lips. "You don't have to tell me everything. As much or as little as you want."

"It's just... weird talking to the guy I tried to murder about my childhood," you smiled, and you heard a small chuckle escape his lips. "Do you ever feel a weird connection with someone? Like, it doesn't have to be romantic or sexual, just that... connection."

"Yeah, I've felt that a few times," he admitted, glancing down at you. He'd never realised how naturally frail you were, and he wondered if a lack of food and sunlight as a child had stunted your growth, both height-wise and physically. You had a womanly figure, of course, but you were much slimmer than the women he was most accustomed to. Not that it was a bad thing, of course. 

"I guess I should... begin," you uttered, and you felt a soft squeeze on your shoulder from Levi. You glanced up to see your e/c eyes stare straight into his grey ones, and you felt a slight pang of courage hit your stomach. Then, you looked down at your hands and began. "It all started when my mother died."


	6. ~ her backstory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, this chapter contains heavy topics of mentioned paedophilia. Not as graphic as the previous chapter at all, but be warned <3

"I was only six years old," you sighed, gulping as all the memories flooded back. Why you were telling Levi your life story was a mystery to you, but maybe it'd stop those dreaded nightmares. Even if he weren't the best at showing emotions, he'd hopefully be great at advice or be a good person to vent to. "I never learnt what she died of, but I think it was an infection that caused it. Me and my older brother, Damien, were left alone. I never met my father; he left as soon as he found my mum was pregnant again and I hated him for it. I lived alone with Damien for a few months up until I was seven, and I never knew how he was getting the money. However, he did the worst fucking thing he could've done."

"What did he do?" Levi asked after you paused, squeezing your shoulder tightly. "It's okay, you don't have to continue."

"He sold me," you muttered, clenching your fists beside your thighs. You felt Levi tense up beside you, and you wondered if he even felt a fraction of the raw anger you still felt. "to a paedophile ring of criminals. I wasn't the first to be sold to them, and I certainly wasn't the last. How I survived is a mystery to me, but Damien got only $2500 for me. I was passed around the group, and random people paid money just to get a piece. I never felt so... alone, and the only person I became friends with was... a girl called Ahmya Lee-Choi."

You were sure Levi shivered beside you at the name, hearing you cry out the poor girl's name while you slept. 

"She was murdered two weeks before I was saved," you hissed, feeling tears appear in your eyes. "If I could've given her my life, I would've done so in a heartbeat."

"Do you blame yourself?" Levi asked, and you nodded. "You shouldn't. You were a literal child, how on earth was it your fault?"

"I dunno," you shrugged, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand. "I just... watched her get kidnapped by this random man who wasn't part of the gang. I knew every single person in that disgusting group of Rats, and he wasn't one of them. I remember hearing her... scream in the room next door. I should've at least tried to save her, Levi! Why didn't I?"

"Because it wasn't your duty to," he said, and you raised your eyebrows. "You were seven years old, Y/n. _Seven._ How could you have saved her?"

You shrugged, unsure how to answer. Then, you continued. "I was left alone for two months, barely getting food or clothing. The only source of warmth I had was this large white shirt I was given, and I was left alone with two other girls in the basement of the leader's home. I remember them both. Emilia Schumacher was only twelve when she committed suicide, forcefully starving herself until she died. As far as I know, she was there for at least three years, and I feel guilty for complaining about being there for only two months. Ahmya was eleven, bless her."

"What's the name of the gang?" Levi asked bluntly, and you cocked your head. When you looked up at him, you then saw that his face was emotionless, but the burning fury was behind those grey eyes was obvious. "I'll go down there myself and make sure they're killed in the worst way possible."

"No need," you sighed, a small smile on your face. "I watched every single one of them die. It was the 4th February 834, precisely 7:40 in the morning, and I was sat alone again in the corner of the basement when I heard a man's voice yell something I couldn't understand. I assumed it was a raid again, and I was going to get kidnapped and slaughtered, but then it all happened in the blink of an eye. A man wandered in and squatted down in front of me, asking if I wanted revenge for what they'd done. Confused as hell, I watched as the members of his group forced every single disgusting man in the group down in front of me, and I watched as they were all shot in the head."

"That should traumatise a child," Levi said, surprised by what you'd said. "But from what you'd been through, I bet that felt like... heaven."

"I'd never seen murder before," you answered, watching as Levi took your hand and squeezed it. He'd noticed you were crying, but you hadn't. Tears fell onto your lap, and you couldn't figure out why. "And for the first time in forever, I smiled."

"Who saved you?" Levi asked, and your heart raced. Should you reveal the man's name? Would Levi get mad at you about it? Or would he simply... brush it off? After all, they weren't connected anymore, they'd broken off years ago. You looked up at him and he squeezed your hand.

"You know him," you said, glancing down at the floor and shifting in your seat. "Maybe that's why you know me."

"Don't tell me..." he groaned, rolling his eyes and massaging the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "Kenny?"

"Wow, you're good at this game," you grinned, but he wasn't returning the signature chuckle he gave you when you joked around. Instead, his eyes were slightly wide, and his hand slipped from yours. You gulped, wondering if he was going to take this bad, but instead, he shook his head as he took a deep breath.

"That's why you're just like me," he scowled, standing up and letting you flop onto the bed. He ran a hand uncomfortably through his hair, wondering why he was so affected by this news. He should be glad you were saved from such horrors he could only imagine, but at the same time, anybody saving you would be better than Kenny. "Sorry, I just... I'm sorry you went through all that and then were raised to be a murderer."

"Do you want to know who my first kill was?" you asked, and he glanced over at you, his eyebrows raised. "My brother. Kenny found where he was living, and he was filthy rich. I dunno how, but he'd used that money he'd gained from selling me to create a bigger business for himself. So I ended it early and slit his throat at the young age of eight."

"My first kill was a random man in the street," Levi muttered, turning around and sitting back down beside you, his hands resting on the bed as he leaned back a little. "At least yours was meaningful."

"Yeah, I guess so," you sighed, glancing out of the window. The curtains were open a crack, letting in the slightest bit of moonlight. "I bet my mother is turning in her grave, knowing that I became a murderer."

"She'll be glad you're saving the world now though," Levi said, glancing up at you with a gentle smile, and your heart did summersaults in your chest. "Nobody can help the way they're raised."

"I do have one frustration though," you uttered, and Levi cocked his head. "There was a man named Wilhelm who was part of that gang, and he survived. He ran away before he could get shot, and I believe he's still alive."

"Wilhelm Pichler?" Levi asked, and your heart stopped. Your whole body tensed up and you turned to face him, wide-eyed and fearful.

"How the fuck do you know him?" you hissed, clenching your fists. "Levi, tell me this instant."

"We got a letter from him," he said, standing up and rummaging around the neatly-stacked letters he'd stored in his draw. "Claimed to know you. Here."

He pulled it out and held it between his index and middle finger. The envelope was dyed-yellow and had scribbled letters on the back, a small stamp in the corner custom-made by the Rats. Your heart raced as you took it and slowly peeled back the slit, pulling out the crisp white letter. 

_Dear whoever this may concern,_

_You've got a Rat in your squad, and I don't appreciate that._

_It's obvious who she is, and I would like her to be returned to me, the remaining member of the Rats and her rightful owner._

_Captain Levi Ackerman, Captain Hange Zoe and Commander Erwin Smith, I will not be afraid to slaughter you all in the blink of an eye and watch this walled-city crumble if she isn't returned to me. Hope we can get along well._

_Your dearest friend (not foe),_

_Wilhelm Pichler._

Almost instantly, you went to tear the letter in half, but Levi stopped you, taking it from your grip and placing it neatly back in the draw. The two of you sat in silence, and you were sure he could hear your heart racing.

"Give me to him," you hissed, and Levi looked at you, stunned. "I was supposed to die years ago, and I don't want anyone getting hurt because of me."

"That's a stupid idea, brat," he responded, wrinkling his nose. You smiled softly, glad the nickname had returned. "I'm not letting you die that easily."

"I never said I was going to let him out of all people kill me," you chuckled, and the man raised his eyebrows. "I could easily crush him with my bare hands. If he's got a gang with him, that'll be more difficult. But I promised myself never to kill again only three days ago. That'll be an awful vow to break."

"No need to kill him," Levi said bluntly, and you questioned him. "Bring him to me and he'll wish he was dead."

"What, are you gonna torture him?" you scoffed, suddenly losing your funny-bone when you saw how deadly serious he was. "Well, I've never been fond of torture. Makes me lose my appetite. But if you do, can I at least watch?"

"Sure," he answered, and when you exclaimed 'It's a date!', he chuckled lowly. "Anyway, shouldn't you be sleeping? You won't do well in the test tomorrow otherwise."

"I'm not going to be able to sleep now," you sighed, fiddling with your thumbs as you watched Levi stand and pace up and down the room. "Nightmares take all the sleep out of me."

"I can get you to sleep," Levi suggested, and you raised an eyebrow, not wanting to be beaten. "I don't mean by kicking you in the head, you idiot. I can give you a back and head massage if that'll help."

"Wow, you're so kind," you said sarcastically, a small smile on your face. Levi glared at you, offended you hadn't taken up on his offer, but you shrugged. "I've never been the type to enjoy hugs or cuddles or any form of affection. In fact, I hated people touching me for the fifteen years of my life, but... could you maybe... no, it's embarrassing."

"What do you want?" Levi asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "C'mon, I haven't got all day."

"Fine," you muttered, feeling pink in your cheeks. "Whenever I couldn't sleep as a kid, my mum used to... hug me 'til I slept."

"You want me to do that for you?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow, and you covered your face, more embarrassed than you'd ever been. Sighing in annoyance, you felt the area of the bed beside you sink a little, and then you felt two arms wrap around your body. You looked up to see Levi, his eyes interlocking with yours. Gulping, you sunk into his body, tucking your knees into your chest as he embraced you. "What do you want now? A bedtime story? A goodnight's kiss?"

"Shut up," you muttered, feeling your heavy eyelids close as your head hit his warm chest. He was surprisingly comfortable, even if he was really muscular underneath his clothes. He grinned at your response and pressed his cheek against the top of your head. Very, very slowly, you fell asleep again.


	7. ~ the levi squad

"Well done, Y/l/n!" you heard a voice call as you hit the floor again, nearly stumbling over a rock. You glanced over to see Hange Zoe clapping, their glasses sitting on the top of their head as they bounced back on their heels. Erwin was also somewhat surprised at your skills with the 3D manoeuver gear, nodding his head in approval, and Levi was nowhere to be seen, which was weird since he'd promised to watch. "Could you try again? I'd like to see your arm movements when you slice the titan's head off!"

It was the next day, and although you'd slept somewhat decently, you were exhausted. Using 3D manoeuver gear in such a setting was much more difficult and tiring than you'd anticipated, and you'd hit the same damn tree twice in a row. You'd been out here for a good three hours, showing off all your moves and techniques to the best of the best; even Levi's squad was watching, all in awe even if they didn't admit it. 

"Hange, I think that's enough for now," Erwin said, and you sighed in relief, your legs feeling like jelly and your hair an utter mess. "Ral, Bozado, Schultz, Jinn, have any of you seen Levi today?"

"He wasn't at breakfast," Petra said, scratching the back of her head nervously. Before starting your training, you'd met all of Levi's squad, getting to know their names and a little bit about them. "In fact, I've haven't seen him anywhere at all."

"Me neither," the brown-haired man (Gunther) grimaced with a shrug. "Then again, he does things on his own a lot without telling us."

He hadn't been in the room when you woke up, leaving a note on the desk saying he'd got something to do and that you'll be escorted by Hange at 9:00am, but that didn't happen. You had to find your own way down to the dining hall for breakfast, which was two slices of toast each, tea and/or water and a piece of fruit. You'd met up with Sasha and Connie, who you classed as mutual friends now, and they'd managed to escort you down to the training area, where Levi's squad, Erwin Smith and Hange Zoe were waiting. But he wasn't there.

"Did he tell you anything, Y/l/n?" Erwin asked as you took off the gear and passed it to Oluo Bozado, someone who kept giving you snarky and sarcastic comments that Petra Ral, the only female on the squad, told you to ignore. He was like a bad rip-off of Levi. Shaking your head, you passed him the note you'd kept in your pocket you'd been meaning to give to him but had never been given the chance. It was slightly ripped from all your movement, and you were surprised it hadn't fallen out of your pocket. He took it and read it.

**_Brat, I'll be out for a while. I should be back in time to see you using the gear, but I've got shit to do (unfortunately)._ **

**_Show Erwin this note and he should understand. Hange should pick you up around 9 if the idiot hasn't forgotten (or they didn't see the note I slid under their door)._ **

**_Levi Ackerman_ **

Erwin stuffed the note into his back pocket and shook his head, and you were sure you saw uncertainty in his expression. Did he not actually know where Levi was? 

"I never received a note, I swear!" Hange exclaimed, pushing their glasses back onto their nose. "I literally went back to my office and dorm and there was nothing there."

"Enough, Hange," Erwin sighed, shaking his head. You stood awkwardly, your gear completely off now and sitting on a wooden table. Petra and Oluo were at the back of the group, having an argument of sorts that didn't really mean anything, and you chuckled at their childish behaviour. "Y/l/n, I know you've heard before, but you'll be coming with us on our expedition outside the walls. Yes?"

"Yeah," you sighed, glancing up at the sky and wondering what it was like over there. Only four years ago, you'd seen the outside world for the first time, and now you were lucky enough to see past the walls. Well... was it lucky? You had to face the titans to see a world people only dreamed of, so it definitely came at a possibly-fatal price. Gulping, you looked up at Erwin, who was much taller than you. When he was serious, his blue eyes were much more intimidating than Levi's, and you shivered. "I'll go with you."

"Brilliant," Erwin stated with a hint of enthusiasm in his tone. "I just need to see how well you work with your future Captain, but it appears he isn't here right now."

"What were you saying?" a voice from behind said, and you turned to see Levi's familiar face wandering over, very slightly out of breath but wearing his full Survey Corp uniform (except the cloak). Erwin glared but didn't reply, clearly not wanting to get into an argument. 

"Where the hell have you been?!" Hange asked, putting their hands on their hips and shaking their head. "We've been here for three hours."

"I was busy," Levi said bluntly, pausing and glancing from Hange to you. "My apologies, Y/l/n."

"It's fine," you uttered, stuffing your hands into your back pockets. "Now I've gotta put my gear back on, right?"

"You need a replacement of gas, first," Erwin said, loud enough for Petra and Oluo to hear. Throughout their mini-argument, Gunther and Eld had decided to go get more gas, knowing that anything they said wouldn't stop their childish bickering. Petra apologised quickly, going pink in the face, and Oluo simply tutted, glancing at the ground. Gunther wandered over, trying to help you with your equipment, but you brushed him away, slightly uncomfortable.

"I'm okay, thanks," you uttered, and he nodded, walking away. Quickly, you put the gear back on, frustrated that you'd had to take it off in the first place. You looked up at Levi, who was having a private discussion with Erwin, and you rolled your eyes. Why was he being so secretive all of a sudden?

"Right, Y/n, you excited?!" Hange asked, grabbing you harshly by the shoulders and spinning you around, your eyes wide from the sudden contact. "You're going to be fighting Captain Levi, isn't that going to be fun?" 

"Yeah, great," you smirked, glancing over your shoulder at the black-haired man, finally able to have a rematch. It wasn't an actual fight; it was a mini-exam to see how well you worked together in a titan setting, but you were still excited to test your strengths against him. "Hange, where do you think Levi was?"

"Dunno, he just comes and goes sometimes without really telling us," they chuckled, readjusting their glasses again and shrugging. "But this is really weird."

"Y/l/n, brat," Levi said, glancing over with his grey eyes filled with boredom. "Get over here."

"Coming," you grumbled, running a hand through your hair as you jogged over, holding onto the handgrips tightly. Levi watched, noticing you were wobbling a little from your three hours of training and knew instantly that one of your weaknesses was fighting for a long time. You were strong, sure, and probably agile too, but for a lengthy time, you seemed to lose balance, even if you didn't realise it. "So, Levi, where were you?"

"Tch, business," he hissed, and you flinched a little. So he was defensive today, huh? "Anyway, brat, let's go."

"Whatever," you muttered, missing the kinder, more domestic version of Levi you saw the night before. "What are we even doing?"

"You'll both be taking on fifteen wooden titans," Erwin explained, strolling up and down the platform, watching at the two of you stood in the training field, a mass of trees up ahead. "Ral, Schultz, Bozado and Jinn are going to be taking control of the fake titans, pushing them out where and when they wish. They will pop out at random and will be different shapes and sizes. If your body hits any part of their hand, arm or feet, you will be dead. That's what it'll be like in the real world."

"Understood," you said, shivering as the word 'dead' slipped out of his mouth so easily. Taking a deep breath, you aimed your hands towards the closest tree, glancing for any open spots you could take. Before you knew it, Levi had shot off, and you hadn't heard the gunshot for you to start. 

You landed on a thick branch and you ran amidst the trees, whereas Levi was using more of the open areas. Within seconds, you came across a 'titan', and you shot up towards the top of the tree, zooming straight back down and slicing the soft bit of the neck, 'killing' it. Levi watched with a surprised expression, noticing that he had similar techniques as you did, and then saw two titans appear in front of him. Shooting over, you caught the one at the back whereas he 'killed' the one in front of him, and he nearly got you. However, you both made eye contact, and you grinned at him before switching sides. He went over to where you started and you continued his path, another, much larger titan catching you off guard.

After ten minutes, you'd both finished, ending up at the end of the forest. While you were panting a little, he was perfectly fine and adjusted his ascot. You'd defeated six on your own, he'd got seven, and two were 'killed' together. Erwin wandered over, Hange clapping excitedly. Oluo, Petra, Eld and Gunther all swung down, wearing their manoeuver gear proudly and strolling over.

"You're so cool!" Petra grinned, giving you a fist bump. "I really want to take you on one day."

"We did yesterday, remember?" you grinned, and she pouted. 

"I mean in a manoeuver gear battle, not a hand-on-hand fight!" she exclaimed, and you chuckled, remembering how you'd beat all four of Levi's team in yesterday's training. "Captain, what was she like?"

"Really co-operative," he said, brushing off all the wood pieces from his blade and not even looking up. "I want her on my team, Erwin."

"Not yet," the commander said, and everyone looked at him in shock. Even Levi's eyes widened a little, surprised that he didn't think you were suitable yet. "Your stamina and endurance need work."

"Well, I have been working three hours none-stop without a break," you muttered, fiddling with your thumbs. "I can do much better than this."

"She also didn't sleep well," Levi said, and everyone found it strange how he was defending you. "If she's put on my team, I can train her privately and we'll work on it."

"You're enthusiastic, captain," Gunther said, and you glared at him. "Do you really think she'll be good on the squad?"

"Tch, she's much better than anyone I've seen in the Survey Corps," Levi said, jabbing at Gunther and causing him to shut up. "This brat has skills close to my own, of course she deserves to be on the squad."

"Levi," Erwin said, stopping an argument before it had even started. "Come with me."

The pair wandered off out of ear-shot and started to talk, and then you felt a tap on the shoulder. You turned to see Petra's cheery face, and you grinned awkwardly.

"Captain seems to really be into you!" she said, and your eyes widened. "Wait! I don't mean it like that!"

"Whatever," you answered quietly, unsure how to respond. 

"Probably because she's tough as hell," Oluo interrupted, jumping into the conversation and placing his elbow on Petra's shoulder, to which she glared at. " _Not_ because she's pretty."

"Shut up, Oluo," Petra sighed, rolling her eyes as she finally shoved him off of her and noticing that a hint of unwanted pink had appeared in your face. "You're not funny, y'know?"

"Tch, who said I was trying to be?" Oluo asked, and you nearly snorted at his dreadful attempt to mimick Captain Levi.

"So, you think she's attractive?" Petra asked with a smirk, teasing the man and embarrassing you to dear heaven.

"Seriously?" you muttered, raising an eyebrow at her, but she just gave you a cheesy grin. 

"It'd be rude if I said no," Oluo said, rolling his eyes, and you were tempted to punch him square in the jaw. "So yes. But those looks can't deceive me, you criminal."

"Call me that and I will gladly rip your head off," you snapped a little loudly, and you realised that everything went silent. Oops.

"Y/l/n, what was that?" Erwin called over, his eyebrows furrowed and his arms crossed over his chest. You cringed and face-palmed, realising that you were still as violent as you were before. This time, you just didn't act on it. Maybe killing titans would get out that excess violence you felt. 

"Nothing," you said with an awkward grin, scratching behind your head. However, you were sure Levi smirked at you, somewhat enjoying the fact you were getting told off. That or he found humour in your empty threats. Then, you turned back to Oluo, whose eyebrows were raised unenthusiastically.

"I'd like to see you try," he said, rolling his eyes, and you grinned, about to point out the fact that you'd completely flattened him the day before in the fight, but you were interrupted by Erwin.

"Y/l/n, your graduation will be in a week," he said, and a wide smile crept onto your lips. This gave you enough time to figure out whether you truly wanted to join the survey corps or not. "Our expedition will be two days after that and I expect your stamina to have at least improved by then."

"Thank you," you answered. "I'll try my hardest."

"For you and everyone else," Erwin began, and you saw Oluo's fingers cross behind his back. "It's lunch hour. You're all dismissed."

"Thank you, Commander Erwin!" they all said before going to leave, Oluo cheering enthusiastically, and almost as soon as you turned around, you felt a hand grip your wrist tightly. You turned your head in surprise to see Levi, and once you noticed him, his hand went away, leaving a red mark on your arm.

"You're good, brat," he said, dusting down his uniform and tucking his ascot back into his shirt. You grinned confidently and started walking with pride, pleased with yourself. "You also need to work on your balance, though, and we have no idea how you'll react when faced with a real titan."

"I've seen worse," you muttered, and he glanced at you. "What? Do you think I haven't?"

He stayed silent, and deep down, you knew this would probably be the scariest thing you've experienced. Ever. You glanced down at the ground and watched yourself kick a stone across the path, and soon, you entered the dining hall. Connie and Sasha waved at you, and you waved back.

"She's sitting with us today, brats," Oluo said to the pair of them, before tripping over his own foot and biting his tongue harshly. "Ow!"

"That's what you get, you asshole," Petra exclaimed with a sigh, quickly apologising to the pair. You glared at Oluo, laughing when he bit his tongue. 

"That's okay," Connie said, a small smile on his lips. "I heard she was joining the Levi squad, so it's alright if she's spending lunch with you guys."

Before you could respond, Sasha butted in, "But you better sit with us at dinner!"

"I will," you promised, a small smile spreading across your lips. "Oluo, don't ever talk to my friends like that again, or else."

"Or what?" Oluo asked, a small smirk on his face. "You'll shut me up? Try me."

"If that's your attempt at flirting, Oluo, then I feel bad for every woman you've ever been with if that's any at all," you said bluntly, and Petra nearly cackled with laughter. Levi rolled his eyes before looking away, not interested in what you were talking about. Thankfully, you didn't notice how tense his jaw had become.

"You're so cool, Y/n!" Petra laughed, trying not to cry at Oluo's offended expression. "Oluo, you really need to learn your lesson someday."

"Petra, get your food," Gunther said, and you noticed that there was a gap in the queue where Gunther had gone and Petra was too distracted to realise. She quickly apologised to the cook and got her soup, bread and fruit. Oluo got similar, and then it was your turn. You received two slices of buttered bread, a bowl of vegetable soup and an apple. Then, you followed Oluo and Petra to the table. 

Eld and Gunther were already in conversation, sitting opposite each other, and Oluo sat next to Gunther. Petra sat next him, and you sat opposite her, leaving one last seat for Levi to sit, which was in between you and Eld. Once again, Petra and Oluo got into some sort of petty argument, and it left you alone in silence. You quietly ate your soup, but then you felt something touch your leg. You glanced down in surprise to see Levi passing you a note, and you glanced up to see him eating casually, acting as if nothing suspicious was happening at all.

Opening it, you saw his oddly neat handwriting scribbled out as if he'd written it quickly.

**_Meet me outside in ten minutes. I need to talk to you privately._ **

"Why?" you muttered under your breath, taking a bite of your bread. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him raise his eyebrows, and you knew he wouldn't say anything. Was he about to tell you where he'd been during your training earlier? Or would this be something else?

Frustrated, you then changed the subject, bored of not talking.

"Levi," you started, and he hummed as he started to drink his tea, and you couldn't help but giggle again at the way he held his cup. "Will I be spending the night with you again?"

You spoke quietly, but it seemed like Eld had heard. He raised his eyebrows at you both but didn't mention anything, and you acted as if you hadn't said anything and it totally wasn't weird that you'd spent the night in your Captain's bedroom. 

"Shut up, brat," he hissed behind his teacup, but you knew when he looked you in the eye that it was a 'yes'. Satisfied with your answer, you continued eating, having small-talk with Levi until Petra and Oluo finally finished their argument.

"What are you looking at?" Oluo asked you, his nose wrinkled, and you grinned at him, trying not to laugh while you spooned soup into your mouth. "I get it, you're attractive, but don't act as if I can't beat you up."

"Try me," you mocked, making your voice as low as his. Petra snorted behind her bread, and Oluo glared. 

"Mock me one more time and I'll shut you up myself," he threatened, but then, he yelped and you raised your eyebrows. "Who kicked me!?"

You glanced at Petra, confused, and she gave you the same expression. "It wasn't us."

"Eld, did you kick me?" Oluo asked, glaring at everyone across the table. "Gunther?"

"Ah yes, because I'd do such a thing," Gunther replied, and it just didn't make sense.

However, Levi drunk his tea, satisfied that the pissed-off man would never guess it was him. 


	8. ~ the second letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed Levin's name to Wilhelm because I kept getting confused. Levi and Levin's names are super similar so yeah, I changed it :')

Slipping out of the dining hall was easy; barely anybody knew you except Connie's group and Levi's squad. Connie's group assumed you were with Petra, and Levi's squad assumed you'd left on your own accord. However, they should've been suspicious when Levi followed you not even five minutes later. 

Nervously, you stood outside the doors of the dining hall, leaning against the wall uncomfortably and taking in a deep breath. Back in the underground, feeling the warm, fresh air hit your skin and feeling the green grass beneath your feet were both things you begged for, and now you were above ground, you couldn't get enough of it. Seeing the soft blue sky was different when you weren't seeing it through a hole in the ground, and despite living above the ground for five years now, you still couldn't get enough of it. 

"Brat."

Snapping out of your trance, you turned to see Levi's blunt, intimidating glare. He wandered over to you, his arms crossed, and he gestured for you to follow him. Scratching your arm nervously, you strolled across the gritty ground, kicking stones as you went and scuffing up your shoes a little. Levi was silent, even when you asked him where you were going. At one point, you were sure you heard him curse under his breath.

Eventually, the two of you stopped down an alleyway, where nobody was except for a pair of trainees making out. You grimaced at the pair, somewhat grossed out by this very public display of affection, but Levi wasn't particularly bothered. 

"What do you want to talk to me about, Captain?" you asked, crossing your arms over your chest. "What's so important that you had to force me out of the dining hall?"

"Here," he said bluntly, shoving a folded letter into your chest, which you caught. You looked at it, confused and he rolled his eyes. "Read it, you idiot."

"Okay, okay," you grumbled, opening it and gasping at the weird, satanic scribbles written in some sort of red ink around the edges of the note. You tried your best to ignore them and started to read, holding your breath.

_Captain Levi, eh? Never thought I'd see the day where you rejected my letters._

_Wouldn't Kenny be proud?_

_His name alone makes me feel sick to my stomach. The man who killed the Rats with his stupid gang of Brats. I know you've read my letter, and I know you've probably shown Y/n, that stupid little slut. Y/n Y/l/n, Y/n Y/l/n, did you know she's a murderer?_

_Of course you do. You arrested her, didn't you? Boy, I wish I could watch her slowly be killed. I'd gladly be up for it if you've got a weak stomach, but you're a murderer too, aren't you Levi? '_

_Do you feel bad for her? Well, you shouldn't. She's a slutty bitch. Unless you've seen that side of her already? Who knows. Bring her back, you disgusting human beings. Or let her get eaten by a titan, I don't really care._

_It's really boring in the underground without her; we've got at least a thousand clients wanting a piece of her. Or are you going to protect Y/n, Levi?_

_Perfect pair, you are. The precious murderers of the Survey Corps, also known as the two people humanity want to rely on._

_Lots of love, Wilhelm Pichler xx :)_

You tore the letter in half and threw it on the ground, much to the anger of Levi. He picked up the pieces and stuffed them in his pocket, and grabbed your arm before you walked away.

"Tch, where the fuck do you think you're going?" he snarled, and you snatched your arm back, tears in your eyes as you looked back at him.

"Away from where I'm gonna get people hurt, Levi," you snapped back, glaring at him with such intensity that even he was somewhat stunned. "Get off me."

"Absolutely not," he said, his grip tightening. "I haven't finished yet."

"Levi, I don't care. I'm going to kill that man."

"I haven't finished-"

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE!" you yelled at him, catching the attention of the two trainees and scaring them so much that they ran off. Levi stood in silence, looking down at the ground with his fringe shielding his eyes. You gulped, regretting what you did and tugged at your hair, frustration building up in you again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine, brat," Levi hissed, looking down at the ground. "Just shut up and listen."

"What a charmer," you muttered sarcastically, sinking down the fence behind you and hitting the floor, resting your head on your tucked-up knees. "Just... continue."

"I found him," Levi said, and you froze. "I went looking for him on my own and he's in prison. I need you to confirm it's him."

"You... did what?!" you nearly screamed, clambering back onto your feet and watching him, surprised. He glanced up at you and you swore you saw a small smirk on his lips, but with Levi, you could never confirm anything he did. "W-where- who- what?"

"He's in the dungeons," Levi said bluntly, beginning to walk away. You caught up with him, and you realised where you were going. Your chest tightened, unsure whether you even wanted to see this man, but at the same time, you had a lot of things to say to him. He glanced over at you and saw your nervous yet sickly excited expression, and his stomach dropped. Was this such a good idea, to show you the man who tortured you as a kid? 

Since when did he care?

Your footsteps echoed in the dungeon, gulping when you remembered your time down here. It'd only been a week and you were already bored as hell; what was it like staying down here for years?

Then, a low male voice chuckled, and you wanted to vomit. It was him, you knew it was. You were beginning to have doubts, and you bit your lip nervously. Levi walked down, holding his cloak closely for warmth. You'd been given his spare, which you held tightly to your chest. It was chilly down there, and you wondered how you'd survived in just cargo jeans and a shirt. 

"Y/n, is that you?"

As soon as he said your name, you vomited into the closest bin, which was thankfully and coincidentally sat right where you were standing. Levi watched in disgust, tching and walking away. You stuck your finger up at him and, once finally done, reached into your pocket and grabbed a tissue, wiping your mouth and grimacing. 

"Wow, I really have that effect on you, do I? I should be honoured."

"Shut up," you hissed, following Levi and standing beside the man, glancing into the cell to see a skinny, sickly-pale man, his long blonde curls sitting on his shoulders messily and bags outlining his light blue eyes. He sat in the corner of the cell, his back slouched as he put his head on his fists. but the worst thing was that he barely blinked. He didn't even look at Levi; he just stared.

At you.

"Wilhelm," you snapped, gripping onto the bars tightly and wrinkling your nose. "You disgusting, shitty, ratbag of a human."

"That's the kindest thing you've ever said to me," he chuckled lowly, and you gripped the bars so harshly your knuckles went white. "In fact, it's the first thing you've ever said to me."

"I wish I never had to talk to you," you snarled, anger building in your body. You wanted to go in there and just... kill him, but Levi wouldn't let you. "Rot, Wilhelm. Die. I can't wait to watch you slowly decay, just like I did. You're a scumbag, and I hope you die in the worst way possible."

"Bomb raised you well, huh," Wilhelm chuckled, and this ticked you off.

"Don't you fucking DARE mention that disgusting excuse of a human's name in front of me, Wilhelm," you shouted, startling the frail man on the ground. If he was someone else, you'd have felt sorry for the weak state they were in, but at this moment, you felt nothing. You were empty and just wanted to... slice him in half. "He never raised me. Anything he did didn't affect me and it never will."

"Yet it has," Wilhelm mocked, and your mouth dropped, nothing coming out but a string of curse words. "If we hadn't bought and looked after you, would you have turned out this way? Absolutely not."

"I'd have lived a much better life," you muttered, turning away from him and punching the wall so hard you were surprised nothing broke. Your knuckles started to bleed, and you just laughed, facing him. "Or would I? Would I have ever come to the surface? Made the friends I've made in the past two weeks? Rid the world of the scumbags like you? Wilhelm, I have to thank you. If it wasn't for you and your group of utter dickheads, I wouldn't be who I am today. And guess what? I fucking love who I am!"

"So you liked being touched by men thirty, maybe even forty years older than you? Being starved and watching your friends die?" Wilhelm cackled, his own rough voice making him choke. You stared, your eyebrows raised and a smile of disbelief was planted on your face. The man stood up, clearly somewhat pissed off with your reaction (or lack of), and wandered over. "Do you? Y/n, you stupid bitch. Is a murderer truly what you wanted to become?"

"You're insane," you chuckled, glad you'd annoyed him this much. "As if I'd enjoy that shit. And if a murderer gets rid of people like you," you pressed your face as close to him as you could, and whispered, "then yeah, I'm pretty fucking happy."

"You're disgusting," he hissed, grabbing the bars over your hands and gripping so hard you winced. You didn't even feel the pain of your bleeding and bruised knuckles; you were filled with an adrenaline rush heavier than you'd ever experienced. "Is that really what you think?"

"Of course not," you smirked, and his eyebrows raised. "I don't know what to think of myself. The past is the past, isn't it? I can't help the way I was raised, and since I can't change that shit, I'll stay being happy with who I am. However, you chose to become who you became, and if I were you, I'd hate myself more than that man hates titans."

You slipped your hand away from under his and pointed at Levi, who was watching intensely. You'd noticed his eyes widen a few times at your outbursts, and he was definitely worried, but he knew this was your one and only chance at making peace with yourself. Even if it did give you a destroyed fist two weeks before going into battle against the monsters.

"So, Wilhelm, I'd say this was a nice meeting," you said into the silence of the room, and Levi stood up from slumping against the wall, watching everything unfold in front of him. "I hope to never see you again."

"Oh?" Wilhelm chuckled, sitting on the edge of his bed with hair even messier than before. "I'm sure you will."

"Yeah, me too," you sighed, wrapping the cloak around you and Levi's scent calming you down a little. You smiled softly against it and shut your eyes. "Probably when I'm looming over your bleeding, bruised and broken body, Wilhelm Pichler."

With that, you walked out of the dungeons, Levi following in silence. Slowly but surely, your anger released from your body, and you sighed deeply, your eyes fluttering shut as you saw the sky again. You pushed the hood down and let the fresh air hit your face. A small smile appeared on your face, but then you winced when the pain in your hand finally hit.

"Ow..." you muttered, glancing down at your hand that was bleeding terribly now. If you didn't treat it, it'd get easily infected. Scowling, you glanced up at Levi, who still hadn't said a word. Your mind went back to down in the dungeon and your face went red with embarrassment at your stupid outbursts. "Did I go too far?"

"If it made you feel better, then I'd say it was a success," he said bluntly, glancing down at your hand. "But you were an idiot to punch the wall. Look what you did, you utter moron."

"I got angry," you pouted, and he rolled his eyes. "What?!"

"Come with me," he scowled, leading the way, and that small smile returned on your face. Finally, the puzzle pieces of your life were coming together instead of being a scrambled mess, and your heart swelled. "I've got a first aid kit in my office."

You followed the man in a weird stillness. Although Levi wasn't a very talkative person, it was still weird to walk in complete silence. He'd at least make some sort of response to your jokes, whether it was a grunt or a chuckle or a simple 'tch'. What was up with him?


	9. ~ petra ral

Wincing, you watched as Levi pressed an antiseptic wipe against your knuckles.

You were sat in his office, your hand pressed against the table as the man opposite you gently assessed your bruised and bleeding hands. You'd been in there for at least five minutes, and neither of you had said a word to each other. Unsure why Levi was so quiet and snappy, you left him be; maybe he'd got something, or someone, on his mind, and you didn't want to press on a subject that might be sensitive, even if he did that to you the night before. 

"Captain," you began, and as soon as he glanced up at you with that glare, you closed your mouth again, unsure what you'd even say. You shook your head, and he 'tched', pressing a few plasters against your knuckles. There was no need for a thick bandage since nothing was broken and the wounds weren't that large. 

Once he'd finished, he put the first aid kit back under his desk and stood up, opening the blinds and staring out of the window. You sat in the chair awkwardly, unsure what to do or say to such an unreadable person. 

"You're... quiet today, Captain," you said, glancing up at him with gentle eyes. "Is something wrong?"

Once again, he ignored you, not saying a word. For a second, you wondered if Wilhelm had cut out his tongue, but that was a stupid idea. The only time he'd spoken, he'd snapped at you and someone else. Was yesterday just a one-off day where he was feeling kind and this was what you were to expect every other day? 

You also wondered if you should leave, and you went to stand but paused when you heard him sharply exhale. Glancing at him, you noticed that his head was down, no longer looking out of the window. Man, he was complicated.

"Captain-"

"Since when did you start calling me 'Captain'?" he asked, and you raised an eyebrow. Was this seriously what he was getting all stroppy about? He glanced over his shoulder, and you shrugged.

"I thought I was supposed to," you muttered, playing with a strand of your hair and twirling it around your finger awkwardly. "Am I not?"

"You don't have to," Levi uttered, and you cocked your head. "Just... call me Levi."

"Fine," you said, almost mocking his salty attitude. "Levi, what is up with you this afternoon? Did I do something wrong? Say _something_ , at least."

"Just, _shut up_ ," he hissed, and you glared at him. His piercing gaze shot through you like bullets, and you wrinkled your nose at him. 

"I only asked," you snapped back, standing up to your full height, which was the same as his. Whatever had gotten into him did not give him the right to be unapologetically an asshole. At least when _you_ flipped out, you said sorry.

"Get out, brat," he said bluntly, barely raising his voice but his tone enough to send shivers down anyone's spine. His arms were crossed over his chest and he stood with his back to the wall, his eyes averting from you to the door behind. 

"Levi, what is _wrong?!_ " you almost begged, pressing your hands against the desk and staring up at him, your heart almost hurting. You were unsure why you cared so much, but there was something he wasn't telling you and it was so damn frustrating. "Seriously! You made me talk about my entire life last night. Now you won't even tell me one thing that's bugging you. Can't you trust me?! Do you hate me or something? Levi, tell me!"

"SHUT UP, Y/N!" he shouted, and your eyes widened in surprise. You stepped backwards, surprised by his outburst, and suddenly you were afraid for the first time in years. Very, very afraid. Levi then noticed the panic in your face, and he froze.

He'd upset you. Scared you, even, and he hadn't meant to do that at all. 

"Y/n, I'm sorry, I-" he began, but before he could finish, you were out of the door, running down the stairs of the building and nearly falling down them. You barged past someone; whoever it was, you didn't care. You just kept running, despite being out of breath, and tried not to cry. 

You turned the corner and found yourself in the same alleyway Levi had taken you to earlier that day, and you simply sank onto the ground. It was currently raining, but you didn't care if you got your bottoms wet and dirty. You just wanted to be left alone, and this was the best place to go.

The last time you'd felt so alone was fifteen years ago, and nobody had shouted at you in such a way since fifteen years ago. 

Putting a hand to your cheek, you gasped when you felt something warm and wet. Your tears, mixed with the cold droplets of rain.

"Y/n?" a female voice questioned, and you froze. Glancing up, you saw the kind, concerned face of Petra, her eyes wide as she squatted down. She put a hand on top of yours and looked at you with her gentle, hazel eyes. "What happened? You nearly knocked Oluo down the stairs, and you're crying."

"Oh, tell him I said sorry," you muttered, finding it somewhat humourous that you'd unintentionally attacked Oluo. "And it's fine."

"Yeah, it looks fine," Petra said sarcastically, her green cloak shading her from the pouring rain. She widened her arms so the flap of her cloak shaded your head, and you smiled softly, rubbing your eyes with the sleeves of your jacket. "C'mon, you're soaked. I'll find you some spare clothes in my room."

"Thank you," you muttered, standing up and following her, your entire body soaked and your hair hanging in damp clumps on your head. You felt humiliated, getting the occasional stare, but you couldn't care less. You hated Levi at that moment, but at the same time, you cared too much about him to be angry. If you were given a second chance to kill him, you'd be so conflicted between your own selfish desires and protective, loving side. The only thing he'd done wrong was yell at you, and that wasn't worth killing him over.

What was happening to you?

"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong, or do I have to force it out of you?" Petra said with a smile, rummaging through her cupboard for things to wear for both herself and you. Tea was soon, but she'd asked (forced) Oluo to bring up some soup for the two of you because you didn't feel like going down to the dining hall at all. Sitting on the floor because you didn't want to get her sofa or bed wet, you shrugged, watching as she rummaged through her wardrobe, throwing a white button-up and dark green skirt at you. Hastily, you changed as she looked away, giving you some privacy, and she put on her nightdress since she wasn't leaving anytime soon.

"Sorry that it's not something you'd usually wear," she apologised, and you shrugged, giving her a twirl. "It looks really good on you, though!"

"Heh, thanks," you smiled awkwardly, never having worn a skirt so long before. However, you looked good, felt comfortable and that's all that mattered. "Petra, I know we haven't spoken much, but... could I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's up?" she asked, sitting on the sofa and patting the space beside her. You wandered over and sat next to her, fumbling with your fingers. 

"Well, I'm sure you've been told that I was a criminal before I joined the trainees," you began, and Petra nodded, seemingly not bothered by your past. "Does that... does that change your view of me? Would it change Oluo's and Levi's?"

"I don't care what you did in the past," Petra sighed after a minute of thinking, a soft smile on her face. You looked up at her in confusion. "It's who you are now that matters. You know you did wrong, and all you wanted to do was protect the vulnerable. Of course, it's a shitty thing to do, but I won't see you any differently to what I see in front of me, and I'm sure Levi feels the same way. He was a criminal too, and I know for a fact he wouldn't treat you in an inferior way. Oluo, on the other hand... he's just a douchebag."

You chuckled at the insult, a soft smile on your lips as you glanced at the carpeted ground. "Thanks, Petra. It's nice to be known I'm treated equally."

"Of course, and if anyone doesn't, punch 'em in the jaw!" Petra said enthusiastically, punching the air and making you laugh. However, there was then a knock at the door, and you froze. "I'll get it."

She flung open the door to see Oluo's grumpy face with a tray of food in each hand. He peered over her shoulder to make direct eye contact with you, and he sighed. "Can't believe you nearly knocked me down the stairs, Y/n. That was brutal."

"My apologies," you chuckled nervously, wandering over and taking the tray from his left hand. He then looked you up and down and tutted, raising an eyebrow at you. 

"Never thought I'd see you in a housewife's outfit," he said, and you glared at him, balancing the tray on the sofa. Petra stood awkwardly, remembering she was still in her night-gown and hid behind the door with her head peering around. "It suits you."

"Shut up," you sighed, rolling your eyes and crossing your arms. However, you weren't mad at him. It was somewhat sweet, and probably the best compliment you'd get out of him. He wasn't that bad; just a little annoying, that's all.

"Oh yeah, Captain asked me to give you this," he said and passed you a small note. Your heart raced and you took it from him, gulping as you wandered to the corner of the room and began to read it. "I'll come back up once the two of you are done and take your shit back down to the cafeteria. Have a note to give back to him, brat."

"Got it," you mumbled, and he left. Petra sat down, looking up at you worriedly as you read.

**_To Y/n._ **

**_Sorry for shouting at you earlier, my apologies. There isn't any excuse for what I did or said, and I hope you forgive me._ **

**_I assume you won't be with us at dinner, and I hope you're not sitting out in the rain. Make sure to eat something so you don't get hungry._ **

**_Come back to my room later; even if it's awkward, I need to tell you what's truly going on and why you need to stay with me._ **

**_Once again, I'm sorry._ **

**_Levi._ **

"Y/n, you need to eat before it goes cold," Petra said, glancing up at you with a saddened expression. "You can reply once you've finished."

Nodding, you put the note on the desk and sat down, beginning to eat your soup and bread. However, you weren't nearly as sad as you thought you'd be. In fact, you smiled, dipping the crust into the warm, tomato soup. Petra grinned, happy that you were in somewhat of a positive mood, and when Oluo came back up, you passed him the folded note.

**Hey Levi,**

**I didn't mean to overreact, but it did scare me a little. It's okay though, I've acted up when I was stressed, and I'm currently staying with Petra (I wasn't in the rain for long hehe). She's given me some spare clothes because my uniform got wet, and it's been sent to the laundry. I'll be coming over to stay with you because now I'm really curious!**

**See you in ten minutes. If you're late, you WILL be punished!!**

**From your utterly wonderful, _dearest_ Y/n ツ  
**


	10. ~ making up

Wandering down the corridor, you felt slightly self-conscious, wearing a skirt while everyone else wore their uniform, but you shrugged it off. You felt surprisingly pretty, and Petra had said to keep the clothing as she had more in her closet. Sighing, you walked up the stairs, unsure when the note had gotten to Levi and when ten minutes were over. However, you continued walking up the stairs, knowing that his apartment was on the floor above Petra's. There was a tight bundle of nerves in your stomach, but you tried your best to shrug it off and act somewhat confident. 

Once you reached the top, you remembered his room was locked and just sat against the door, your skirt spreading out. You definitely weren't a clean-freak like Levi, but you did like things to be clean. Especially if you were wearing someone else's clothing.

"Oi, brat."

A smile appeared on your face as you glanced up watching as Levi strolled over. He was still wearing his Survey Corps uniform, but heavy bags sat underneath his eyes. You couldn't tell if he was just tired or it was something else, but you didn't want to ask. 

Shooting up onto your feet, you grinned cheekily at him before following him into his room, and you bounced onto the sofa, filled with energy. Levi glanced over his shoulder at you and couldn't help but smile a little, locking the door behind him as he laid his cloak over the arm of the sofa. 

"Did you like my note?" you asked, and he rolled his eyes, slipping his shoes off and jacket, placing them neatly where they were yesterday. "C'mon, I even added a smiley face!"

"It was... nice," he said, and your heart did a front flip. Once again, it was nice to see this somewhat domestic side of Levi, and it wasn't as awkward as the two of you thought it'd be. Sitting there, you played with the hem of your skirt and the male sat down beside you, his chin resting on his hand. "Brat, I'm sorry."

"It's fine," you insisted, glancing over at him. He seemed so much sadder today instead of his regular, blunt self, and you wondered why. But you didn't want to press on the situation in case it ended up like earlier, and you didn't want that at all. "Did Connie or Sasha ask of me? I promised I'd sit with them for lunch and I didn't..."

"Blouse and Springer looked over and noticed you weren't with us," he sighed, closing his eyes as his head hit the back of the sofa. He breathed out slowly, and it was at that moment you realised how attractive and youthful he was. His smooth yet pointed nose contrasted against his violent nature, and you had a sudden urge to boop it; however, if you did such a thing, he'd probably punch you square in the face. His jawline was really defined and made his complexion more mature looking. Although his undercut was black, it didn't wash out his pale skin and liked to hang gently over his eyes.

"Y-yeah, I'll have to apologise to them tomorrow," you said, feeling your face go pink when you stumbled over your words. "Levi, you said you wanted to talk to me about something. Was that just a way to get me back here?"

"No, I wanted to tell you about where I was earlier," he said, opening his eyes and glancing over, his expression never changing. You gulped and nodded, turning so your back was against the armrest of the sofa and your feet were sat gently in front of you. "Wilhelm said there were more people out there after you, so I went to check."

"Levi, you didn't have to," you sighed, looking down at your hands. "You could've gotten yourself hurt."

"Yeah, as if I'm gonna let myself get hurt by a bunch of low-lives," he said, raising his eyebrows, and you grinned a little. "I was sure he was just babbling to try and scare us, but I couldn't just let it go as some insane guy's ramblings. I examined all of Wall Sina for any suspicious behaviour and found nothing, so unless his gang is in the Underground, you're safe."

"You went around ALL of Sina?!" you exclaimed, your mouth almost hanging open in surprise. "Is that why you looked so tired earlier?"

"I wasn't tired, just a little out of breath," Levi mumbled, slightly embarrassed. You grinned at him, but that still didn't answer why he was so upset earlier and now. If he found nobody, then shouldn't he be happy?

"But that doesn't really explain your snappy behaviour earlier," you muttered, resting your head on your knees and glancing up at him. He glared at you, and you shut your mouth quickly, not wanting to get into another argument. "Also, I know it was you who kicked Oluo at dinner."

He raised his eyebrows at you and a small smirk appeared on your lips, and you couldn't help but laugh. "Damn, I thought I'd gotten away with it, you brat."

"I saw you jerk a little as soon as Oluo shouted," you said with a shrug, tucking your hair behind your ear. "You also were the only one he didn't suspect, and I know for a fact you grinned. So, Levi, why did you kick him?"

"Spur of the moment," he answered, and you furrowed your brows at him, unable to hide your smile.

"Yeah, I'll believe you."

"You should."

The two of you sat in silence for a bit, and you nearly fell asleep if it wasn't for the fact that your skirt was beginning to get uncomfortable, getting stuck down the sides of the sofa and rising in places you didn't want to. Levi noticed your fidgeting and struggle to keep the skirt in an attractive place, and he just rolled his eyes. You glared at him, and at that point, you just wanted to force _him_ to wear it. 

"Tch, stop moving about so much," he hissed, and you frowned, shaking your head. "You're going to scuff up the couch."

"You can wear the skirt instead, _Captain_ ," you answered jokingly, drawing it out and standing up, crossing your arms over your chest. "But since I haven't got anything else to change into, I'm stuck in this."

He opened his mouth to say something, and you almost saw cogs wiring in his head, wondering if he should say what was on his mind or not, but then he closed it again. Finally, he turned to his wardrobe, pulled it open and began looking around for a spare change of bottoms.

"Do you always go around borrowing people's clothes?" he asked bluntly, and you flipped him off.

"Well, since all my stuff got stolen because you didn't go and get it when I was in jail, I've had to," you sighed, putting your hands on your lips for emphasis. He glanced out of his wardrobe and frowned at you. "What? It's true!"

"Well, if you didn't go around killing people as a hobby, you wouldn't have been taken to jail and you'd still have all your stuff," he said, finally pulling out a pair of baggy black cargo jeans and throwing them at you. 

"Yeah, but then I'd never have met you," you said out-of-the-blue, and as soon as you said it, you looked away embarrassed, trying quickly to change the subject. "Huh, you know exactly what type of clothes I like."

"Hm," he said in response, closing the wardrobe. Your words flashed in his mind, and although he wasn't going to bring it up (at least for now, anyway), his heart skipped a beat. That was such a wholesome response he wasn't expecting, and he looked away as you quickly changed into them. "That skirt suits you."

"Thanks," you said, clambering into the bottoms and folding up the skirt, leaving it on the bed for now. "That's much better than what Oluo said to me."

"What did that brat say?" he asked, and you were sure you heard a hint of jealousy and anger in his tone, although he hid it well. A small grin appeared on your lips, and you straightened your back. You also pushed out your chest for emphasis and began to speak in a low, awful impersonation of poor Oluo.

"'Never thought I'd see you in a housewife's outfit, it suits you'," you nearly laughed, and Levi nearly face-palmed. "So yeah, I'd say your compliment was nicer. Also, wasn't expecting to receive one from you, oh Captain dearest."

"You've changed," Levi sighed, and you raised an eyebrow.

"For the better?"

"Absolutely not."

"Wow, you're so kind," you answered sarcastically, and a small smile appeared on his lips. However, he frowned when he noticed something on the top of his dresser, and he groaned. "What?"

"Room's getting dusty again," he muttered, and you cocked your head. He then glanced up at the top of his wardrobe. "I bet it's awful up there too."

"I've never seen a cleaner room, Levi," you chuckled, but he didn't seem satisfied. "You're actually going to-"

"Yes, I am," he said confidently, squatting down and reaching into the bottom drawer of his wardrobe to pull out a thick feather duster. "And you're going to help me."

"You're kidding," you complained, shaking your head. When you realised he was deadly serious, you sighed and stood up, running a hand through your hair. "Fine. What do you want me to do?"

"I can't reach on top of the wardrobe," he said, and you nearly laughed at his height compared to the very tall piece of furniture. "And I've no idea where the step ladder is."

"Levi, I'm pretty much the same height as you," you stated, glancing down at your own body and using your hand to emphasise how short you were. "That isn't going to work."

"I've got shoulders," he said, and that's when it clicked. He wanted you to get onto his shoulders so you clean the top of the damned wardrobe. "Now climb on."

"Will I get kicked out of your room if I don't do it?" you joked, and he just stared with that same expressionless face. He really wasn't kidding. Sighing, you stepped onto the sofa and he stood in front of you. Awkwardly, you put one leg over one shoulder and got stuck, panicked that you'd lose balance if you lifted your other. However, he lifted up his hands for you to grab onto, and he glanced up at you. Nervously, you finally managed to put the other leg over and, wobbling a little, took the duster from his hand. "This is... so weird."

"Get used to it, brat," he hissed, and you raised your eyebrows at him. "If you're staying with me, you've got to clean too."

"I never really understood why I have to stay with you, Levi," you said, and although you couldn't exactly see the top of the wardrobe, at least you could reach now. "I mean, the fact I was violent made sense, but I'm perfectly fine now, aren't I?"

"That wasn't the reason," he said, and you raised an eyebrow. How many more mysteries was he going to keep from you? "When we got those letters, we weren't sure if you'd be safe on your own. Now, we've seen your strengths and we know for a fact you'd be able to fight them off but could the other Survey Corps in your dormitory do it? It's mainly for your own and the others' safety."

"Why didn't you tell me that in the first place?!" you asked, shaking your head. Then, he moved to the right, and you nearly fell backwards. Hitting him on the head with the butt of the duster, you then exclaimed, "Hey! Bit of warning next time, dude!"

"Hey, I caught you, so shut up," he said, and you rolled your eyes, dusting again. You had no idea how clean the top of the wardrobe was, but neither of you could reach so it didn't matter. Then, Levi said something very out of character for him, and you were surprised he asked. "Y/n, do you have feelings for anyone?"

"Nope, never have and... never will," you said quickly, unsure how to answer such a question. You glanced down at Levi, who was looking up at you. It was at that moment you realised how awkward of a position he was in, his head right next to your crotch and stomach, and you gulped, trying not to get embarrassed. He didn't really seem to care, but you became very, very insecure and wanted to get down as quickly as possible. "Could you put me down please? I... erm, don't like it up here."

"Is it clean?" he asked, and you nearly laughed at his priorities. You nodded, swiping a finger across the top and to your utter shock and surprise (not), no dust came off. Satisfied, he then bent down, letting your feet hit the floor. He untucked himself and stood up, ruffling his hair. Your legs wobbled a little as you regained balance, and your face was heated. You turned around to see him, and he was already dusting the side-desk, a mask now on his face (where he'd got that from thoroughly confused you). 

"Levi, why did you ask that?" you questioned, and he shrugged as if was a question he usually asked. You wanted to tease him, but for some reason, you chose not to. "Although, I guess I just don't want to get feelings for someone. I may have had them before and I dunno if I do now or not, but... I don't want to. I might die before next month."

"Don't say that," he hissed instantly, and you were surprised by his reaction. His eyes widened at what he'd said, and he quickly looked down as if he'd said nothing. 

"Levi," you began, taking a deep breath as you scanned the room for any more dirt, clutching onto your feather duster tightly. "What's it like outside the walls? Minus the deaths and titans, what's it like?"

"You'll see," he answered, and you cocked your head. "I'm sure you'll enjoy it, brat."

"I never expected to enjoy the nickname 'brat'," you laughed, squatting down and dusting the bottom of a desk. Levi glanced over at you, and you were sure he chuckled behind the mask. "It's weird. Kenny called me a brat occasionally, but I never really took it in as a nickname, more of an insult. But when _you_ say it, it feels different."

"I'm not changing it anytime soon," he said, and you nodded, crossing your legs and scanning the strange carvings in the wood. They were professionally done and the symbols meant nothing to you, but maybe it was something special to Levi. You pressed your finger against the wood and traced the lines, almost entranced by the peculiar markings. He watched in awe, somewhat amazed that something that small interested you. His heart skipped a beat again, and he muttered something like a curse word under his breath. What was he feeling, and why did he feel this way? Pinching himself, he turned back around and continued dusting. 

Why did you look so good in a skirt but also cargo jeans?


	11. ~ stitches

"Your balance is getting worse," Levi said bluntly, watching as you tried to stand on the back of a horse but failing. These horses were well trained, and they were used to the trainees falling off or onto them, but it still startled them a little. These were also smaller than usual, making the impact against the floor not as gruesome, but it still hurt like hell. Groaning to yourself, you stood again and the horse began to run at full speed, but almost instantly, you were thrown off, hitting the floor with a thud. You gasped out loud as you were winded, and you sucked in a breath. Wincing, you bit your lip harshly, trying to ignore the pain in your lower back and shoulders, but it didn't seem to work. "Get up, Y/l/n."

"I'm trying," you hissed, clambering back onto your feet and bending backwards a little, trying to crack your back. Thankfully, you hadn't broken any bones yet, but you were going to wake up tomorrow covered in bruises. "Ow."

"If you've not broken anything, try again," Levi scowled, and you flipped him off. He was in a much better mood today, and by that, you meant that he was acting his regular, blunt and intimidating self. "What was that for?"

"If I wake up tomorrow unable to move I'm going to kill you," you muttered, cracking your knuckles and watching as the horse calmed down enough for you to clamber back on. This was your first time even sitting on one of these beautiful creatures, never mind trying to balance on the back of one, and Levi seemed to do it so effortlessly. 

You'd spent the last few hours learning how to ride a horse, which you were surprisingly good at for a beginner, but _standing_ on one was a whole different matter. Losing count of how many times you'd fallen off, you were beginning to get very frustrated, and trying not to hurt the horse, you clambered on. According to Levi, not many Survey Corps were good at this, but he wanted to see you try. Well, he probably just wanted to see you fail.

Once again, almost as soon as the horse started moving, you began to topple over, but you clenched onto the reigns as tightly as possible without giving yourself some kind of rope burn and squatted, sticking your butt out unintentionally and looking a bit like a pigeon with back problems. You were very close to kneeing yourself in the chin, and you grinned, proud that you'd at least managed the first step. The horse wasn't moving very quickly, but he was still making the whole trip bumpy and awkward. Taking a deep breath, you tried to straighten yourself into some sort of standing position, and once you were in the position you wanted, a huge smile appeared on your face. 

"Captain! I-"

Then you fell off.

"Fucks sake!" you yelled out loud, your face hitting the floor. You'd learned in the underground how to fall without hurting yourself too much, but you still landed painfully. Sitting up, you glanced over at the horse, who was happily munching on some hay at the other end of the track, and you cursed lowly, noticing red patches on your freshly-cleaned bottoms. Glancing at your hands, they were all scraped up, and you saw a drop of blood fall from your face.

Nose bleed.

"Captain," you sighed, looking up at the man who was now strolling over. "I'm a bit of a mess."

"I noticed," Levi said, squatting down and taking a look at your injuries. "Jesus Christ, look at you, Y/n. Did Kenny never teach you how to fall gracefully?"

"Yes, actually, he did," you scoffed in disbelief. "This was the best outcome after falling off of a horse twenty times."

"Look up at me," he said, and you raised your head, glaring at him. A small smirk appeared on his lips, and you wanted to punch him. "Now now, no need for that look, brat."

"If you want a list of my injuries, I can easily reel them off," you said with a chuckle, running a hand across your painful scalp to check for any obvious injuries. "We might need to go see a nurse or something."

"Good thing I'm trained in first aid," he said, rummaging around for a tissue to calm down your nose bleed and you frowned. "What? Don't believe me?"

"I shouldn't do," you sighed, noticing that the patches on your jeans were getting bigger and bigger. It was also very painful too, and not only did everywhere ache and throb, but it also stung like hell too. "Ow."

"You're a mess," he said, and you would've hit him if your elbow didn't hurt to raise it. Then, he pulled out a fresh tissue from his belt and pressed it to your nose. "Hold this close, I don't want your blood on my hands, thanks. Also, pinch the soft bit of your nose and breath through your mouth."

"Wow, you're so charming," you answered sarcastically, pressing it underneath your nose and wincing. In some sort of miracle, you'd broken no bones, but your nose sure as hell felt like it. "Damn, is my face deformed?"

"Yes, but it's no different from before if that's what you were asking."

"You're an asshole, Levi."

"I know," he answered, helping you up. However, you nearly cried out in pain when you got to your feet and fell back on your bum. He raised his eyebrows before seeing tears prickle in your eyes, and it was at that moment that he realised you were well and truly in a lot of pain. "Can you even stand up properly?"

"No, you idiot," you answered, trying not to cry as you found a position that caused less pain in your legs. "Everything hurts like hell."

"Well, I'll have to take you back to my office and get you cleaned up," he said, and then he glanced down at the red stains on your jeans. "And if those wounds are big enough, they'll need to be stitched."

"Goddamn it," you grumbled, beginning to feel a little dizzy from blood loss. "Levi, I feel funny."

"Blood loss," he said, tutting underneath his breath. "If you were that injured, why didn't you stop?"

"Because I wanted to do it," you replied, trying to get to your feet but failing again. Your feet had gone numb. "I... can't move."

"I'm gonna have to pick you up," he said, and you raised your eyebrows. He squatted down and tucked one arm under your knees and the other under your back. "Put one arm around my neck and keep your head upright or it'll make the nosebleed worse. This'll hurt a little, but it's the only way I'm going to get you out of the stables."

"Just shut up and take me to your office or wherever," you complained, squeaking when he began lifting you. The pain wasn't as bad as when you tried to stand up, but it still hurt like a bitch and you couldn't wait until you were lying down. Levi began to walk, and you tried not to look at his face. You were quiet, unable to come up with any sort of witty response to what was going on, and simply looked at the ground, stuffing the tissue in place and pinching your nose, your other arm dangling across his shoulders. Your elbow was sticky and painful, and your knees just wouldn't stop bleeding.

On your way to the office, you got a few weird stares, and you weren't sure whether it was because _Captain_ _Levi_ was carrying someone bridal style or because of the dreadful state you were in. Maybe both.

"Y/n!" a female voice called, and you turned your head to see Connie and Sasha running over, Jean walking over behind them. You mentally face-palmed, not prepared for them to see you like this. "What happened to you!?"

"That goddamn horse," you chuckled, pointing to the creature that was currently being fed carrots and hay by a younger trainee. Then, you glanced up at Levi and pointed to him. "This asshole forced me to try and balance on the back of it."

"Well, I've seen you look better, not gonna lie," Connie said, a hint of playfulness behind his serious tone. You jokingly glared at him, and he grinned.

"Don't blame me, brat," Levi said, and Sasha furrowed her eyebrows at him. "You're the one who kept trying over and over."

"Will you be with us at dinner, Y/n?" Jean asked from behind, and you shrugged.

"If I'm not dead, then yeah," you grinned, and Connie laughed nervously. Jean rolled his eyes, and from that attitude, he'd probably just had some sort of petty argument with Eren. 

"Scram, brats," Levi said, rolling his eyes. Sasha opened her mouth to say something, but Connie shushed her quickly. "Unless you want to see your precious Y/n bleed out."

"Yes sir," Connie and Jean said enthusiastically, waving their goodbyes and walking off. However, Sasha was much less enthusiastic and you were sure you saw her stick her finger up at him. Grinning behind your hand, you watched them dash off back to their training. 

"You're so mean," you said with a pout, and Levi raised an eyebrow at you. 

"And you're going very pale," he replied, and it was at that moment that a large headache hit, and you grumbled, resting your head against his shoulder. Surprisingly, he didn't complain, and he didn't seem to care as much about the fact that you got a bit of blood on his jacket. 

His walking sped up a little, and you wondered what was going on in his head. Was he worried, or was he used to this? Were you just another trainee, or did he see you as more? You certainly saw him as more than just a Captain, but did he feel the same as you? He didn't have to have masses upon masses of feelings for you; just being a friend would be nice. 

_Yeah, a friend._

"Y/n, why are you smiling so much?"

Levi's voice brought you back down to earth, and your eyes widened when you realised you'd been smiling like an idiot. You looked away and frowned, noticing that you were already in the building. How long had you been zoned out for?

He fumbled for his key in his pocket and unlocked the door before kicking it open and resting you on a chair. Then, he glanced down at you and he looked as if he was thinking. "Y/n, I don't know where your injuries are."

"Everywhere," you groaned, replacing the bloody tissue in your nose with a clean one. Thankfully, the nosebleed was beginning to slow down, and you threw the old tissue into the bin across the room. Levi said down and raised an eyebrow, and you finally caught on. If he was to sort out your wounds, you'd need to be a lot less... dressed, than you were. "Y'know, you could just tell me to change."

"Yeah, but how would I say it without coming off as creepy?" he asked, and you grinned, realising that he felt very awkward. _This_ was a different side to him you'd never seen.

"Just pass me a large shirt or something," you said, wincing as you shifted positions. "And I'll put it on. I might have to sit on a stool if you're going to examine my back too."

"Sure," he said, wandering over and grabbing his first aid box. "But you see, I don't have a stool in here, and I don't have a spare shirt."

"So you're suggesting that I go all the way back to our room, huh," you finished, raising your eyebrows. "C'mon Levi, you're not embarrassed to see a little bit of skin, are you?" 

"Of course not, you idiot," he answered, raising his eyebrows. Despite the lack of blush in his face, you were sure he was somewhat embarrassed, but you didn't push the situation because you suddenly became dizzy. Your jeans were almost completely stained red, and Levi picked you up again. "Now close your eyes or your dizziness will get worse, and I don't fancy carrying a corpse."

You nodded with a soft smile, your eyes fluttering shut and feeling Levi quickly rush out of the building. Thankfully, the apartments were next door to the offices, so it took less than five minutes to arrive. He laid you down on the couch and rummaged through his wardrobe quickly, flinging the largest item of clothing at you, which was a white shirt that, if you stood up, would reach your knees.

"Where did you even get this?" you asked, and he shrugged. "It'd look like a dress on you."

"It's comfortable, so don't ruin it," he said pointlessly, and you knew no matter how many washes it'd get, the bloodstains would be permanent. You weakly stood up and waddled into the bathroom, stripping off as quickly as possible. As soon as you saw your knees, you nearly cried. 

Large gashes covered your legs, and you couldn't even see where they ended because of how much blood was there. Bruises were already beginning to form, and your ankle was swollen. You glanced in the mirror to see almost as many marks on your back, and your arms, covered by the leather jacket you'd been wearing, weren't as damaged but still were bleeding. Your lip was busted, and your nose was STILL BLEEDING. You looked a mess.

"Owch!" you yelled loudly as you raised your arms, trying to get the shirt over your head. You made sure to keep your underwear on because there was no way Levi was going to see you nude. You blinked back the tears as you felt a sharp pain shoot through both arms, and you were sure you were seeing stars. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow..."

"Are you alright?" Levi asked from outside the door, and you cursed lowly. "That's a no, then."

"Of course it's a no!" you whimpered, glancing in the mirror to see blood stains already covering the shirt. "And I don't think you'll be wearing this shirt again, Levi."

"That doesn't matter," he said bluntly, and you tried to smile through the pain. "Just get out here so I can fix you up."

Waddling out of the bathroom, you nearly collapsed into Levi's arms. His eyes were wide at the marks across your body, and he quickly set out the stool, a cushion on top for comfort. 

"Yeah, you're gonna need stitches," he said, passing you a cup of water. You took it from him and almost drank the entire thing in one go, and he quickly put a mask over his mouth and nose. He put a pair of latex gloves over his hands and set to work, crouching in front of your legs and pressing a cold gauze pad against them to clean you up. Every time he pressed against a cut or wound, you winced, biting against an area of your lip that wasn't already busted. 

"Will the st- ouch - will the stitches hurt?" you asked, watching his fuss around with something in the first aid box. "Levi, will they?"

"Not really," he said, and you grimaced.

"Are you just saying that to make me feel better?" 

"Absolutely not," he answered, glancing up at you and making eye-contact. "It's cruel to tell a lie. Now, don't move your leg. I'm putting an ice-pack against your ankle to keep the swelling down, and I'll begin the stitching now."

"Okay," you muttered, shivering when he placed the pack against you and pressed the needle into your leg. You closed your eyes and felt every movement, but didn't complain at all. Levi kept glancing up at you to make sure you were alright, and whenever he was unsure, he made sure to pause and ask. However, every time, you nodded. 

"Right, your legs are done," Levi said, cursing at the fact he'd got a little blood on his gloves. He threw them in the trash and replaced them, pushing his mask down below his chin. You looked down and winced. Now that the excess blood was gone, you could see just how badly you'd scuffed yourself up. "They're not as bad as I thought they'd be, but now I need to sort out your back."

"Yeah, whatever," you mumbled, keeping the front side of the shirt down to cover your stomach and chest and uncomfortably held up the back of it. You definitely felt exposed and very out of your comfort zone, and Levi could tell.

"It's okay, I'm not going to judge or hurt you," he said in a tone a lot calmer and softer than you'd heard before. You nodded, gulping, and hesitated when you felt his finger press against your skin. "Y/n, you know I'm going to have to fix your back up eventually, but we don't have to do it right at this moment if you're not comfortable. We can do your arms first."

"No," you uttered, glancing down at the floor. "I'm just being stupid. If it needs doing, do it."

He nodded and wandered over to the sink, washing the cloth and getting a fresh selection of band-aids. He also got the necessary items for stitching up wounds, and you whimpered, realising you'd have to go through _that_ again. Levi glanced over his shoulder, and deep down, he felt awful.

It was a stupid idea for you to practice your balance on a horse, but then again, he wasn't expecting you to keep trying despite your injuries. 

Walking back over, he examined your bare back and pressed the washcloth to it, making you squirm because of the water. You bit the skin of your thumb, flinching every so often because of a sharp sting you'd feel. 

"Goddamn it, Levi," you mumbled, and he glanced up at you. "I'm an idiot."

"You're brave," he said, and you raised your eyebrows. "Not everyone continues when they're this injured."

"Yeah, I guess so," you sighed, glancing down at the bandages covering your legs. "Will I still be going out on that expedition?"

You felt Levi freeze for a second before continuing, and his voice broke a little. "Yeah, you are."

Sitting in silence, you glanced at your arms. Your elbows were covered in blood, and the cuts on your hand from the day before had reopened. "Y'know, I haven't known you for long, Levi, yet it feels like I have."

"Hmm," he answered, and you raised your eyebrows at him. "If you're going to get all mushy or something, then don't expect me to."

"I don't," you smiled, fiddling with the plaster on your index finger's knuckle. "And I wasn't going to."

Levi nodded, and you watched him put the washcloth back in the sink. Then, he began to stitch up your back. You gasped out; the pain was much sharper than the one you felt in your leg. Stitches didn't hurt that much, but the wound did, and you just wanted it to be over.

"Damn, I've never looked so ugly in my life," you sighed, tracing one of the cuts on your forearm. "Ew."

"Shut up."

A small grin appeared on your lips, and you couldn't tell if this was his way of complimenting you or he was just fed up with your complaints.

"I was just saying," you shrugged, grumbling when you felt a slight tug on your back.

"You're beautiful," Levi then said bluntly, and your eyes widened as a rush of heat appeared in your cheeks. "Whether you're like this or not."

"Th-thanks," you muttered quietly, pressing a hand to your cheek. You were very obviously blushing, and your heart hammered against your chest. Usually, you brushed compliments off with some sort of funny or witty comment, but this genuinely struck your heartstrings. "I don't really know how to answer-"

"You don't need to, Y/n."

"And you said you weren't going to get mushy, Levi."

"Shut up, brat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do a lot of weird research for this chapter, such as "how to fix a wound", "are stitches painful", "what's it like falling off a horse?" and, best of all, "can levi ackerman do first aid?"  
> i got absolutely nothing for the last question and i'm fuming


	12. ~ she's tough

"You look like you've seen better days, Y/n," Jean snickered from behind Reiner, and you flipped him off, sitting comfortably between Sasha and Armin with your tray of breakfast. Once again, you'd got two slices of buttered toast, a glass of water and an orange, and you had a mouthful of bread to respond wittingly.

You'd woken up with a black right eye, and when you'd glanced in the mirror, your lip had thankfully gone down, only a small cut left to heal. A small gash sat awkwardly on your forehead, but thankfully, your hair covered most of that. Your entire body ached like hell, and it was a miracle you could even walk properly. The Survey Corps uniform covered up the rest of your body, and according to Levi, the stitched up wounds weren't getting infected, nor were they coming undone, which was a bonus at least. 

"Don't say that, you douchebag!" Armin exclaiming, glancing nervously from you to Jean, his eyes wide with panic in case a fight broke out. "Apologise!"

"Thanks, Armin," you chuckled, finally swallowing your toast. "But I think Jean just wants to push his insecurities onto me."

"What insecurities?" he scoffed, raising his eyebrows. "Who said I was insecure?"

"Oh, it's just if I had a horse-face like that, I'd be super insecure," you muttered, and you heard a gasp from Armin, Sasha and Connie. Reiner laughed and Eren tried to stifle his chuckle. Jean glared at you, but he wasn't intelligent enough to come up with a comeback so he just stuck up his finger. A sly grin appeared on your lips as you took started to unpeel the orange, accidentally squirting it all over yourself. Thankfully, it only went on the brown leather of your jacket and not your white button-up, so it should wash out easily.

Levi would kill you if he had to go get another Survey Corps uniform.

"So, what are you up to today, Y/n?" Connie asked, his mouth filled with toast. You sighed at his unappealing eating habits, but you didn't bring it up. "I mean, you should be graduating soon, right?"

"Once I've got better at my balance, then yes, I will be," you grinned, taking a piece of orange between your fingers and examining it. "They want me to join Levi's squad for the expedition. You're on the same squad, right Eren?"

"Yeah," he murmured, clearly not as enthusiastic as you and the others were.

"So... is this going to be your first time out of the walls, Y/n?" Armin asked, breaking the tension in the air. You nodded, realising that it'd be your first time out of Wall Sina, too. 

"I'm excited to see what it's like out there, even if we are getting attacked," you said honestly, wondering what it would look and feel like. Would the air feel cleaner? Fresher? What would it smell like, and would there be pretty birds flying around without a care in the world, not fazed by the humans living in torturous conditions behind walls taller than they could ever imagine? 

Your mind wandered to what a titan would even look like; you'd been warned that they were the scariest things some people had ever seen, and they varied from a mere three meters to a whopping 10, maybe even 15, meters. These were just the common, stupid and braindead ones, but then there were the abnormals. Despite most not looking any different and having the same motive of eating humans, they were much more difficult to kill or avoid, since they had some sort of _thing_ that separated them from the rest. This could be the fact that it can climb a tree, it's twice as fast as the others or even has crazy, sporadic movements. Apparently, one could even jump to a height of god-knows-what, and when they're chasing you, it's much, much scarier. Even in the underground, you couldn't miss the tales of the titans, and some reckoned that living in the dreadful conditions down there was much better than being at the risk of even seeing a titan, never mind being eaten. As a child, you'd been terrified of the mere thought, but now you were going to fight them and retake your world.

"Y/n, you've zoned out again," Connie said with a grunt, trying to push Sasha away from stealing his toast. "Sasha, I swear to god!"

"Please!" she whined, and she gasped when she found a slice of toast on her plate. "Wait, who gave me this?"

"Have a guess," you muttered with a small smile, and she couldn't stop thanking you. It wasn't like you to give away food since you'd been deprived of it for so long, but at the same time, she'd probably rip Connie's head off if he said no again. "And sorry, I was thinking about something."

"Don't be scared, Y/n," Jean said confidently, sitting up with a smug expression. "I'll come and save you if you're in trouble."

"Thanks, Jean, but I think I can handle those pieces of shit myself," you grinned, and he raised his eyebrows. "What? Do you think I can't handle them?"

"Wait until you see one," he warned, and you rolled your eyes, shaking your head. "What?! You'll probably shit your pants before you even try killing one."

"Not everyone is like you, Jean," Mikasa said bluntly, and you almost snorted. Reiner cackled again, and Ymir chuckled lowly behind her glass, overhearing the conversation despite talking to Krista. "Y/n will do just fine."

"I think Jean is trying to say 'Don't get yourself killed for being a dumbass', Y/n," Reiner said, and you nodded, finishing off your orange and picking up the tray. "Where are you going?"

"I've gotta get some fighting training in with Levi's squad," you explained, and Armin gave you a cheery thumbs-up as a token of good luck.

"Damn, I would love to try and fight against you," Reiner said, and Bertholdt shook his head from next to him. "Ask the captain if he can drag us along."

"Reiner, you can't even win against us, nevermind her," Annie said bluntly, and you grinned as you walked away, Reiner trying to excuse his poor hand-to-hand combat skills. Although, it would be nice to see who'd win in a fight between you and all of them.

"Y/n!" Petra beamed, watching as you walked over to the kitchen with your empty tray. Coincidentally, she and Oluo had just finished too, passing their things to the chefs. She bounced over and pulled you into a quick, loose hug, avoiding your back and arms. It seemed like she knew about your injuries, and you wouldn't be surprised if she'd coaxed it out of Levi somehow. "How are you?"

"Could be better," you admitted with a chuckle, brushing your hair back with your hand. "But I'm good, thanks. You?"

"Other than this asshole being an asshole, I'm decent," she giggled, pointing a thumb towards her male counterpart who was listening. He gasped and wandered over, his fists clenched, and opened his mouth to say something but didn't since you interrupted him.

"Can't wait to punch the shit out of you, Oluo darling," you said with a cheeky grin, and he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, as if," he hissed, and you batted your eyelashes playfully. "Tch, are you asking me to go easy on you without actually asking me?"

"Wow, you're so intelligent, Oluo," you chuckled, making Petra laugh. "Anyway, where are we off to?"

"The main court grounds," Petra said, fiddling with her thumbs. "Levi, Eld and Gunther are already waiting there, and we were told to come to fetch you. Well, I was, but obviously, Oluo had to come with too."

"You'd get lost, knowing you," Oluo sighed, and you couldn't help but laugh. "What? It's true."

Nodding, you followed the pair out of the dining hall and onto the courts, where, indeed, Levi, Eld and Gunther were waiting patiently, in the middle of a conversation. They were standing on a grassy field, and you wondered if Levi had chosen that spot specifically so the impact against the ground wouldn't be as brutal to your wounds. A soft smile appeared on your face and you almost broke out into a skip but chose not to. The three glanced over, and although Levi's expression never changed, you could see a small glint in his eyes when he saw you. 

"Y/n, Petra, Oluo, we haven't got all day," Levi said bluntly, raising his eyebrow at the three of you. Grumbling to yourself, you quickly apologised before standing with the other two. 

Your instructions were given out, and they were pretty easy to understand. It was going to be basic fighting training against the other person and to learn new tactics that would help improve yourself. For example, if your opponent was better at fighting with their legs than their fist, make sure to get their lower half immobile. Sounded easy.

"Eld, you're against Petra," he said, and the pair nodded, joining together and given each other a fist bump. "Oluo, you're against Y/n, and I'm going to be partnered with Gunther. However, Y/n sustained a lot of injuries yesterday, and I don't fancy fixing up her stitches again."

"I'll be fine," you sighed, brushing it off and wandering over to Oluo, who, according to Levi, was the one on the squad who'd killed most titans (apart from himself, obviously). Would he be good at this sort of thing, or would he be just as bad as he was last time you fought? "So, Oluo dearest, let's see you put up a good fight."

Without saying anything, he went straight for your legs, but you jumped out to the side, landing firmly on your feet. You winced a little, feeling that familiar ache and sting again, but you were determined. Analysing every move Oluo made, you were sure to attack every single opening he gave, and within a minute or so, he was on the floor and you were straddling his waist, his arms pinned to the side of his body. Your hands were held up in case he tried to use his leg and kick, but it seemed like he'd given up. Cursing lowly, he raised his eyebrows.

"You're much stronger than you look," he said, and you gave him a thumbs up, making sure not to get thrown off by any comments he gave. "Strong thighs, too."

"Shut up," you hissed, wanting to punch him in the face again. However, that'd probably be against the rules. You glanced to the left to see Petra and Eld still mid-fight, and you noticed that Levi had won (understandably) against Gunther. He was watching their match, but you caught on to the fact that his eyes occasionally wandered over to you two. 

"If only I was looking after you instead of the Captain," Oluo mumbled with a shake of his head, and you felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. "You're blushing."

"Oluo, you dickhead, I said shut up," you hissed, grabbing him by the collar and pulling his head up close to yours. You wanted to seem intimidating, but you knew he probably liked it. Wrinkling your nose, you let him go, and his head hit the floor with a slight thump. "You look better with Petra, and I feel sorry for her."

"Hm, Petra," he muttered, glancing over to watch her. It seemed that she was winning, and almost as soon as you turned your head, you watched her give Eld a swift kick to the face, causing him to bend over double sub-consciously. She then got him into a headlock and pulled him to the ground, choking and trapping him there. "She is pretty cool."

You stood up, realising that you'd won against Oluo and dusted yourself down, a few grass stains on your trousers but nothing too bad. You took off your jacket and checked your shirt, and thankfully, none of the cuts had opened. Since there were no red marks on your bottoms either, you were alright. 

However, the tables turned when Eld managed to get out of the headlock, flipped Petra onto her back in a matter of seconds and had her pinned down, her arms bent and locked in place while her head was pushed into the floor. You grimaced and she pouted, blowing a strand of hair out of her eyes before getting up, receiving a pat on the shoulder from the blonde man. 

"Petra, you're with Gunther," Levi then said, wandering over to the middle. "Eld, you're against Oluo, and Y/n, you're versus me."

"Ooh," Petra squeaked, a small smile on her lips. "Good luck, Y/n!" 

"Thanks," you answered nervously, wanting to watch Petra and Oluo's fight but being unable to due to having to fight the strongest man inside the walls. You turned your head to face Levi but something... was off. Unable to tell what it was, you brushed it off and prepared yourself, cracking your knuckles. Within seconds, you were already on the floor, rolling forward to avoid Levi's lunges and punches. He truly was ruthless, but that's what made him so tough. This was your first proper fight with Levi since you'd actually tried to kill him, and you wondered if he'd win this time.

Pulling yourself up, you flung a kick towards his stomach, but he got away and grabbed onto your ankle. Trying your best not to lose balance, you lifted your other leg and swung yourself onto his back, attempting to push him face-first into the ground, but he seemed to stay on his feet. Next, you went with what you thought would be best, and while he tried to grab your arm to pull you over his head, you managed to kick him in the groin. You felt his whole body tense up for a split second, and in that second, you dragged him backwards, kicking one of your legs under his while holding yourself up with the other.

You fell on your back and cried out in pain, forgetting that you already had injuries there, but that didn't stop you. He grabbed your arms that were around his throat and managed to pry them apart, and he flipped over, straddling your body and punching you square in the jaw. 

"OW!" you yelled loudly, and for a second, Levi wondered if he'd injured you, but using that second to your advantage, you squirmed out of his grip. You attempted to stand but stumbled a little, realising he'd got to his feet before you, and he grabbed your waist, causing your legs to be off the ground. Tempted to kick him in the crotch again, you wrapped your arm around his neck and wondered if this would loosen his grip. It didn't.

"You're a brat," he whispered in your ear, and a small smile appeared on your lips.

"I know."

With that, you used your legs to throw yourself out of his grip and rolled onto the ground, but as expected, he was quicker than you and pushed you onto the floor, his hands either side of your face while his thighs pinned your arms to your sides, just like you'd done with Oluo just before. Squirming and struggling, you realised you were stuck. Pouting, you were about to bite him, but chose not to. That'd definitely be against the rules, and you'd only do that if the situation was dire.

"Got you," he panted, his face above yours, and that's when you realised the position you were in. You felt your cheeks heat up a little and you turned your head to see that the other two groups had finished and were watching; Petra had her hands over her mouth and you were sure she was probably giggling. 

"Bastard," you hissed at Levi, and with that, he clambered off. He had a small, smug expression on his lips as he wandered to the middle, reassessing the groups. Gunther vs Eld, Levi vs Oluo and you vs Petra.

"Was that some sexual tension I saw there?" Petra asked in a whisper as she wandered over, and you glared. "I've never seen him like that before."

"Whatever," you muttered, feeling the pink appear in your cheeks before. Yeah, you'd felt it too, but you weren't prepared to admit that. Glancing over at Levi, you noticed that he was much more violent with Oluo, and you wondered if he was going easy on you. Chuckling to yourself in disbelief, you then started your fight with Petra.

What _did_ Levi think of you?


	13. ~ questions

Standing in the shower, you ran a hand through your hair delicately. Your whole body ached, and the gentle patter of warm water against your shoulders, back and thighs really soothed it. You wanted to hop into the bath, but due to the stitches, you were unable to. The wonderful scent of berries and minty freshness clouded your nose, and the gentle steam the water created fogged your vision. Not that you minded, though, it wasn't as if anyone was going to come in and attack you. 

Sighing, you picked up the soap and began to scrub it against your body, carefully avoiding the stitched areas and wounds that would sting. Glancing over at the wooden door, you were grateful for the lock; although it was highly unlikely Levi would enter with you in the shower, you didn't want to risk it. 

Humming to yourself, you placed the soap back down on the side and rinsed yourself down, watching as the bubbles formed on your arms began to disappear as soon as the water hit them. A small smile spread on your lips as you squeezed the conditioner out of your hair, and once you were sure you were clean, you turned off the shower and jumped out onto the fluffy white rug Levi had placed. Tugging the towel off the rack, you tied it into your hair and wrapped yourself in the one underneath. Glancing in the full body mirror, you were pleased to see that your black eye was fading and most of your injuries were healing quickly. According to Levi, the stitches would dissolve on their own after a few days, and unfortunately, there would be scarring. However, it wasn't as if you'd get a few scars from your life as a Survey Corp anyway, so you brushed it off. 

Slowly, you unlocked the door and peered around to see Levi sat with one leg over the other on the sofa. He glanced up from his book and at you, his grey eyes travelling up from your hips to your face. 

"Could you pass me my nightgown?" you asked with a small smile, a hint of blush appearing in your cheeks. "I forgot to bring it in with me."

He rolled his eyes and stood up, wandering over to the bed and throwing the item of clothing at you. Catching it in one hand, you thanked him and hid back in the bathroom again, patting yourself dry and throwing the night-dress on. You'd also managed to get a pair of women's boxers, which were much more comfortable to wear at night than your regular underwear. 

Slipping them on over your legs, you then pulled off the towel from your head and tried to brush the rest of the dampness from your hair. Afterwards, you tied it up in a messy bun and waddled out, only to see Levi sat back on his couch. 

"You look exhausted," you chuckled, closing the door and sitting beside him. He turned his head with raised eyebrows, unbothered by the fact that he really, really was. "You should take the bed tonight."

"I told you, I barely sleep anyway," he muttered, rolling his eyes. "And I'm not tired."

"Those bags under your eyes tell me differently," you teased, reaching to poke him in the cheek but getting swatted away and glared at. "C'mon, please?"

"And you'd sleep on the couch?" he scoffed, raising his eyebrows. "Absolutely not."

"Well, if you're forcing me to sleep in the bed, and I'm forcing you to sleep in the bed, why don't we both?" you asked bluntly, realising that what you'd said sounded so much better in your head. You went bright red and looked away, but Levi was seemingly amused. "Sorry, that was meant to come out differently."

"Maybe it'd help me sleep better if you were with me," he said softly, and your heart squeezed. Glancing at the ground and fiddling with your fingers, you were unsure how to respond. What would it be like in the same bed as Levi? Would it be awkward because of his cold, blunt personality, or would he warm up a little? Would he cuddle? "Y/n, what are you thinking right now?"

"N-nothing," you muttered, and then realised that hiding it would make him come to the wrong and worst conclusions. "Nothing weird, anyway."

"Hmph, sure," he answered, and you glanced up to see him still indulged in his book. You'd never asked what he was reading, and you never really figured he was the reading-type. Glancing at the front cover, it was simply called 'The Girl with the Violin', and from the design imprinted on the front, it seemed to a mix of mystery and... romance? A small smile appeared on your lips, surprised that Levi was into that sort of stuff, but you didn't mention anything. 

"I'm so mad you beat me earlier," you pouted, changing the subject and stretching your arms out in front of you. He glanced up at you, a tiny smile on his lips. "I thought I'd win, you know?"

"You nearly did," he said quietly, and your eyes widened. "If you hadn't have been already injured, kept me on the ground and choked me, you'd probably have won. It's only because I managed to get out of your grip and flip you over."

"Then you punched me in the jaw, you dick!" you exclaimed, and you heard him chuckle when you playfully hit him in the shoulder. "That genuinely hurt!"

"Sorry," he answered, and you rolled your eyes, unintentionally resting your head on his shoulder. When you realised what you were doing, you gasped and moved away, eyes wide, but then Levi cocked his head. "What are you doing, brat?"

"I didn't mean to..." you muttered, becoming embarrassed again. "It was automatic, I-"

"No, that's not what I meant," he interrupted, and you cocked your head. "I meant, why did you leave?"

A wide smile uncontrollably spread across your lips, and you happily rested your head on his shoulder again. However, he moved his arm and draped it lazily across your shoulders, meaning your head was more pressed into his side. He was warm and comfortable, despite his very muscular build, and you looked up to see his eyes moving with each line of the book. 

"What's your book about?" you asked, and he looked down to make eye-contact. However, his gaze wasn't so intimidating anymore; it was much softer and... loving? Goddamn it, everything about this man confused you, and you ignored it. 

"A girl with a violin," he said bluntly, and you glared. "Alright, fine. There's this guy called Nathanael, and he's this world-famous detective. He's also a model, but that's not that big of a point. It's set in a world without titans, and he goes to a hotel where he stays, and he meets this woman named Clara who plays violin in a string band. However, she goes missing, and he finds her dead. One of the women named Yasmine played the harp in the group, and she offers to help Nathanael, but it's so, so obvious to me that she killed Clara. I mean, it's clear as anything!"

"Books stress me out sometimes," you chuckled, and he raised an eyebrow. You also found it humorous that he was this angry and oppressed about this story. "They all have an ending, and I would love to know what happened to the characters afterwards. Sometimes, I want to know what happened to them in the past and future. I prefer being clueless but eventually knowing, you get me?"

"So like life, then?" he asked, and you nodded. "That's the whole point of a book, though. They're just characters."

"I get too attached, though," you grinned, tucking your legs up to the side. "Especially to the characters. I want them to actually exist."

"I understand, I think," he said, and you laughed at his response. "What?"

"Nothing, nothing," you sighed, closing your eyes gently and resting your mind. "Oh, Levi, you remind me of some of the people I read about."

"One of the ones you wished were real?" 

"Yeah."

He didn't respond, but you knew he was happy with that answer, even if he didn't admit it. You placed a hand gently on his thigh, and he flinched a little but didn't move it. You hadn't put it there as a sexual thing, just more of a loving thing. 

"Levi, what do you think of me?" you asked out of the blue, finally getting the question you'd been waiting to ask off your chest. He certainly didn't hate you anymore; that was extremely obvious. However, he just shrugged and continued to read. "Levi, that's not an answer."

"Well, what do you want me to say?" he snapped, and you froze. However, he seemed to relax and quickly muttered an apology under his breath. "I really don't know, Y/n. Why are you asking?"

"It's just, two weeks ago we wanted to absolutely destroy each other, and not in a sexual way either," you sighed, and you heard Levi chuckle lowly at your crude joke. "We were constantly at each other's throats, but now we're here, like this. What do you genuinely think of me, Levi?"

"You're not annoying," he said slowly, and you couldn't help but laugh. "You're... strong. Both emotionally and physically. You can go a bit crazy at times, but you're genuine and kind when people deserve it. You warmed up to people so easily, and everyone seems to like you. You're also... pretty."

"That's nice," you blushed, not expecting to compliment you so much. "Levi, why are we still on the couch? The bed is right over there?"

"What are you implying, Y/n?" he asked, and you sat up a little, your face really close to his. You were unsure why you were doing it or what you were going to do or even what the consequences would be, but you just couldn't help it. He glanced down at your lips for a split second and then back up at your eyes, his expression blank. There was no way he could be thinking the same as you, this was completely insane. However, you did it.

You kissed him.

He tasted minty and his lips were surprisingly soft, fitting with yours almost perfectly. He was slightly taken aback, and you could tell that Levi's mind was going twenty miles per hour, but sure enough, he put his book down and pressed into the kiss. His hand sat on your hip and his other ran through your hair and across your scalp, massaging it gently and giving your hair small tugs. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, somewhat surprised that he took over. You felt his tongue press against your lips, asking for some sort of entrance, but you denied, giggling under your breath.

However, he didn't appreciate that answer, and when his hand by your waist squeezed your butt, you squeaked and his tongue managed to get inside. 

_Damnit._

After a minute or two (or maybe five, you weren't sure), you pulled away to breathe properly, a small string of saliva connecting the two of you. His breathing was heavy, and you cupped his face. You hadn't even realised you were almost on your back, Levi holding you up very slightly. 

"Well," he muttered, brushing your hair out of your face. "Where did that come from, brat?"

"I dunno," you answered with an embarrassed smile. Your cheeks were flushed and your hair was beginning to fall out of the bun, and you went to say something but he hushed you.

"I think you should sleep, Y/n," he said softly, and you nodded, knowing you'd regret that whole encounter the next morning. "And if you really want me to, I'll sleep with you."

"But not in a sexual way," you chuckled, and he nodded, a soft smile on his lips. You thought he'd be disgusted with what you'd done, but it felt as if he'd been holding it in too. Taking his hand, he took you over to the bed and you bounced on top, slipping under the covers. Levi rushed into the bathroom (most likely to change into something more sleep-appropriate) and came out in simply an oversized top and boxers. He slipped in beside you and turned to face you, his eyes already beginning to close due to the tiredness that overwhelmed him. 

"Don't you dare bring this up tomorrow," you whispered to him, your face smooshed into the pillow. Being this close to Levi was... weird, but also nice, and you liked it. He took a strand of your hair and began gently twirling it in his finger and shook his head.

"Now we're this close, don't go and die on me, understood?" he asked softly, and it was your first time seeing him so vulnerable and honest. A smile appeared on your lips and you made eye contact with him.

"As long as _you_ don't die on _me_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never written a kiss scene before and I really hope you can't tell :')


	14. ~ horses

_**Dear Y/n.  
** _

_**I had to go to my office before breakfast to pick something up, which is why I'm not there right now as you read this. How was your night? You seemed to be sleeping well.  
** _

_**I made you some black tea and left it on the side, but I apologise if it's cold when you get to drink it.** _

_**See you at breakfast.  
** _

_**Levi ツ  
** _

_**P.S: Leaving a 'smiley face' isn't what I usually do at the end of a letter; I hope it doesn't come off as weird.** _

A smile on your face, you gently rubbed your eyes and folded the small letter up, placing it on the table beside the saucer. Picking up the cup of tea, you felt that it was still lukewarm, meaning he'd left maybe only half an hour before. The sweet scent of the tea filled the room, and you sighed, huddling up in the duvet. You didn't want to leave to go and do some training; if you could spend the rest of your days feeling the way you did at that moment, you'd sacrifice anything. 

Taking a small sip, you glanced out of the crack in the curtains, the sunlight shimmering through and hitting the floor. It was about 7pm, giving you about forty-five minutes to get down to the dining hall for breakfast. With a sigh, you flung your legs over the side of the bed, most of your aches and pains gone now, and you placed the cup on the side-table. Standing and stretching, you pulled your hair out of its tangled bun and wandered into the bathroom, where most of your clothes were sat. 

You glanced in the mirror and were pleased to see that your black eye was almost gone. It was a weird green colour, but the swelling was gone completely and it was starting to fade. The bruises that littered your body were beginning to disappear, and the grazes were healing well. Rummaging around in the cupboard for a few plasters, you replaced the old ones and checked for any infections. Thankfully, there were none. 

"I'm never going to forgive you for these, you bastard," you muttered to yourself with a small grin, pressing your fingers around the stitches on your calf. Sighing, you stood up straight and began to change, careful that the fabric of your white jeans didn't catch onto any wounds or sores. Once that was done, you brushed your hair into its regular casual style and smiled, quickly brushing your teeth and applying a layer of lip balm on to keep you all chapped-free. 

Then, once you were out of the bathroom, you tugged on your boots and jacket, giving yourself ten minutes to get down to the cafeteria. Glancing across the room, you noticed that you hadn't fixed up the bed and you'd left your pyjamas scattered in the bathroom, but you figured you'd just sort that out when you got back.

Levi would most likely give you a walloping for it but you didn't care. You were in too much of a good mood. 

Wandering down the stairs, you nearly walked straight into one of the squad leaders called Mike Zacharias, who rarely spoke. He also had a strange habit of sniffing, but if that was his way of detecting danger, then you were okay with that. He was humanity's second strongest, and you'd only _just_ beaten him in your first hand-to-hand combat session. However, he didn't seem to like you very much, and when you awkwardly waved to him, he grunted and walked straight past. 

_Fair enough._

"Hey, Y/n!" a familiar voice called from behind, and you turned to see Petra, almost sliding down the stairs as she ran down, trying to catch up. You turned and smiled widely, waving as she caught up. She walked beside you and you both spoke quietly about nothing in particular until she then said something that nearly made you freeze.

"So, did you and Levi get up to anything last night?" she asked quietly, a small, sly grin on her lips. You glared at her, but you felt a hint of red appear in your cheeks. "C'mon, that tension yesterday was obvious. It'd have been a waste of potential if you did nothing. And from that look on your face, I think it's a yes."

"Shut up," you muttered, and she squealed a little. "Maybe, but only a little. But please don't say anything!"

"Why would I?" she asked, a slight scoff in her voice. Her walking then ended up becoming an enthusiastic skip, and you couldn't help but smile, even if you were flooded with embarrassment. 

Now she'd got it in your head, you couldn't get it out.

Why had you kissed Levi? What... triggered it? And worst of all, why had you fell asleep in his arms?

Although he was a very good kisser, you couldn't deny that. You wanted to do it all over again, your hands in his soft hair and his warm breath on your face. It was almost gross, but at the same time, you'd never felt such a way before. When he'd hugged you, his whole body was warm, but not a sticky, sweaty kind of warm. He was hella muscular, but he was still comfy. You smiled to yourself, and Petra giggled.

"Did someone go kissy kissy?" she asked in a childlike-manner, and you were ready to punch her (playfully, you could never punch someone like her). You stuck your finger up at her and pouted, and she laughed. "C'mon, we'll be late for breakfast if we don't hurry."

She took your arm gently and the two of you ran to the dining-hall, where most of the spaces were already taken. You'd decided you'd spend lunch with Connie and Sasha, then dinner and breakfast with Levi and Petra. Lunch break was the longest, so it was a decent split. 

"Y/n, Petra, where were you?" Gunther asked, passing you both trays once you got inside. "You're five minutes late."

"Sorry," you grinned, discreetly glancing in the line to see if that certain someone was there. However, it appeared that neither Levi, Oluo or Eld were there, and they were probably at the table already. "We got a little caught up."

The two of you then got breakfast and wandered over to the table, where, sure enough, they were already sat. The back row was filled with Eld, Gunther and Oluo, leaving two spaces on the front next to Levi. Petra gave you a little, cunning grin, and you knew she'd force you some way or another to sit beside the black-haired man.

"Morning guys!" Petra said with a smile, and everyone returned the gesture. Her ability to do well in social situations was something you were definitely jealous of. "What we up to today then?"

"Not much," Eld said, pouring himself a glass of water from the jug placed in the middle of the table. "Y/n, Petra, would you like some?"

"Yes please," you answered, holding your glass out as he generously poured some for you. Petra did the same and took a bite of her apple, and you couldn't help but notice the soft glances Oluo gave her. A smile spread across your lips, hoping that something happened between them. 

"Y/n, how are you at horse-riding?" Gunther asked, and you shrugged, finishing off a bite of toast.

"I tried the other day, and although I'm not the best, I'm decent, I think," you grimaced, turning to Levi. "What do you think?"

"It's not the best, but I doubt she'll die from it," he said bluntly, and the brown-haired man nodded, a mildly concerned expression on his face. "She can't stand on a horse though."

"Is that why you've got a black eye?" Eld asked, and you nodded. "Well, your graduation is tomorrow, right?"

"Oh yeah!" you exclaimed, a little louder than expected. You saw Petra flinch from beside you, surprised from your sudden outburst, and you quickly apologised. "I'd actually forgotten."

"What would you like to practice today, brat?" Levi asked, and you ignored the nickname, used to it now.

The thing you were worst at was the horse-riding, but you didn't want to get all beaten up again, especially since you were nearly healed. Riding out of the walls with worst injuries than you'd sustained before would be a death wish, and if Levi was smart enough (which he was), then he would forbid it. Then again, you didn't want to fall off your horse during the mission and either get trampled on by the others or get picked up by a titan and eaten.

"Horse riding," you said eventually, much to Gunther's amusement, and Levi nodded. "But not standing on the horse..."

"Tch, I wouldn't have let you," he said, and you couldn't help but chuckle. Called it. "You got all battered up a few days ago and I don't fancy giving you stitches again, brat."

"Mhm," you murmured with a smile, taking a bite of your toast. You felt Petra jab you teasingly in the thigh, and you very discreetly glared at her. 

After around fifteen minutes passed, you all split up, Oluo and Petra in another one of their mini arguments again and being followed by Eld and Gunther. Apparently, they were going to train their 3D manoeuver gear and join Hange's squad, while Levi had to help you with horse riding. You felt guilty for dragging him around everywhere, but he didn't seem to mind. He was humanity's strongest, after all. 

"I forgot I had to graduate tomorrow," you muttered, and Levi nodded, walking ahead. Ah, you understood it now.

In public, he liked to be seen as he always was, and that was intimidating, fazed by nothing and snappy, whereas when it was just you two, he let out more emotion. Whether he realised this or not, you didn't really care. It was more fun to tease him when he was acting strictly.

"I bet you forgot too, didn't you, Captain?" you asked with a cheeky grin, and he shot a glare at you. 

"Of course I didn't, brat. What kind of Captain would I be if I did?" he asked with a tch, and you pouted a little.

"And... isn't our expedition in a couple of days?" you muttered, fiddling with the bottom of your jacket, and he nodded. "Aren't you... nervous?"

"I'm sure everyone is," he answered, softening up a little when the two of you were out of sight and by the stables. "What kind of human would you be if you weren't?"

"You."

The man raised his eyebrows in wonder and shook his head, petting one of the horses on the nose and taking its reins. The horses were surprisingly obedient, and you wondered how well they'd been trained to act that way. 

"Climb on."

You did as he instructed, finding it a little difficult due to your height but managing it either way. A day before you tried to stand on the horse, you'd spend a whole day riding one. Your thighs, stomach and butt were in a lot of pain afterwards, but what could you expect? Thankfully, these horses were well-trained and knew how to react in certain situations, but you still had to learn how to activate their reactions. 

Sitting awkwardly on top, you glanced down at Levi, who was watching with his arms crossed. A smile spread across your lips, and before he could even say anything, you managed to get the horse into a full run, and you started to laugh, watching as the horse bobbed its head and the wind ran through your hair. Despite only riding a horse twice, you were surprisingly good at it, and you clenched all the muscles in your lower body so you didn't fall off. You kept bouncing, which apparently what wasn't supposed to happen, but it wasn't doing much harm... was it?

"Y/n, you're a pain in the ass."

Surprised by the voice, you turned your head to see Levi on a horse right beside you, a smug look on his face. Glaring at him, you went to squeeze your legs to make it go quicker, but he stopped you.

"Sort your posture out, Y/n," he said, and you rolled your eyes, getting into a similar position as Levi, which was oddly difficult. "Slow down, brat, and maybe you'll be better at it."

"I need to do it as soon as- Ah!" you exclaimed, feeling a sudden bump. You nearly got thrown off, and you saw Levi's eyes widen for a split second as you jolted. "As I was saying, I need to do it as soon as possible or I'll fall behind."

"If you really can't ride a horse by the expedition, you can join my horse," Levi said, and you raised your eyebrows. "It'll slow us down, but we need you."

"Great," you sighed, shaking your head. You felt another large bump, and you gasped out loud, clenching with all you had so you didn't fall. However, this made the horse go faster, and you cursed loudly. 

"Y/n, what are you doing?!" you heard Levi yell from behind, and you couldn't help but laugh out loud at your own dangerous antics. You wanted so badly to let go of the reins and throw your arms in the air, but if you did that, you'd most definitely fall off. In fact, you were close to falling off now, and death wasn't really one of your priorities. 

You glanced over your shoulder for a split second, and your heart melted when you saw a small smile on Levi's face. He was quite far behind, as he'd slowed down and chosen to watch you instead.

Then, an idea came into your head.

What would he think if you slowed down and managed to stand on the horse? It was a risky move for sure, but you'd bought your 3D manoeuver gear with you, so if you began to fall, there was a tree right over there you could hook to. It was clear you'd need to slow the horse down, otherwise you'd probably die by accident. Sighing, you pulled on the rein and he slowed down to somewhat of a quick trot, and, very gently, you began to stand. Quickly glancing, you saw Levi's eyes widen in surprise, and suddenly, you were standing. 

Laughing in delight, you wobbled a little and held on tight to the reins with one hand and held one of the hand-grips of your gear in the other. Taking a deep breath, you tried to let go of the reins, but in reality, you were way too frightened to do that. You were absolutely terrified that you were even in this position, and as soon as it set in, you began to fall. 

Within a split second, you shot the grapple hook towards the closest tree and zoomed towards it, landing on one of the branches. However, now the horse was running around on its own, and it'd be pretty difficult to get it back. Also, your whole lower half was in a lot of pain, and you grumbled lowly when you sat down, watching as Levi caught up. 

"What the fuck?" Levi said, unable to hide his surprised expression. "How did you do that?"

"Magic," you grinned, shooting towards the ground and landing perfectly on the grass. He jumped down and he seemed to be somewhat overwhelmed; in fact, he nearly pulled you into a hug, but he chose not to. Petra and Oluo were watching from afar, and you could hear Petra cheering enthusiastically, throwing you a thumbs up.

"Tch, now your horse has gone and ran away," he sighed, shaking his head and readjusting his ascot. "And what would you do about it?"

"Nothing, it's already back at the stables," you answered, pointing at the gorgeous brown horse you'd been riding. Sure enough, it was stood by Petra and Oluo, who were both feeding it a carrot. Levi rolled his eyes.

"I meant, what would you do if it ran away on a mission?" he asked, and you nearly laughed, embarrassed at your stupid answer. He shook his head and raised an eyebrow, mildly amused. "Idiot."

"Probably go find it again," you replied, and he sighed loudly, knowing he wouldn't get a good response out of you. "I dunno, what would I do!?"

"Find it," he said with a shrug, clambering onto the back of his horse. That was when you realised you had no way of getting back to the stables since your stupid horse had run off and Levi probably wouldn't let you on his. Thank god you had your manoeuver gear. "Last one back has to clean the stables, got it?"

"Got it," you grinned, eyeing up the first tree. In all honesty, you had no idea who'd be quicker, Levi on horseback or you with your gear. However, it didn't take long for you to be swinging throughout the trees, going as quickly as possible. Both of you knew how much the other really didn't want to be cleaning up horse poop, which is what fueled you more. 

Cursing to yourself as he got in the lead, you let out a large gust of gas (haha very funny) and shot like a bullet through the trees, dodging every single branch. A few twigs and leaves got stuck in your hair, but you didn't really care. Eventually, you landed beside Petra, mildly out of breath, and she cocked her head.

"Damn, Y/n, what was that about?" she asked, and you glanced to see Levi already beside Oluo, slowly clambering off the horse. Your eyes widened in surprise, and he glanced over smugly. 

"Who won?" you asked, grimacing, and Oluo shrugged.

"You both got here at the same time," he answered, and you could've cheered.

No cleaning up horse shit for you!


	15. ~ more questions and... a massage?

Sitting on the edge of the bed, you stroked the new badge on your brown jacket. Survey Corp.

It was somewhat surreal, and your heart was pounding against your chest every time you thought about it. A soft smiled formed on your lips and you pulled it over your shoulders, proudly repping the Wings Of Freedom on your back. Sighing in delight, you then stood up, Levi watching you from the couch. His eyes scanned from your legs all the way up to your eyes, and you beamed.

"How do I look?" you asked, spinning. In reality, nothing about your appearance had changed except for the new Survey Corps jacket and the lack of scrapes and black eye, but you just wanted to see what Levi would say.

"Wonderful," he answered softly, standing and wandering over. He wandered around your body, a soft grin on his face when he saw the familiar badge on your back. "Y/n, I never thought I'd be proud to see you wearing a Survey Corps uniform."

"Yeah, it does make a change to not be killing each other," you giggled, turning around to face him. He glanced up, his eyes meeting yours. "Or insulting one another."

"Who said I was done insulting you, brat?" he asked, and you rolled your eyes. "Although I must admit, you're probably one of the most extraordinary people I've met."

"That's the kindest thing you've ever said to me," you chuckled, unsure whether he meant it as an insult or compliment. Either way, you were proud and wanted to do the Survey Corps good. "What do you mean by that, though?"

"I've never wanted to kill somebody and then like them a fortnight later," he said, and you grinned. "You're such a complicated person, yet that's what makes you Y/n. You actually make me laugh sometimes, which some think to be impossible." 

You smiled and sat on the bed again, fiddling with your thumbs. Levi sat down beside you, and you glanced at him. Something that'd been bugging you ever since you'd met him was... who was Isabel, and who even was Levi?! He'd told you literally nothing about him, whereas he knew so much about you.

"Levi, I have... a few questions," you started, unsure how to ask without getting on his genuinely bad side. He cocked his head. "About you."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his eyes glancing everywhere but you. He now looked very vulnerable, and nervousness ran through your veins. "Go ahead. Ask away. I suppose I know too much about you and you know nothing about me."

"Why do you know Kenny?" you asked, biting your thumb. "I mean, when I bought him up a while ago, you mentioned that you knew him, but I didn't learn much."

"He raised me," he explained, running a hand through his hair. "He found me when I was really, really young, and he took me in because my mother had... died. He taught me how to use a knife, how to socialise and how to kill people. Although, I never really liked the thought of wasting life, no matter how scummy they were. So I beat them up. However, he left me alone when I was only fifteen."

"Why?" you asked, and he stared directly at the wall in front of him, not glancing down at you.

"He never told me, but I can only assume it's because he found you, his new weapon," Levi said, and you felt a sting of guilt. "But hey, I lived. Any other questions?"

"Who really is Isabel, and why do you let me wear her nightgown?"

Silence filled the room, and you regretted your question instantly. You opened your mouth to apologise, but no sound came out. Glancing up at him, you noticed that he was looking directly at the ground and was playing with his hands. Whoever she was, she definitely meant a lot to him. As he'd said before, she was a very close friend of his, and there was someone else too who you didn't know the name of. 

"Isabel Magnolia and Furlan Church," he chuckled, and you were surprised by his tone. He wasn't angry; in fact, he sounded solemn. "My two best friends from the underground. I knew Furlan for quite a while before meeting Isabel, we were in the same gang. However, one day, that damned girl rushed into our home, holding an injured bird. She was being chased by some gross-ass men, and I beat one of them up. Slowly the three of us became very good friends, and we said we'd do big things together."

"That's sweet," you smiled, knowing this would most likely take a very sinister turn.

"Yeah, it was," he sighed, his head lolling back as he glanced up at the ceiling. "We were supposed to kill Erwin, you know. We became Survey Corps just to do that, but somehow, somewhere, we got too into it. And, on our first expedition, they... well, they died."

"I- I can't imagine how that feels," you said softly, putting a hand gently on his thigh. "But I bet they're watching proudly over you now, Levi."

"Yeah, I hope so," he said, a small smile on his lips. You noticed that his eyes were very, very slightly watery, and you knew how sensitive a topic this must be. Regret of even asking such a thing flooded your body, and you then realised why he kept reading over those letters from the pair. "Y/n, is what I'm doing right?"

"What do you mean?" you asked, cocking your head. "Of course it is, why wouldn't it be?"

"The number of people I've watched die when I could've saved them is insane, and then I get told what a good job I did," he said, a hint of anger in his tone. "How is that... how is that a good thing?"

"We can't save everybody, Levi," you said, glancing up into his eyes. "They're probably glad you're doing what you're doing. If anybody could save humanity, it's you."

He nodded, putting his hand over yours that rested on his thigh. You leaned your head over and onto his shoulder, but then winced when you felt a sharp, aching pain shoot through your lower back. That horse-riding session you'd had two days prior had really messed up your muscles, and you groaned.

"Aching again?" he asked, and you nodded, trying to find some sort of comfortable position. "Do you want a massage?"

"Oh good lord, don't tell me you can do massages too," you laughed, your eyebrows raised in disbelief. However, he was deadly serious, and you sighed. "Do you even know where I ache?"

"No idea," he said, scanning your body. "However, I can only guess your back, shoulders and thighs?"

"Correct," you said, somewhat surprised. Although you weren't going to tell him that your arse hurt, because knowing him, he'd give you a massage there too.

"Get into a towel and lay face down on the bed," he said, standing up. How the hell had the conversation about his dead friends turn into this?! You froze, giving him a look of confusion and embarrassment. "What?! You literally just complained about being achy, brat. This'll help."

"Seriously?" you complained, although you were actually quite curious now. You stood up and pouted, and he raised his eyebrows at you. "Fine. But promise you won't be weird about it?"

"Tch, why would I be? I'm not some perverted creep, Y/n."

Grinning to yourself at his response, you waddled into the bathroom, slowly slipping off your clothes. This was gonna be so awkward if you didn't come up with some witty lines or just simply kept your mouth shut; if you said something dumb, everything would probably go wrong. You picked up the pristine white towel Levi kept folded over the rack and wrapped it around your entire body, feeling very, very exposed. Gulping to yourself and biting your thumb, you opened the door, glancing around to see Levi sat there, watching. 

"Don't look at me like that," you mumbled, finally walking over and laying down as he'd instructed. 

"I'll roll down your towel to your waist, and then start with your shoulders," he stated, and you nodded, glad he wasn't going to take the entire towel off. "Then to your back. I'll be careful not to catch any marks or injuries, but I can't promise."

"Hurt me and I'll kick you in the dick," you promised, knowing that if he was going to be sat over you, your leg would be in the perfect position to do so. 

"I'll try my best not to," he chuckled, sitting on the bed over you and beginning to crack his knuckles. Then, he put on his best impression of an over-enthusiastic masseur and said, "Now, Y/n, what type of massage would you like today?"

"I don't know!" you laughed, finding Levi's sense of humour not only surprising but also good. It made you forget that you'd be facing titans in less than 48 hours, and maybe that was his intention. "Any that'll sort out this goddamn pain in my body."

You heard him snicker a little under his breath, and then he pressed his hands onto your left shoulder. When he started, you couldn't help but gasp a little, and it felt as if he was slowly rubbing the ache away. 

It was impossible to deny the fact that he was good at it. 

"Why are you so damn good at everything?" you hissed, then you let out a soft sigh of relief, his hands working wonders on your upper back, shoulders and neck. "It's not fair!"

"I'm not good at everything," he said with a small groan, pressing his thumbs into your shoulder blades and making you gasp a little in surprise at the slight pain that then faded away. 

"What else are those hands good at, Levi?" you asked jokingly, your eyes rolling into the back of your head as he hit a spot that'd been really painful the day before. However, he answered much different to what you'd expected, and your eyes widened when you felt his lips right by your ear.

"Why don't I show you sometime?"


	16. ~ memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: violent. again.  
> and no sexy scenes yet :')  
> sorry to get your hopes up ;)

_{thirteen}_

_"Monica, will I ever be loved?" you asked, sitting against the bed as the woman you simply knew as 'Monica' brushed your hair. It was a question that'd been on your mind for a while, and as a teenager, those thoughts only increased. You were a murderer and a criminal too, so why would anybody love you? And would they want you for who you are instead of your body?_

_"Of course," the brunette woman chuckled, massaging your scalp with the brush. "I love you, don't I?"_

_"Not in that way," you muttered, feeling your face heat up. There was no way you could go to Kenny or anybody else with such a question; they'd either call you a softie, bully you relentlessly or kick you out. Monica, on the other hand, was the carer Kenny had hired to look after you while he was gone, or if you needed something that he couldn't provide as a man. "As in, do you think I'll ever get together with somebody who won't want me for my body?"_

_"What's bought this on?" she asked, cocking her head and pulling your hair into a ponytail._

_"I had a nightmare last night," you sighed, glancing out of the window at the dull, boring streets of the underground. "I was back in the Rat's Gang, and I was much older. I'd been there for years and years, and I was brainwashed to believe that men only wanted me for my body. Is that true? Will I ever be loved?"_

_"Anybody will be glad to have a girl like you," Monica answered, but you weren't convinced and it was obvious. "Y/n, you're thirteen. You've got your whole life ahead of you to find somebody."_

_"I know," you murmured with a humph, sitting your head on your hand. "It's just... everyone down here is so gross or boring. I don't want anyone like them. I want someone... exciting, you know? Extraordinary, even!"_

_"You definitely won't get anyone like that down here," Monica snorted, her pale skin and frail body showing how long she'd been stuck down there. She was approximately forty years old, and as far as you knew, she'd never even seen the sky. "But, as an extraordinary girl yourself, I'm sure you'll find the perfect guy or gal soon enough."_

_"I'm not that extraordinary," you chuckled, a small smile on your face. "But thanks for the compliment."_

_"No problem," she answered, her kind soul being the only one you truly trusted. She was almost like a mother figure to you, and sometimes, you accidentally called her mother instead of Monica. She didn't seem to mind though, having no kids of her own. "Y'know, when you get to the surface, make sure to send me a letter one day of what it's like. I'd love to hear from you."_

_"Yeah, I promise."_

\----

_{fourteen}_

_"Yakob, get off me, you piece of shit!" you exclaimed, rolling your eyes at the brown-haired nerd who was so insistent of getting you to like him, despite trying desperately fifty million times. "I've told you time and time again, I've got things to do!"_

_Once again, Yakob Palkowski was trying to take you to the hole in the underground where, on a clear night, you could see the stars. However, you weren't interested; you wanted your first time of seeing the sky to be stood underneath it with your toes in the grass, not through a stupid hole._

_"Please?" he pouted, pushing his glasses further up his button nose so he could see somewhat clearly. "You'll like it, I promise!"_

_"Another day," you sighed, relaxing a little and realising he just wanted the best for you. Yes, he was clingy, and yes, he was desperate, but he was still kind and didn't care if you insulted him a hundred times an hour. He really didn't deserve you. "I've got things to do."_

_"Like murder?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, and you looked down at the floor, shaking your head. "Stealing?"_

_"Yakob, I have to live somehow," you said with a shrug, completely desensitized to your crimes. Although, you didn't just kill random people. You killed those who were cruel and put others through misery and misfortune. It was something Yakob had advised you to do since he knew you'd never stop. It was the best he could do, at least. "I'm... sorry. It's what I do."_

_"Don't be sorry!" he exclaimed, nervous that he might've upset you somehow. "I just don't like seeing you... do that."_

_"Well, get used to it," you answered bluntly, aiming your new 3D manoeuver gear at the nearest house. "Yakob, are you coming with me or are you staying?"_

_"I'll stay," he muttered, scratching the small rash on his arm and watching as you shot away._

\----

_{fifteen}_

_"God fucking DAMNIT!" you yelled out loud, kicking the side of a bin harshly and causing six more to tumble over. Tears rushed down your cheeks as you saw the blood-splattered walls and the scattered remains of the man who'd had the damned audacity to kill him. To kill Yakob. "You stupid, stupid dickheaded cunt!"_

_"Y/n, please calm down," the soft voice of Monica said from behind, and you turned around, choking on your own tears as you tried to curse at the frail woman, hobbling over with her arm hunched over a crutch. One of her legs was missing due to the common disease down there in the underground, and she was getting slimmer each day. "Please come back home, it's late."_

_"I don't care," you hissed, sinking down the wall and running your hands through your hair. "He killed Yakob. Nobody kills my fucking Yakob."_

_"I thought you didn't like him in that way," Monica said gently, shuffling over and trying to sit beside you without injuring herself. "Y/n, doing all of this will make things worse."_

_"He was my best friend," you cried into your palms, both covered with the disgusting blood of the man you'd harshly dismembered. "The only kid I called a friend and he had to go and die on me. I never even showed him my appreciation, Monica!"_

_"I'm sure he knew," she sighed, putting a hand gently on your thigh. You flinched and shivered in the cold breeze, but she knew just how to calm you down, even if it was a little. "He wasn't an idiot, and I doubt he'd stay with you if he thought you hated him."_

_"We never even saw the stars together," you said through gritted teeth, staring up at the ceiling of the underground. "Monica, why?"_

_"The world is cruel," she answered gently, and you noticed tears in her own eyes. She liked Yakob because he was a good friend of yours, and clearly his murder would be harsh on her too. "Maybe you'll see him again someday."_

_"Yeah, when I'm dead," you scoffed, standing up. "And that's not happening anytime soon, is it?"_

_"No, I don't mean like that," she said, struggling to stand. You helped her up and walked back home with her, leaving the man's dismembered body there as a warning. You'd left a small signature on the wall in his blood, which was your sign. You were somewhat famous in the underground already, although nobody knew who you were or what you looked like. They simply feared you. "He might come down to visit you as a dove or some other animal. Maybe even a human, who knows?"_

_"I'll miss him, Monica," you sniffled, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand. "I didn't want him to go. It's like everyone I ever care about just... betrays me or dies. My mother, my brother, Ahmya and now Yakob! It's not fair."_

_"Don't let that stop you from loving people though, do you understand?"_

_You nodded, although you were unsure how you'd be able to after seeing Yakob's dead body stuffed awkwardly inside a bin. His throat had been slit just for being supposedly friends with the underground thug. It was your fault._

_"I'll try my best."_

_\----_

_{sixteen}_

_Silently, you glanced down at the ground. Your foot was pressed against this woman's head, a smug look on her bloodied lips and swollen eyes. Despite both her broken arms and twisted leg, she still smiled, and your eyes were empty. You gave her no tears, no mercy and no anger._

_"How does it feel, you stupid child? How does it feel?" she asked hoarsely and slowly, choking on her own blood. You'd never been a fan of torture, but you couldn't help but kick this woman a few times in the ribs and watch her squirm in pain. "When your life crumbles around you?"_

_"I'm used to it," you answered blankly, applying more pressure to her skull. "Shut up, or I'll make sure to rip your brain out."_

_"Ooh, you're violent," she laughed, wincing a little when you moved your leg and kicked her already broken arm. "Why did you even care about her? About Monica? She was the woman who tried to take my baby from me all those years ago. I thought you only liked those who were kind, Y/n."_

_"Yeah, yeah," you answered, rage and fury running through your body. "She didn't take your dumb baby. It was somebody else, you stupid bitch."_

_The woman was silent, her smug expression slowly fading into a mix of confusion and horror. "W-what?"_

_"It wasn't even Monica," you repeated quietly, and you watched the woman's face got paler. "It was Francine La'Pore, and I killed her three years ago. Is this what I get in reward?"_

_"No it wasn't," she hissed, her entire body beginning to shake as you pressed your foot against her head again. "It wasn't her, it was Monica!"_

_"It was Francine," you snapped, squatting down in front of her face and staring directly into her horrified eyes. "I may be a killer, but I'm not a liar. Do you understand?"_

_The woman was silent and breathless, all the light gone from her expression and replaced with fear, panic and regret. "I-"_

_"You killed Monica Ludwig, Marie Fischer," you growled, holding the bloodied blade tightly in your hands. "You killed your friend, and you killed my mother. I wasn't going to let you see me get angry, but I guess sometimes, it can't be helped."_

_"You're a monster," Marie hissed through her teeth, two of them kicked out and lying somewhere far away. "You're insane, Y/n."_

_"Oh well," you answered, and with that, you slit her throat, walking away from her dying body. Those words hit harshly, especially monster. Were you really a monster? All you wanted was to help and protect people, even if that meant you had to get blood on your hands. Yet... you'd lost everyone. Last year it was Yakob, and now it was Monica._

_Goddamn it._

_And that was the last time you ever cared for anybody._

\----

_{seventeen}_

_"They're back! Call the military police! Somebody!" you heard a woman call, her shrill voice ringing in your ears. "Please! My boyfriend is dead!"_

_"He deserved it," you muttered in amusement, using your gear to fling yourself into a dark alleyway, hiding low and away from the crowd. You found the loose slab in the ground where you left your stuff, pulled off your black cape and stuffed it in there alongside your gear. Once you were clean of the blood and evidence, you placed the slab back and walked out of the alleyway into the frantic town centre, where masses of people were panicked due to the murder of Mr Nachbaur. He was one of the local butchers, but after you'd seen him molest a poor girl only fourteen years of age, you knew he had to go._

_"What happened?" you asked, fear in your voice. An elderly man turned his head, deep blue eyes filled with wisdom and worry, and was somewhat stunned to see you standing there._

_"Mr Nachbaur has been murdered," he said sadly, and you gasped, proud that your acting skills were top notch. Surprisingly, quite a few people respected the butcher, but you didn't. You were curious as to how many people fell victim to his disgusting crimes, and you watched as the girl from last night wandered over, her dark brown eyes wide and filled with curiosity. She was clearly nervous, but you also saw light in her expression. As long as she was happy, so were you._

_You didn't need to love people to make them happy. Even if you were a monster, you were proud. That girl had suffered, and you wanted to help._

_Walking away, you watched as the military police arrived, completely oblivious that the killer was wandering silently and innocently away from their grip._

_\----_

{twenty-three}

You froze, your eyes wide and your heart racing. 

Was he joking? What should you say? Oh god, oh god, this is so... weird.

Levi was completely silent, his hands still massaging your shoulders. It was as if he'd said nothing at all, and you weren't sure how to react. Your face was completely red, and you were just... a mess.

His voice had been so... lustful? Was that the word? And the low tone of it made your heart race. It wasn't a lie if you said you'd definitely like to see what was under those clothes, but at the same time, were you even ready to something suggestive? Under the ground, you'd refused to do anything sexual since you were rescued unless you received some sort of money from it, and even then you didn't let them touch your body. Your mind was whirring 600x faster than it should've been, trying to figure out some sort of response. However, all you said was...

"Oh?"

WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?!

Surprisingly, his hands never got close to your lower half, and you respected him for that. He continued massaging your shoulders, collarbone and back, not doing anything you didn't want.

Softly, your eyes slowly fluttered shut, trying to think back to when you loved people. It was strange; you'd almost forgotten how it'd felt. The promise you'd given Monica all those years ago had nearly slipped through your fingers, yet it hadn't. People like Petra, Connie, Sasha and of course Levi existed, giving that word meaning again, but all in different ways.

"Y/n? You're quiet."

"What am I supposed to do when you say something so suggestive?" you asked with a grin, your old, teasing self coming back. It was as if the awkward tension had vanished in the air, and you could say anything to Levi without regretting it. "'Ah yes, say that again'?" 

"I wouldn't mind that," he chuckled lowly, and your heart pounded like a drum against your chest. "Would you like me to?"

"Levi, what do you want from me?" you asked, no longer joking and glancing up at him, his eyes unreadable again. "Hm?"

He didn't reply; instead he 'tched', but in a much softer tone instead of his usual. You knew exactly what he wanted, and for some reason, you wanted it too. But you were going to be a pain in the ass about it.

"If you give me a good massage, maybe I'll give you what you want," you teased, and he rolled his eyes. Then, you felt a sharp pain in your shoulder before it just... disappeared, and you gasped out loud. "Okay, maybe I should've made it a little more difficult."

"Yep," he muttered under his breath, balling his fists and pressing them into your shoulder blades, his knuckles relieving your pain. You groaned a little bit but then relaxed, a small smile on your lips. Damn, he was good. Then, you felt his face by your neck again, and he gave you a small kiss there, making you shiver. If he was going to give you a lovebite, it better not be anywhere obvious. 

"Thanks," you muttered, your eyelids falling again.

"What for?" Levi asked, slightly confused.

"Just... everything."


	17. ~ how did we get here? {smut}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: sex.  
> yeah this is the scene

You had no idea how you got in this position, but here you were, underneath the man you used to so desperately hate with your lips pressed against each other, your hands running through his hair and down his back, tugging at the white shirt he wore. Both of you were clothed (if being covered by a towel and a pair of underwear counted for you), but that definitely wouldn't last long. 

It wasn't a forced, aggressive kiss; it was rough, yeah, but it was still passionate and you could feel Levi's emotions being poured through him and into it. One of his hands was wrapped gently around your throat to lift your face closer to his if that was even possible, and his other hand was pressed beside your head keeping himself up. 

Eventually, his lips left yours, leaving you panting slightly as his mouth went down your jawline and to your neck and collarbone, where he left gentle kisses. Then, he found a spot with his tongue that seemed to make you writhe a little more than usual, and with a small smirk on his lips, he began to suck and nibble there, making you gasp out loud and leave a love-bite. You would've hit him if it wasn't for the fact you were way too into it and he'd managed to leave it in a place that wasn't obvious to the human eye. Hopefully, if someone did see it, they'd just think it's another bruise caused by the horse-riding incident. 

"Levi, you ass," you muttered, trying to keep in any sounds by biting the side of your palm. Although you knew he probably wanted to hear you, it'd been imprinted in your mind years ago not to make a sound; men didn't like that, and if they heard you make some sort of complaint or even a moan, you'd be hit. And not in a sexual way, either. 

Levi chuckled at your response, and your heart raced, pounding harshly against your chest. He then gave you another, much closer to your chest now, and you felt overly-exposed. You were sure he wouldn't hurt you, why would he? Even if you'd only known him for a little bit, he wasn't the type to hurt someone who didn't deserve it unless it was to protect them or do the right thing. He'd shown this to you when he had to prove to his squad that you were a good person, and by doing that, he had to kick you in the stomach. He apologised for it, but you so wanted to get him back for it. 

"Y/n, you've zoned out again," Levi mumbled, and when you shook yourself awake, you gasped. He was straddling your waist, his shirt now off and in the corner of the room. Your eyes scanned his muscled torso, including his very obvious abs and biceps, and you felt your cheeks heat up. As well as a certain something else. "You like what you see?"

"You cocky bastard," you muttered, looking away in embarrassment as you tried to hide your face with your hands. However, you were unable to, as Levi took them both and pinned them over your head. "H-hey!"

"Let me see your body," he said beside your ear, and you shivered at his low tone. "You don't need to hide it, gorgeous."

"Okay..." you answered softly, staring him in the eyes with almost the same amount of lust he had. You couldn't express how much you wanted it, but at the same time, you were terrified. The last time you'd been seen naked was by a man who forced you to, and you gulped at the thoughts you tried to push back. "Just don't laugh, please."

"Why would I?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as he began to unfold the towel, revealing your almost completely nude body. His eyes widened slightly at what he saw, and you thought he was surprised and/or disgusted at the scars and marks you tried so desperately to hide; however, this wasn't the case at all. "You're much hotter than I thought, Y/n."

Unsure how to respond, you simply bit your lip, watching as he dipped his head down to your collarbone again, his hands running up and down your hips. Sighing softly at the contact, you pressed your hands against his back and chest, still amazed by how pronounced his muscles were. Then, you moaned unintentionally when you felt his soft lips around your right nipple, his tongue swirling around it and sucking slightly. Getting more embarrassed by the second, you quickly covered your mouth with your hand, but Levi swatted it away with one of his hands.

"Let me hear you," he said, and you nodded. "I'm not here to hurt you. Those sounds get me hard, Y/n."

Damn, you knew he was blunt outside of the bedroom but you didn't expect him to be like it IN too. Nevertheless, you weren't complaining.

"L-Levi," you breathed out, your eyes fluttering shut when you felt your other nipple being played with between his fingers. "I-"

After a minute or two, he then left your breasts alone, leaving a love-bite on each one before trailing down your stomach. Then, your eyes widened when you felt his fingers on either side of your underwear, and you automatically tensed up, one hand trying to hide your lower half and the other going to punch him. Thankfully, you stopped yourself, but Levi had noticed and he came back up, his face only inches away from yours.

"Y/n, I won't do anything you don't want me to," he began, his voice breathy. You could feel his erection straining against his pants and pressing on your thigh, and you'd feel bad if you didn't do something to relieve it. But then again, you didn't want him to feel bad for sexually assaulting you if you didn't consent. "But trust me. I'll make you feel good, I promise."

Nodding, you reached your hands up to cup his face and planted a kiss on his lips, your foreheads touching.

"Do your worst," you chuckled, a surge of confidence flowing through your body. He nodded, a small smile on his lips as he went back down, tugging your underwear down and pressing a finger against your folds. 

"You're so wet, Y/n," he whispered, showing you his finger. You went red in your cheeks again, and you felt heavy butterflies at the pit of your stomach. Most of your fear had been replaced with lust, love and want, but there was still nervousness that struck at your heart. "You're loving this, aren't you, you dirty girl?"

Never had you been one for degradation, and you doubted Levi had meant to say it, but in such a moment, it made you even more turned on and you hummed under your breath. Nodding, you looked down and into his eyes, his fingers trailing up the insides of your thighs teasingly. Did he want you to beg for it?

You weren't sure whether he was into teasing or he wanted you to beg just to make sure you were into it, but either way, you enjoyed it. Biting your thumb, you watched as his thumb pressed against your clit, and you flinched at the slight stimulation. A grin appeared on his lips when he saw your reaction, and he began to roll his thumb in circles, watching as you moaned a little from the simple movements.

"Levi..." you moaned softly, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. Of course, you were sensitive. It was obvious to anybody.

"Yeah, you like that?" he asked, then pressing a finger in. You gasped out loud, surprised by this action, and then he removed his thumb. You pouted a little but then moaned a little too loudly when his thumb was replaced by something much larger. His tongue.

"J-Jesus," you muttered, reaching your hand down to run through his hair. His tongue licked harshly against your clit and his finger was going in and out inside of you, trying desperately to find the place he'd get a better reaction. He even curled his finger a little and added a second, making your eyes roll into your head.

If this felt so good, what would it be like with his cock instead?

It'd hurt, you knew that for a fact, but if he did it right, would it be pleasurable? Your heart raced at the anticipation, and you spread your legs further out, feeling something tight in your stomach.

"L-Levi, I-" you moaned out, feeling more sensitive by the second. Levi took this as a cue to stop, and you complained. "Hey!"

"Don't worry, gorgeous," he said, his head coming up and closer to your face. "Now, as much as I'd love to hear you scream my name, I don't exactly want four-eyes knocking on the door and catching us like this."

"W-what?" you muttered, before feeling something against your thigh. You looked down and your eyes widened. His cock was in his hand and it was bigger than you'd expected. 

It was around seven inches in size and although it wasn't massively girthy, it was still thick, and you bit your lip. You had the sudden urge to wrap your lips around it, and you looked him in the eyes with a small grin. He knew exactly what you wanted to do, and it just seemed to make him harder.

"Another time," he said, squeezing your butt. You smirked at him and felt the head of his cock pressed against your pussy, and you bit your thumb nervously, your heart racing. "Consent?"

"Yeah," you answered instantly, and as soon as he pressed inside of you, you bit your lip so harshly it bled a little. "Sh-shit."

"You're t-tight," he groaned, pressing his lips to yours to distract you from the sharp pain you felt. You glared at him and watched as he pulled away, a strand of saliva connecting the two of you. Grabbing his head, you pulled him back down and began to nibble at his collarbone, sucking slightly to distract you from the pain. "P-people'll see that you know."

"Oh well," you grunted, a small smirk on your lips as you noticed where you'd put the mark. He'd finally got the entire thing inside of you, and he was waiting until you'd adjusted before he moved. "G-go."

With that, he slowly began to move in and out, pressing his fingers against your clit to give you some extra stimulation. You moaned a little, and very soon, the pain began to turn into pleasure. Your eyes widened and you had to press your hands into your mouth to stop you from cursing loudly.

Levi looked down at you with a grunt, trying to figure out where that special spot was, and he knew he'd found it when not even your palm could hide your moan. "Mm, say it, Y/n?"

"S-say w-what?" you asked, feeling as he began to thrust quicker and harder. "O-oh! Levi!"

"That's it, brat," he hissed, feeling your nails scratch against his back. Not that he minded; in fact, it just made him go quicker. As your eyes rolled into the back of your head, you tried to say something, but nothing came out. Just a blabber of nothing, and Levi was rather amused to see someone as tough as you end up a mess beneath him. 

"What do you want, baby?" he asked, and you nearly came at the name and the roughness of his voice alone. "Go on, tell me."

"I'm g-g-gon-na-" you stuttered out, an unfamiliar feeling appearing at the pit of your stomach. Despite not knowing what it was, you could only guess, and you wanted him to... slow down? Go quicker? You weren't sure. "C-c-c-"

"Cum?" he asked, his hair sticking to the top of his head and his fringe hovering over his lust-filled eyes. He was so confident that you felt as if he'd done this before, but you didn't dare ask in case it ruined the moment. "G-go on, I'm going to too."

"O-out!" you managed to say, pointing to your chest, and he knew instantly that you didn't want him to come inside of you. "L-L-Levi!"

You felt your legs shake as that knot finally came undone, flooding throughout your body, and you moaned loudly as it did. Levi kept thrusting, watching as you shook and tried to silence yourself, but it was impossible to do so. Eventually, he pulled out, gave himself a few quick strokes and eventually came all over your stomach and tits. 

Then, he sat up, watching as your breathing returned to normal. Glancing up at him, you watched as he picked up the towel you'd been wearing before and cleaned you up, a smug expression on his lips.

"You looked so good covered in my cum, Y/n," he whispered in your ear, and you glared, finally sitting up when you managed to get some sort of feeling back in your body.

"You're a dick," you answered, feeling how sweaty you were and looking down at your body somewhat disgusted. "D-did we-"

"Yes, were you paying attention at all?" he asked, his eyebrows raised as he picked up his clothes and wandered over to the bathroom. Despite seeing it all only a few seconds ago, you couldn't help but stare at his toned body. You wondered if anyone else had been lucky enough to see it, and you grinned to yourself.

If this was your first time, you'd be pretty pleased with yourself. Even though it wasn't, you still liked to think you'd just lost your virginity to the Levi Ackerman and not some random, disgusting guy from the underground whose balls were bluer than the blueberries Jean liked to steal from the fruit stall. 

"Levi," you called out, and his head popped out from around the bathroom door, his eyebrows raised and his regular, blunt expression back on his face. "Was I... somewhat decent? Even though I didn't do much?"

"Well, since you made me harder than I've ever been before, I'd say you did well," he said, going back into the bathroom to continue getting dressed. Your face went red and you cursed loudly at him, unable to hide the smile on your face. Glancing down, you noticed that your chest was covered in hickeys, and you were sure your neck was too. Sighing to yourself, you wandered over to the bathroom, covering yourself with a blanket even though he'd just seen every single part of your body. 

"Can I shower?" you asked, resting against the door. "I don't really want to go to sleep a sweaty mess."

"Whatever, brat," he said, wandering back out with his signature oversized top and boxers on. He then glanced up and down at you, his eyebrows raised. However, he shrugged it off and wandered over to one of the cabinets, where he pulled out a bottle of alcohol you didn't recognise. "Care for a drink?"

"Sure," you chuckled, wandering into the bathroom and shutting the door behind you. Letting the towel fall to the floor, your eyes fluttered shut and a small smile appeared on your lips.

Maybe falling in love again wouldn't be so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry if this is shit lmao, I've never written sexual scenes before so... yeah.  
> Pls forgive me


	18. ~ red wine & vodka

Sliding out of the bathroom in nothing but your nightgown and hair tied up into what could only be called a messy bun, you noticed Levi laying on his side on the sofa, a glass in between his fingers with a deep red liquid inside. He was gently swaying it as if he was mixing it, and he glanced up at you. 

"Wine?" he asked, flicking his eyes from you to the bottle of red wine he'd gone placed on the table. You raised your eyebrows before smiling a little, sitting beside the man who started pouring you a drink.

"Didn't expect you to be the wine type, Levi," you chuckled, taking the glass from him and sipping, unsure how much of a lightweight or heavy drinker you were since you'd never really had much alcohol before. It was expensive, especially red wine, and you knew that you'd be much more vulnerable drunk, so you made sure to avoid it. However, it wasn't like Levi would do anything bad or try to take advantage of you.

"There are many things you don't know," he answered cryptically, and you sighed, shaking your head and sipping the alcohol again. 

"Is it a good idea to be drinking less than 48 hours before our expedition?" you asked, a smirk appearing on your lips. "Or are you that sure of yourself that you don't care?"

"Tch," he murmured, leaning back and letting his head hit the back of the couch. "It takes my mind off things."

"How many expeditions have you been on, Levi?" you asked, cocking your head as you put your hand over his. He flinched a little at the contact, surprised by it, but he didn't mind. In fact, he turned his hands over to his palm was facing yours and your fingers linked. Although he wasn't good with his words in situations like this, he was certainly better at showing the way he felt with his actions, even if they were small. 

"Too many to count," he sighed, rubbing his thumb gently against the back of your hand. "People think I'm no longer afraid of titans because it's become a monthly thing that I see them. Well, the way they look and the numerous ways they could kill me doesn't frighten me anymore. Seeing people die and watching them give their last breaths for something they couldn't possibly understand hurts much, much more."

You nodded, gulping the alcohol that gave a very slight warm sensation in your throat. Although you weren't afraid as you had been a couple of weeks ago to face the titans, you were still nervous as hell and would rather do anything else. Then, you felt Levi squeeze your hand, and you looked up to see his usual straight-lipped expression, but his eyes were much, much softer and filled with remorse. 

"You'll be fine, Y/n," he said, and you gulped, trying to press those words so far into your mind that you actually believed it yourself. "You're one of the best Survey Corps we've got right now. And I promise you, absolutely promise you, you'll survive."

"How do you know?" you muttered, staring into the pool of alcohol in the glass you were holding. "Promises like that can easily be broken."

"Not this one," he said, looking up at the ceiling and closing his eyes with a sigh. "I don't promise things often because of how childish they are, but I know for a fact you will. Even if that means killing myself in the process."

"Is that you or the alcohol talking?" you asked, unsure of how easily he got drunk or tipsy. You assumed he didn't take alcohol often, which was somewhat of a surprise. Maybe he just didn't like being seen vulnerable or simply didn't like it. 

"Both," he muttered, unlinking his hand from yours and pouring himself another glass. You secretly pouted at the loss of contact and tucked your legs up into your chest for comfort. "I had a glass while you were in the shower, so I've nearly drunk half the bottle. I also added vodka to the first..."

"Dumbass," you giggled, taking another sip. "I didn't know we were taking shots, Levi, and are you purposefully trying to get drunk or something?"

"I dunno," he shrugged, putting the cork back into the bottle and reaching down the side of the sofa, pulling out a skull-shaped bottle of vodka. "Want some?"

"You're gonna have a hangover in the morning, you idiot," you sighed, raising your eyebrows. "And I don't fancy having an extra grumpy Levi training me."

"You always have an extra grumpy Levi, brat," he murmured, running a hand through his hair so he could see what he was doing before pouring a shot of vodka into his glass. "Now, do you want some?"

"Sure, whatever," you groaned, knowing you'd regret it in the morning. Never had you been good with headaches, and having one during your last day of training would definitely make you snappy. You swirled the glass a little, letting the two liquids mix before taking a sip. "Anyway, why would you kill yourself for me? Isn't that a little... extreme?"

He shrugged, taking a sip from his drink and freezing, shaking his head a little as he felt that familiar burning sensation from the vodka hit the back of his throat and chest. "I said it in the heat of the moment."

"Oh no you didn't," you teased, a small smile appearing on your lips as you leaned forward, prodding him in the cheek. "C'mon, tell me!"

"You're so annoying," he grumbled, swatting your finger away. You grinned and dropped your arm around his shoulders. 

"Don't change the subject, Mr Ackerman," you pouted, running your hand underneath his hair and playing with the shorter strands of his undercut. Surprisingly, he wasn't as sweaty as before, meaning he'd probably washed his hair quickly while you waited outside the door. He raised an eyebrow at you, but he didn't seem to swat your hand away. Surprisingly, he seemed to like you playing with his hair, even if he didn't admit it. "Why would you do such a thing? You're the strongest person humanity has, why would you die for criminal scum like me?"

"Because I'm not letting somebody I actually care about die again," he muttered, just loud enough for you to hear. With those words, your heart began to race against your chest, and you felt small tears appear in your eyes. Did he really think of you in that way? 

"Well, that's... nice," you answered, unsure how to respond. A small smile appeared on his lips as he chuckled, and your heart squeezed. Glancing out of the window, you saw that it was dark already, and the room was only lit up by a small lamp in the corner and the soft hue of the moon. "Levi, what time is it?"

"About... 10pm," he answered, trying to find the clock he left on the desk. "Why?"

"I'm sleepy," you muttered, the wine taking effect as you yawned. Even the vodka couldn't keep you awake. Levi glanced down at you and chuckled, watching as you tried to finish the glass without falling asleep on his shoulder. You'd only had two glasses and a shot of vodka and already you were tired. It was cute though, and he didn't mind. "Sorry."

"It's fine," he answered, finishing off his drink and placing the glass down. He picked up the two half-empty bottles and put them back in his cupboard for another day. "But before you sleep, could you do something for me, Y/n?"

"What?" you mumbled, spreading yourself across the couch and putting the empty glass on the table. You opened one eye to see Levi kneeling beside you, his arms crossed over his chest. "Do you want me to move? Because no chance, this couch is way to comfo- mmph!"

Before you could finish, Levi's lips were pressed against yours again, his hand cupping the side of your face gently and rubbing his thumb across your cheek. You couldn't help but smile, even though his breath smelt quite strongly of alcohol. He then pulled away and picked you up, making you pout. 

"I just said the couch was comfortable!" you exclaimed, shaking your head in dismay. "Put me back, you-"

"Shut up," he said, his eyebrow raised. However, you could hear a softness to his voice and he was joking around. He stumbled a little before putting you on the bed, removing the towel that'd been placed there earlier so you didn't get the covers dirty from doing... the deed. "How are you so tired?"

"Did a lot of training earlier, had sex and now I'm tipsy and drowsy, what do you expect?" you mumbled, your eyes fluttering shut. Levi smiled a little, squatting down and brushing your hair out of your face before going back to the couch, sitting down and pulling out one of his books. He wanted so desperately to slide into the bed with you, but there was no point if he wasn't going to sleep. Alcohol just made him more awake and more aware, not more tired, and he nibbled at his thumb. 

Dragging you into the Survey Corps partially against your will was such a bad idea, and he regretted it so much. Then again, would he have gotten this close to you if he hadn't? Of course not, but then he wouldn't be this worried to go out on a stupid expedition and promise you shit he knew he couldn't keep. Face-palming, he wondered if he should do a bit of dusting or cleaning to calm him down, but that'd most likely wake you up. Also, he'd done it all earlier, so there was pretty much nothing to do except throw the towels into the wash. Sighing deeply, he felt selfish for kissing you, for making you fall in love with him. You'd said it yourself earlier that you were thankful for everything, and he just couldn't stand the thought of you dying on him. Maybe after this expedition, you'd quit? It was something he hoped but also something highly unlikely. As if you'd give up.

He wanted to talk to someone about how he felt, but there was nobody. Talking to you about it would just make things awkward and probably lead to some sort of argument, so that'd be stupid, but who else was there? Mike would be just as useless as he was in such a situation, probably even worse, and Erwin would just be ashamed. He'd probably kick him out of the Survey Corps for being distracted with something so stupid. Petra was your close friend and would somehow accidentally tell you, so she was out of the picture. Eld and Gunther definitely weren't the romance type, even though Eld had a partner back home, and Oluo? Hell no. 

Hange was his last resort, but even they'd get either way too excited or get serious and tell him to keep love out of the equation. He was a soldier, not a boyfriend, and he knew that. Groaning to himself quietly to not wake you up, he pressed his hands against his forehead. How had he fallen for you in the first place? He hadn't chosen for you to be in his room with him; it was both Hange and Erwin's ideas so none of the trainees or younger Survey Corps were hurt. But it felt as if your arguments and petty fights had bought the two of you closer together, and now here he was.

Having sex and getting drunk.

"Goddamn it, brat," he muttered, glancing over at her passed-out self, sleeping soundly on the bed. "Why did you do this to me?"


	19. ~ the impossible

_"Y/n, I promise you'll do well," Petra smiled, watching from behind the fence as you tugged at your hair in frustration. "Why wouldn't you?"_

_"I dunno!" you exclaimed loudly, heart racing when you realised the expedition would be in less than a day. You'd chosen to practice using the 3D manoeuver gear, but due to your sudden nerves, you weren't as good as you had been a few days prior, and that worried you incredibly. At least, you felt like you were doing worse. Petra had said you were doing just as well, but it didn't feel like it. "What if I get nervous, slip up and either kill myself by accident or cause other people to die? I don't want to be responsible for other people's deaths, at least not anymore anyway."_

_"Don't think that way," she sighed, clambering over the fence and taking your hands into hers, looking you in the eyes with worry plastered on her face. "You'll love outside the walls, I'm sure of it. The sky is so much prettier out there, and the air? Don't even get me started!"_

_"I'd rather live a life not knowing what it felt like out there and not see people die than feel that clean air and watch people die," you blabbered, barely anything you were saying making any sense. You'd woken up with a hangover, of course, and your head was pounding. Levi, on the other hand, was barely affected; at least, that's what he liked to say. You'd noticed him snapping a little bit more than usual, especially at poor Eren who had to spend the entire day with him and the group._

_"Yeah, sure you would," Petra chuckled, patting you on the back comfortingly. "Y/n, seriously, you'll survive. I know you will. With your fighting and gear ability, plus the strong desire to stay alive, you will get you through it."_

\----

Yeah, as if.

"Y/n, keep Eren out of this!" Oluo called from behind, looking up in both shock and fear at the extremely large female titan chasing all five of you. Gunther had died earlier, and Levi had vanished, obviously to take care of the female titan with Erwin, but now she was chasing you, killing every Survey Corp in her path.

And you guys were next. 

"Let me help!" you exclaimed, heart racing as you glanced behind in panic at the titan that surely had a human inside. She was too complex and powerful to be a regular titan, and after seeing what Eren was capable of in his titan form, it wasn't too bad of a guess. 

"No, look after Eren," Eld commanded, and you nodded with a gulp, turning to the teenage boy who was clearly frightened, even if he didn't show it. He seemed to mask it with anger, but you knew he just had the same tactics as another grumpy black-haired man you knew. 

"G-got it," you stuttered, unable to even hold back your fear. However, you trusted these three, all being some of the most powerful Survey Corps and people Levi believed in. You turned to Eren and nodded, continuing to go forward. "Eren, if it gets worse, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know!" he snapped, and you felt guilty that he'd got all this pressure pushed on him at such a young age. "What do you- oh my god."

He stared behind with panicked eyes, and you turned your head to see Petra and Oluo frozen in fear, watching as the female titan pretty much crushed Eld against a tree. You shivered in fear, and your horse slowed down. 

"W-what?! How did she regenerate so quickly?" Petra exclaimed, and you could hear her shrill voice from so far behind. "She pushed all her energy into one eye, how did she do that?!"

"Petra, Oluo, get away from her!" you shouted with all your strength, tempted to go join them. However, Levi and the others had entrusted Eren with you, and you couldn't leave. "Please!"

That was when it happened. You heard a high-pitched scream and watched as a splatter of blood covered the tree. Petra was dead, her neck completely broken as she lay at the bottom of the tree. You tried your best to hold back your tears, and you covered your mouth to stop from making any noise. 

Then, it was Oluo's turn. He was filled with a rage you'd never seen before, and you nearly threw up. Their relationship with each other had blossomed in the past week, and you knew Petra had some feelings for the man. Now she was dead, and he had to face the demon who'd killed her. 

Within seconds, he was crushed against a tree too, his blood staining the bark and the grass. That was when you properly started to cry, and you made direct eye-contact with the female titan, both her eyes now intact. Your own eyes widened in fear and disgust, and you wondered how they'd faced that thing. You couldn't kill it on your own, and even trying would be suicide. So you did the next best thing.

"E-Eren," you hissed, but he was already on it. You heard a loud crunching sound, and within seconds, he was his titan form. You were about to be in between a huge titan fight, which, in your puny form, would definitely end with your death. Panic hit, and just as you were about to get crushed, you grabbed the handgrips of your gear and shot upwards towards a tree where you'd be out of sight; however, in your moment of fear, you hadn't noticed the female titan's arm swinging towards you. She caught onto the string of you grappling hook, and you screamed out. You'd killed five titans already today, and you were slowly running out of gas. Trying to fight her would be a death wish. 

Eren roared, and before she could fling you properly and kill you, he rugby tackled her (or at least tried to), and she ended up giving you a very sloppy throw. However, you still hit one of the branches of a tree before you could react, and you fell to the ground, knocking yourself out.

\----

Squinting in the brightness of the day and shaded by the trees, you groaned, trying to figure out where you were or what had happened. Sitting up, you felt a sharp pain in your left arm, and you glanced down to see it very misshapen - it was broken. Your head was pounding, too, and when you pressed a finger to your scalp, you found out it was bleeding. Wincing as you tried to stand, you looked around. 

Blood from the previous Survey Corps was everywhere, but it seemed like their bodies had been removed. Why hadn't they found you?

Oh yeah, you'd fallen right into the middle of a bush. 

Waddling out of it painfully, you realised that, by some miracle, you hadn't been eaten by any titans. In fact, there were none in sight. It was like they'd vanished, or they'd simply got bored of having no humans and left. Gulping away your tears, the fact that Petra, Oluo and Eld had died flashed in your mind. Who else had died? What happened to Eren and the female titan? Where were the rest of the Survey Corps? Was Levi okay?

And worst of all, how long had you been there for?

A tear slipped down your cheek when you realised there was pretty much no way of getting back home with your broken arm and lack of gas. You also didn't have a horse, unless somebody had accidentally left one of them. This was unlikely. 

"Why..." you muttered, wiping your bloodied nose on your sleeve. "Why does everything always go wrong?"

Suddenly, you felt something peck at your leg, and you flinched, almost kicking it. However, you were glad you didn't react in such a way when you realised it was simply a white bird, possibly a dove. You smiled, squatting down and cocking your head. Why wasn't it afraid..?

"Hey Yakob," you said softly, and then you froze. What... why had you just called it Yakob? You hadn't said his name in so long, and it was just... weird. "Erm..."

Yet the bird seemed content with the name. It shook its feathers before hopping onto your fingers, completely unafraid of you. It was as if the two of you had a strange connection and you'd met him before. A smile appeared on your lips and you pressed a gentle finger to its head. Is this what Monica had spoken about all those years ago? You'd never believed it before, but this was too wild to not be true.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you, Yakob," you whispered, constantly on the lookout for any titans. Your heart was racing so fast against your chest that you could barely breathe, and you just wanted to go back inside the walls. "I can't count how many times I've beaten myself up over it. I guess being stuck here now is what I deserve, huh."

The bird didn't seem very happy with your answer, and he jumped off, landing on the ground elegantly and pointing his head in a left direction. You turned and saw a path, and you wondered if he was trying to show you the exit. 

"Dude, I don't have a horse," you exclaimed, pinching the top of your nose in frustration then wincing in pain. It wasn't broken yet, but it was definitely bruised. You wouldn't be surprised if it was crooked already. "Unless you've got some sort of super-strength and you can carry me back home."

You chuckled at yourself and sat down beside the bird, putting your head in your right palm. You were trying to keep your mind off the sharp pain you felt in your left arm, but it was difficult to do so. It also felt stupid that you were talking to a bird, but you felt way too connected to it as if you'd known it before. 

This was crazy.

"Am I going mad?" you asked into the open, watching as the bird sat on your knee, cocking his small head and staring at you with one of his beady eyes. "Ugh, why does this always happen to me? I end up caring so much about someone and they either die or I lose them. It's not... fair, Yakob. And I know it sounds selfish because you're the one who lost his life, but I just can't take it anymore. Why am I still alive after all these years?"

The bird sat there, staring down at the ground as if he was coming up with some sort of master plan. You tutted to yourself before standing up. You heard a loud crunch from behind, and your eyes widened. Shit.

You turned and saw a titan, around 5 meters tall, with huge eyes and a gormless expression plastered over that ugly face. Thankfully, it hadn't noticed you yet, giving you time to hide. You wanted to save as much gas as possible for getting out of here, and with that, you hid behind a very thick tree, making barely any sound as your breathing got heavy. You cupped your hand over your mouth and tried not to do anything stupid in your moment of panic. Collecting your thoughts, you tried to think of a way out. Climbing the tree and using that as an escape route would be easier since you wouldn't be in the way of any titans, but then it'd be much more difficult to find a horse that way. 

Sighing, you held onto both handgrips of your gear and aimed upwards. It was definitely a painful thing to do, especially due to how damaged your left arm was, and when you landed on the branch, you cried out a little because of how much it hurt. 

"Shit," you muttered, blinking back tears as you looked down at your arm. You'd definitely made it worse, and if it had to be amputated once you got back, so be it. Yakob the bird followed you by flying up, and he glanced at your arm with worry. "It's fine, don't worry about it. Just broken, that's all."

Sighing, you then followed the bird throughout the trees, ignoring the pains in your legs. They weren't broken, but they still hurt like hell. Even the rush of adrenaline you were feeling couldn't mask the agony, but it seemed to keep you going. Your headache got worse and worse, and you wondered if you'd got a concussion. 

Despite not knowing where the hell you were, Yakob seemed to know, and you trusted this bird. Even if it wasn't him, you didn't care. Looking around, you tried to keep yourself upright in the trees and also look for a horse. Eventually, you had to resort to using your geat and shoot yourself across the trees, even though it was massively painful to do so. Now, you were determined to get out. You just wanted to see Levi one last time. 

Then, the bird stopped, and you nearly shot straight past him. You stumbled a little bit and regained your balance, and that's when you saw what Yakob was staring at. A horse!

It wasn't one of the ones the Survey Corps had, meaning it was a different breed and had been out here for god-knows how long. It also meant that it could be slower than the titans and less powerful, but it was a horse nonetheless and a chance to get out. You could've kissed that bird there and then. 

Shooting down to the ground, you noticed that the horse wasn't startled in the slightest by your arrival. It was female and a little bit smaller than the ones you were used to, meaning you could get on much easier. You stroked her mane before clambering on. There were no reins or anything to hook your feet onto, meaning you'd just have to cling on for dear life and hope you didn't fall off. 

Wait, why did you feel a connection with this animal too?

Yakob jumped down and sat on top of the horse's head and pointed forward. No way... this was so weird. Were you imagining things? Or did the horse's mane look somewhat like... Monica's hair?

"This is nuts," you muttered, but it was the best you had, and with that, you clenched your legs together, causing the horse to run as fast as possible. 

Yakob flew above, and although the horse wasn't as quick as the ones you were used to, she was still fast and could maybe, just maybe, outrun the titans. Taking a deep breath, you followed Yakob, since he seemed to know where he was going, and you held onto the horse's neck for dear life, nearly sobbing. The pain in your arm was unbearable, and you would gladly cut it off if you could. But then you'd die from blood-loss. Stupid idea.

"I'm gonna make it," you whispered, your eyes wide as you nearly took a mouthful of the horse's mane. "I'm gonna make it!"

You then shouted it, forgetting that you were in titan territory, and the horse quickly glanced left and right with uncertainty. However, Yakob the bird seemed delighted, and he did a little dance in the air as he flew. If this was how you spent your last day, you really didn't mind.

"I'm sorry," you cried out to both the bird and the horse. "I couldn't save either of you, two people I cared about so much. If I could've done anything, I would've!"

The horse neighed in response, and although it was impossible to tell what she was trying to say, you assumed she wanted to hit you. A small, sad smile appeared on your lips when you remembered ranting to Monica all those years ago and getting hit whenever you doubted yourself. 

"Let's go!" you exclaimed, squeezing your legs a little more. The horse tried to go faster, but since she wasn't trained like the others, you knew she'd lose stamina quickly. However, she'd only take an hour to get back to the wall, maybe two, and once you were back, the horse could rest as much as she wanted to. 

Soon, you found the entrance to the forest, and a huge smile appeared on your lips as you saw the sunlight again. You tried to speed up, but that resulted in Yakob falling behind. However, the bird didn't mind, and the horse continued running, trying her best not to falter. You pressed your face into the mane of the horse as you left, begging and praying there were no titans.

However, your wishes were not granted, as three large titans hung around outside the entrance. And just your luck, one of them was abnormal.

"Oh no..." you whispered, turning your head to see them running towards you, one of them catching up very easily. "I'm sorry, Monica."

You knew for a fact if you didn't kill the quick one, you'd be dead. Also, there was a slim chance of survival if you even tried to kill it, so you went with the latter. The first was catching up, but the horse was just a bit quicker. Sighing, you grabbed your handle grips and shot into the titan's chest, using your movement tactics to chop off one of its hands before going for the nape. You cried out in pain as you cut out a chunk of its neck, your left arm breaking in another place as you tried to shoot back for the horse. There was no way you could get the second or third; they had much thicker, larger hands, and were both taller. Gulping, you rushed to get back onto the horse who'd stalled a little, and as soon as you were on its back, she ran into a full trot. She definitely wasn't as quick as the others, but at least she was capable of outrunning this titan. 

That was when you saw them. The Survey Corps in the distance, maybe half a mile in front. If you just shouted...

"GUYS!" you yelled at the top of your lungs, and Yakob sped off, much quicker than should've been possible. Maybe they'd notice the two giant titans chasing you before they noticed you, but either way, that was a start. "HELP ME!"

That was when someone noticed. Yakob didn't even need to travel very far. You squinted, trying to figure out who it was who'd seen you, and to your surprise, it was Armin, who was sat at the back of one of the trailers. He waved over and tried to grab someone on a horse. You were going to be saved!

Until one of the titans took a grab for you. It just missed, but one of the fingers caught one of the horse's legs, causing her to topple a little. She neighed loudly, and thankfully she wasn't injured, but it slowed her down a little. Shit.

"No, not now!" you cried out, realising you had little to no gas left. There'd be no way you'd even kill one of them with that. "Please not now!"

Then, you saw a grapple hit one of the titan's chest, and you glanced up to see a figure shooting past at incredible speeds, slicing up both the titans at a pace you couldn't even imagine. They both groaned loudly, their arms and legs being sliced into mercilessly before their head were completely gone and thrown across the plains. You looked up to see Levi, his eyes wide with anger and panic and a ton of other emotions you couldn't explain. He looked down at you, out of breath, and shot down, hobbling over. You looked down to see one of his ankles broken, yet he'd done that. You were still on top of the horse, and because his was still over by the Survey Corps (they'd stalled a little to let you catch up) he jumped on and wrapped his arms around your waist.

A few seconds passed and you heard sniffles and felt something wet against your shoulder. He was sobbing, his head pressed into your body as his arms tightened, trying his best not to let go.

"Levi?" you asked softly, looking over at your shoulder at the man who was shaking slightly. This was unexpected, even for him, but you could feel yourself about to cry too. "A-are you-"

"I thought you'd died," he whispered, trying not to choke on his own tears. "I couldn't even find your body. H-how did you..."

"I don't know," you replied, gulping as you wiped your eyes into your other shoulder. "By some sort of miracle, I guess."

"I saw Eld, Petra and Oluo, and saw Eren as a titan, and I thought you'd been eaten or crushed or something," he blurted out, almost losing his mind. Your heart shattered and you began to cry uncontrollably, unable to even hug him in fear that you'd fall off. "At least I had their bodies, but I couldn't even find a piece of you. There was nothing. I thought I-I'd lost you forever. And it was my fucking fault. How did you even... live?"

"I-It was never your fault," you whispered, pressing a kiss onto the top of his head. "I got lucky. I don't remember much, but I think the female titan grabbed onto the string of my gear, but before she could throw me properly, Eren punched her and her throw was really o-off, and I hit my head on a tree and I fell into a bush. I got knocked out and f-found a bird and a horse. They guided me back."

Yakob was now flying at the same speed as Monica was running, and you couldn't help but look at them both, tears streaming down your face. It was the first time Levi had seen you properly cry since that first night, and it was the first time you'd seen him like this. 

"It's Yakob and Monica," you said softly, softly rubbing the mane of the horse with your good hand. 

"Hmm," Levi murmured, his voice muffled by your jacket. Then, he looked up at the bird and the horse, his eyes very, very slightly puffy. He was as pale as ever but other than his bloodshot eyes, there was no sign of him ever crying. "Thank you."

You smiled gently and looked behind you at the man, who's hands never left your waist. He looked at you, your eyes meeting, and he gulped a little, slightly embarrassed that he'd just had a mini-meltdown. 

"Tch, I never even got to tell you how much you mean to me, Y/n," he said softly, removing one of his arms to wipe his face before any of the other Survey Corps could see him in such a state. "Damnit."

"Well, you can tell me as much as you want now," you giggled, finally reaching the rest of the group. He nodded and sat up straight, hiding everything he'd just said and done with the straight, blunt face he was good at. 

"Y/n! You're safe!" Connie exclaimed from the front, his eyes wide. He looked like he wanted to cheer, but then he noticed your arm dangling dangerously beside you. "Y-your arm!"

"Get her into the wagon," Levi instructed, and the group nodded. They stopped for a little bit, watching as you hopped off the horse and gave it a soft kiss on the nose. 

"Thank you," you whispered to the two animals, before being helped onto the wagon by Armin and Mikasa. Eren was passed out in the middle with weird lines across his face, and you grimaced. At that moment, you began to see stars. The pain in your head and arm had gotten so much worse, and you nearly passed out into poor Armin's arms. 

As soon as you were laid on the ground, you were now being treated by Hange, who'd come over to help. They weren't injured at all, whereas Levi had a broken ankle and couldn't sit properly without being in some sort of pain, so he stayed on the horse. 

"You're so brave," they said, kneeling down. The trailer began to move again, lead by Commander Erwin, and you were treated. However, the arm was too badly broken to be fixed by just them, so that'd have to wait until you got to a hospital. They managed to put a bandage on your head for now, but apparently, you did have a concussion and that'd need to be sorted. "I've never known anyone escape from something like that."

"I-" you began, before going over a bump. This tiny little bump was the only thing that you needed to go unconscious, and before closing your eyes, you looked up to see Levi, his fierce, intimidating facade slowly coming undone as he watched in relief and worry.

_Goddamn it Y/n. You're a miracle._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a question, but from this story alone, how old do you think i am?  
> i know, weird question, but i'm just curious lmao  
> i'll probably reveal how old i actually am in the next chapter or smth  
> and i totally didn't get emotional over writing this chapter :(  
> i had to rewatch that damned scene where petra and oluo died to get this as accurate as possible and goddamn it, that shit is sad-


	20. ~ hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i published another version of this chapter for like, 8 hours yesterday before deleting it because i ended up disliking it, so here's the second version of it :') if you saw that previous chapter i deleted, i am so sorry, it was awful and pointless and just... dumb.
> 
> anyway!! you guys think i'm MUCH older than i actually am, and i take that as a compliment! i hope my real age doesn't affect the feel of this story or change your opinion of me, but i am fifteen years old :')

_"Will she be okay?"_

**_"Of course she will. It's a miracle she survived, to be honest. If she'd had any more damage to her arm, it'd have to be amputated, but hopefully, she'll make a full recovery. Didn't you say that she managed to kill a titan with those injuries?"_ **

_"Yeah. She did."_

**_"To be honest, I'm gobsmacked. Someone in her condition shouldn't have been able to move, nevermind manage to kill something most people can't in perfectly good health."_ **

_"Well, you did say she's a miracle."_

_**"We're unsure if there's any brain damage; we'll have to do some tests on her once she wakes up, but we've done a small examination and it seems like she's perfectly fine."** _

_"When will she wake up?"_

_**"I don't know, but Mr Ackerman, you need to sit back down. Your ankle might swell again or get worse, and we don't want that."** _

_"I want to be here when she wakes up. It's been three days and she'll be confused."_

_**"Yes, but-"** _

"What's going on?" you mumbled, gently opening your eyes as you tried to move your head, your entire body numb. A light sat beside your bed, and you wanted to turn it off and sleep again but couldn't. Wincing as you tried to sit up, you felt a sudden hand on your right arm and a hand to your forehead, gently pushing you back down. "Who-"

"Shh, it's okay," a recognisable male voice said, and you blinked a few times, trying to get your regular vision back. All you could see was a smudge of colour, and when you turned your head, you saw a mess of black, grey and the colour of the man's skin.

"Levi?" you questioned, raising your right arm and rubbing your eyes, trying to get some sort of perception back. Blinking a few more times, the room finally came into focus, and the first thing you noticed was a woman standing at the end of the bed, a surgical mask tucked under her chin and a clipboard in her arm. You assumed she was a nurse or doctor from her attire, and with that in mind, you concluded you were in a hospital. Turning, you saw Levi sat to the edge of you, his black hair hovering slightly over his exhausted-looking grey eyes. His skin was much paler than usual, and you wondered if he was sick or hadn't been sleeping. He was wearing a long-sleeved grey top with plain black bottoms, but then, when you looked down, you noticed he had a small cast around his ankle. "You look ill."

"Thanks," he sighed, raising an eyebrow as he gently brushed a strand of hair out of your face. "I was hoping for something nicer when you woke up but that'll do too."

"What happened?" you asked, a small smile appearing on your lips when it finally registered what he'd said. "Why am I... here?"

"We can talk about that later," Levi said quickly, and you cocked your head. It appeared you had temporary amnesia, but that was pretty common with patients who had a head injury. "For now, how are you feeling?"

"Fucking dreadful," you muttered, causing a small smile to appear on Levi's lips. "You're meant to sympathise with me, not laugh, you doofus."

"I know, sorry," he answered softly, unable to contain his delight that you were still the old you. Even if this expedition had changed you in some way, at least your sense of humour was still there. "Does anything hurt?"

"I've got a headache," you replied with a sigh, glancing down at your left arm that was wrapped up in a cast. It sat on top of the plain white covers you were underneath, and you noticed writing already scribbled on. "Oi, who wrote on this?"

"Some of your friends came along earlier," he sighed, shaking his head as he saw your bandage. "But since you were asleep, they decided to write all over that."

Raising your eyebrows, you tried to sit up (with Levi's help, of course), and you looked down.

 _Hope you get better soon, Y/n! - Krista_  
**What Krista said. - Ymir**  
**I'll save you some food for later, Y/n. Please get well soon, I left some bread under your bed for if you get hungry (woah that rhymed) - Sasha**  
**I tried to stop her, but she insisted. Anyway, I hope you wake up in good health, Y/n. Get well soon :) - Connie**  
_**Sorry for nearly killing you Y/n, I didn't mean for that to happen. But I hope you're okay and please forgive me - Eren**_  
_Proud of you, Y/n! You did really well and I'm so glad you came back healthy!! - Armin_  
_**Congrats, Y/n. You nearly died but you didn't, so that's awesome! Thanks for everything - Mikasa**_  
You're still pretty, don't worry. Please don't hit me for that. Get well soon I guess - Jean  
_**Stay safe! Hope everything goes well in hospital - Bertholdt**_  
**They forced me to do this, so I guess, congrats on surviving? - Reiner**

_No message from Annie, how weird._

"What charmers," you chuckled, brushing your fingers over Reiner and Jean's messages. Levi watched as you got somewhat emotional, your eyes filling up a little bit. "I don't even remember much of what happened."

"What do you remember?" Levi asked, taking your hand in his and brushing over the palm with his thumb comfortingly. 

"I remember... riding into the forest," you said, squeezing your eyes shut as you tried your hardest to remember. "I'd killed maybe three or four titans by then, I wasn't really counting. You then left to go over to Erwin for some reason and-"

You froze. Your eyes snapped open and you stared at the wall in front of you.

_The female titan. Petra, Oluo, Gunther and Eld. Eren turning into his titan form, and you getting knocked out. So much death... you were scared. The bird and the horse, what happened to them?_

"Y/n, I assume you remembered."

Nodding and looking down, you gulped and began playing with your fingers, unable to look the man in the eyes. Guilt and worry flooded your body, and you wanted to cry into his arms. However, you tried your best to restrict yourself; their death would be much harsher on him than you, since he'd known them for much longer, and you swallowed thickly. You felt ill, but you weren't sure if that was due to grief or your head injury. 

"Mr Ackerman, can you please return to your room-"

"No," Levi bluntly interrupted, giving an icy glare to the nurse who'd just spoken. She froze, her eyes wide with intimidation, and she nodded nervously. "I haven't finished."

He tightened his grip around your hand, and you flashed the nurse a sympathetic look. There was no way she'd be able to get Levi to budge unless she killed him, and you knew for a fact that would be impossible. 

"Just, as soon as possible, then," she sighed, slightly frustrated. It seemed as if she'd been trying to get him back to his room all day. "And don't put pressure on your ankle!"

"I won't," he answered, rolling his eyes before turning back to you. He seemed much harsher to everyone else today, and little did you know that his top priority at the moment was you. He couldn't seem to stop worrying, his mind a mess. Ever since he'd thought you'd died, he was unable to stop thinking about you. It was driving him crazy not being able to talk to you, and now that he was, he just couldn't stop. Hearing your voice seemed to calm him down, even if he didn't show it. All day he'd been by your bed, waiting for you to wake up. Even if you did wake up with some sort of brain damage or didn't even remember who he was, he'd still be happy knowing you were alive and well. 

"What are we going to be doing from now?" you asked, glancing over at him with a gentle expression. The world you'd been thrown into at the deep end was just getting more and more confusing, and your headache was only getting worse. "We can't really train in this state."

"Well, I'll be busy in my office most of the time," he said, brushing his hair from out of his eyes. "You'll be out of training for a long while, so you'll probably end up missing the next expedition, but that's okay."

"Yeah, I don't fancy going straight into another one," you sighed with a small smile, shaking your head. Deep down, both of you were selfishly grateful. "So... what'll I be doing?"

"You'll still be training, but a lot less than everyone else," he said, pointing at your cast. "I doubt you can fight with a broken arm."

"You don't say," you giggled, trying to move your arm but wincing when you felt a sharp pain. Stupid decision. Levi's arm rushed to help, but he didn't really need to. You were alright on your own. You gave him a side-look, but he didn't catch onto it.

"When you're not training, you can stay with me," Levi added, and you grinned. Spending another month in Levi's office didn't sound bad at all. "And help me do paperwork."

"Wouldn't I be a distraction?" you teased, giving him an innocent look. He tched and looked away, but he didn't say 'no'. You knew for a fact that you wouldn't be there for just paperwork. He most likely wanted you for company or... other things, which you really didn't mind. You'd give up anything just for quiet time with him. "Anyway, you've changed."

"What do you mean?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "In what way?"

"You're much softer towards me than usual," you said honestly, a hint of pink appearing in your cheeks. "I'm not saying I dislike it, in fact I love the protective side of you, but it's just a bit strange."

"I don't know what you're saying," he answered, and you rolled your eyes. He knew exactly what you meant, but he didn't realise how obvious it was. His acting skills had definitely been thrown out of the window.

"I'm just saying, don't change because of me," you said, a small smile on your face. You looked down at your hand that was in his, and your heart raced. Even the smallest amount of contact from Levi seemed to make you bubbly. "Unless I make you happier. I hope I do."

"Of course you make me happier," he whispered, almost ashamed of what he was saying. Now that he wasn't overwhelmed with emotion or drunk, he seemed to have a hard time forming such sentences. "You're so different from everyone else, and I don't know why. I never thought I'd be this close to someone or get so upset over their possible death. It's crazy, you know."

"I know," you chuckled, untucking your hand from his and pressing it against his cheek. He put his hand over yours and closed his eyes. "It is crazy how much one can care for somebody."

"You feel it too?" he asked, his eyes opening just a fraction. "What I feel?"

"Of course I do," you smiled, your cheeks going a pretty rosy red. "If I didn't, I'd be trying my best to get rid of you."

Levi chuckled underneath his breath, and then he took your hand away from his cheek. He pressed the back of it to his lips and left a small kiss there, and you watched, your heart pounding against your chest. Despite all the horrors you'd both experienced in the last few days, the fact you still had each other was wonderful. A cool breeze hit the side of your neck, and you turned in surprise to see a window pulled open. A couple of birds flew past, and you were reminded of the small white bird you'd met in the forest.

"Levi, do you believe that animals could be friends or family who've passed away?" you asked, and he furrowed his brows in confusion. "Like, if we're good enough people, we could be reincarnated?

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," he shrugged. He'd never believed in childish things like that, but then again, he'd never believed in love until he met you. "Why are you asking me?"

"I remember seeing two birds following us when you left the walls," you said softly, your mind going back to when you were on your horse. Sure enough, two birds of the same white colour had been following your squad high in the sky the entire way to the forest, chasing one another in the sky. It was a strange thought, but at the same time, it felt good to have lost ones as guardian angels.

"And you're saying it could be Isabel and Farlan?" Levi chuckled under his breath, shaking his head. "Tch, I've always wondered, but I don't really believe it. Not everyone has your weird and wonderful mind, Y/n."

As if on cue, four beautiful doves flew past the open window, their wings spread out as they followed one another. The two at the back seemed to be fighting with each other, and you giggled to yourself as they went upwards, as birds do. Your heart swelled and felt Levi's hand sit gently on your thigh. 

"That was strange," you said to Levi, resting your head on his shoulder. He nodded, rubbing small circles on your leg with his thumb. Closing your eyes, you gulped, images of your dead friends flashing in your mind. A single tear slipped down your cheek, and Levi wiped it away with the sleeve of his shirt. You smiled softly, wondering if you'd just met their animal bodies. Levi questioned the same, but for now, he was happy with you. 

Maybe the next month would be one of the best he'd ever have.


	21. ~ discharged

A few days passed, and you were finally allowed out of the hospital. Levi had been discharged before you due to not being as injured, but he spent a lot of his day with you anyway. Even when the nurses asked for him to leave so they could check on your arm and head, he'd simply stand outside the door and wait until she'd gone. They'd given up trying to keep him out now, which you found pretty funny. 

On your first day out of the hospital, you spent most of it in his apartment while he was in his office, focussing on more serious matters. You didn't want to see people or the empty table you used to spend your lunch at, so you tried to go to the cafeteria as little as possible. Your heart ached when you got breakfast and you'd nearly cried in front of everybody, so for the rest of the day, Sasha bought your food to you, meeting you outside the apartment block. You doubted Levi would be too pleased to see your 'bratty friends' inside his room, so you met up outside and spoke amongst each other. 

"Did you like the messages on your cast?" she asked with a smug look, and you chuckled to yourself with a nod. Due to the things happening within the Survey Corps, she hadn't had time to visit you when you were awake, so meeting up with her during lunch and dinner hours was the first time you'd seen any them since the whole Female Titan incident. A lot had happened while you were unconscious.

Apparently, Annie, someone you'd rarely spoken to, had been in control of her and was now in the dungeons encased in some sort of titan armour. Reiner, Bertholdt and Ymir had been titan shifters and had been in cahoots with Annie. They'd almost kidnapped Eren _again,_ and Erwin was currently in a coma due to losing his left arm. Anger flooded through your veins, and you figured it must be especially hard on the others from the 104th training group. 

"They made me smile," you answered, brushing your fingers over the new, less chunky cast you were wearing. It was fitted comfortably in a sling you wore over your shoulder, and embarrassingly, you occasionally had to ask Levi for help when you were changing or fixing your cast. He didn't seem to mind though, and he never said anything to make the situation awkward. 

The next day, things seemed to feel a lot more normal. The loss of Levi's team sat heavily upon the two of you, but you never spoke of it. You didn't pretend that it hadn't happened, but you just didn't like to think of it.

"Do you need help again?" he asked with a sigh, watching you struggle out of bed. Your arm was painful again, and you weren't sure if it was swollen or not. Wincing, you brushed your fingers over the cast and felt for any pressure against it. Thankfully, it hadn't swelled up; it was just painful as hell, and you sucked in a breath. Glancing up, you watched as Levi rummaged through one of his neatly organised drawers, pulling out a small packet. "Painkillers. I got given some extra from the hospital."

"I hope you asked nicely," you said, knowing for a fact he'd probably forced the nurse to give him some more. He was very protective of you now, and you couldn't help but like it. No man had been this caring of you, and it was a nice feeling. He raised his eyebrows, and you knew it was most likely a 'no'. 

"I even added a 'please'," he lied, and you shook your head with a small smile. You loved his sense of humour, even though he didn't even mean to have one. Those little things you'd learnt about him in the past few weeks were so precious to you, and you liked them a lot. "Now, drink up."

He passed you a glass of water and two painkillers, figuring that from the way you were acting, the pain was bad. Sitting beside you, he watched as you swallowed the pills and he checked your eyes as instructed. They were certain you didn't have a serious concussion, but if your eyes were dilated, you needed to go back to the hospital instantly. 

"How do you feel?" he asked, having memorised the symptoms for a concussion off-by-heart. He was used to some of the Survey Corps getting concussions during training, and he knew roughly how to treat them. "Sick? Headache?"

"Levi, I've just woken up," you chuckled, shaking your head at him. "I don't know yet, do I?"

"Well, if you're sick, I'd rather you not do it all over my floor," he said bluntly, and you knew that in Levi talk, that meant 'if you're sick, take care of yourself and don't do anything stupid that'll make it worse'. You nodded and stood up, stretching the parts of your body that weren't painful. Thankfully, all your stitches were healed up now, and most of your bruises were gone. Your head had been split open, but that had been sorted out. It was unlikely you'd get another concussion, but even the slightest bump could cause a second before the first was even finished, and nobody wanted to see you go permanently disabled (otherwise known as Second-Impact Syndrome). 

Then, Levi stood up and pinched the tip of his nose, thinking. He was already dressed, wearing a navy blue suit to show that he was off-duty. These orders were given to him by Erwin, the one person he actually listened to without giving out some sort of threat, insult or comeback, and he reluctantly wore the suit. It looked really good on him, but there was no way you'd tell him. Finally, he spoke. "Get changed, brat. We're going to my office."

"Should I change into something fancy?" you asked teasingly, looking him up and down. "Or can I wear what I like?"

"If I have to wear this sort of stuff, so do you, brat," he said, his hands stuffed into his pockets. In the past week, you'd gone into town with some change and bought some new clothes, and now you had your section of his wardrobe. You'd even (just as reluctantly) bought some posh attire, which was a white skirt down to your knees and a white corset-like top. This came with a dark green jacket, similar to the Survey Corp uniform, and a pair of thigh-high black boots. It certainly wasn't your usual type of clothing, but Sasha and Krista had insisted, so you bought it. 

"Fine," you responded with a small snap to your tone. It wasn't serious arguing - the two of you did it for fun - and it was one of your wacky ways to destress. "But you're helping me change, got it?"

"Whatever," he sighed, clicking his tongue. You knew for a fact he didn't mind, and you smiled sweetly at him before wandering into the bathroom. The pain in your arm was slowly going away, but you knew it wouldn't work fully. It'd most likely still be uncomfortable, and you cursed to yourself when you remembered it'd most likely take a month to fully heal. Miraculously, only your wrist was badly damaged; the worst you'd done to your upper arm was a sprain and fracture it. It still hurt a lot though, and the doctors treated it like a fully broken arm.

Standing in the bathroom, you untucked your arm from the sling and sat it on the edge of the sink. You pulled on the skirt and underwear, then called in Levi for help. He entered the bathroom and pulled off your shirt, careful of your arm, and looked away politely. He then helped you put on the corset and jacket, and put your arm back in the sling. 

"You look good," Levi said, and you smiled to yourself. That was probably one of the best compliments you'd get from him. "Now, shall we go to breakfast?"

"If you wish," you giggled, stepping out of the bathroom and pulling on your boots. Acting this way was much more fun than you'd expected, and it seemed to be a running joke between the two of you to act posh whenever wearing such attire. This would be the last day Levi was out of action since he had a new squad and had business to do. You had no idea what this was, but you were still part of the squad and he had you as deputy leader. This new team was currently Connie, Mikasa, Eren, Armin, Jean, Sasha, Historia and of course, you. 

Walking down to the dining hall, you heard whispers all around. Rumours of you and Levi being in a relationship were beginning to circulate, especially amongst the newer Survey Corps. They seemed to believe it more than the veterans, who didn't believe Levi could even form such emotions. Whether those rumours were true or not couldn't be determined by even you, the main focus of them. What was your relationship with the raven-haired man? You'd never really spoken about it, and it just seemed to confuse you. Whether you'd bring it up in the future or not was unknown.

"Let's eat in the office," Levi said, noticing that you were getting a little uncomfortable due to the stares. You nodded, a small smile appearing on your lips, and once you'd got your trays of food, you left for the block. You passed Hange on the way down, who was deep in conversation with Moblit Berner. Levi rolled his eyes at the two of them before entering the building, carrying both trays while you awkwardly hobbled up the stairs. He raised his eyebrows at you before strolling into his office, you following and sitting in the seat opposite his table. He placed them both on the desk before taking his seat, pressing a hand to his forehead when he saw the pile of paperwork sat beside his pen. Usually, he'd have stayed the night and sifted through it, but he'd much rather spend the night with you and keep checking on you.

"So, any news, Mr Ackerman?" you asked, biting into your toast that had gone a little bit cold. However, you didn't complain and continued eating. Levi had already made some tea and left the two cups on the table. "How is the interrogation of the Minister going?"

"Not great," he answered with a sigh, sipping from his tea. "I can't stand the man, which is why I wasn't as reluctant to torture him."

"I don't see you as a torturer, Levi," you said, taking a bite from your apple. "I thought you liked to cleanly kill people."

"I don't particularly like doing it," Levi said with raised eyebrows and a shrug. "But if it's for humanity's benefit, I have to."

"Were you ever going to torture me?" you asked, something you'd been wondering for quite a while. He glanced up from his paperwork and cocked his head slightly, unsure about what you meant. "Back when I was in jail, you said you would if I didn't comply. I couldn't tell if you were using scare-tactics or you would've actually tortured me."

Levi was silent. It seemed that he was trying to come up with an answer, when in fact, there wasn't any sort of good response unless he lied. Which he didn't like to do at all. Sighing to himself, he then replied, "Probably. I didn't know you back then at all, and I just saw you as some sort of obnoxious murderer. I pitied you because I saw a part of myself in you, but that wouldn't have stopped me."

"Then two weeks later, a part of you was in me," you said jokingly, and he groaned in embarrassment, hiding his face with his cup. A hint of pink appeared in his usually-pale face, and you felt somewhat accomplished in your task of humiliating the man. "I'm kidding, but that's surprising. I genuinely couldn't tell at the time if I'd survive or not, but you're hot so I didn't mind being killed by someone like you."

"Shut up," he hissed, getting more flustered by the second. A small smile appeared on his lips, and you sipped your tea, glad you could have moments like these again. "But, in all seriousness, were you ever afraid of me? Have there been times where you were absolutely terrified?"

"Once or twice," you muttered, biting your lip as you remembered the time when he'd shouted at you in his office and caused you to run out into the rain. "But I've never been afraid that you'd kill me. I'd fight until my last breath."

"I know you would," he said with a nod. There was no way anybody would be able to kill you, and even if they somehow impossibly did, they wouldn't be getting out of there without broken bones and a damaged ego. He almost found it humourous. "But you know I'd never hurt you now, right?"

"Of course," you grinned. "Because you know you'd get punched if you even tried."

What sort of answer was he even expecting?

Once the two of you had finished breakfast, Levi placed the trays on top of one another and rested them on the arm of the sofa, waiting until he'd finished his paperwork before taking them back to the kitchen.

"I could take them back, Levi," you said, standing up. But he shook his head and pat his leg.

"Sit," he said bluntly, and you raised your eyebrows in surprise. Was he being genuine? "C'mon, my lap is cold."

"Really?" you asked with a small chortle, but he was deadly serious. He nodded and pointed to his lap again, and you wandered around the table, awkwardly sitting on his right leg. However, he wasn't pleased with that, and he grabbed your waist and sat you right in the middle of his lap, one of his arms snaked gently around your body while he glanced over your shoulder and wrote. You watched in slight boredom, feeling his nose pressed up against your shoulder and his gentle breath against your nape. "You're comfortable."

"Good," he replied, scribbling something down. You didn't want to read, in case it was personal, but you still liked the way he wrote. Something about how delicate his pen was to the paper was mesmerising, and the way he liked to curl his 'y's, 'g's and 'j's was pretty. 

"What are you writing?" you asked, sliding your hand down to your tummy and placing your hand over his, squeezing it. "Anything special?"

"Just a message to Darius Zackly," he said, nuzzling his lower-face into your body. "About what's happened the past few days."

"I was unconscious for most of it, too," you scowled, wondering what would've happened if you were there. "And for god's sake, will you ever tell me what's going to happen with the new Squad? I deserve to know at least a little bit."

"It's... complicated," Levi said hesitantly, and that was the most you could get out of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did not know that from the scene where they return back to wall sina up to historia being crowned queen was within 22 days i-  
> i'm actually shocked?? like, i didn't know the whole 'levi squad running away' and 'finding kenny' and 'the huge battle in stohess district' and 'the whole thing with historia and rod reiss when eren is kidnapped (again)' and literally EVERYTHING ELSE happened within 22 days after the 57th expedition like wtf  
> things move fast in this universe jesus christ


	22. ~ warning of a betrayal

"Where are we even going?" you asked the raven-haired man not even twenty-four hours later. You were stood in his office in casual clothing, which for you was a pair of dark green cargo jeans and white v-neck, and watched as he quickly pulled on his long-sleeved grey top. "Anywhere important?"

"Erwin wants us to go to a secluded cabin out in Wall Rose," Levi explained, messing with his hair to make it look as normal as possible before leaving the office, you following closely behind. "It's to test Eren's titan abilities away from the cities as to not raise suspicion. Hange and my new squad are already there. I've given them a day to get started cleaning the hut."

"You clean freak," you chuckled lightly, shaking your head at him. The poor kids were probably not getting any breaks, either, knowing that if they didn't do a good enough job, their strict captain would force them to do it all over again. The only reason you hadn't gone with them was that you were currently out of commission and Levi wanted you to heal as quickly as possible. "So, I assume we're staying overnight."

"Yes," he answered, and you wondered how long 'overnight' would end up being. "The hut is small, but it should be good enough to hold everyone. Brat, what can you do with a broken arm?"

This was a genuine question and not an insult, but you pretended it was.

"Wow, I'm wounded," you gasped, trying not to giggle. He raised his eyebrows at you, and you saw him try not to smile. "I can do some cooking if you like. I know Sasha and Krista can cook pretty well, so I could help out with them."

"We won't be doing much training or fighting, so you'll heal well," Levi said, and you nodded. "Before we go, is there anything you'd like to do? I heard Wilhelm has been asking of you."

"Oh has he?" you asked, surprised. You hadn't spoken to that lowlife since you punched the wall, so why he wanted you was a mystery. You and Levi didn't bring him up often, but occasionally he cropped up in conversation and you realised that he didn't bother you anymore. Maybe talking to him again in some sort of civil way (by that, you mean you wouldn't scream at him and punch a wall) would rid you of any more doubts and panic. "We can go visit him quickly if we have time."

"I said we'd be at the hut by about 3pm, and to get there will only take about an hour by wagon, so we've got a while," Levi said, checking the clock in the town centre. It said 11:20am, giving you plenty of time to do what you needed to do. "Do you want me to come with you or will you be okay alone?"

"I'll go alone," you insisted, and he nodded, a hint of uncertainty on his face. You smiled brightly, and that was all he needed as confirmation. "Meet you back here in an hour?"

"Sure," he answered, and that was that. He wandered off to do whatever, his ankle healing much faster than expected. You couldn't help but smile as he walked away, trying to hide his limp as best as possible. Sighing deeply, you turned around. Levi had left you outside of the dungeons (how kind of him), and all you had to do was enter. Your heart raced, but thankfully, not nearly as bad as last time. Pulling open the doors, you strolled inside with confidence to your step - which you were definitely putting on - and tried not to slip down the stairs. Already you could hear the yelling of one of the prisoners, probably the same one who'd stopped you from sleeping all those weeks ago, and the rash tone of one of the guards. 

"Stop right there," you heard a male voice call out, and you froze. It was one of the military police, and he held a gun over his shoulder. He was around six feet tall and lanky in build, but he had an authoritative look on his sculpted face. From the colour and state of his stubble (or lack of) and mop of sweaty blonde hair, you assumed he was around Levi's age, maybe a bit older. He certainly wasn't as youthful or attractive though. "State your purpose, name and who sent you."

"Y/n Y/l/n of the Survey Corps," you began, saluting by pressing your fist to the left of your chest. "Captain Levi sent me, and I'm here to see Wilhelm Pichler."

"I'll escort you down," the man said, but you shook your head.

"I'll be fine on my own, thank you," you answered, and the man raised his eyebrow. "What's your name, may I ask?"

"Why is that any of your business?" he asked with a scoff, and you shrugged.

"No need to be like that," you sighed, rolling your eyes and continuing down the steps. "If I'm in trouble, I'll just call 'Oh, 'Guard Who Refused To Tell Me His Name', I'm in trouble! A bit too long, don't you think?"

"Axel Muller," he scowled, wrinkling his nose at you. "Go away, do whatever you need to do, bitch. Be back in thirty minutes."

"Sure, dickhead," you smiled sweetly, before continuing your journey. You were sure he'd shoot you, but it seemed like he recognised you. You'd been here before, the first was when you'd been arrested and the second was when you'd had a violent breakdown. It would be stupid to get on your bad side. 

"Oh, sweet Y/n, is that you?" you heard the hoarse voice of Wilhelm call out into the darkness, and you sucked in a breath. He sounded weak, and you wondered how he'd look. Would he be even skinner than before? Was that even possible? It also smelt badly of urine, and if it got any worse, you'd be sick. Gross. "I'm so glad your precious Levi gave you my message."

"Yeah, me too," you answered, passing the cells of men and women you didn't recognise. They all looked sicky pale or insane, and a pang of pity hit your heart, even if what these people had done was disgusting. That's how you should've turned out, but no. Levi and Erwin had spared you and now you were here. 

Finally, you reached his cell, and you grimaced. There he was, sat in the corner of the cell, his blonde hair now in chunks on his head. You assumed most of it had been forcefully ripped out by his own doing, and his beady blue eyes watched you with a creepy intensity that immediately made you shift from foot to foot. The bags underneath them were even larger and more pronounced than before, indicating his lack of sleep and sanity, and his skin looked dishevelled. Even one of his eyes was covered in a bruise, and you wondered how he'd gotten it. This whole appearance made him look like a zombie, and you felt no sympathy for him. 

"You're looking rough," you said bluntly, grabbing one of the chairs sat by the wall and pulling it up to the cell bars. If Wilhelm tried to reach for you, he could do so easily, but you were on some sort of an adrenaline rush and you didn't care. 

"Could say the same for you, precious," he said, looking up and down your body before staring at your bandaged arm. "So, you're not afraid of me anymore, huh?"

"Why would I be?" you asked, clicking your tongue. You noticed a lack of teeth in his mouth when he spoke, and you couldn't even imagine how god-awful his breath would be. "I could kill you just by giving you a little tap on the shin. Anyway, quit the small talk, why did you want to talk to me?"

"I just wanted a bit of company in this shitty cell," he chuckled, coughing a little bit. "The lass next door won't shut up about her son or whatever, and it's becoming rather annoying, to say the least."

"Out of all people, you chose me," you said, finding that questionable and also hilarious. "Somehow, I don't believe you. There's something you want me for, isn't there?"

"Aren't you clever, Y/n?" he asked, trying to stand up without breaking his knees. "How's the Survey Corps, darling?"

"What's with the pet names?" you sighed, raising an eyebrow. "They're pretty gross coming from your mouth. And it's... good. As good as you can get, I guess."

"Killed any titans?" he pondered, slowly walking over. You wondered what his true motives were, and you looked both left and right, in case he'd formed some sort of plan and you were to be ambushed. It wouldn't be surprising for the Rats to do, although if Wilhelm had managed to form a new alliance even in jail, that would be near impossible. Bomb probably had a sub squad somewhere, if he'd even had the time to form one, and you were certain that killing or kidnapping you would be their top motive. They weren't nearly as strong as you, but they were intelligent. That's how they'd survived for so long in the underground. However, looking both left and right, there was nobody there except for the odd person from the Military Police. 

"Yeah, quite a few actually," you answered, relaxing a little bit. "Nearly died, but y'know. Just a regular day for the Survey Corps."

"What would your precious Levi have done if you had died, eh?" Wilhelm questioned, sitting on the edge of his bed. His clothes were ripped, tattered and stained, and it made you rather uncomfortable to look at him properly. "Would he have cried? Commit suicide? Continued his day like everybody else?"

"I don't know," you muttered, not wanting to think about it. Although, it had crossed your mind a few times. Would he simply move on as he did with everyone else? When you were on the back of that horse, he seemed really beaten up and upset about it. You knew he cared for you much more than he did with everyone else, but... "I don't like to think about that sort of thing."

"What is he to you?" Wilhelm asked, shifting closer and reaching out to touch the cold metal bar. You shuffled back in your seat

"Why does it matter?!" you asked, a little louder than you'd expected. Your voice echoed down the hall, and one of the prisoners peered out of the cells to see where it'd come from. Calming down a little, you sat back down and coughed to yourself, pretending your mini-outburst hadn't happened. Wilhelm sat with the same old beady eyes, a sick grin on his face. "How do you know about us? Who told you?"

"He's the one who gave me this black eye," he said, pointing to the purple mark around his left eye. Your mouth almost dropped, and you were unsure whether he meant it or not. "He also knocked about three of my teeth out too. He's strong, you know."

"When and why?" you snapped, scrunching up your nose and curling your lip. "C'mon Wilhelm, don't tell me you're too shy to tell me."

"He came and visited while you were in the hospital," he said, and you rolled your eyes. "I'd asked for you, but since you were unconscious, he came instead. He was pretty calm until I said some stuff about you. Then he kneed me in the face."

"What did you say about me?" you asked, your heart aching when you found out that Levi had kicked him in the face just for saying something weird about you. How... sweet? 

"You don't need to know," he chuckled, and you felt rather ill. Either it was something rude or creepy for Levi to do that, and frankly, now you'd figured that out, you didn't want to know. "From that alone, I only assumed you two had something going on."

"Right, now you've dug yourself into my relationship, why did you actually want me down here?" you scowled, looking away in slight disappointment. "I don't believe you when you say you just want company."

"Oh yeah, I forgot," he chuckled, and you glared. Then, he lowered his voice almost to a whisper, and he pressed his face against the bars. "There's a familiar group who will betray you in the future, Y/n darling. I'd love to see them do despicable things to you, so hopefully, they'll drag me out of this stinking cell before that happens."

"Great, glad you told me that," you sighed, standing up and brushing yourself down. "I think our little chat is over, Wilhelm."

"Awh, going so soon?" he pouted. You were surprised that those crusty lips of his could even form that shape. "We were just getting started."

"Really?" you chuckled, eyebrows raised so high they'd probably reach heaven before you. "Have you got any more info on what you just told me?"

"No, but I missed you," he said, and you nearly cackled. "What?"

"Well, I didn't miss you," you answered with a shrug beginning to walk away. Your thirty minutes was nearly over, and you were bored with the man's rambling already. "See ya whenever, Pichler." 

"Bye, darling!" he called out, and you gagged at the pet-name. Walking back up the stairs, you passed Axel, who was beginning to fall asleep. 

"What a wonderful guard you are," you said sarcastically, waking him up with a start. "Oh hello, how was your nap?"

"Shut up," he snapped, attempting to hit you on the head with the butt of the gun. However, you dodged easily and glared, your 'kind and sweet' facade vanishing instantly.

"Call yourself a police officer?" you asked, grabbing the butt of the gun and twisting it out of his hand, catching him by surprise. "I thought you were supposed to protect civilians, not aim your gun at them when your poor masculinity and pride were shattered."

You threw the gun back at the stunned man and left the dungeons, sticking a finger up at the man who'd done such a stupid and irresponsible thing. "If it were up to me, you'd be fired on the spot. But then again, I guess I am pretty dangerous, aren't I? A frail-looking woman with clearly no weapons. Congratulations, Mr Muller."

He watched in utter shock, his mouth hanging open and unable to form a coherent sentence bar a few stutters. You finally found yourself in the city again, taking a gulp of clean air and smelling the soft, familiar scent of fresh bread. A small smile made its way onto your lips when you saw Levi stroll over, his hands stuffed in his pockets. 

"How did it go?" he asked, and you skipped up to him, shrugging. 

"It went pretty well, I think," you answered, making sure to not mention the moment when you had a mini-freakout. "Other than the fact the guard aimed a gun at me just for waking him up."

"He did what?" Levi snapped, turning around and looking at the doors to the dungeons.

"It's fine, I think I gave him what he deserved," you chuckled, remembering how stupid he looked with his mouth hanging open. "Also, what did Wilhelm say about me for you to kick him in the jaw? Yes, Mr Ackerman, he did tell me."

"He kept giving you weird names like 'darling' and 'precious'," he muttered, a frown on his face. "Then he tried going into great detail of how he'd... do stuff to you, so I kicked him in the ribs and the face. I was lucky I didn't get arrested."

"He deserved it then," you said, and he nodded. An awkward silence filled the air, and you knew just how to diffuse it. "Say, do you want to get some croissants? I know a stall not far from here that does really good ones, and we can have them for lunch before we arrive at the hut."

"Sure, whatever," Levi answered in response, and you linked your arm in his and wandered off, your mind drifting away from Wilhelm and to your mini-date. 

However, what you couldn't get out of your head was what he'd said to you.

**Betrayal.**


	23. ~ croissants, a lost girl and garlic bread

"Have you ever been here before, Levi?" you asked, entering the warm and cosy bakery, and Levi shook his head, looking around. The walls were a soft brown colour, matching the sweet smell of different pastries and bread. A small smile appeared on your face when you reminisced the time you came in alone and got talking to an elderly woman. She was the first person you'd spoken to since you'd left the underground, but unfortunately, you hadn't seen her since. Surprisingly, the same person was at the counter, just a little bit older. 

He was a tall, slender man, who always wore his signature white apron over his clothes. His long black hair was beginning to recede a little bit, but his kind, brown eyes always gave off the impression that he was relaxed. 

"Hey, Mr Clavette, right?" you asked, wandering over to the counter. The man nodded, and his gentle yet tired eyes looked up to your face. A hint of recognition washed over his face, but you knew for a fact he couldn't figure it out. 

"Yeah, that's me," he said, glancing over at Levi who was looking at the family portraits hung on the walls. It was a family-run business, and it was one of the longest-running places within the walls, having opened back in the year 773. "Is that..."

"Yep," you chuckled to yourself, remembering that Levi was pretty famous amongst the civilians despite his cold demeanour. They either respected him or were afraid of him, and it seemed that Mr Clavette was more in awe than anything. "I dragged him along to get some croissants, which is what I'm supposed to ask before I get carried away... Do you have any in stock?"

"You're in luck," he smiled, squatting down behind the counter and reaching into a tray. "Some have just finished cooking so they're still warm. How many do you want?"

"Two, please," you answered, the smell of bread making your heart warm. He pulled them out and placed them into two brown paper bags, one for you and Levi. They certainly smelt delicious, and you wondered if he'd like it. Then, you rummaged around for some change, and you passed it over to the man, letting him keep the change. Thanking him, you then took Levi's arm, distracting him from the decor, and left the shop. You passed him one of the paper bags, and you saw his grey eyes examine the croissant thoroughly. 

"Don't worry, it's not poisoned," you grinned, pushing the food so the top was poking out of the bag and you bit into it. Levi hesitated, then started to eat, careful to not get himself covered in crumbs. They seemed to be extra flakey today, but they still tasted amazing. Holding the croissant in one hand, he then linked his fingers with yours, squeezing it gently. A small smile appeared on your lips as you bit into the croissant again, trying not to bend your wrist too much, and now people really would believe those rumours that you were dating. 

"Y/n, did Wilhelm tell you anything about a betrayal?" Levi asked, taking another bite out of his snack. You nodded, cocking your head. "He told me too, but I couldn't get what he meant out of him. He kept changing the subject."

"Yeah... he did that with me too," you answered, swinging your arm very slightly. Levi noticed, and he glowered at you. However, you pretended not to notice. "He said they were familiar, which means it could be anybody. Also, he is pretty insane so I wouldn't be surprised if he's talking out of his ass at this point."

"True," he said with a small shrug, dusting some of the crumbs off his sleeves before neatly folding the empty paper bag and throwing it into a bin. You did the same, and you looked around for somewhere else to eat. A simple croissant wouldn't be enough up until dinner at 6pm. Levi was silent, which was something you were used to since he wasn't the best with words, and there was a nice stillness in the air. Neither of you were trying to outrun monsters or trying to hold onto your lives for once, and it was just a sweet moment between the two of you.

That was until someone small ran into your leg.

Surprised by the contact, you flinched and looked down to see a little girl, no older than seven, sat on the ground. She'd ran into you and fallen over, and was looking up at you, clearly frightened. She wore her platinum blonde hair in two pigtails either side of her head, and her sharp blue eyes were filled with tears.

"Hey, it's okay," you said gently, squatting down to help her up. However, she didn't take your hand. She was too afraid to. Levi looked down, and you thought he'd call her a brat or something along those lines, but he was quiet. "I'm Y/n, and this is Levi. What's your name, sweetheart?"

"L-Lina," she whimpered, holding onto the bottom of her dress tightly and looking around fearfully.

"Are you hurt?" you asked, checking her knees that poked out of the skirt of her dress. They were perfectly fine, and it seemed she'd get a bruised tail-bone at most. Then, she started to cry, a mass of tears rolling down her cheeks. "Hey, hey, what's wrong?"

You knelt down and tried to brush away her tears, but she squealed and pulled away, pressing her hands in front of her to push you. Surprised by her outburst, you looked around to see if anybody was trying to hurt her or was chasing her, but there was no-one. There were just a few bystanders watching in confusion and worry. 

"Lina, don't worry, I'm not here to hurt you," you promised, holding out one of your hands to take. She blinked at your hand and coughed a little on her tears, unsure what to do. "I promise. I can help you."

"I don't kn-know where m-mummy ha-has gone," she sobbed, scrunching her nose and trying to wipe her tears. Your expression softened, and you looked up at Levi. He seemed to be looking around for a woman who resembled Lina, and a warm feeling crept into your heart, imagining the man in front of you as a dad. No, this is not the time for that. 

"Hey, we can find her, Lina!" you replied, a smile on your lips. She looked up at you and she finally reached out and took your hand, pulling herself up and wiping her nose on her sleeve. "Levi, do you have a-"

However, before you could finish, Levi had already knelt down in front of her and pulled a clean tissue out of his pocket. "Here, do you need to blow your nose?"

The girl nodded, and he pressed the tissue to her nose. She blew into it and a small giggle left her lips. You even saw a small smile appear on Levi's face and your heart squeezed at the sight. He then folded the tissue twice and dabbed it at her eyes, drying her tears. 

"Okay, so what does your mother look like?" you asked Lina, trying to get some sort of image of what her mother's appearance could be. Blonde with blue eyes?

"She's tall," she started, and you nodded. "She's got l-long blonde hair, a-a-and she has blue eyes! She also has glasses on her big nose!"

"That's not very nice," Levi said, and you couldn't help but laugh. The little girl giggled a little bit under her breath, still sniffling and looking around. You held her small hand gently in yours, and the three of you looked around. At one point, Levi was tempted to lift her so she had a better view, but you both realised it'd make you look like you'd kidnapped the poor girl.

Also, he wasn't really the tallest himself.

"Mummy!" the girl exclaimed suddenly, startling you. Turning around, you saw a woman, around 5'10 tall, looking around worriedly with a baby in her arm. Sure enough, she matched Lina's description perfectly, and her nose wasn't even that big! The woman, once she heard her daughter calling her, looked around, and you waved for her to come over. Noticing the three of you, she rushed over with a sigh of relief, and you couldn't imagine how she felt knowing that her daughter was safe.

"Lina, what have I told you about running off?!" she asked, trying to sound somewhat authoritative; however, she was too relieved and her strict persona just melted away. She squatted down and pulled her into a hug, glancing up at the two of you. "Thank you, guys. I'm sure she was so scared."

"You were so brave, weren't you, Lina?" you said with a small smile, placing a hand on her shoulder. She nodded, and even though her puffy red eyes showed she'd been crying, her mother pretended to take your word for it. 

"She just likes going on adventures," she sighed, standing up and taking her hand, the little baby boy in her arm fast asleep and unaware of the commotion going on. "She's mentioned before about joining the Survey Corps to see what it's like past the walls and go on one of her own mini adventures."

"Would you let her?" Levi asked suddenly, his eyebrows raised slightly. The lady seemed somewhat stunned by his question, and sometimes, you wished he wasn't so blunt. "It's dangerous, you know."

"If she wants to help this world, I'll let her," she said gently, rubbing her thumb against Lina's hand. "My family is against it, but I'm sure she'll do great. Say, are you two Survey Corps? I recognise you."

"Yeah," you grimaced, glancing at Levi who was watching the little girl, his eyes softened as he watched her play with her shoe. "That's Captain Levi, and I'm unfortunately part of his squad."

"Wait, really?!" she exclaimed, her mouth dropped. "No wonder I recognised you! My oldest son is training to join the Survey Corps. He's got about a year and a half left before he graduates, and he really admires you. He'll be so jealous."

"Bless him," you said with a sigh, unable to tell her that he'd most likely not survive his first expedition. However, he sounded admirable, and you knew that Lina probably wanted to be like her brother. "What's his name?"

"Fynn Heinrich," she answered, and you made sure to keep his name in your head for now. "He's part of the 112th training group, and he's got a blonde man-bun. He's not that difficult to miss."

"Y/n, we need to get going," Levi interrupted, standing up straight again and glancing at the huge clock. It read 12:30, and you knew he probably wanted to grab something to eat before heading off to the cottage. The woman nodded, and you all said your farewells before getting off. 

"She was sweet," you said with a chuckle, and you felt Levi's hand interlock with yours. You turned to face him, and you saw him stare off into the distance, meaning he was deep in thought. "Hey, what are you thinking about?"

"It doesn't matter," he said, shaking his head and finally returning back to normal, glancing at you. "You're good with children. I didn't expect that."

"I was working on instinct," you replied quickly, going pink in the cheeks. "I saw a child upset and just did what I thought would make her feel better."

"Hm," he said, glancing back up at the clock to distract himself. "I wish I could do that."

"You did," you said softly, wondering what he was getting at. "You helped her stop crying and you made her laugh. If that's not being good with kids, then I don't know what is. Why, is this eating you up or something? 

"Tch, no," he replied bluntly, shaking his head, and that seemed to end the conversation. Swinging your arm gently again, you looked around for anywhere else that did quick snacks so you could eat on the way to the hut.

"Ooh," you pouted with wide eyes, noticing a small stand that sold loaves of garlic bread. Levi turned to see what you were looking at, and he seemed to catch on quickly. "Want some?"

"Sure," he answered, watching as you wandered over to the stall, seeming to make easy conversation with the man behind the stall. He wondered if you'd made yourself known throughout the community back when you were a murderer, and they all had no idea it was you who'd been that thug. After all, you had said you wanted to make living inside the walls much better than it was, so you bringing the community together wouldn't sound surprising. You also had a good sense of humour and seemed to fit with everybody, no matter who they were. Hell, you'd managed to get LEVI to like you this much. Watching with his hands in his pockets, he felt his heart race whenever he saw that soft smile on your lips. Had he never known you were as brutal and as violent as you were, he would've assumed you were a mother or a good friend to everybody. 

"I got the bread!" you exclaimed, turning around. However, you froze when you saw Levi just... watching you, his expression something you didn't recognise. You couldn't even pull out just one emotion from the mix he was feeling, and neither could he. "Levi?"

"Sorry, I zoned out," he said, taking a bag from your hand. You chuckled to yourself, rolling your eyes at him.

"And you complain when I zone out. Hypocrite."

"Heh, shut up, brat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love domestic levi <3


	24. ~ closure

"We're here," Levi said as the two of you clambered out of the wagon outside of the large cottage. It was sat in the middle of nowhere and purposely placed there out of sight from the public to do whatever the Survey Corps needed to do. It was the perfect hiding place and the best place for Eren to do his titan transformations without damaging property and scaring civilians. There was also a tall cliff closeby and a large flower field with a farm of carrots and potatoes that'd been growing naturally. It was really beautiful, and you wouldn't mind spending your elderly days in a place like that. If you survived that long. 

"It's really pretty," you smiled to yourself, watching as Levi clambered out. He'd changed into a much more professional attire - which was his blue suit again - and looked the building up and down. You wondered what he'd do to the poor group if they hadn't done a good enough job. 

Glancing up to one of the bottom-floor windows, you spotted Connie, trying to fix _something_. Then, you heard an argument break out inside, and Levi sighed in dismay. You couldn't even hide your chuckles, and he rolled his eyes before walking inside, his regular intimidating facade back on. You followed, an expression of awe plastered on your face when you saw how tidy the house was. You'd expected it to be old and crumbling, but that wasn't the case. However, from the expression on Levi's face, you knew it definitely wasn't anywhere near his standards, and you grimaced.

Everyone went silent as he walked in, Eren, Jean and Sasha finally finishing their argument and watching nervously as Levi tucked his hand under the table, brushing it over with his fingers. Eren watched intensely and cursed silently when his fingers came back out with dust and crumbs of the table on them.

"Funny, I'm sure I gave you enough time," he said, wiping them with his ascot and shaking his head. "Start again."

They all groaned in dismay, and you noticed Connie trying to wrench a potato out of Sasha's hands. Levi gave her a swift glare before leaving the room, most likely to clean the areas of the house that the teens had missed. 

"Where have _you_ been, Y/n?" Jean asked, pointing a finger in your face. You raised your eyebrows at him, and you saw Eren shake his head at the taller male before sliding under the table and cleaning where Levi had left his fingerprints. "C'mon, we've all figured you out."

"Figured what out?" you scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest and giving him an icy-look that caused even Mikasa to hesitate. "Jean? What is it?"

"N-nothing," he muttered to himself, shaking his head and going back to unloading one of the carriages with different food in it with Sasha. Connie smiled brightly at you when he got the chance, and he rushed over, pulling you aside.

"Y/n!" he exclaimed, and you realised that you hadn't seen any of them except Sasha since the female titan incident. He seemed more relieved than anything that you'd come out of hospital just as 'normal' as before, but something was off about him. He didn't seem as enthusiastic before, and although you knew he'd been involved upfront in the incident with Ymir (Levi had explained the whole thing to you), you hadn't expected it to have effected him this badly. "It's been a while!"

"It has," you chuckled, your stern face softening up to your good friend. "How are you?"

"As good as I can get for now," he said, and you nodded, leaning against the counter. "How's your arm?"

"It's getting better," you said, patting it. You'd visited the doctors again before you arrived at the cabin, and they'd claimed that you could take the sling off tomorrow and simply leave your arm in a more flexible cast. However, if it was still very painful, you shouldn't take it off and come back to the hospital for a check-up. "Sorry I couldn't come and help with the cleaning. Looks fun."

"Yeah," Connie answered sarcastically, glaring at both Jean and Eren. "Those two won't stop arguing, the pain in the asses, but I kinda missed it."

"Me too," you sighed, a small smile on your face. "I missed you guys a lot, actually."

"Well, we missed you too!" Sasha interrupted, wandering back into the hut with a sack of potatoes in her arms. Jean scowled, watching as she tripped over her own shoe and nearly dropped them all on the floor. "Whoops!"

"If you drop one more stinking potato, I'll drop you," Jean threatened, taking the sack from Sasha's arms and putting them on the table, where Historia would wash and peel them with occasional help from Eren. Armin was nowhere to be seen, so you assumed he was busy cleaning the upstairs rooms, and it seemed that Mikasa, who'd managed to chop the firewood despite her rib injuries, was going off to help him.

"Bit violent, Jean," you said, eyebrows raised. He stuck his finger up at you, and you assumed he was in a bad mood. So what did you do? Take advantage of it. "Did you miss me?"

"As if," he scoffed, pushing you away when you slid across the counter over to him. "What are you doing?"

"Pissing you off," you answered with a shrug, missing the times when you sat at dinner and 'bullied' him. He groaned in annoyance and continued passing Historia potatoes, occasionally grabbing the duster Eren left on the table and finding somewhere to clean. "C'mon, what's got Mr Grumpy so grumpy today?"

"Shut up, Y/n," he grumbled, but you know he didn't mean it. From his eyes alone, you knew he was just as relieved as Connie to see you up and healthy, even if that meant you still teased him. "Are you going to answer my question from earlier, or are you going to ignore it again and leave us all in the dark?"

"What question?" you asked, rolling your eyes. You knew it'd be about you and Levi, and so did the others. Connie, Sasha and Historia all quickly averted their gazes, desperately finding something to do, while Eren just popped his head out every now and then to listen in. 

"Where _were_ you?" he asked, his confidence rising a little. It wasn't like you'd actually hurt him, he was a friend of yours and you'd never _badly_ hurt a friend. "We're not just gonna believe that you weren't allowed to help because you 'needed time to heal'. What bullshit is that?"

"I dunno, that's all I was told," you shrugged, and it hadn't actually registered that you'd easily have been able to help out, even with a broken wrist. Jean gave you a look of disbelief, and you widened your eyes. "Genuinely! Would I lie to you?"

"No, but you'd leave out details," he frowned, shaking his head. He then pushed himself up onto the counter, noticing a spiderweb in the corner of the ceiling that would most likely cause Levi to have a fit. "Were you on a date, Y/n?"

"Absolutely not!" you exclaimed in surprise, unsure whether you were lying or not. "Why would you think that?"

"You're awfully close to the Captain," Eren muttered from under the table, and you were tempted to kick him in the shins to shut him up. "A rumour that the two of you are dating is all across the Survey Corps."

"Great," you mumbled in response, scowling to yourself and looking at the ground where you kicked your feet. "And I bet if you knew the answer, you'd go around telling everybody, huh?"

Everyone in the room was quiet, including Jean who was unsure how to respond. You weren't angry in the slightest; you were just nervous. What you had with Levi was private, and you didn't want to ruin his career by being his girlfriend. You didn't even know what you had with him yourself. It wasn't friends, but you hadn't confirmed with each other that you were dating either. You'd meant to bring it up a few times, but you were too nervous to. Levi would most likely avoid the question too. 

Finally, you spoke again, loosening the awkward tension in the air. "I... don't know. I don't know what my status is with him, and I don't think it should matter to anybody but us. I'm not a child and I don't play stupid childish games of 'Ooh, who's dating who?' and 'Who's slept with who?'. It's weird, but I can understand why you think that way. A Survey Corp shouldn't really be dating their Captain, and the rumours are false for now. I don't really want to bring it up again."

"Sorry," Jean murmured, and you sent him a gentle smile, patting him on the back.

"You will be once I've shoved this shoe so far up your ass it'll be coming out your mouth," you threatened, pointing to your foot. Connie laughed out loud at your response, and finally, things were back to normal. 

Sighing to yourself while the others joked around (or at least tried to) and cleaned, you glanced out of the window. The sun was beginning to set, and you wanted to see it, so you pushed yourself off the counter and left the hut. You were still in your casual clothing, and the refreshing summer breeze whipped around your neck, cooling you down. Wandering down to the cliff edge, you felt the tall reeds of grass brush against your bare ankles, and you sat down, glancing up at the sky.

It was a pretty blue colour, with gentle shades of pinks and oranges joining in to paint the sky. It did look like those gorgeous paintings you saw in an art gallery in the underground once, and you sighed. Your legs dangled over the edge of the cliff, and you weren't afraid. Unless somebody pushed you, there was no way you'd fall off. 

The sun was close to the horizon, the bottom almost touching it, and you watched as it was hidden by the multicoloured clouds. For once, you felt at peace with the world, and when you looked above you, you saw a flock of five white birds fly past, dancing in the sky. A small smile appeared on your lips.

"Huh, I thought you'd be out here."

Not surprised by the voice, you turned your head to see Levi standing there, a white apron replacing his blue blazer and a mask sat underneath his chin. His hands were on his hips, and he wore his signature expression.

"Hey," you said softly, turning away and looking back at the sky, not wanting to miss any of it. Your right hand brushed in the grass, and you pulled up a white daisy. "What's up?"

"Hange's squad are inside, and they want to talk to us," he said, and he expected some sort of answer. However, you simply responded with a hum, and he frowned. "Tch, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," you answered, mesmerized by the sun. This didn't satisfy Levi, and he knew there was something up if you were just responding with short answers. Shaking his head, he wandered over, and you shuffled back a little so you weren't so close to the edge. As much as you trusted Levi, you still didn't fancy getting into some sort of argument and being pushed off by accident.

"I heard your conversation with the others," he said with a sigh, sitting down beside you in the grass and cursing to himself when he got an ever-so-small grass stain on his apron. You nodded, blinking down and at your feet. Oops, you hadn't meant for him to hear. "I was on the stairs."

"Oh."

"Is that all you're going to answer with?" he asked, a hint of annoyance in his tone. "It's not like you to be this quiet. I don't like having one-sided conversations."

"What do you want me to respond with?" you sighed heavily, rocking your body backwards so you were now lying on the ground, your good hand placed over your stomach so you could feel every breath. Levi watched in confusion. "'Oops, I'm sorry you overheard'? What I said was true, if that's what you're asking."

"I know it's true," he snapped, looking down at your face. Your eyes were filled with awe, and he wished he could feel what you felt. He'd never been able to experience those emotions where simple things like the sunset amazed him or filled him with such wonder. "I want closure. Are we something more than 'just friends'? Or are we just Captain and Survey Corp? I can be either you like. But it's up to you."

"I don't know," you muttered, closing your eyes and pinching the bridge of your nose. "It's complicated. I don't want you to lose sight of what you're supposed to do, and by that, I mean I don't want to get in the way of you being a captain, and someone everyone looks up to. I would love to have something bigger with you, but that's because of my own selfishness. Hell, I'd gladly live with you for the rest of my life if the world wasn't so damn cruel. But... don't you think we're going too fast? Not even two months ago, you arrested me and we wanted to strangle the hell out of each other, but now we're like this."

"In a world where we could die tomorrow, we have to go faster than we'd like," Levi replied, reaching over and running a hand through your hair, brushing it out of your eyes. You hummed softly, a smile on your face. "And... were those genuine words? You'd seriously consider growing old with me?"

"I've managed to put up with you thus far, why not forever?" you asked, your eyelids fluttering open as you watched the sky. It was slowly getting darker and more colourful by the second, and you turned your head to see the sun going down. 

"Hmm, that would be nice," he said, and you missed the small smile he gave when those words struck him in the heart. "Just don't do something stupid and get yourself killed before we can do that, got it?"

"Is that an order, Captain?" you teased, glancing up at him and locking your e/c eyes with his beautiful grey ones.

"Yes, it is."

"Well then, I'll try my best not to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally i have some sort of rough plan for the rest of this book, even if it's not a very good or detailed plan :')   
> let's just hope i don't get writers block just before finishing it otherwise i will be FUMING.  
> it's been going so well :')))


	25. ~ moonlight

Night came around quickly, and it seemed that all the Corps were exhausted. Hange's meeting wasn't that long and didn't involve much of you or the others, and you'd forgotten most of what they'd said after an hour. Yawning to yourself, you glanced out of the window. The sky was a mix of pitch black and dark, navy blue now, a few twinkling stars poking out from behind the clouds that dusted the almost clear sky. The moon shone down in a crescent shape, and you sighed deeply. 

All you'd taken away from the meeting with Hange was that they felt like there was a plot against the Survey Corps, but their intentions and reasonings behind this were unknown. Your arm had also been removed from its sling, allowing more flexibility to your arm. Also, you didn't really need it anymore. 

Sighing to yourself, you turned around to see Connie yawning dramatically and holding a pillow in one of his hands. Sasha was behind him, pulling her hair out of her signature ponytail and ruffling her hands through it. 

"Y/n, are you coming?" she asked, her hair bobble hanging from her lips. "You look more tired than the rest of us, and we did all the work!"

"Yeah, I'll be there in a second," you said with a smile, watching as she nodded and finally followed Connie up the stairs. On the second floor, there wasn't much except for two bare rooms and a few pieces of old furniture. They'd been moved out, leaving enough space for everyone to sleep, and a sleeping bag for each person had been laid in rows. You knew Levi had most likely cleaned up as best as he could, removing any dirt and grime that could harm any of the corps, and you thanked him for that.

Turning around to face the empty kitchen, you sighed to yourself and place your cheek on your hand. You cared about Connie, Sasha, Historia, Eren, Mikasa, Armin and Jean, and if anything bad happened to them, you'd be distraught. If watching Petra and Oluo die wasn't bad enough, this would absolutely crush you. Eren would be starting his titan experiments tomorrow with Hange, and you'd been ordered to watch in case something went wrong. There still wasn't any point in you being there since you couldn't do anything if it did happen to go badly. 

Pushing yourself off the counter, you walked around, finding a stray carrot on the floor that Jean had most likely dropped when doing dinner. You chuckled to yourself, finding a small spider sat on it, and you threw the piece of food into the bin. Stretching and yawning, you began to wander up the stairs to the second floor, where you could still hear shuffling from some of the Survey Corps and could see a flicker of candlelight coming from one of the rooms. Surprisingly, the rooms weren't split by gender, but by who wanted to share a room with who.

Still, everyone huddled into the same room, and you couldn't help but smile at how close the group were despite their differences. Historia was already fast asleep in the corner of the room, away from everybody, and Eren was in between Mikasa and Armin. Neither of those three was asleep yet, quietly talking to each other about god-knows-what. Connie and Jean were having some sort of quiet argument and Sasha was trying to shut them up so she could sleep.

Hange and Moblit Berner had gone back to Wall Sina, most likely to talk to Erwin, leaving just Levi missing. You shrugged it off, assuming he was busy, and you slipped down beside Sasha, who was thumping Connie in the thigh for not shutting up quickly enough. 

Soon, you fell fast asleep. 

\---

You weren't sure what'd woken you up. Maybe it was some funny instinct in your stomach that shot you awake or a nightmare you couldn't remember, but you were in a cold sweat and your heart was racing. Gulping, you looked around in the darkness, the room only lit up by the small amount of moonlight that shot through the window, and noticed that everyone was sleeping peacefully. All seven of them.

Cursing silently to yourself, you stood up, knowing you'd most likely not be able to get back to sleep like this. You needed something to drink.

Glancing out of the window, you assumed it was early morning, some time between 1am and 2am, and yawned to yourself, trying not to fall down the stairs in your half-dazed state. This proved to be difficult, and you couldn't help but compare it to being extremely drunk. Grumbling to yourself when you finally reached the kitchen, you found a candle sat on the table and a couple of matches. You lit it up and held the plate it was on in your hand, looking for a glass or cup to put the water into.

That's when a thought hit you. Where was Levi, and why wasn't he in the room asleep? 

You'd spotted another empty sleeping bag when you left the room, and it hadn't registered that someone was supposed to be asleep in there. It didn't make sense; he wasn't in the second room upstairs, as it was empty. Quickly finding a glass and pouring some water in, you took a sip and began to wander around. 

The day before, you'd managed to explore the hut, realising it wasn't actually that big at all. It had a basement, a kitchen, a living room, a bathroom and two upstairs rooms, meaning Levi could either be in the living room, bathroom or basement. 

Pushing the living room door open, you peered inside, noticing a familiar figure in one of the chairs sat at a desk. He was barely moving, and you noticed his hand holding a pen and writing something down, but it was very lazily. He was very tired and you knew that. 

Placing both the candle and glass on another table, you wandered over, being careful not to scare him. You made your presence known by making your footsteps not loud, but not quiet either. Your shadow was also visible due to the candlelight, and you wondered if Levi had noticed you yet.

"Hey," you whispered, and the man didn't move. Was he asleep? Had he not heard you? "It's Y/n."

"What do you want, brat?" he muttered, his voice barely audible at all. You smiled to yourself and walked over, squatting beside the chair to see his face. He was wearing just his grey shirt and bottoms, and his hair was slightly messy. His grey eyes were only just open, and the bags underneath them were much more pronounced than before. "You're supposed to be asleep."

"And so are you," you answered softly, taking the pen from his hand and placing it against the edge of the desk. "Do you always have to be doing paperwork?"

"Yeah," he groaned, rubbing his eyes wearily. "Do you want to take over?"

"If it means getting you some sleep, sure," you replied, not catching on to his sarcasm. He shook his head with a heavy sigh before patting his thigh, and you cocked your head. "What?"

"Sit," he commanded, and even though he was tired, he still had that authoritative tone to his husky voice. "It'll help me sleep."

"What, me crushing you?" you joked, and he glared. Muttering something to yourself, you then straddled his lap, your legs hanging over the side of the chair with your arms draped over his shoulders. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close to his body, his face buried in your shoulder as if it was a make-shift pillow. You rested your head against his, one of your hands running through his undercut soothingly. 

"That's better," he muttered, and you felt the vibrations from his words flood through your body and give you goosebumps. You nuzzled your face into the top of his head and planted a small kiss on his scalp. 

"Don't tell me you're going to fall asleep like this," you chuckled, wondering what the others would say and do if they saw their Captain and friend in such an inappropriate position. Jean and Eren would most likely think it was something sexual when it clearly wasn't, and the others would either be happy for you or shrug it off. "What will Hange think when they get back?"

"Don't know, don't care," he answered, and you giggled. "If they're that bothered, then they can go back to sucking Erwin's dick."

"Levi!" you exclaimed quietly, punching him gently in the shoulder. You heard him chuckle under his breath, and your heart melted. "That's so mean!"

"Oh well."

The two of you were silent for a few minutes, and you wondered if he'd finally fallen asleep. You wanted to do the same, but you were too paranoid someone would come down the stairs and catch you both like this. However, you were wrong when you heard his voice again.

"Funny, I can hear your heartbeat," he said, and you scoffed.

"I really hope you're not surprised by that," you replied, frowning at such a ridiculous statement. "It'd be a bit concerning if I didn't have one."

"Tch, that's not what I meant," he sighed, and you looked down to see his eyes closed, looking somewhat angelic when he slept. You'd never actually seen him fall asleep before since you always conked out before he did, and seeing him so vulnerable and not full of anger was sweet. The way he breathed out gently against your skin sent warm shivers up your spine. 

"Did you even know what you meant?" you asked with a small laugh, and he shrugged. "Were you trying to be somewhat romantic?"

"Let me sleep," he groaned, brushing off the question. You smiled to yourself and continued brushing your fingers through his hair, which he surprisingly didn't mind. You could feel his hands on your back, every so often running soothing circles to relax you. It definitely worked, and your heart slowly began to rest. 

That was until Armin walked in about half an hour later. 

"Erm...Captain?"

Shit.

Your head shot up and you nearly fell off of Levi's lap, who wasn't nearly as bothered as you were. Standing up nervously, you straightened your back and glared at the blonde boy, who was standing there awkwardly. He grimaced, realising he'd walked in on something he shouldn't have, but it wasn't as if he was gonna go telling everybody. In fact, you were glad that out of anybody, it was him who'd caught you. He was a respectful kid, and it wasn't like he was going to assume the worst.

Right?

"Tch, what do you want, Arlert?" Levi snapped, spinning around in the chair and facing the boy, his eyes a little less tired now. However, his grey eyes could pierce holes into poor Armin's face, and he tried to act braver than he was coming across. "I'm busy."

"I can see that, sir," he said, and you thought you were going to explode in embarrassment. "But I spotted somebody outside."

"Was it a Survey Corp?" Levi asked, one of his eyebrows raised, and Armin shook his head. 

"They were really far away, but they were staring directly at our hut for a good 45 minutes," Armin grimaced, his confidence rising. "I woke up because I heard Y/n moving around, and then I saw two men watching from across the hills. I couldn't tell what was in their hands but it shone in the moonlight so I can only assume they were weapons."

"They could be hunters," Levi snapped, still pissed that he'd been interrupted, and Armin flinched.

"Hunters wouldn't be up this late," he said, pointing to the moon. "Although there are some nocturnal animals and some that'd be easier to catch during the night, it'd be pointless. Those hunters could walk into their own traps in the dark, and they'd be easier to spot if they had a torch, which they'd need to see. It'd just be stupid to hunt at night. And why would they be lying down in the grass and staring this far into the distance? I might be wrong, but my gut instinct says they were spies."

Levi, now somewhat suspicious, stood up from his seat and wandered over to the window, glancing at the hill where Armin had pointed to. Sure enough, there was a small glint as if something metallic was sat there, but there didn't seem to be any people. They'd most likely ran off. 

"Thank you for that information," Levi said, and you could tell that something was whirring in his mind. "Now, go back to bed. Tell anybody of anything you _think_ you saw, you'll be punished. Understood?" 

"Yes Captain!" he said, saluting lazily. He was still half-asleep, yet his mind still worked wonders. He was probably the smartest on the team, and you were glad he was here to help out, despite not being the strongest. He then glanced at you, wondering if you were coming back up, and you discreetly shook your head. Catching on, he then added, "Goodnight, Y/n."

He rushed off, and the awkward tension in the air vanished. 

"Told you we'd get caught," you giggled, shaking your head. Levi grumbled something under his breath and glanced out of the window. Sighing to yourself, you wandered over and wrapped your arms around his waist, placing your head on his shoulder and giving him a back-hug. You felt him hesitate, surprised by the contact, but then he loosened up. He put his hands on yours and rubbed gently over your wrists with his thumb, his eyes never leaving the moonlit sky. "Who do you think it was?"

"I don't know," he muttered in response, trying to stifle a yawn. However this just made his voice much deeper, and you smiled in amusement at his failed attempt. "I'm hoping it's just some losers stargazing."

"Stargazers don't usually take guns with them," you answered, and he pinched you gently. "Hey!"

"Shush," he said quietly, and you pouted. "I don't want to think about it right now."

"What _do_ you want to think about?" you asked, slipping your warm hands under his shirt and running them up and down his muscular torso soothingly. "Anything in particular?"

"You," he said bluntly, and you felt a hint of pink appear in your cheeks.

"Didn't take you to be the romantic type, Levi," you replied softly. He raised his eyebrows and shrugged.

"I'm being honest. What else am I supposed to think about when you're right behind me with your hands on my chest?"

"Shut up," you mumbled, tightening your grip around Levi and nuzzling your face into his shoulder in embarrassment. "What are you trying to imply, Ackerman?"

"Nothing at all," he said, and you hated that tone in his voice. That voice where you couldn't figure out what he meant and his face didn't help either. That straight-lipped, half-lidded eyes that showed the expression of frustration, anger, sadness and a ton of other emotions you tried to pinpoint. "Why? What are _you_ thinking?"

"Hmm, I don't know," you sighed, being as useless in a relationship as you thought you would. You weren't even with him yet and you were messing up. "You being a pain in the ass."

"That's mean, Y/n," he said, and you chuckled under your breath. "What did I do to deserve that?"

"Be a pain in the ass," you giggled again, before laughing out loud when he spun around and picked you up, ticking your sides by accident. "LEVI-"

"Shush," he then said, pressing a hand to your mouth to silence you. Then, when he pulled his hand away, he pointed upstairs, and you could hear movement. "You don't want to wake them up, do you?"

"Sorry," you mumbled, now being pressed up against the black-haired man and being lifted just by his one arm alone. Deciding to make it easier for him, you wrapped your legs around his waist and put your arms around his shoulders, your faces just centimetres away from each other. You looked him in the eyes and a small smirk appeared on his lips.

"Well, this escalated."

"It certainly did," you chuckled, cupping his face with your hands and pressing your lips against his. Your lips pretty much melted against each other, and you ran your hands through his hair to push him further into the kiss, which couldn't have been possible. He moved to the windowsill and sat you against it, one of his hands pressed against the back of your head and the other holding himself up behind you.

Eventually, you broke away, your forehead against his as he looked you in the eyes with such emotions you couldn't describe. What did he want? Just that, or more? However, you found out when you felt his lips peck at your neck and a small squeeze of your butt.

"Not here," you whispered into his ear, really not wanting to be caught by anybody doing such dirty things. "Another time."

"Sure, but let me just do something quickly," he answered, and you nearly moaned when you felt his lips and tongue against the crook of your neck, a sweet spot you didn't know you had. 

"Levi!" you hissed, but you couldn't deny you liked it when he left his mark on you. "Asshole."

"What?" he asked innocently, and you could feel him smirk against your skin. 

"Don't play innocent on me, _Captain_."

"Hm, I like it when you call me that."

Your face went bright red, and you thumped him in the back. You heard him chuckle underneath his breath, and you pouted. "Don't say things like that, you douchebag!"

"Why?" he asked, his voice lower than you'd anticipated, and your heart raced. Then, he moved his face up to your ear and whispered, "Do you like it?"

Before you could answer, however, you began to hear footsteps come down the stairs, and your eyes widened. You pushed Levi away, and he nodded wandering over to his chair while you stayed put on the windowsill, trying your hardest to hide the lovebite he'd left so generously on your neck. 

Glancing over to the door, you saw that it was Connie, still half-asleep, and he looked over in confusion. He was facing the kitchen, and you assumed he'd come to get a drink, but then he'd either heard or noticed you. 

"Y/n?" he asked, and you nodded with a small wave, pretending you'd got an itch on your neck and hid the mark. Levi raised his eyebrows at your awful attempt, and you shot him an icy-stare. "Why are you down here?"

"I needed to get a drink," you said quickly, and he nodded. Thankfully, in his sleepy state, he didn't question how weird of an answer that was. He nodded and wandered into the kitchen, and you sighed with relief. 

"Tch, silly brat," Levi scoffed quietly, and you glared. Then, once Connie began to go back upstairs, he wandered back over, his hands pressed behind your body and pinning you where you were. "Now, where were we?"

"Levi, please not now," you sighed, running a hand through his hair and cupping his face. "I don't want to get caught again, and I don't think the kids would be too comfortable hearing their Captain doing something dirty with one of their friends."

"Who said I would do something sexual?" he asked, an eyebrow raised, and you pouted at him. "I just want to taste your lips again."

"You're so cringy," you giggled quietly, and sure enough, he kissed you again. It was passionate, and you melted into his arms. Thank god he was the dominant type because once you were in such a position, you couldn't even think properly. Once he pulled away, you cupped his face, your eyes fierce. "I could get used to that."

"Good," he said, running a hand through your hair and pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "Now, go to sleep. We're busy all day tomorrow."

"Come with me?" you asked sweetly, and he glowered. "C'mon, the second room upstairs is empty if sleeping with 'those brats' bothers you so much."

"And what if they see you sleeping with your 'precious captain'?" he said sarcastically, and you wanted to punch him square in the face. 

"Shut up," you hissed, grabbing him by the hand. "They should hopefully all be asleep, so I can grab my sleeping bag and take it to the second room."

"Whatever," he shrugged, and you shook your head at him with a small smile. You had no idea how he switched moods so easily. "I'll meet you in there."

"Sure," you grinned, getting a head start to the stairs. Once again, you missed the tiny grin he gave you, his eyes filled with some sort of spark he'd never felt before.

For the first time ever, he had some sort of hope in his life, and maybe this world wasn't as shit and as miserable as he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so pumped for season four!! the trailer looks so good and i'm really excited :D


	26. ~ disobeying orders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a really short chapter, I apologise :/ it's more of a filler chapter but there'll be more angst mixed with fluff coming up so yee :)

Putting on the 3D manoeuver gear in secret, you pulled the harness gently over your arm as to not catch it or harm yourself. Despite not being allowed to use your gear or do any training whatsoever because of your arm, you were still going to do so. What if someone snuck up on you all and you had to make a quick exit using your gear? You needed to figure out how to use it without causing further harm to yourself, and what better place to do it than here, out of sight?

It was mid-afternoon; the morning had been spent using Eren for his experiments, and now he was passed out in the bedroom healing himself. It hadn't gone very well, but now you'd learnt that he could use his titan form up to three times before using up all his energy. Hange, although they were mad that they couldn't continue, was still very pleased with the results and was just as bubbly as ever. 

Lunch had been eventful, to say the least, with Historia and Sasha making soup and Jean trying not to spill it everywhere or destroy/ruin it. He was just a clumsy cook, even if he was really good at it. 

Now, it was afternoon, and people were either resting for a bit, doing physical exercises, or working with their gear. You wanted to join in, and Levi was busy talking to Hange and their squad to notice that you were missing. 

Pushing open the window, you decided you'd climb out of the back way. Although you'd got your cloak pulled over your head, you didn't want people to notice you with your gear on, and if you went out the front door, they'd easily see you. To get to the back door, you'd have to pass Hange and Levi, which would be even worse. So your best option was to go out of the window. It was large, so you could slip through easily, and once you were squatting there, you held onto the handgrips of your gear and shot towards a tree, using the gas you'd given yourself to propel over. Once you landed on the branch, you winced a little. The pain wasn't that bad, but it definitely stung and ached. You'd been warned not to use your hand much, but just pressing on the handgrips shouldn't do much harm.

You wobbled a little bit on the branch before looking around. Nobody had spotted you yet, thankfully, and you couldn't help but laugh when Sasha pretty much pummelled Connie to the ground. Shaking your head, you then turned around and aimed towards another tree. Hm... how quickly could you get through this patch of trees? It went for about half a mile, and you checked how much gas you had. Of course, they were full, and you thought for a second if you could get through and back with just that. You didn't exactly fancy walking back and getting lost. 

Finally, you shot against a tree and pulled yourself forward like a bullet, latching onto each tree as quickly as you could while maintaining a straight left hand. This exercise was to see what your limits were with a broken wrist, and you seemed to be doing well. Other than the overall ache, it wasn't that bad. 

You knew you'd gotten to the other side when you shot at nothing and nearly fell off the tree. Gasping out loud and grabbing onto the tree trunk, you'd realised you'd gotten way too into it and forgotten to focus on where you were going. Glancing up at the sky, the warm sun beat down through the trees and lay soft marks of yellow on your bare arms. The cloak's hood had fallen down, leaving your hair a wind-blown mess. Smiling, you looked around and saw a thick branch higher up in one of the trees, and you boosted yourself up. 

Lying down on the brown wood and pulling the hood back over your head, you stared up at the blue sky, white fluffy clouds passing by without a care in the world. Last time you'd used your gear was in a forest like this, and it was much scarier with titans surrounding you. A flashback occurred, and you remembered seeing Petra, Oluo and Eld with their bodies broken, but you shook the thought out of your head. You still weren't over their deaths, and rightly so; it'd only been a few days, and your heart ached whenever you thought of them. Sighing to yourself, you closed your eyes and heard a few birds pass by. Opening one of them, you saw the tail-end of a flock of birds above the trees, and they were flapping their wings without a care in the world. Oh, how you wished you could join them.

"Funny, I thought you weren't supposed to be training."

Your eyes snapped open and you sat up in surprise at the voice. You tugged the hood instinctively over your face, and you turned to see an all-too-familiar figure standing there on another tree, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Goddamn it, Levi," you muttered to yourself, pushing the hood back down and revealing your rather-annoyed face. "Why did you follow me?"

"I knew I couldn't trust you on your own, so I told Arlert to be a lookout," he answered with a glare, shooting over with his gear and wandering over. "You're supposed to be out of commission, Y/n, which means you shouldn't be using this."

He grabbed you by the gear's belt and pulled you up, making you gasp in surprise. "Isn't that right?"

"I got bored," you said, pulling away from him and rolling your eyes in irritation. "And what if we have to make a quick getaway with our gear and I don't know how to use it with this stupid arm? I need to learn for myself."

"Tch, that's highly unlikely," he replied with raised eyebrows. "It was a given order that you didn't use your gear until your arm was healed. Do you not know what 'Out of Commission' means?"

"Of course I do!" you exasperated, rubbing your temples together. "If I'm gonna be a strong Survey Corp, I need to work through my injuries. It just makes sense to do so."

"Remember when you did that last time," he said, stuffing one hand in his pocket and pointing the other one at you. "When you kept falling off your horse. How many injuries did you get?"

"I don't know, I don't count," you scoffed, looking away from him and crossing your arms, leaning against the trunk of the tree. 

"Nearly 100 injuries, and just to let you know, I DID count every single one," Levi snapped, clambering up and onto the branch you were on, practically forcing you to look into his eyes. You glowered at him with a wrinkled nose, wishing he'd just let you do what you wanted. Your arm didn't hurt in the slightest (except for a small ache) and you were an expert in using the gear. So what if you were 'Out of Commission'? "We can't waste our first aid materials to give you another four stitches if you fall out of a tree like a klutz."

"Who said I'd fall?" you asked with a raised eyebrow. The argument was sure to get heated if it kept going on like this, but both of you were too stubborn to stop. "I'm not stupid or weak. I know my limits, Levi, and if I thought I'd worsen my injuries by doing this, I wouldn't have done it."

"You're lying," he hissed, grabbing your arm and making you wince. He then lifted it and showed it to you. "Your fucking arm is fractured and it will get worse because of your stupid idea."

Sure enough, part of your wrist was a deep red and you hadn't even realised. Your eyes widened at what you saw, and you gulped. It hurt quite a bit, so how you hadn't noticed was a mystery to you. Grimacing, you pulled your arm away in embarrassment and pouted, unsure what to say.

"Either you're ignoring your own injuries and pushing your limits or you're way too oblivious to realise what you're doing," Levi sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. "If you seriously wanted to try out your gear again, you should've called for me."

"And you'd have said 'no'," you complained, sitting back down on the branch and shaking your head, brushing your fingers over the red part of your wrist.

"Exactly."

You couldn't help but grin a little bit at his response. He did care about you and your wellbeing, but he expressed it in a completely different way to any 'normal' person. Running a hand through your messy hair, you looked down at your feet, which were dangling over the edge of the branch. It was scary to be this high up, but you also liked that dangerous feeling. Levi sat beside you and looked down at your wrist, his straight-lipped expression never changing. 

"How long will I still be out of commission?" you asked into the silent air, hearing a slight scuttle of some wild animal in the trees behind you, and you assumed it was a squirrel. Levi shrugged.

"Until your arm is healed," he responded, and you groaned in annoyance. "Probably a couple more days."

"Aren't you still out of commission though?" you asked with a small smile, looking down at his left leg. "Hypocrite."

"Tch, brat," he muttered, and you giggled to yourself. Thank god the tension in the air had been released. "It's only because you went off on your own like an idiot."

"Nah, you love me really," you teased, resting your head on his shoulder and jabbing him in the side, making him flinch. "I remember when you asked me if I was ticklish back when we first met. Now I know for certain you are."

"You never answered my question," he said, and then he glanced over an evil-looking glare. Your eyes widened, and you stood up quickly. You knew exactly what he was going to do, and you didn't fancy falling off a tree. He chuckled to himself before standing up. "I think this should be your punishment for disobeying your Captain."

"Absolutely not," you answered, accidentally backing into the trunk of the tree. You'd never liked being tickled, and up on a tree where you could fall off didn't sound like a good plan either. At least you had your gear to get away.

"It's either this or twenty laps around the house," he said bluntly, and you groaned to yourself, face-palming. "Your choice."

"Fine," you muttered, feeling your face go pink. This was gonna be embarrassing. "Go ahead."

Before you could change your mind, you felt his hands on your sides, and you squealed a little bit too loudly when he began to tickle, and you couldn't stop yourself from laughing. You sunk down the trunk and tried to kick him away, covering your red face with your hands. Your whole body involuntarily jolted and you tried to push Levi away, but you couldn't.

"St-st-stop!" you stammered out between laughs, your face getting redder by the second and being unable to hide it. "Yo-you ass!"

Eventually, he stopped, letting you finally catch your breath. "My god, that was the worst thing ever."

Levi stepped back and crossed his arms, amused at your weakened state. Although you pretended to hate it, it was all in good fun. You knew he wouldn't go on for too long and actually hurt you, and he seemed to know when to stop. 

"Let's head back," Levi then said, glancing up at the sky. "It's time for dinner."

"I thought I was out of commission," you pouted, knowing he probably wouldn't let you use your gear. "What do I do?"

"Walk back," he said, and you glared at him. "If I see you use your gear again, it will be forty laps around the cottage before you're even allowed dinner. Understood?"

"You dick," you grumbled, sending icy-stares at him. A smug look appeared on his face before he shot off, and you sighed, beginning to make yourself back down the tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, thank you so much for 1000+ hits and 50+ kudos!! this story was originally an experiment for me to see what different scenarios and gory things i could write, since this isn't my usual type of fanfiction i'd write (i'm more into the wholesome fluff type of stuff) and i really wasn't expecting it to get this far!! thank you so much :D  
> also i may have hyperfixated on finishing this story so erm, that's why there's been so many chapters in such a short span of time.  
> (i started on the 11th of may, which is wacky, and i've done nearly 30 chapters since then... woah)


	27. ~ stressed levi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fyi, everything hange says in the slanted text is copied from the manga :)

_"Minister Nick is dead."_

_As soon as those words left Hange Zoe's lips, everyone dropped silent._

_Despite the room being filled with survey corps, you could hear a pin drop. You were sat at a wooden table beside Jean and Sasha, the two loudest in the group, and even they were stunned. Armin opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Levi frowned in disbelief, and you knew he'd be pissed._

_"Minister Nick was found dead this morning inside the Trost barracks," they said, and anger was visible in their tone. You shivered, knowing that either a very heated argument would break out between Levi and Hange or an awkward aura would be left in the air. Although the two trusted each other and got along sometimes, their personalities clashed awfully. "I don't know the cause of death, but I know he was murdered. I believe Nick was tortured by Interior First Squad of the Military police and then killed."_

_Hange sighed deeply, running a hand stressfully through their hair before continuing. "I had thought that the church would try to get their hands on Nick once they learned he was helping the Survey Corps. That's why I hid his identity and put him in the barracks but... I never imagined they'd use soldiers to kill him. I was naive, and it's my fault that Nick was killed."_

_The room went silent again, and you felt awful for Hange. They felt guilty and responsible for the death of Minister Nick, and although you didn't know much about him, your heart sunk when you heard of the torture used against him that Hange began to explain. Levi seemed cool and collected, but you knew he'd break somehow. He was mad, and you knew for a fact he'd take out his anger on somebody without realising he was doing it. You just hoped you weren't on the receiving end._

_A discussion broke out about plans of action and what they were going to do without Nick. However, you stayed silent and gulped some tea from a cup Levi had put out every time the room went silent so you needn't say anything. Sasha noticed how uncomfortable you'd gotten, and she took your hand and squeezed it. You were never good in debates, and it was obvious to anybody with a brain._

_Eventually, the conversation ended, and the group dispersed to make dinner._

\----

It'd been about three hours since the meeting, and the tension in the air was heavier than you'd ever experienced.

It was dark already outside, and you sat on the windowsill where Levi had placed you not even 24 hours ago. He was nowhere to be seen, and you hadn't spoken to him since dinner. He pretended not to be pissed off as you'd expected, but you knew for a fact he was fuming. You could almost see the steam shooting out of his ears. 

"Y/n, are you alright?" you heard a male voice call from the door, and you turned your head to see the familiar, kind face of Armin. You smiled softly and nodded, gesturing for him to come over and shut the door. Although he'd snitched on you earlier, you didn't resent him for it. He was a kind-hearted soul and was just looking out for you. In fact, he was someone you trusted the most. Ever since the first day you met, he was always looking out for you, defending you whenever someone made a crude joke.

_"Ooh, is somebody gonna have private time with the Captian? All the girls will be jealous of you," Reiner cackled, and you stuck your finger up at him._

_"Reiner, stop it," Armin glowered, and although he didn't sound that threatening, Reiner still chuckled and stopped teasing you. "Don't make her feel unwelcome."_

"I'm alright, I think. Why are you asking, Armin?" you asked, cocking your head and coming back to reality. The blonde was leaning against the wall beside you, a friendly expression on his face. For just fifteen, he was really mature, and you admired that in him. 

"You looked sad," he answered, and you chuckled to yourself. So it was obvious, huh. "So I thought I'd check on you. What's up?"

"I dunno," you sighed, running a hand through your hair as you tucked your knees up to your chest. "Just... something."

"Did Captain Levi do something?" he asked, and you froze. Of course, he assumed it was that. He wasn't stupid at all; from your expression and body position, he could only guess it had something to do with the pair of you. If anyone had caught on that you two were closer than you should be, it was Armin. 

First, he caught the two of you in the same room together asleep with you literally sat on his lap. Secondly, when watching Eren's experiments, Levi wouldn't stop talking to you while you were sat on the edge of the cliff. It was only you, him, Levi and Historia up there, and without realising it, the raven-haired man kept paying attention to you instead of what was actually going on. Third, he watched Levi, who was out of commission, go and find you in the forest instead of sending somebody like Hange or Connie. It was obvious and clear as day. 

"Y/n, did he say something to you?" Armin questioned, his voice rising.

"No, he didn't," you muttered, feeling a little embarrassed that you were discussing your love life with a teenager. However, Armin didn't seem to mind, so you relaxed. "I'm just worried, that's all."

"Aren't we all?" Armin chuckled, sliding down the wall and sitting down cross-legged on the ground. "Isn't it crazy that we're being targetted? I thought we were doing the right thing."

"If you believe that what you're doing is beneficial to humanity, then you're doing the right thing," you answered, glancing down at the blue-eyed boy who was very obviously conflicted. 

"But you thought you were doing the right thing before you joined the Survey Corps," Armin muttered, and you sighed, realising how contradictory your statement had been. 

"Armin, I knew murder wasn't right," you said, pinching the bridge of your nose. "I've always known it's not, and being a murderer isn't something I'm necessarily proud of. I wanted to protect those close to me, and if killing others ensured that then I'd do it. I guess it just ended up spiraling out of control and I killed those who I thought harmed others. But we're protecting Historia and Eren, right? We want to help Eren plug up the wall, so I know that what we're doing is right. Don't let anyone tell you any differently, because as soon as you think what you're doing is wrong, you'll begin to hesitate and your mental state will crumble."

"Yeah, I guess so," he nodded, nibbling at his lip as his mind whirred. "You're smart, Y/n."

"Coming from you, that's a huge compliment," you chuckled, and you saw a smile appear on his face. "Anyway, I'm worried about us being targetted too. I can't lose any more of you. I know it sounds selfish because you guys have probably witnessed more deaths than me, but as long as I know you guys are safe, I'm happy."

"That's sweet, Y/n," Armin grinned, glancing up at you with sparkling eyes, the same ones you were so jealous of. "When I first met you, I didn't expect you to be a criminal. I saw a mix of things in your eyes, such as regret, sadness, anger and other things I can't describe, and seeing this side of you just confirms that I was right about you."

"And what's that?"

"You're a kind-hearted soul with a rough upbringing, but that's okay, our upbringings don't define us," Armin began, and you melted at his words. He was so honest and well-intentioned, and you could just hug him. "You're caring of those who you love, and you'll do anything to protect them, even if it means costing your own life and dignity."

"Armin, you're too kind," you murmured, trying to blink away your tears. Everything that'd happened that day and now this was bringing you to the brink of just sobbing, and although it was unhealthy to bottle up your emotions, you didn't fancy crying in front of Armin. Not only would it be embarrassing, but it'd also be very awkward for the poor teenager. "And answering your earlier question, I guess some of my worries are about Levi."

"What happened between the two of you?" he asked, cocking his head. "If you're comfortable with sharing, of course."

"Yeah, I'm fine with you knowing," you smiled softly, reaching down and playfully punching him in the arm. "You've figured it out already, and I don't know what I was expecting. But you can't tell anybody about the two of us, understood?"

"Understood," he answered with a nod, and you sat up, sliding off the windowsill and down beside him so you could quieten your voice without him having difficulty hearing. 

"I don't know where he's done," you muttered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "I know he won't show it, but I can tell he's really angry about the whole situation. In fact, I've never seen him like this. He's furious."

"Yeah, I noticed too," Armin sighed, shaking his head. "He's a secluded person, but he's never just left us alone for this long without telling us some sort of order. And if even you're confused, then I know something's wrong."

You almost snorted, surprised that if he knew you were feeling down, so would Levi. He used how you were feeling to estimate what Levi was feeling and acting, and you found that highly impressive.

"Does anyone even know where he is?" you asked, and Armin responded with a simple 'no'. "Damn, he must be pissed-off."

The blonde chuckled at your response, and the two of you sat in comfortable silence for a minute, thinking about your mysterious and grumpy Squad Captain. You were glad you had Levi as a captain though; even if you weren't together and he was as big of an asshole to you as he was to everyone else, you were delighted to have humanity's strongest leading you. He was intelligent, strategic and, although he wasn't the best with his words or actions, he genuinely cared about his team. He was protective of his squad and didn't want them to die, not just for his own benefit of looking good but also because... they were _his_ squad and people he genuinely knew.

"I know this is probably private, but what is Levi to you?" Armin asked eventually, staring off into the distance and nibbling at the skin around his thumb. "I assume you're both very close."

"I could tell you our whole story if you wanted to," you joked, glad you had someone to talk to about it all. Armin shook his head with a small grin, not wanting to know that much, and you put your head against the wall. "Yeah, we're close. I don't know what we are, Armin, but we... care about each other a lot. Hell, we've cried together. If that doesn't prove anything, I don't know what will."

"Imagining the Captain crying is really... weird," Armin grimaced, and you laughed. "But I want to tell you something. It'll probably surprise you or make your day or something."

"Go ahead," you said, curious now. Had Levi said or done something that you didn't know of?

"Back when we... thought you'd died," Armin gulped, and you nibbled at your lip nervously. "Everyone was upset. Connie and Sasha were distraught because you're a good friend of there's, but Levi refused to leave."

"He did?" you exclaimed, surprised by this.

"He said that he wasn't leaving until someone had found a part of your body, because he was absolutely certain you hadn't died," he continued, tucking his knees up to his chest. A small smile appeared on your lips, and your heart melted. "He even wanted to go back inside, but Erwin told him not to because of his leg. He kept insisting, and he even threatened to cut it off if it made it easier for him to get into the forest. At the time, people just assumed it was because you were on his squad. He knew that the other four were dead and Eren was alive, but you were just _missing_. Now I think I know why he was acting up."

"I wasn't expecting you to be so observant, Armin," you giggled, wiping a tear from your eye and looking at your knees. "That's crazy."

As if on cue and catching you both by surprise, you heard a thump at the door, and it was pushed open by none other than the grey-eyed man you'd just been talking about. You heard Armin squeak from beside you in surprise, and you hoped to dear god Levi hadn't been listening to what you were talking about.

"What are you two brats doing?" he snapped, his nose very slightly wrinkled as he looked at the two of you in disgust. Man, he was good at acting. If you had to act in a way like that to someone you cared about, it'd be very difficult. However, for him, he was a natural. You'd be convinced he hated you if it wasn't for the times you had alone with him. Armin jumped up and quickly apologised, scuttling out of the room. He waved with a smile to you before leaving you alone with Levi. 

"Good evening," you said softly, pushing yourself up and standing against the wall, watching as the clearly-stressed man walked over to his desk. He ignored your gesture, and you frowned. "Do I not even get a 'Hello'?"

"Shut up," he replied bitterly, sitting down in the chair without even looking at you, and you gasped in disgust. 

"What is wrong with you this evening?" you asked, storming over and putting a hand on his shoulder. He slapped your hand away, and you wrinkled your nose. "Oi, asshole, I'm talking to you."

"Yeah, I could hear your annoying voice from a mile away," he answered bluntly, and you could've hit him. But you didn't, because that was cruel, and you didn't want to make what you had with Levi abusive. 

"Well, if you're gonna be like that, I'll just leave," you threatened, crossing your arms over your chest.

"Go ahead," he hissed, and you glowered at him. Your blood was boiling, and you began to wander across the room to the door. If he wanted to be left alone, so be it. Maybe his nasty demeanour from just five minutes ago wasn't an act, and he was actually being a douchebag. "Why would I care whether you left or not?" 

"Because you fucking should!" you exclaimed, a little louder than you'd wanted to. The rest of the squad could probably hear you, but you didn't care. "You acted as if I wasn't there when you walked in, then you told me to 'Shut up' when I said hi. Then you had the audacity to hit me! So tell me, Levi, why the hell are you so worked up all of a sudden?!"

"Y/n! Shut up, goddamn it!"

The room went deathly silent, and you shivered. He clenched the pencil so harshly in his hand you thought it'd snap, and you stepped back nervously. Had you said something wrong? Of course you hadn't! It was him being mean, not you. If you'd tried to find him earlier, would he have been even angrier than he was now? 

Then, he stood up and dropped the pencil. His fists were still clenched, and you panicked. Would he punch you? No, that's stupid, why would he do that?! He cared about you, right? Yeah... otherwise those events you'd talked about with Armin would've been pointless. Finally, he relaxed, and you breathed out. He turned around to face you at last, and although he refused to look you in the eyes, at least you could tell he regretted what he'd just done.

"Sorry," he mumbled, and you were about to tease him by asking him to speak up. However, you quickly decided against it. This wasn't the time for fun and games. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's okay," you said softly, brushing your arm with your fingers to calm yourself a little. "I assumed you were mad, but I didn't really expect you to lash out at me."

"I should've lashed out on that blonde brat instead," he said, and you glared, unsure whether he was joking or not. "Forgiven?"

"Forgiven," you smiled, and he looked up at you at last. He walked over and took your hands, pulling you into a hug. His arms wrapped around your waist and he nuzzled his face into the crook of his neck, his breathing heavy. You ran a hand through his undercut as per usual when you hugged or cuddled, and it always seemed to calm him down. "If you're gonna use me as stress relief, at least tell me first."

"Yeah, I'm really sorry," you heard him mumble, and you smiled. However, you still punched him in the back.

"That's for telling me to shut up twice," you pouted, and you felt him wince when you punched him again. "And that's for saying my voice is annoying, which it isn't. Is it?"

"I deserve that," he groaned, his voice sending vibrations through your body and making you tingle a little. "And of course it's not. Don't act stupid."

Before you could respond, someone burst through the door, surprising you both. Pulling away, you saw Nifa, a petite red-head on Hange's squad who'd been sending information to and from Commander Erwin. She had a note in her hand, and she seemed somewhat surprised to see the two of you so close together. For once, you didn't care. You'd been caught too many times now that it had no effect on you.

"Captain Levi, this is for you," she said quickly, passing him the small note. He nodded and read it, scanning the paper. Then, his eyes widened, and he quickly put it into his pocket.

"Get everyone out. Now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love armin with my whole heart.


	28. ~ sleep

Standing on top of the dark cliff with your huge trench coat wrapped around your body, you watched nervously as a group of Military Police surrounded the hut, guns in hand and ready to shoot anybody who came out. Thankfully, Levi had been given the message to evacuate, and now you were all safe. 

"What would've happened to us if we'd stayed one more night in there?" Connie muttered, wide-eyed and holding onto the gun in his hands tightly. Everyone had been given one for self-defence in case worst came to worst, and you despised even looking at it. You'd always used knives and blades, so using such a powerful weapon made you feel uncomfortable.

"Are those interior MPs?" Armin asked, turning to Levi. "What are they doing here?"

"Beats me," Levi shrugged, but you knew this whole ordeal was suspicious. He knew it too, but he was keeping quiet in case he was wrong. Glancing back down at the Military Police, you frowned. Would they really try and kill all of you just for Historia and Eren, and why had they killed Minister Nick? Of course, they were trying to keep you all quiet. At least, that's what you and Levi had theorised, and it made you sick to the stomach. "We'll head to Trost. Any objections?"

Nobody said a word. Pleased with that response, Levi then lead the group, and you stayed at the back. You felt most comfortable there, as although you were humble, you knew you were the second strongest of the group and had experience in killing more than one person at a time. Being capable of killing a titan was one thing, but killing your own kind was much more difficult. Not physically, but emotionally and mentally. Titans were braindead who, if you didn't kill first, would eat you with no remorse. However, humans had emotions and could be negotiated with (most of the time). You can also see the life drain from their eyes and the pain on their faces, and to know you've done such a thing is heartbreaking. Even after all these years, you found it difficult to kill someone who'd done nothing wrong. 

"Ugh, why me?!" you heard Jean complain at the front, and now you listened in. You realised you'd zoned out again and hadn't been listening to the plan at all. Grimacing, you hoped Connie would repeat it to you or you'd catch on. "I've already done it once. I look nothing like him!"

"His horse-face will give it away," Eren complained, and Levi glared at the two of them, shutting up the argument instantly. 

"At least you don't have to pretend you're a woman," Armin mumbled, and you could see a small smug smile appear on Jean's face.

"Stop arguing, you idiots," Levi said bluntly, and the three of them shut up. "Did any of you brats not listen to the plan, or can I save my breath?"

"I don't think Y/n was," Sasha giggled, throwing you under the bus. Glaring at her, you flipped her off. Was it that obvious that you'd zoned out? Levi sighed and rolled his eyes, but he wasn't surprised either. He knew you well enough now to know you'd zone out at the most important parts. "I'll explain it, Captain."

He nodded before continuing the journey through the woods, staring straight ahead. Everyone seemed to be deep in some sort of conversation except for him (Eren and Mikasa, Armin and Historia, Jean and Connie), but he didn't mind. He never was the talkative type.

"So, we're heading to Trost to get to the rendezvous point," Sasha began, and you tried your best to focus. However, due to your lack of sleep the night before and your excess gear training (PLUS the run back to the hut, which Levi had cruelly made you do), you were very tired and just wanted to sit down and sleep. "Historia and Eren will be going by wagon undercover, while Jean and Armin dress up like those two. People will think they're Eren and Historia, meaning if they are actually targetted, we won't lose the real people. Jean isn't too pleased to be cosplaying as Eren again, though."

"I can tell," you chuckled, trying to stifle a yawn. By looking at the moon, you could assume it was some time after 11pm, and you wished you were back in Levi's warm, tidy apartment. His bed was super comfortable (only the best for Humanity's Strongest Warrior) and let you fall asleep almost as soon as your head hit the pillow. Levi turned his head over his shoulder and noticed how tired you were. In fact, everyone seemed to be just as tired at you were (apart from Eren, who'd slept all the way through yesterday), and it would be pointless to keep going with such a weak team.

"We're resting," Levi said suddenly, and everyone was somewhat confused but glad. "Three hours at most. If you're going to sleep, keep your coats on for warmth and use the floor, even if it's not the most hygienic. Eren, you're a look-out."

"Understood, Captain," the brunette said with a nod, turning around and holding his gun in his hands. He then sat down on one of the logs, Mikasa and Armin sitting down beside him. Connie, Sasha, Historia and Jean bundled together in the middle of the ground, trying to get comfortable. They looked ridiculous, but it wasn't as if anyone was going to judge them. The only thing they should be worried about is if they're going to survive or not.

You couldn't sleep though. As soon as you sat down on the ground, you were uncomfortably hyperaware. All your senses were on end, and you were paranoid. Everything Wilhelm had said a few days ago came flooding back, and you bit your nails. Was this what he was talking about when he said 'Betrayal'? You kept looking around with wide eyes, flinching at every sound and fidgeting with your fingers. It had gotten to the point where your breathing was heavy. You weren't really sure what was happening to your body, and panic seemed to flood through your body. All you could think of was Wilhelm's large, beady eyes, staring through the bars of the rotten cell and his mouth whispering one word. But it kept getting louder and louder and louder until even when you covered your ears it couldn't leave your mind.

_Betrayal. Betrayal. Betrayal. Betr-_

"Y/n."

Suddenly, everything stopped. 

Your heart was still beating quickly, but it seemed like your mind had calmed down at just the simple call of your name. Your vision faded from black to reality and your hands slowly returned beside your waist. Turning your head towards the voice, you looked up to see Levi, watching you from the log. His eyebrows were raised and his eyes had softened a little, but he still looked like the strict man you were used to. 

"Y-yeah?" you stammered, nibbling at your thumbnail nervously. He patted the log beside him, and you assumed he wanted you next to him. Pushing yourself up, you stumbled over, your legs feeling like jelly. You'd just had a panic attack, your first in years, and you couldn't figure out why. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, putting a hand gently on your shoulder. He was used to seeing you have outbursts, but he'd never ever thought he'd see you like that. His heart sunk and he just wanted to make sure you were okay. Although he could never know what was on your mind, he assumed it was the current situation and something had been said to make you this upset. 

"I don't know," you mumbled with a gulp, feeling your heartbeat slow down a little. "I... don't know."

"You're safe," Levi said, his arm slowly snaking around your shoulders and holding you close, just like you'd asked him to on your first night together. He'd remembered how he'd embraced you just in case something like that happened again. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," you sighed, your head resting on his shoulder as you looked ahead, blinking in the moonlight. You'd never really noticed how pretty the night sky was, always being in awe of the sunsets or sunrises and the multiple colours, but even when it was just a dark blue or black, the twinkling of the stars always seemed to look beautiful. "I want to sleep, but I can't."

"Now you're with me, do you think you can?" he asked, an eyebrow raised, and a small smile appeared on your lips. 

"You're supposed to be on look-out, not cradling me to sleep," you chuckled, your eyes closing as the cool breeze of the night caused the hairs on the back of your neck to stand alert. You felt Levi shrug gently and his hand squeezed your shoulder gently. "Although, I think it might make it easier with you here."

"Ew, how come someone as grumpy as the Captain can get a girl and I can't?" you heard Jean complain from behind you under his breath, and you turned your head, nearly snorting with laughter. He was sat up and half-asleep, his hair slightly messy and glaring at the two of you. Although, I don't think he'd expected for either of you to hear, because his eyes widened when you both looked directly at him. His cheeks went bright red, and you heard a small chuckle escape Connie's lips from the ground. 

"You're an idiot," the grey-haired boy muttered before getting a smack on the face and a 'shut up' from a sleeping Sasha. "Oi!"

Surprisingly, Levi didn't reprimand the dirty-blonde male; he just did his usual 'tch' and turned back around, his hold on you much tighter this time. He was definitely possessive for sure, but you didn't mind. He'd probably taken your words from a few days ago to heart, and now he really desperately wanted you to survive.

_I've managed to put up with you thus far, why not forever?_

It was more of a backhanded compliment, but he still couldn't get those words out of his head. If he had to spend the rest of his life with somebody, he'd chose you in a heartbeat, and those words you'd told him confirmed you'd most likely do the same. 

Levi had never been the romantic type; in fact, he always pushed it to the back of his mind whenever he even saw someone he remotely found attractive (personality-wise or physically). Yet, he ended up enjoying the sweet times he had with you, watching the sky as you blabbered on and on about your dreams in your more vulnerable, sleepy state. It appeared that when you were tired, you were more honest and open, and he couldn't deny that he was the same. You always managed to either calm him down or let him open up, and at times, he didn't realise he was doing it. 

Stroking your shoulder soothingly with his thumb, he kept on high alert, his gun held tightly in his hand. Those Military Police were very suspicious, and he knew for a fact that it probably wasn't just them after his Squad. It seemed way too out of the ordinary, and he would've kept pondering over it if it wasn't for the fact he because distracted by your soft snores.

Surprised, he glanced down to see you fast asleep pressed into his side, and he couldn't help but smile. You slept a hell of a lot, but that didn't matter. You looked so peaceful, and he would never ever guess in a million years you were a murderer. Or, at least, you'd been one.

Checking behind him to make sure nobody was looking, he quickly planted a soft kiss on your forehead before sitting back up. He glanced from your sleeping face to straight ahead, making sure nobody was coming near, and his fingers from your shoulder began to play with some strands of hair.

He noticed a small smile appear on your face, causing his heart to skip a beat. He loved your smile, and he would do anything to keep you happy. 

Even for just a little while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my updating schedule might get a little bit messy atm because i'm back doing online lessons. last week was half-term break so I had no work to do, meaning i could make a chapter pretty much everyday, but i think now it might be one every two days? I don't really know, I've got a ton of performing arts coursework to complete plus maths and other lessons, so i'll try and update as much as possible!  
> don't worry, i won't leave this story uncompleted. i really like writing this book and have an ending planned out, but that won't be for a while yet :) <3


	29. ~ kenny & squad

Pushing your hood down from your head, you glanced around.

Being in the Trost District was weird, to say the least; you'd never been there before, and it was much more different than you'd imagined. If you'd chosen this place to kill people instead of Sina, there would've been a lot more victims, as most of the people looked either afraid of one another or disgusted. The living conditions were poor, and you wished you could do something to help that didn't result in murder. Also, Jean had said that he used to live in Trost, and his mother still did. You felt bad for her and hoped she was well since Trost was the place that got invaded by titans the most. 

"Don't stay too close together," Levi ordered, and the group nodded. "It'll look suspicious."

Underneath your coat, you gripped onto your gear tightly. Levi had allowed you all to use it at will if needed, and you were sure you would at some point. Eren and Historia were in a wagon being transported to Sina, while Armin and Jean pretended to be them in case something drastic happened. You gulped and glanced around for any questionable behaviour, but there was none other than a few stares. 

"Oi, that's Captain Levi, isn't it?" a man asked, and you froze. You looked around to see a group of three men wander over, mumbling to themselves, and you rolled your eyes. The raven-haired man also seemed rather pissed off at their sudden insults at calling him short, and you would've laughed if you weren't so disgusted. You knew Levi would most likely keep quiet and didn't want you getting in the way, but it was getting increasingly more difficult every time they opened their mouths.

"It's because you in the Survey Corps aren't working hard enough."

That's it.

"How dare you!" you snapped, and everyone else stood there stunned by your outburst. Levi was expecting it, though, and he just allowed you to let loose. You stormed over to the man and, although he was much taller than you, you still grabbed him by the collar and pulled his face so it was inches from yours. "Do you know how many people have fucking died out there to help you guys survive? Do you know how many lives have been destroyed because they or a family member faced one of those disgusting creatures? You're alive right now because we risk our lives all the time to try and kill those things. If it wasn't for us, that armoured titan five years ago would've burst in here and let the other titans devour you all. If you think we're not working hard enough, sir, then with all due respect, why don't you go and fucking join us?!"

Everyone was silent, and even the other men and women outside the group were stunned. Sasha put her hand on your shoulder nervously, but you swatted it away.

"Oi, isn't she the thug from Sina that they let onto the Survey Corps?" one of the men asked, and your eyes widened. You dropped the man in your hand to see two more surround you, and you gulped. It would be easy to defeat the two of them, but you really didn't want to make a scene in Trost and ruin your team's already tarnished reputation. 

"My my, it is," the second one chuckled, and he grabbed your wrist. You winced in pain when he gripped the fractured one, and you spun around, pulling it away. He scoffed and continued, "You killed Mr Ferne a few months ago, didn't ya?"

"So what?" you spat, and you heard more people crowd around. If anyone else tried to harass you, you'd definitely have to fight your way out. "He was a good for nothing asshole in Wall Sina who beat up his wife in plain daylight. I may be a different person now and I served my time, but he still should've expected what was coming."

"Ah, so if you're a different person, does that mean we can do this?" one of the men asked, and you felt a hand grab your butt while another grabbed your boob. 

**That's it.**

Your fight or flight instincts came into play, which meant you were about to slice off this dude's hand. You grabbed your knife from your pocket, but before you could properly pull it out, you heard Levi shout something along the lines of 'Wagon', and you all were bowled over by a large, horse-powered carriage. 'Eren' and 'Historia' were kidnapped, and you were knocked onto the ground, accidentally cutting your finger with the knife in your pocket. 

"Are you okay?" you heard Connie whisper from behind you, and you nodded with a small smile. He returned the gesture with a sigh of relief. Glancing up, you saw Levi point towards the carriage, and you all shot off using your 3D manoeuver gears. Thank god for the wagon, or there'd be a severed hand on the ground right now. 

\---

"How's it going inside?" Levi asked Mikasa as he wrapped your finger up quickly in a bandage, his face stern. She jumped back up and shook her head solemnly.

"If we don't hurry up, they'll see through Armin's disguise," she said, and you shivered at her next words. "I also feel bad for him."

What the hell were those perverts doing to the poor blonde?

"I see. Is the bandage too tight?" Levi asked, one of his eyebrows raised, and you shook your head. He wasn't too pleased that you'd gone for your blade straight away and you'd caused a bit of a scene, but he was also really angry that they'd touched you like that.

"How's your leg?" Mikasa asked, and Levi put his hand on his knee, flexing it slightly to check. "Any better?"

"I can move well enough. It's not bad," he answered, and you smiled softly, glad it wasn't as bad as it had been. He was quiet for a minute, thinking about something, and you knew he was just as curious over something as you were. Things didn't seem or feel right, and tensions, although they really shouldn't have been, were high. "You can handle the rest on your own. Y/n, come with me. We're heading for Eren."

"Understood," both you and Mikasa said at the same time, but before you could shoot away, Levi spoke again.

"One more thing... I'll tell you, just in case. Tell Armin and the others, too," he began, and the black-haired girl listened in. "From now on, we'll be fighting humans, too, and not just Titans."

Before either of you could respond, he shot off, and you had to follow quickly or you'd get left behind. Mikasa, although hiding it well, was stunned, and she rushed off to help Connie and Sasha get Armin and Jean out of there. You were sure they would be fine on their own, but you were still rather worried about them. Despite these kidnappers obviously being amateurs, you couldn't help but feel like someone else was behind all this, and that someone being much, much stronger. 

"What did you mean by that?" you asked Levi when you finally hit the rooftop, but he ignored you. Nifa was squatting behind one of the chimneys on the rood, her hood covering her head. She was spying on the wagon that held both the real Eren and Historia, and you hid behind the second chimney with Levi. 

"The road is crowded, but nothing unusual. It's not much farther to Commander Pyxis'," Nifa explained, pointing discreetly to the wagon. "How's the body double mission?"

"Successful," Levi said, his eyes not showing any sign of delight or relief. You bit your thumb nervously, wondering what was going on. Nifa caught on too.

"You don't look very happy about it," she sighed, raising her eyebrows sympathetically. You pouted, and you realised something odd. The Military Police weren't anything like this; you knew enough about them when you kept getting into trouble in the Underground. They were far too arrogant to use amateurs like these, and the people they were using were very clumsy and left a lot of openings for anybody to slip through. It was weird. "Captain, the wagons moving again."

"Nifa," Levi said, and she looked over, her head cocked and her eyebrows furrowed. "Have you ever heard of Kenny the Ripper?"

Your heart dropped, and that was why you thought this whole execution was odd. Did he genuinely think that disgraceful excuse of a man was behind this all? You looked at Levi with wide eyes, but he wasn't fazed.

"The mass-murderer in the capital?" Nifa asked with a small nervous chuckle. "The one that slit the throats of over 100 Military Police, but that's just an urban legend from years ago, right?"

"He is real, and the stories are true," Levi answered bluntly, and Nifa's mouth dropped slightly in surprise. She shifted uncomfortably from foot-to-foot, and you bit your lip. "I lived with him for a while when I was a kid, and so did Y/n after I'd left."

"I-is this some sort of joke?" she asked with an awkward laugh, raising her eyebrows. "Because right now really isn't the time, Captain."

Of course she wouldn't believe you. Why would she? Everyone thought Kenny was some sort of urban legend, but you knew for a fact he was real. He made those teenage years of yours better than they could've been, but awful nonetheless. He was the man who taught you how to wield a knife, how to 'talk' to people and helped raise you, but then he abandoned you once you reached the age of sixteen. 

Focussing back on reality, Kenny wouldn't care about using amateurs, because they were exposable and useful for maybe one mission. If he was trailing their target, it would be...

"NIFA, Y/N!" you heard Levi shout, and that was when you heard gunshots. You ducked and felt a bullet pass your ear, the hood of your Survey Corps cloak being pushed down to reveal your face. You turned to face Levi, whose eyes were wide, and on the other side of the roof was Nifa's dead body. 

"Yo, Levi, Y/n, either of you grown yet?" you heard the voice of none other than Kenny behind you, and he shot again, but this time for both you and Levi instead of you and Nifa. Levi threw his cloak into the air and pushed you down the roof, causing you to slide down the tiles. You managed to stop yourself, and you gripped onto the gutters. Two more figures popped up beside Kenny, and your eyes widened. Levi didn't recognise them, but you did. "Oh, it looks like neither of you have changed at all!"

Levi slid down the roof to try and say something to you, but he couldn't before two more shots were fired at you both. 

"Ew, do you two weirdos date now?" Kenny asked in disgust, jumping over the two of you and landing on the opposite roof. "Now, I'm sure you remember your tutors, don't you, Y/n? Why don't you have a nice get-together with them while I take care of this shorty." 

It was Emmett Kohler and Imelda Lorenz, two people who'd raised you while Kenny was out doing god-knows-what. While Monica took care of everything else, Imelda taught you how to read and write and Emmett taught you how to fight and use the 3D manoeuver gear in different ways to Kenny. So you had two different techniques merged into one. 

However, these two had never been kind to you like Monica had. Imelda was strict and mean, pinpointing every single minute thing that you did wrong, whereas Emmett never let you take a break. You were 'training' all the time and he'd never let you relax or go soft on you. 

Levi gave you a quick glance before shooting off, being chased by another two on his team as well as Kenny. You shot into the opposite direction, not wanting to kill either Emmett or Imelda but knowing you'd probably have to.

"Y/n!" you heard Levi shout, and you listened in to what he had to say before going too far away. "Don't die, brat!"

"Wasn't planning to!" you answered, running into an alleyway and trying to find different nooks and crannies where only you'd fit. While you were short and petite, Emmett was much broader, so at least that'd get rid of one person. He was the person you were most worried about because although Imelda was strong, he was much worse. He was probably up to Kenny's standards, and every time you'd tried to fight that man, you'd lost.

Hopefully, this would be your first time defeating Emmett Kohler. 

"What's a crazy lunatic like you doing on the Survey Corps, eh?" Emmett called out in his low, threatening voice. You cursed quietly, not wanting to get distracted. He knew most of your weaknesses because he'd trained you, so you'd have to be extra careful with what you did. Your biggest weakness? Getting distracted. "Apparently you're Humanity's Second Strongest."

You jumped into the city, trying to avoid anybody else getting hurt, and you looked around quickly. At this point, you were just swinging around, avoiding bullets and gunshots and anybody who'd try to kill you. Pulling out your blades that were usually used for Titans, you swung around quickly and went to slice one of the two, but they managed to get away.

"Shit," you muttered, swinging into another alleyway and nearly rolling into a group of trash cans. You pushed yourself back up and shot into the sky, catching a tall building and pulling upwards, spinning with both blades so if anyone came near, they'd get cut. A few gunshots went off, and you barely missed them all. One even hit your blade and snapped it in two, making you wince in pain from the effect it had on your arm. 

Both of them were catching up, and you knew you'd have to get them both eventually. Thinking up strategies on the spot, you blasted towards both of them, hoping they'd be surprised by what you were doing and hesitate. This worked for Imelda, and although you caught one of her arms, she wasn't dead. You heard her gasp in pain, and you turned around to see the dirty-blonde woman drop to the ground, unable to use half of her gear without a hand. Emmett raced towards her, and this gave you a chance to shoot down with their backs turned. 

However, you should've known better, as Emmett raised an arm and shot directly at you. If it wasn't for the fact you'd already aimed your gear at a building to give yourself a better chance at killing them, that bullet would've gone straight through your chest. Swearing in surprise, you grabbed onto the pole running up the side of the building, and then shot your grappling hooks into the ground where the two of them were. This all happened in a matter of seconds, not giving anyone time to think, and you spun down like a bullet, your blades right in front of you. 

Yet Emmett and Imelda managed to roll away.

You swung again, but Emmett shot. You jumped upwards and the bullet nearly hit your ear, making you flinch at the loud blast. 

"You may as well give up now, you freak," Emmett cackled, aiming again. Imelda was trying to keep back her tears as her arm bled out, and you knew the quicker you killed her, the less she'd be in pain. You'd always liked it quick and painless. "I know all your tactics and techniques. I taught them you, after all."

"Then you should know I'm not a quitter, Kohler," you answered smugly, slightly out of breath. "What do you want to kill me all of a sudden? I thought we were good friends."

"Hah, we don't want you dead," Emmett said, and you weren't sure if he was just distracting you or was being honest. "Kenny does, but we don't. We've got a nice, special place for you in the Underground."

"If you think I'm going back there then you're as thick as pig shit," you answered bluntly, catching on to some of Levi's mannerisms. Oops. "Now, could you move so I can take the lovely Ms Lorenz out of her misery?"

"Absolutely not," Emmett scoffed, before raising his gun again. "Now, will you come with us the easy way or the hard way?"

"Which one is the one where I don't come with you, I survive and I go back to Levi and the rest of the squad?" you asked, before watching him pull the trigger. You shot your grappling hooks upwards and landed back on the building, then shot towards Imelda again. Before Emmett even had time to react, you landed on the ground and dragged your blade through the woman for the last time. She was dead.

"I always preferred Monica," you shrugged, landing back onto the second building and beginning to run. They always said it was cowardly to run from a fight, but what's so cowardly about protecting your own life? 

Another two of Kenny's team popped up in front of you, and you gasped loudly in surprise. Turning a sharp right, you jumped into an alleyway, rolling over someone's cabbages by accident and running into a secluded area. You pulled up your hood again and tried to figure out a way of merging into the public for now until you figured out a better plan, but you weren't given chance. Emmett jumped down and ran up to you, pressing a gun right against your head. 

Everything seemed to go silent, and for a good few minutes, you were sure you were going to die. Right then and there, with the cold metal of the gun barrel pressed against the temple of your head. Closing your eyes and sighing, you then looked up at the man and into his emotionless brown eyes. He'd always been somewhat of an enthusiastic person, but he never had that spark in his eyes. It seemed like he was putting on that act, and now you were figuring out why.

"Did you know I was planning to marry that woman you just killed?" he asked in a lower voice than you'd expected, one that gave you shivers. 

"Did you know I was planning to marry that man Kenny might've just killed?" you hissed, and you felt the gun press harsher against your head. You hadn't exactly expected to say what you did, but it still made the man mad.

"Shut up," Emmett snapped, and you gulped. If you were to die, you wanted to go out with a good set of last words. "You did it in cold blood. How can you do such a thing, you murderous freak?"

"I'm sure you've done the same," you replied. In fact, you hadn't done with without remorse. You were devastated you'd just killed Imelda, a woman who'd raised you. She'd never been very nice to you, but she'd still taught you important things in life that you would've gladly thanked her for. You also didn't want to kill Emmett, but you knew deep down that if you wanted to survive, you'd have to. 

Finally, an escape plan popped into your head. If you managed to execute this as fast and as swiftly as possible, you'd get away without a scrape. 

"I never kill without remorse," Emmett said, his hair shading his eyes. "I thought I'd regret killing you, but maybe not. I wanted to take you back into the Underground because you're useful to us and that... group, but I can't wait to see your body all bloodied and broken beneath my foot."

"That's a bit sadistic," you mumbled, gulping again. You couldn't even move to start your plan you were that scared. What group did he mean? "Emmett, I don't know if you realised but I never liked killing people. I always did it either to survive or because that person was a dickhead who should've died a long time ago. But you raised me, didn't you? You raised me to kill people, so I don't know why you're complaining."

You weren't sure how much longer you could stand there with that gun against your head and not have a heart attack. Your heart was pounding against your chest rapidly, and you were certain he could probably hear it. 

Taking a deep breath, you then grabbed his wrist and pushed it upwards, and by the time he'd shot the gun, it missed your head by a few centimetres. You kicked your leg underneath his and caused him to slip, and this was just before the two other gang members turned the corner. With him on the ground, you finally had your chance to kill him. But you hesitated. 

As soon as he reached for the gun again, you slit his throat. You blinked back tears as you shot away, trying to outrun these two men. You couldn't believe you'd just survived, and once you reached the top of a roof, you saw Sasha's head bob past in the distance. Tempted to call her, you changed your mind when you saw her sneaking up on something. The two men behind you began to catch up on you, and you turned around and pounced, killing them both at the same time with both blades. A splatter of blood landed on your cheek, and you couldn't even get it off because of how much of a rush you were in.

Great.

Then you heard Mikasa scream.

"EREN!"

They'd gotten away.

You shot yourself over and you saw Armin shaking in fear beside Jean, holding a gun in his hands, while Levi was blocking Mikasa from following the trailer that most likely had the real Eren and Historia inside. Connie and Sasha jumped down, surprised from what'd just occurred, and Levi turned to face you. Thankfully, he was okay apart from the blood splatter on the top of his forehead, and he seemed to be just as relieved as you were. You were about to talk to him while you wiped the blood off your cheek with the cloak, but you were distracted. Mainly because you heard sobbing and the sound of someone vomiting. You spun around to see Armin crouched over the river having a meltdown, and you rushed over in surprise.

"Did you go through this too?" he asked weakly before throwing up again.

"Go through what?" you asked, sitting down beside him and running a hand soothingly through his blonde hair. "What happened?"

"When you killed someone for the first time, did you feel like I do right now?" he asked, and your heart sunk. He'd murdered somebody, and he regretted it. "Y/n?"

"Feeling this way after killing someone shows just how much of a good person you are," you said softly, but he didn't seem to believe you. "Armin, my first kill was my brother, who sold me to a gang of people who did disgusting things to me as a child, and even when I watched him die, I felt guilty as hell. If somebody felt nothing when they killed a person, they're not human."

"I just... I'm sure she was a good person," Armin whispered in a choked sob. His hands clenched over his shirt, and you were sure he'd be sick again. "She went to shoot Jean but... she hesitated."

"But if you hadn't have shot her, Jean could've died," you said, and he gulped. "I know you'd rather have neither of those outcomes, and you'd much rather have neither of them die, but it's been done now."

"I never want to kill someone again," he sniffled, and you nodded. "How do you do it?"

"It's how I was raised, Armin," you answered, and his eyebrows raised. "Be thankful you feel this way after killing a person. Not everybody does, and that's an issue."

The boy hesitated before standing up and rubbing his eyes. Levi was talking to the rest of the group while wiping the mess off his face, giving occasional glances your way. He'd noticed how shaken up you were before you had; you were visibly trembling. Sighing, you knew he'd be talking to you later, whether you liked it or not, and you looked away. 

Today was a disaster. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my god, action sequences are difficult to write.
> 
> also, i thought "huh, people are using the name 'author' in the comments, that's crazy!" and it made me realise ya'll don't even know my name-  
> so for now, call me georgie :) i prefer being in a much more informal setting, and also, i've never actually considered myself as an author (even though i am one, wacky ik).  
> or you can call me author if you like, i'm just a pain in the ass xD


	30. ~ shut up

The seven of you sat in silence in a circle of boxes, all in uncomfortable silence as the sky shifted to night. You held the small pack of crackers you been given in your hands, but you'd only had a slight nibble. You didn't want to eat in case you were sick, and in reality, you didn't have much of an appetite after what you'd done. The deaths of Imelda Lorenz and Emmett Kohler lay heavily on your chest, and you couldn't get their dead faces out of your head.

It appeared that nobody else wanted to eat either. The most that'd been eaten was from Sasha's cracker, but she'd only had half of it. If even Sasha couldn't eat, then tensions must be high. The tied-up men scattered across the building were probably having more fun than you were.

"What's wrong?" Levi asked bluntly, and you glared at him. Wasn't it obvious? "This grimy place kill your appetite?"

"No, it's not that..." Armin muttered in response, and you looked at the blonde sympathetically. What he'd done was weighing heavily on him, and you wished it was you who'd shot the woman instead of him. You couldn't even imagine how much guilt he was feeling. "Jean, there's something I don't understand."

"What's that?" the dirty-blonde asked, looking up with a dark look on his face. Apparently, he'd nearly been shot earlier and watched the woman die in front of him, and that was something you had experienced. Watching the life drain from someone's eyes is haunting, and it still upset you when you saw it. 

"When I shot that gun to save you... I honestly thought I didn't make it in time," Armin said nervously, and you saw tears prickle in his eyes when he realised he could've seen the death of not only a teammate but a good friend. "Sorry, but... why was I the one who shot first?"

After that, you forcefully zoned out. You didn't want to listen anymore, because you thought you'd cry. Not only were you upset for Armin, the rest of the team and the fact that you'd lost Eren and Historia, but you'd just killed two people who were like family to you. Abusive, but still family, and you gulped.

\----

_"Get up, Y/n, you stupid child. Laying on the floor won't get you any pity points, it'll just make you look like a weakling," Emmett said, watching as the twelve-year-old you lay on the floor, clutching your stomach in pain. You'd had a one-on-one fight, and of course, you'd lost again, but this time, it hurt like hell. He'd swiftly kicked you in the stomach; it wasn't enough to break any ribs or do proper damage, but it was enough to wind you and cause incredible amounts of agony._

_Or, at least, you wanted it to look that way._

_"Y/n?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowed. Had he kicked harder than he'd intended to? Had he actually hurt you badly? He squatted down and went to reach out, but as soon as he did, you kicked your legs out and pulled his legs out from underneath him, causing him to stumble over. He landed on his back in surprise but quickly pushed himself back up. You rolled backwards and landed on your feet back in a defensive position, glaring at the man. However, he was somewhat impressed. "Huh, you are good. Using your injuries to your advantage."_

_"It still hurts, you ass," you mumbled with a pout, and you glanced to the left to see Monica standing there, her expression unreadable. You weren't sure whether she was impressed, glad you were okay or pissed off that Emmett had gone all out again. Ah well. "Are we continuing?"_

_"Yes," Emmett said sternly. You hadn't won yet._

\----

_"Child, for goodness sake, stop day-dreaming!"_

_Sighing, you looked up to see Imelda standing in front of you, her arms crossed over her bosom and a disgusted expression over her pale face. She held a ruler in one of her hands, and she'd just slapped it across your desk. "Do you even know what I just asked you?"_

_"Something about verbs," you mumbled, rubbing your eyes as you tried to focus. You hadn't had much sleep the night before due to the extra training Emmett had forced you to endure; it seemed like every time you got close to winning, you had to do more time to make up for it. How was that fair?_

_"No, you stupid child," she said sternly, slapping your wrist with the ruler and causing you to flinch. Noticing your reaction, she sighed and softened a little, but that didn't stop her from being mean. "I asked you, what is the difference between an adjective and an adverb, and give examples of each."_

_"An adjective describes a noun, and an adverb describes a verb," you answered, stifling a yawn behind your hand. "For example, 'Aggressive' can be used as an adjective to describe a wild animal such as a... dog, and 'Slowly' can be used to describe how this lesson is going."_

_"You rude girl!" Imelda exclaimed, but you could tell she was somewhat amused due to the fact that she didn't hit you. "But yes, Y/n, they are the answers I was looking for."_

_Never had you heard Imelda call you by your real name in the six years you'd known her until that moment. It was always an insult before either 'woman', 'girl', 'child' or 'lady'. Whether she'd used your name by accident or simply had more respect for you now was unknown, but she slowly began to use it more often throughout the years._

\----

"Y/n?" you heard Connie say, and you came back to your senses. You looked up to see all eyes on you, and your mouth opened to say something but you couldn't. The first thing you checked was to see if you were crying, which thankfully, you weren't. The group were used to you zoning out by now, but they knew that when you did, something was on your mind. The longer you zoned out for, the worse the situation was. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah," you stumbled, unable to look any of them in the eye as you quickly glanced at the ground. "Just gimme a minute."

You then stood up and walked away, swallowing thickly as you felt tears prickle in your eyes. The more you thought about Imelda and Emmett, the guiltier you felt. _And they were going to get married._

You hid behind one of the towers of boxes in the warehouse you were staying in, and you sunk down onto the ground, hiding your face with your palms. It wasn't that you hated the group and didn't want them to see you cry; it was that you wanted to gather your thoughts before accidentally lashing out at someone. You could hear Mikasa and Levi now conversing with one of the men, presumably Dimo Reeves, and you decided to listen in. 

"... in the city, people were calling him Boss."

"Yeah, I know. Dimo Reeves, right? Tch."

"We were just following orders the Military Police forced on us and failed big time... they'll plunder the Reeves Company for all that it's worth. They won't stop at me and my dumb son, either. They'll make sure all my employees die in so-called accidents."

"So you'll die without a fight? Trost should have collapsed by now but it's persevered. That's because the Reeves Company brings people and work together, but if the company was gone for good, just how few would survive the winter?

"Are you suggesting I team up with you?"

"We just need to know where Eren and Historia are. If you're supplying the Military Police, we can figure something out."

"But can you stop my city and employees from dying of starvation?"

"I can't guarantee it. However, you can trust that we'll move towards that end."

You assumed the conversation had ended with a deal because the talking finished and you heard footsteps. Pressing your head against the back of the dusty box, you closed your eyes for a few seconds, wishing so desperately that your life wasn't so difficult. When you opened them again, you nearly screamed.

"Captain!" you exclaimed, seeing none other than Levi squatting right in front of you, his face mere inches away from yours. "You scared me, you ass."

"Sorry," he replied, tucking a strand of hair from your face behind your ear. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," you lied, looking away from his intense and intimidating gaze. You went to stand up, but Levi pushed you back down. There was no getting out of this. "H-hey!"

"You never stumble over your words unless you're upset, scared or flustered," he said, his eyebrows raised. "And I highly doubt it's the latter."

"Levi, it doesn't matter," you scowled, looking at the ground in dismay. Your nose wrinkled as you tried not to cry or look as devastated as you felt, but it wasn't working very well. Now you looked angry. "Seriously."

"It does matter, Y/n," he said, taking one of your hands, but you snatched it away. You went to stand again, but Levi stopped you. "You're not moving until you tell me what's wrong. It might not matter to you, but it does to me."

"I don't _want_ to explain," you hissed, staring him straight into those grey eyes of his. You'd grown to love them and the mysteriousness he held within them, but right then, you just wanted him to leave you alone. "I will eventually, but not right now."

"Did someone say something?" Levi asked, ignoring your pleas. He grabbed your wrist again, but much tighter this time so you couldn't pull away as easily. You glowered at him and tried to yank, but you winced in pain. It wasn't working, and his grip simply tightened. "Tell me."

"Have you been ignoring everything I said?" you questioned, a little louder than you'd wanted to. "I don't want to tell you! Nothing is going to change that, and if you keep asking, I'll just get angrier and angrier."

"Y/n-"

"Levi, **shut up** ," you snapped, and when his grip finally loosened, you pulled away with such an intensity you nearly fell over. You pushed yourself up and walked away, not wanting to talk to him at all anymore. Wiping your eyes with your sleeve, you looked up and saw a small ledge on top of the building. You were still wearing your 3D manoeuver gear just in case you needed to make a quick getaway, and although you didn't have much gas left, you used it to get to the top of the ledge. 

Swinging up, you squatted there and glanced out of the window. You just wanted to get away from everyone for now, and the sky seemed to calm you down. It was a starry night with the moon hidden away by a couple of fluffy clouds, and you wished you could be up there to join them. Your head was pounding with both stress and exhaustion, and you just wanted to sleep. Maybe wake up the next morning in Levi's apartment without a care in the world. 

You still loved him to pieces; that was blatantly obvious, but you were mad with him. Why couldn't he just leave you alone for a few minutes? 

"Y/n."

Turning your head, you saw Mikasa squatting beside you, her fringe hanging gently over her grey, calming eyes. You'd rarely spoken to her since she was rather drawn-back and quiet, but you respected her and classed her as somewhat of a friend. 

"Hey, Mikasa," you smiled, turning your gaze back to the sky. "What's up?"

"I heard your argument with Captain," she said, and you grimaced. 

"Oops," you mumbled, slightly embarrassed that they'd had to hear that. "Sorry."

"He can be like that sometimes," she sighed, and you nodded. "The first time I met him, he beat Eren up."

"Yeah, he did that to me too when we first met," you admitted with a small grin. "Well, I was trying to actually kill him, so maybe that's why."

"I wouldn't mind trying to kill him occasionally," said Mikasa, and you cocked your head. You weren't surprised though; he definitely got on people's bad sides easily. "I don't know what you see in him."

"Me neither," you chuckled, glancing back down at the group. Levi was sat down in front of Dimo Reeves, most likely coming up with some sort of a plan, while Connie, Sasha, Jean and Armin huddled together and spoke quietly. "I see you have a thing with Eren."

"He doesn't feel that way," she answered quickly, and you saw pink appear in her cheeks. "It's silly."

"It's not silly," you responded, glancing over. "Having feelings for someone isn't stupid or childish. That's what I've learnt, anyway. It shows you're human, and it means they've most likely done a lot for you to earn those feelings."

"Yeah, I guess so," she said, fiddling with her fingers. She was anxious about the brunette's safety, and you couldn't deny that you were too. If Levi had been taken, you'd be just as worried as she was about Eren. "Is this it for you and Captain Levi?"

"I doubt it," you replied, watching the raven-haired man as he stood up and untied Mr Reeves. "We argue all the time, but I still care about him like crazy. I sometimes wonder if he feels the same or if he's just pretending to make me feel better."

"Y/n, it's blatantly obvious," Mikasa said, and you smiled softly. "He tries his best to treat you like he treats everyone else, but he can't. He looks at you differently, speaks to you differently, yells at you differently... to anyone with a brain, they'd know something's up."

"He's an awful actor," you said, and the noirette nodded in agreement. "Goddamn it, he's a pain in the ass, and sometimes I want to punch him square in the face, but I never can. Do you ever get that with Eren?"

"Absolutely," she answered, and a small grin appeared on your lips. "He goes off and gets himself into trouble so much, and I'm always right behind him to help out. He always pushes me away because he doesn't want me there, but I always come back. I can't help it, and it makes me feel so pathetic."

"I'm sure he appreciates you, Mikasa," you said softly, and she nodded, looking down at her hands. "And he'll learn to realise one day just how important you are to him if he hasn't realised it already."

She opened her mouth to say something, but then Levi's voice echoed throughout the building.

"If you two brats have finished your little mothers' meeting, it'd be nice if you came down and helped out," he called, and you rolled your eyes. Mikasa shot down instantly and wandered over, hovering behind Armin and Jean, and you followed suit. Sasha gave you a quick smile before turning to face the Captain again.

"With Mr Reeves' help, we'll be going out to capture two Military Police," Levi began to explain, strolling up and down with his arms behind his back. His eyes moved lazily from person to person, and you could tell he was tired. He didn't sleep much anyway, but even for him, this was becoming exhausting. "Their names are Sannes and Ralph. I'm sure you've heard of them if you haven't been living under a rock. Once captured, we'll be getting answers out of them some way or another. These questions will be about Historia, Eren and why they're needed so badly. Maybe we'll find out things we don't like. Who knows at this point? For now, we'll rest an hour, and then Mr Reeves will be going out to collect the two Military Police. We'll ambush the wagon and take the two of them. Any objections, complaints or whiny behaviour will be completely ignored unless you've got a better plan."

Everyone stayed silent, and this seemed to please Levi. He then nodded and let everyone relax again before moving away. While everyone sat down, you rushed over. Talking to Mikasa had lifted your spirits, if only a little bit, and you wanted to talk to Levi now. He might've known Imelda and Emmett too, even though they were a good ten or twelve years older than him.

"Levi," you muttered, and he turned around with raised eyebrows. His face was blank, and he gave you the same attitude he gave everyone else. _Oh god, please don't say he's really mad..._ "I'm sorry. About earlier. I-"

"I should be the one apologising," he interrupted, and you looked up at him in mild surprise. "I shouldn't have pressed on at something that's none of my business, but I'm not going to because you told me to shut up."

"You're the prince of petty," you said softly, a small smile on your lips. "Has anyone ever told you that?"

"No, but you can be the first," he answered, and his expression relaxed. "Are you okay now?"

"Not really, but I'm better than I was," you admitted, scratching behind your neck awkwardly. 

"I think I figured out why you were mad," Levi stated, and your ears pricked up. "You cared about your tutors, didn't you? And you feel guilty over killing them."

"Wow, am I that easy to read?" you mumbled, rolling your eyes and looking at the ground. However, he put his hand underneath your chin and pulled your face up to his so your eyes were connected. 

"No, I just know you well," he answered, and your face heated up. "Y/n, if you hadn't have killed them, you probably wouldn't be here with me right now. And remembered what we promised each other. I can't lose you."

"I know," you sighed, a small smile appearing on your lips. "Emmett also said something that's bugging me."

"What is it?"

"He spoke about the Underground again," you explained, and his eyebrows furrowed as he let go of your face and took a small step back, giving you space. "He said he wanted to keep me alive to take to a mix of his group and another, but Kenny doesn't know about it. Before he put the gun to my head, he asked if I'd go with him, but I obviously denied. Levi, there's a group in the Underground who want me back, and I feel like Wilhelm has something to do with it."

Levi was silent, and you could tell he was lost in thought. He clicked his tongue and ran a hand through his hair, trying to come up with some response but ultimately unable to. He'd brushed away everything Wilhelm said as the ramblings of an insane man, but what if he was being genuine and you were in actual danger? If you got lost in the Underground, there was no way he'd find you easily, and he didn't fancy going back down there either. He was famous for his thug days, and everyone was most likely out to kill him. 

"Well," he began, and you bit your lip nervously. "There's no way I'm letting you go back into that lifestyle, Y/n, and no matter what, you can't go back. It's too dangerous, and they're orders from your Captain. Understood?"

"I understand," you answered anxiously, looking him up into his eyes. He cupped your face and pressed a small kiss to your forehead, and you smiled. 

"I love it when you smile at me, Y/n," Levi whispered, and you so badly wanted to pull him into a hug. However, receiving a kiss was enough for now, and you went back to work, hoping none of the hostages had seen your little _exchange_. 


	31. ~ torture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: violence and torture

"Are you seriously going to go help torture those men?" Connie whispered, his eyebrows raised. The seven of you had met up with Hange again, and you'd successfully managed to kidnap Sannes and Ralph, the two military police who'd killed Minister Nick in cold blood. Levi had asked for your help in the torture, assuming you were experienced in the matter; however you weren't. He didn't need to know that though. "I mean, I didn't think you were the type of person."

"They deserve it," you hissed, cracking your knuckles. You were sat in the corner of the room beside Connie, who was nervously awaiting Levi's call for you. Sannes was still out cold downstairs, and the others seemed to be tense. They knew you were a murderer and expected you to have done some cruel things, but they didn't think you'd torture someone in front of them. "They've made everything so much more difficult and hurt my closest friends. They had it coming."

"Just... don't be too harsh," Connie answered, and you couldn't help but smile. You were glad that after everything he'd experienced, he was still just as human as everyone else. "I know what you're like."

"What's that supposed to mean!?" you exclaimed with a small smile, making sure he knew you were joking around. "I'm not that bloodthirsty, jeez."

"I know, I know," he replied with a sigh, scratching behind his neck. "Don't kill him."

"I'll try my best," you grimaced, fiddling with your fingers. Connie noticed how terrified you were to torture a person, and he'd sat beside you to comfort you. He was truly a nice person, and you hoped he would survive the hell he was currently living and have an amazing future. He deserved it, after all. 

"Y/n," you heard suddenly, and you turned your head to see Levi at the door, his arms crossed over his chest with a blunt and serious expression. You gulped and pushed yourself up, and you gave Connie a glance to tell him everything was okay. "He's awake."

Nodding, you followed the raven-haired man into the dungeons. He'd noticed how anxious you were, and he knew then and there that you'd never done something like this before. The only reason he'd let you do this was for some stress-relief (even if it was very sadistic stress-relief), which he'd seen pile above your head for some time. 

_How romantic._

"Hange will replace you once they get back," Levi said, pulling on some brown latex gloves and passing a pair to you too. "Knock yourself out."

"What if I do something wrong?" you muttered with a pout, and he raised an eyebrow. 

"There's no wrong way to torture somebody," he said, raising his chin as if he was looking down on you. "Call it an interrogation, if it makes you feel better. Just don't kill him before we've got answers." 

You nodded, and you then pushed open the door to the cell. Sannes was tied up to a chair, and as soon as you entered, he looked up at you with a disgusted expression, heavy bags sitting underneath his dark eyes. Almost instantly you wanted to punch him, but instead, you grabbed his collar and pulled his face up to yours.

"Well hello there," you said through gritted teeth, not caring if you accidentally spat on him. Rage quickly began to flow through your body, and it was becoming difficult to hold back. "I hear you've done some pretty shitty things to affect my team, is that right?"

"Am I going to be tortured by a killer?" Sannes hissed back, and you wrinkled your nose, throwing him back into the seat. He'd completely ignored what you'd said, and that just pissed you off more. "You're the murderer who ran around Sina and the Underground, aren't you?"

"How do you know that?" you asked, raising an eyebrow at his smug expression. "Just a guess?"

"I chased you down," he answered, giving you a pathetic glare. You could tell he was secretly terrified; the look in his eyes said everything. "I remember watching when Levi, out of all people, managed to capture you. We'd been trying for months to arrest you, and when we finally did, you were let onto the Survey Corps after only two weeks. How is that fair, you murderous scum?"

"Dunno," you shrugged, scanning the table for an instrument that'd do first. You shivered at the options, and you gulped. There were tweezers, hammers, something that'd most likely crush his testicles (you wouldn't be surprised if Hange tried to use those), pliers and much more. That certainly wasn't how you liked to do it; you were more hands-on, which meant punching. "They saw something in me. Ask Levi if you so wish. He's right there."

"It's not your turn to ask questions," Levi snapped at the man, and with that, you gave Sannes a swift punch square in the face. He yelled out loudly, and you cracked your knuckles before punching him again. Levi watched from against the wall. He hated torture; in fact, he would rather never do it at all, but if it meant it got him further to the truth, he'd do anything. 

"Your nose is bleeding, how sad," you pouted mockingly, pretending you were sympathetic when in reality you weren't. You gave him another punch to the nose, and you were sure you'd broken it. "THAT'S for pissing off my Captain, and THAT'S for trying to kill my teammates. THIS is for thinking you could get away with being a shitty human being, and THIS is for killing Nick. Now, THIS is for helping kidnap Eren, and THIS is for helping kidnap Krista. In fact, you've got a lot more coming, and I'm sure when Levi's done with you, you'll be wishing I was still here. Because I doubt he'll be this kind."

"How is this kind?" Sannes asked, tears prickling in his eyes. However, you didn't care. This scumbag had angered and upset not only you but the entire Survey Corps and didn't care about anyone except for himself. You raised your eyebrows and put your lips to his ear.

"Oh, anything will be better than receiving Levi's punishments," you chuckled, and you could almost feel him shaking in the seat. "Trust me."

"You should've experienced this!" Sannes yelled, spitting at you. "You sick bitch! You should've experienced this too, and at the hands of your 'oh-so-precious Captain'! Do you two get off to this or something?"

"If I did, I think you'd be in a worse state," you sighed, picking up a pair of pliers. "I've been told, Djel dear, that you forcefully ripped off all of Nick's fingernails. Is that right?"

"You're not even asking me any proper, useful questions!" Sannes exclaimed, his eyes wide with fear. "That's not how torture works!"

"What are you? Some sort of expert in it?" you asked, spinning the pliers between your fingers. "Oh wait, I forgot. You are. You've done much worse than me. At least my murders were quick and painless. And, if you hadn't noticed, I'm doing everything you did to Nick in his last moments. Except I don't plan to kill you so early."

"Y-you're sadistic!" he exclaimed, his eyes wide as he watched you press the metal to his thumb. "What kind of monster are you?"

"Now, now, Sannes, I wouldn't recommend using that tone towards my girlfriend," Levi said, cutting off what you were about to say. Your eyes lit up at those words, and he gave you a quick glance before squatting down in front of the MP. "Or you won't have a dick left. Understood?"

"Your girlfriend?" the man scoffed, watching as you examined the pliers in your hands. "So you're both as sick as each other. Why am I not surprised? Go ahead. Do it. I bet you're all talk, aren't you? You're not that scary, _Captain_."

"I didn't say I would be the one ripping it off," Levi said, and you raised an eyebrow at him. Sannes' eyes widened, and he screamed as his thumbnail was torn off. Unfortunately, you hadn't done it very well, and it bled quite a lot.

"Oops," you muttered, before placing it on a tray. "Now, tell me, where are Krista and Eren headed?"

He was silent for a minute, but you then kicked him swiftly in the stomach, causing him to yell out in pain. 

"If you're not going to respond, I guess I'll have to tear off another," you shrugged, and Levi, getting bored now, grabbed his already broken nose and twisted it, getting a bit of blood on his glove.

"C'mon, you piece of shit. With a gob like that, I'm sure you can tell us where they're going," he said, trying to be heard over the man's shouts of pain after his index finger's nail was pulled off. "Or are you going to be just as irritating as Nick was and not tell us a thing, eh?"

"Ow!" he cried out, trying to talk but unable to due to the blood that was pouring out of his nose. "I can't tell you."

"Why not?" Levi asked, an eyebrow raised. "Would you rather us torture you to death?"

"Do it, it's not as if I don't deserve it," he mumbled, wincing as you grabbed him by the ear, forcefully turning his head towards yours. "Although I've never met anybody who enjoys torture as much as you."

"Enjoy it?" you scoffed, the adrenaline becoming too much. Levi had noticed, and he realised that it was becoming rather dangerous for you mentally to keep doing what you were doing. If you continued, he was sure something would snap and he'd lose you. This was a stupid idea in the first place to let you help him, but he should've known you'd be just as violent as he was. He really didn't want another Hange. "Why the fuck would I enjoy it? I just like seeing those assholes who've abused and put my friends in danger get what they deserve. It's karma."

"You'll get your karma too, you stupid mistake of a human being," Sannes hissed, screaming again when Levi punched him in the balls. The man looked as if he was seeing stars, but you didn't care. 

"I got my karma a long time ago," you muttered, giving him one more punch in the face before taking your gloves off. "I'm bored now. I'll give you over to Levi and Hange, once they get back."

Levi nodded, glad you knew your limits, and almost as soon as you closed the cell door behind you, you could hear him screaming again. When the realisation of what you'd done finally hit you, you vomited all over the floor. You began to shake, and your eyes widened.

You'd just tortured someone in cold blood, and here they were screaming again. Louder this time and you couldn't bear it. How the hell had you done it so easily? Were his words right? You were a monster, and you cursed silently, watching as Hange wandered down the stairs. Their eyes widened and they rushed over, helping you stand. 

"Y/n?!" they exclaimed, noticing the pool of sick beside you. "Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah," you stammered, feeling your entire body shake. "I just... never thought I'd torture somebody."

Hange peered into the cell to see Levi in the process of pulling off one of Sannes' fingernails, and they grimaced. He was much more ruthless this time; had Sannes said something to piss him off? 

"I wasn't expecting you to do it, to be honest," they chuckled, raising their eyebrows at the mess you'd made on the floor. "You might wanna clean that up, or you'll hear the wrath of Levi. Well, maybe not the wrath. He seems to have a soft spot for you."

"Yeah, I figured that one out," you responded, a small smile on your face. "Hange, how do you feel after torture?"

"I've never properly tortured somebody before," they admitted, running a hand awkwardly through their hair. "However, it's become a necessity if we want to survive. But the first time I did it, I was disgusted with myself, and I was sick too."

"Glad I'm not the only one," you answered with a sigh, and they laughed, ruffling your hair.

"You go back to join the others," they said, opening the cell door. "Or clean up the vomit, whatever you like. I'll join Levi. Sorry, I'm late! You're still going at it?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty new to this," the black-haired man you cared about so dearly said, and your heart sunk. So Levi hadn't tortured anybody before either? That at least made you feel better.

"Sannes! You should know I'm also a novice at human torture, so please bear with me!" you heard Hange exclaim, and at that point, you didn't want to listen anymore. You rushed back up the stairs to the main room, where the rest of the squad were sat. Connie looked at you wide-eyed, and you thought you'd be sick again. 

And you were.

"Y/n!" Sasha exclaimed, rushing over. "Was it really that bad?"

"I got a bit carried away," you mumbled, and you watched as Armin rummaged around in the closet, pulling out an old-looking mop. The screams started again, and you tried to cover your ears. "I never want to do that again."

"Well, let's hope you don't have to," Connie sighed, helping you stand up with Sasha. You nodded, and you sat down in a chair beside Jean. "Was that you vomiting earlier too?"

"Yeah," you answered, rather ashamed. "I'll clean it up later."

"It'll smell bad," Armin warned, and you nodded.

"By later, I mean in about five minutes," you muttered, still rather queasy from the whole experience.

Hey, at least Levi had admitted to you being his girlfriend. That was a bonus, right?


	32. ~ it's been a while {smut}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: sexy scene strikes again

Upstairs were three rooms, giving the squad some privacy while they slept and allowing them to not be so close at night, which was surely uncomfortable. However, it still meant they had to go together in twos or threes. Armin shared a room with Mikasa, Connie shared a room with Sasha and Jean, and you shared a room with none other than Levi. He allowed the rooms to be mixed gender because he trusted his squad to not be perverted. Also, he wanted alone time with you, and if he was allowed to do it, it was only fair on the others to do the same.

Hange was off again with Moblit, reporting back to Erwin and the other Survey Corps. You couldn't help but smile though; they got along super well, and you were sure the brown-haired man had been through a lot to keep his friendship with such a difficult person. 

Walking up the stairs tiredly, you were, once again, the last to go to bed. Even Levi was already in one of the rooms, resting his aching body. He and Hange had managed to get information out of Ralph and Sannes through not only physical torture but psychological too. Sighing to yourself and running a hand through your hair, you wondered how people like Sannes were able to torture so easily without being sick. Even a murderer like you had thrown up three times since you left the cell, and you'd refused to eat in case you were ill again. Nonetheless, Levi had forced you to eat something before bed, which was half a cracker. You smiled softly; he really did care about you in his own little ways. He worked way too hard yet had time to make sure you and the others on the squad were okay. 

"Hey, brat," you heard his familiar voice say, and you looked up at the top of the stairs to see Levi standing there, his eyebrows raised and arms crossed over his chest authoritatively. "What's taking you so long?"

"Sorry, I got distracted," you answered with a small giggle, and Levi shook his head. As much as he disliked sleeping on the obviously-dirty and grimy floor, he would do anything just to spend a little bit of private time with you at a time where you weren't afraid of getting killed. Although it'd only been a couple of days, it felt like forever and he just wanted to destress in a way where he wasn't punching the shit out of somebody. "I hope you weren't waiting too long."

"Just get up here," Levi muttered, and as soon as you reached the top step, he took your arm and pulled you into the room, closing the door. The room next to you was Armin and Mikasa, and even with the surprisingly thick walls, you'd still have to talk quietly as to not be heard. You noticed a large mattress sitting in the middle of the floor with two sleeping bags laying on top, and you wondered where he'd found the mattress. However, you didn't even need to ask Levi if it was clean or not; if it was up to him, it'd have been thoroughly washed at least ten times. 

Before you could even turn around fully, Levi pushed you over and onto the mattress, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and nuzzling his face into your neck. He made sure you fell without hurting yourself and you landed properly on the mattress, but it still made you squeal when you made the impact. 

"Levi, what's all this about?!" you exclaimed, looking down to see his eyes closed. He was probably exhausted, and you wouldn't be surprised if he was knocked out already. A small smile appeared on your face and you ran a hand gently through his soft black hair, playing with the small strands of his undercut. "Are you that happy to see me?"

"Shut up," he mumbled, opening his grey eyes slowly and looking up at you with such passion that it made your heart skip a beat. "It's been so long since we slept together."

"Didn't we just the other day?" you asked quietly, rubbing the nape of his neck with your thumb carefully and occasionally raking the rest of your fingers through his hair. "When we were in that chair and got caught by Armin?"

"That doesn't count," Levi answered quickly, and you chuckled at his response. "I mean sharing a bed. It feels like forever since we did."

"Yeah, but we only did it once or twice," you sighed, still missing the comfort of his pristine white bed and the way your body naturally sunk into the pillows and blanket. "We need to sleep together more often when we get back."

"You mean all of the time," Levi answered, the tiniest grin appearing on his face. "I could easily fall asleep holding onto you. Also, does the time we had sex count as sleeping together?"

"Levi! No, it doesn't!" you hissed, going bright red and hitting him on the head. "And don't remind me!"

"Why?" he asked, a smug expression on his face as he pushed himself off of you. He put his hands beside your head and lifted his leg over your body, pretty much straddling you now. Face inches from yours, he then whispered, "Does it get you hot and bothered, _baby_?"

"Levi, not here," you whispered back, raising your eyebrows at him as heat radiated from your face. He was right; whenever you thought about the time you had together in bed, your mind kept spurting out more and more dirty thoughts of him and his body, and what he could easily do to you if he wanted. There was definitely a much more dominant side to the man on top of you, and as much as you wanted to see it in action, you desperately didn't want to traumatise the rest of the squad if they heard the two of you or, god forbid, the see it. 

But that look in his grey eyes was powerful; you were so close to changing your mind and giving it to what you craved, but you couldn't. He could turn you on so easily, with just the snap of his fingers, but... could you really let him? You knew he was stressed from the whole situation, and if anything, torturing Sannes earlier had only pissed him off more.

"Why not?" he asked, eyebrows raised. His breath was hot against your ear, and you gulped. "The walls are thick enough to block out any pretty sounds you make, and I'm sure you want this as much as I do."

"Hm, you're not wrong there, you egotistical bastard," you chuckled, raising your hands to his face and pulling it even closer to yours, your lips barely touching. "But if you want me that badly, you'll have to do more than just _that_ to get me in the mood."

The sexual tension in the air was already increasing rapidly, and you bit seductively on your thumb as he pulled away slightly, a slight chuckle to his voice. "Oh? You're playing hard to get today, are you?"

"I always am, aren't I?" you smirked, brushing a strand of hair from out of his face so you could see him better.

"You weren't last time. I had you shaking," he answered, and your eyes widened slightly. "You were like putty in my hands."

"Only because it was my first time," you complained with a grumble, shaking your head. "Who can blame me?"

"You were still amazing," Levi said, his eyes slowly shifting from yours and down to your lips. They were so tempting, yet he knew he couldn't kiss them until you'd finished talking or he'd definitely get slapped.

"I'll be much better this time, though," you smirked, and it was decided. You pulled his face into yours and instantly, his hungry lips took over. They moved in such a rhythm you didn't recognise, and this felt totally different from last time. He was putting much more emotion and passion into the kiss, and you couldn't deny that you loved it. Pulling away for a few seconds, you sat up, allowing him to reposition so he could get easier access. Your legs were spread, allowing him to crawl in between, press his hands against your cheeks and neck and kiss you again. 

It didn't take long for his tongue to press against your lips, asking for entrance, and although you didn't want to at first (just to drag it out), he managed to slip inside and explore. He even bit gently on your bottom lip, tugging slightly and forcing an unintended yet thankfully quiet moan out of you. He smirked before attacking again, his hands slipping down your body. Yours also wrapped around his muscular back, your hands slipping up his loose grey shirt and trailing up and down his torso. 

_He is way too good at this._

Finally, he pulled away, letting you breathe, and he panted, his eyes filled with much more than you'd anticipated. A smug look was plastered on his face, and you hadn't noticed his hands slip up your nightgown. You gasped when you felt his warm hands trail up your stomach and sides, and you pressed your forehead against his. 

"What do you want, Levi?" you asked huskily, smoothing your palm over his neck and hair. "Tell me."

"You," he whispered back, and you noticed a rather large bulge in his lower region. You grinned and ran your hand down his chest, pressing your hand against it. His eyes widened slightly as your finger outlined his cock, and he tried to suppress a moan. "I really, really fucking want you."

"You fucking want me or you want to fuck me?" you teased, pressing your palm harsher against his straining pants. He chuckled lowly, surprised by how different you were than before, and to be honest, he much preferred this. Seeing you so confident turned him on, and he couldn't wait much longer. 

"Both," he answered, and before you could respond, he'd pulled off both his own shirt and your nightgown, exposing your upper half to him. As expected you weren't wearing a bra; mainly because it was much more comfortable to sleep without one, and he brushed his thumbs over your hardened nipples, begging to be sucked. Biting your lip, you watched as he began to play with your breasts in his hands, then pressing his lips to your left nipple and swirling his tongue. You had to cup your mouth to stop yourself from moaning, and you hoped Levi meant it when he said the walls were thick. 

"Levi," you muttered, your horny side taking over as you reached down to his pants. You reached down to the waistband and teased him by simply pulling on it and skimming your fingers over his abdomen. "Damn it."

He flicked his tongue over your left nipple before sucking gently, his eyes never leaving yours as he did so. With his other hand, he played and tugged at your right nipple, eventually switching to give it the same treatment. You gasped in delight, your eyes rolling. 

Once he was finally done with your breasts, he reached down to your underwear, tugging gently at the lace.

"Lie down," he ordered, and your eyebrows raised. Oh god, he's dominant again, and if you weren't already wet enough, you were now. You did as he said, and you bit your lip in anticipation. He spread your legs and smirked, noticing how wet your underwear was. "Holy shit, you're soaked. Did I turn you on that much, sweetheart? Is just the _thought_ of me touching you down here getting you this wet?"

You nodded, biting your thumb when he bit the waistband of your underwear and tugged them down, his hair tickling your skin. When they were pulled off, he lowered his head and licked from your folds to your sensitive clit, making you moan a bit too loudly. He smirked and glanced up, his eyes burning hot.

"You like that, don't you?" he asked, and you nodded. His fingers found their way to the entrance of your pussy, and as he started sucking and flicking his tongue at your clit, his middle and ring finger entered. You were a moaning mess pretty quickly, trying to hide them by covering your face with your arms. "Why don't you tell me about a fantasy of yours?"

"H-huh?" you asked between shaky breaths. "What do you me-an?"

"Tell me about your sexual fantasies," he said, raising his head as he began to quicken his pace, curling and finally finding that perfect spot that made you moan the most. "Have you dreamt about me fucking you, Y/n?"

"Yes," you breathed out, his left hand reaching down to play with your clit. You felt like you were seeing stars when his left fingers began to pleasure you, your head hitting the back of the pillow.

"Good, because I've certainly dreamed about you," he chuckled, and he could see that you were getting close. "Seeing your body in that sexy Survey Corps uniform and that harness... Sometimes I want to see you in JUST the harness and shaking underneath me, cumming on my hand and cock. It always gets me rock hard."

"I- I- I-" you began, feeling that knot in your stomach coming undone. He took note of this and quicked his pace, becoming rougher as his fingers curled just a little bit more, and he had to kiss you when he realised your moans were getting louder. However, he was sure he could hear you mumble his name through the kiss, and he was so close to palming himself through his underwear. You were so sexy.

"Oh, that felt so good," you muttered, and you watched as he reached for his member. "Oh no you don't."

After a few seconds, you stopped him, and he cocked his head in confusion. He was way too horny to be denied, and you knew that. However, what he didn't expect was for you to push him against the mattress and clamber on top.

"Hmm, does Captain like what he sees?" you asked, regaining your strength and scattering a few kisses across his body and chest, a smile on your lips as you did so. "Or, should I say, _Sir?_ "

"Oh god, don't call me that," he said, and you raised an eyebrow at him, wondering if he didn't like the name. "I won't be able to control myself otherwise."

"But what if I'd want that, Sir?" you asked with a smirk, and you felt his cock twitch underneath you, and you grinned. He definitely liked it, and you would've continued teasing if it wasn't for the fact you longed for his cock in your mouth. You didn't know why; you'd always hated oral, but something about Levi... you wanted - no, _needed_ \- to please him. 

Once you finally reached his pants, you pulled them off along with his boxers, and his cock sprung free, hitting his abs instantly and making you gasp in surprise. 

"You're rock hard," you chuckled, eyeing it up and pressing your thumb to his head, to which he responded well with a small groan. "I can tell you my fantasies now, and I've always wanted to suck on your cock, Captain."

"I've always wanted to fuck that pretty little mouth of yours too," he said, reaching his fingers down and tugging on your bottom lip. You grinned and licked the tip of his index finger before he pulled away, and then you switched to his member, holding it in your hand and slowly yet surely jerking him off. Then, you leaned down and slid your tongue from the base to the tip, and he let out a moan, sitting up on his elbows to watch. Every time he moaned or grunted or groaned, it made you even wetter than you were before. 

Eventually, you placed the whole thing in your mouth, the tip hitting the back of your throat. He moaned, nibbling on his thumb to shut himself up, but he couldn't help himself when you began to bob up and down, hollowing your cheeks and swirling your tongue around his member. You paid special attention to the head of his cock and shaft, making him moan even more. He eventually ended up thrusting into your mouth, and you allowed him to. 

"Fuck, Y/n," he grunted, watching intensely. Jesus Christ, you were good. "You're so hot, baby girl. Do you like having my cock in your mouth?"

You winked in response, and you felt him getting closer. However, you wanted something, and you quickly pulling him out for a few seconds, allowing you to speak. 

"Cum in my mouth," you said hoarsely, jerking him off slowly. His eyes widened, and you smirked. "Sir."

"You _are_ dirty," he said lowly, tilted your head so he could look into your eyes properly. "I bet you've been dreaming of sucking off your Captain ever since we met, haven't you?"

"Oh yes," you answered, licking the tip again. You were such a sucker for dirty talk, and you were sure he'd be able to make you come someday without even having to touch you. "Imagining your cock in between my lips always makes me so wet, Sir."

With that, you put him back in your mouth and started sucking once again, and he groaned a little too loudly, your tongue working wonders. It wasn't too long before you could feel him tense up again, and you began to play with his balls.

"F-fuck, just like that, baby," he groaned, tugging gently on your hair. "You look so h-hot like that."

He thrust a few times into your mouth before his orgasm hit, and you were filled with his cum. Pulling out, he watched as you swallowed most of it, the rest dribbling down your chin, and he bit his lip at your erotic face. 

You were both exhausted, so you knew there'd be no round two. Not that it was necessary anyway, and he pulled you down on top of him. You weren't as sweaty as you'd expected, but you still needed to shower. 

"Shower with me?" you asked, and he nodded, a soft smile on his face. "How did I do, _Captain_?"

"Fucking great," he answered with a smirk, standing up and pulling on a fresh pair of underwear to get to the shower. You pulled on your nightie and did the same, following him quietly out of the room. Oh, how you prayed the others hadn't heard you; if they did, you were sure you'd never be able to look at them the same again. 

Levi took your hand and lead you down the stairs to where the shower was, and you couldn't help but admire his body.

How the hell had you gotten so lucky?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3


	33. ~ we've met before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating in a couple of days!! been super busy with school and stuff and aaaa!! but here's the new chapter :) <3

It wasn't long before the two of you were back in bed. The showers had been super quick, as to not raise suspicion, and before you knew it, your head was back on the pillow and you were tucked into your sleeping bag. It was obvious Levi still wanted to talk and he'd most likely be awake most of the night anyway, but you were physically and emotionally drained. So much so that you nearly konked out instantly. 

"Sorry for not letting you rest more," Levi muttered, noticing the bags under your eyes that'd gotten heavier every day. He was lying on his side, his hand propping up his head as he looked at you. You glared at him, and he rolled his eyes, playing with a strand of your hair. It was clear he was much better at showing he cared with his actions instead of his words, but that's what you liked about him. Words could be lies and not tell you everything they want you to know, but actions are difficult to hide or fake. Actions mean so much more; at least, they did to you. 

"It's fine," you chuckled, turning your head to look up at him. His face was illuminated by the gentle, golden hue of the candle he'd lit behind and the slight moonlight that crept in. He truly was gorgeous, and you couldn't help but stare at his well-sculptured face you were so lucky to see up close. "We're on a mission, it can't be helped."

"I also want to apologise for the torture," he sighed, twirling your hair around his finger. "I don't know why I let you help out."

"Is this just going to be a night filled with you apologising?" you asked with your eyebrows raised, wondering why he was acting so out-of-character tonight. He chuckled and shook his head, making your heart flutter. 

"No, I only wanted to get it off my mind," he said quietly, tucking the strand of hair behind your ear and stroking his fingers up and down your neck soothingly. You flinched at first because it tickled, but then you relaxed into his touch. If he kept doing that, you were certain you'd fall asleep. The two of you were lying there in comfortable silence for a few minutes, and at one point, you ended up rolling over so you were now pressed up against Levi. Although you were the same height, you curled up a little bit so your head was tucked underneath his chin and resting against the top of his chest. You'd noticed that he was suddenly hesitant to cuddle you, but he eventually did, draping his arm carefully over your arm and running his hand up and down your back. 

"What are we up to tomorrow, Captain?" you asked softly yet teasingly, finding it funny that he reacted in such a different way when you called him that to when the others did. "Anything exciting?"

"We'll be on our way to find Eren and Historia," he replied, and you agreed. "We'll be camping out for a few nights, so be careful. You can't get into trouble though. We need to lay as low as possible because I really don't fancy losing another member of my team."

"I'll try my best," you chuckled, your eyes fluttering shut as you rested there for a while. "Levi, I know this is a weird thing to ask and very out of the blue, but did you know Emmett Kohler and Imelda Lorenz? The two tutors of mine I had to fight?"

"I recognise their names," the man said after a few seconds, trying to collect his thoughts and press deep into his memory. "In fact, I think I do remember Imelda. She joined Kenny's squad a couple of years before he abandoned me. It was a long time ago, so I don't remember that well."

"I wonder if we met once or twice," you pondered, but then Levi's eyes widened as if he had a revelation. "Wait, did you remember something?"

"You were seventeen when you left the underground," he stated, and you replied with a nod. "Which was six years ago. I also left six years ago, so we must've met in the Underground at some point."

"Probably," you said, running a hand through his hair so you could see his eyes again. There wasn't much point, though; you could never tell what he was thinking or feeling, yet he seemed to read you perfectly. "Did you ever know a man called Elias Hiemer?"

"Yeah, he was that fat dude from one of those shitty, useless gangs," Levi answered bluntly, and you nearly laughed out loud. "Why?"

"He was known for some of the most brutal murders on some of the most innocent of people," you answered, clenching your fists. You'd never hated a man more in your life; he'd killed Yakob, after all. 

"Yeah, I remember," he sighed, shaking his head. "He was killed and stuffed into a trash heap, and nobody found the killer."

"Well, you'll never guess who did it," you chuckled, and he raised his eyebrows in mild surprise. "Yeah, it was me."

"So that was your signature on the walls," Levi mumbled, and you nodded, surprised he remembered. It was nearly ten years ago, after all. "We did meet once, then."

"Wait, really?" you asked in surprise, almost sitting up. "When?"

"When I first met Isabel, a man was chasing and threatening her, so I did some stuff to chase him away," Levi explained, and you'd noticed that, although he was open to you about his thug background, he wasn't necessarily proud of it. He never seemed satisfied or happy with anything he did, and you hoped he could live a life in the future where he was fulfilled. "We later found that man dead underneath a bridge, and I spotted his killer writing something on the wall with his blood. I couldn't tell the gender or what the person looked like, except they were about my height. I wanted to go after the killer and see who they were, but... I didn't."

"And the killer was me," you muttered, your mind flicking back to when you were nearly seventeen and had killed that man. You didn't always remember the names of the people you killed, but you never forgot their face, no matter how hard you tried to get it out of your head. Hell, you even remembered the moments you murdered him. "I think I saw you, Levi."

"Yeah, I remember seeing your eyes," he replied, rolling onto his back and looking up at the ceiling. It was around one in the morning now, but you didn't care. Even if you didn't sleep, at least you'd spend some well-deserved time with Levi. 

"I must've met Isabel and Farlan then," you said softly, trying to remember the two people who were with the raven-haired man. The short girl was a redhead, and the taller man was... a dirty blonde? You felt Levi tense up, and it was then that you remembered it was a sensitive subject for him. "If we lived in the Underground together for at least fifteen years, we must've met more than once, Levi."

"Kenny was secretive with who he took in," Levi admitted, and you nodded. Most people assumed you were a homeless orphan and not the murderous, temporarily adopted kid of the feared Kenny Ackerman. Then, he froze, and you looked up at him. He'd remembered something important. "I think you tried to kill me once."

"We've tried to kill each other on multiple occasions, Levi, you'll have to specify," you smirked, thinking he was joking, but when you looked at his face, you knew he wasn't. 

"In the Underground," he snapped, and your eyes widened. His attitude had changed completely, and you wondered what he was thinking. "C'mon Y/n, keep up."

"Sorry," you muttered, and that was when it came to you.

\----

_"Hey, brat," you heard from behind, and you turned to see Kenny Ackerman. Just seeing him sent a chill up your spine, and although he was occasionally kind to you, you knew he was one to be feared. Even at the mere age of fifteen, you wanted to avoid him as much as possible. You glanced over, stabbing the knife you'd been spinning in your fingers into the table. "I've got a little task for you."_

_"Oh?" you asked, standing up and pushing the chair under the table, cocking your head. It'd been a while since Kenny had asked of you, and every time he did, you made sure you were up to the task. "What is it?"_

_"There's a man out there, and I want you to kill him," Kenny said, and you nodded with a pout, wondering why he couldn't do it himself. However, you knew better than to question him, and you took the piece of paper he was holding from his hand and unravelled it. "Don't ask questions, and don't even talk to him. If you don't succeed straight away, you'll most likely get killed instead."_

_You sighed; you were used to these types of jobs now, and you glanced at the sketch he'd made. It was of a rather short man with narrow eyes and a black undercut, but he wasn't given a name. It appeared that Kenny wanted to give out as little about him as possible, and you were sure he had his reasons._

_After he finished explaining where this man could be, you shot off, using your gear as little as possible as to not gain attraction. Your hood was up again, but you made sure to wear it in a way that wasn't suspicious. Most people carried knives on them for self-defence, so it wasn't strange to see you carrying on in your belt. Although, if people noticed that there were two more, then they'd definitely be concerned._

_Eventually, you came across a small hut above a set of stairs, and sure enough, you noticed the man in the window. You'd been told he was in his early twenties and also very strong, so you'd have to sneak up on him. There was no way you'd beat him in a one-on-one battle - at least, that's what Kenny had told you, and he'd never been aware of how powerful you were getting._

_Squatting underneath the bridge, you pretended to be homeless and alone while still watching the man through the window. His expression, which you couldn't see very well anyway, never seemed to change, and he never spoke much either. A few people went inside and left, and you assumed there was another person who lived with him._

_Kenny had told you that this man came out quite a bit since he could never stay in one place for a long time, and sure enough, about half an hour later, he left the building. Thanking your lucky stars, he even came your way, his blunt expression sending a chill down your spine. He seemed to have a dangerous aura about him, and you wondered what he'd done to get on Kenny's hitlist. Either way, you knew he was going to be tricky, and being a bit shorter than him would have both disadvantages as well as advantages. However, you were used to most, if not all, your enemies being taller._

_Soon, he walked past you under the tunnel, and he didn't even look twice. You knew he wasn't looking down on you; the look in his eyes and blank expression showed that. He just brushed you off as someone who didn't matter to him, and you would've most likely done the same._

_Once he was about to turn the corner, that's when you went to strike. You ran up behind him as fast as you could, using your hood as camouflage, but he seemed to know you were coming. As soon as you went to strike, he slid to the side and grabbed your arm, but you managed to slip away, trying to stab him. The man dodged each attempt, even managing to flip you onto your back. You gasped out loud, and you hissed, kicking your legs to trip him up. He actually fell, but he managed to regain his balance. In that split second, you caught his arm and made him bleed, which surprised both him and you, but then he managed to get you against the floor._

_He said nothing, and you thought you were going to be killed. Your breathing was heavy, and you were pinned uncomfortably with your arm twisted in an awkward position. His hair hung over his eyes as he glared, shooting daggers into your soul, and you shivered._

_"What's your name, and how old are you, you stupid brat?" he asked, your knife now in his hand and pressed to your throat. He pushed down your hood to reveal the rest of your face. It was clear you were just a child, and that's maybe why he hesitated. "Eleven?"_

_"Fifteen," you hissed, kicking him in the shin from underneath. His eyebrows raised, but he surprisingly didn't move. He was much stronger than he looked and was experienced, and you wondered if Kenny hadn't gone after him because he admired his own life much more than yours. However, you recognised the insult he'd spat out. It was the same one Kenny gave you, and you questioned whether the pair had some sort of history. "And it's Y/n, you asshole."_

_"Right, Y/n, I'm not going to kill a stupid child," he said bluntly, but his grip on your arm tightened, making you wince in pain. He also ignored your insult, and you wondered if he was used to being in this sort of situation. "I'm sure you've got no idea what you're doing and you've been put up to this."_

_"I've killed many people," you glared, and the man hesitated, unsure whether to believe you or not. The blunt way you spoke would say you were telling the truth, but your face and eyes told a different story. "I know what I'm doing."_

_"Whatever, go cry to your daddy or something," he shrugged, and that's when you saw red. Everyone knew not to talk about your biological parents, including Kenny and Monica, unless they wanted to die._

_You kicked him off with your legs and flipped him over, snatching the two blades from your waist and gripping them tightly, swishing for both his legs first so he was immobile. However, he rolled backwards and you missed, and he used the blade in his hand to aim for you. He really didn't want to kill a teenager, but if he had to so he survived, he would._

_"Hit a nerve, brat?" he asked, and you ignored him, lunging for him again. You only tore the sleeve in his shirt, and now you were aiming for anywhere possible. He was skilled, and you recognised some of your tactics in the way he moved._

_Then, he caught you. He managed to kick your legs from underneath you and slam your head and chest into the ground, his knee pressed between your shoulder blades to keep you pinned. He also had one of your arms in his hands, holding it in such a way that if he even turned it an inch, it'd break._

_"Tch, I don't want to kill you," he said, and you turned your head. He noticed that your nose was bleeding from the impact on the floor, and you scowled. What a liar. "So, if I let you go, will you tell your boss this?"_

_"What?" you scoffed, raising an eyebrow at him as you spat out blood onto the ground that'd ran from your nose and into your mouth._

_"Fuck off."_

_\----_

"Y/n?"

"I can't believe I forgot..." you mumbled, wide-eyed as you rubbed the sides of your temples in shock. "I never learnt your name but I should've remembered that face."

"I remembered your name but not your face," Levi said with a small chuckle, running his hand through your hair softly. "I'm glad you never killed me, and I'm glad I let you off."

"Yeah, why did you let me off?" you asked, glancing up at him confused. "I was sure I'd die."

Levi was silent for a few seconds before shrugging, taking your hand in his and squeezing it softly. "It wasn't just because you were a teenager. I would've killed you if you were anyone else. I think it's because I saw fear in your eyes, and I felt sorry for you. But even then, I would've killed you just to put you out your misery. So I don't know."

"Maybe the world wanted us to meet again," you said in awe, turning back around to face him and propping your head up on your hand with a smile. He chuckled quietly with a nod, never really believing in such things, but just the way you said it made his chest warm.

"Y'know, even in this shitty world, at least I have you to make me smile," he sighed, and your heart skipped a beat. He cupped your cheek and pressed a small yet meaningful kiss on your lips before pulling away and pressing his forehead against yours. "I'll gladly kiss the person who allowed us to meet."

"Well, good thing it's me you have to thank," you giggled, and he rolled his eyes with the small smile that always made you turn to mush. True to his word, he kissed you again and ran a hand through your hair, massaging your scalp. "You've gone soft, Levi."

"Damn it," he said harshly, his eyes examining every area of your face as if he couldn't get enough of it. He really did love you, even if he'd never admitted it before. "It's your fault, brat."

"I didn't say it was a bad thing, though," you replied, wrapping your arms around his waist and snuggling into his shoulder again. He was so comfortable, despite his cold attitude and muscular body, and it just showed that, once you got past his impolite, violent layer, he was kind and protective. In his own way, of course. "Also, I missed that nickname."

"It's an insult, but okay," he scoffed, and you hummed with a smile, sending vibrations throughout his body. 

"What would you call me if you could give me any nickname in the world?" you asked, closing your eyes again and relaxing. You had no idea what time it was and if you'd even get any sleep that night, but you didn't care. 

"I don't know," he shrugged, and you giggled, guessing that he was blushing. Then, you yawned, and he sighed, noticing how sleepy you were. "Y/n, you need to go to sleep. I'm not dragging you around tomorrow because you're tired."

"Mean," you pouted, your arms loosening around his body to show that you were beginning to fall asleep. Your eyes fluttered shut, and you felt Levi rest his head on top of yours. Thinking you were already knocked out, he then said something that nearly made you cry.

"I love you, loser."


	34. ~ ambushed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for 2000 hits!! <3 it means so much to me, and I hope you all like the story :D

"Y/n, you're so slow today," you heard Jean complain from behind, and you glared at him. "Move your ass."

"Shut up," you muttered. It was currently ten in the morning, and you'd all been forced up by Levi at five, who was already packing everything up to get going. He wanted to get searching for Rod Reiss' land as soon as possible, as he'd been told by Sannes that wherever _he_ was, Historia and Eren would be too. You'd just been to Trost again and found out that Erwin was framed for the murder of Mr Dimo Reeves. Although he hid it well, you could tell that Levi's blood was boiling.

You were all being hunted by the Military Police, which meant you all had to avoid the city as much as possible. This resulted in taking a different route and coming up with a plan deep in the forests where nobody could find you.

Hauling your heavy backpack and climbing up a hill whilst tired was not fun in the slightest. You were still half-asleep, and Jean's complaints weren't doing much good. Once again, you were at the back of the group while Levi lead, which left you alone with the tall, irritating brunette who always decided to butt into your thoughts. 

"I bet you were up all night with the Captain," he grumbled, rolling his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose. You shot him an icy glare, and he snickered, "Ah, so I'm correct, then?"

"I said 'shut up', Jean," you mumbled back, sticking a finger up at him as you looked ahead. You were all surrounded by trees since you were trudging through a forest, and the occasional squirrel, rabbit and bird hopped past. Due to all the blindspots, you were constantly on alert, which just tired you out even more. Luckily, the others were on the lookout too. "None of your business."

"Hah!" he cackled loudly, and everyone stopped, giving him deadeye for being so loud. He went pink in the face and went quiet, and when everyone started walking again, he continued. "Was that you two in the shower last night? Yeah, we heard you."

"Jean, I'm gonna punch you in the face in a minute," you threatened, getting embarrassed. Had they actually heard, or was it just Jean being the Peeping Tom that he was? 

Before you could continue, however, Sasha froze. She shushed the two of you and her ears pricked up. Connie cupped his ears, wondering how she could hear such sounds, and her eyes widened.

"Someone is coming from behind," she hissed, and the seven of you split into the trees, four of you going to the left and the other three going to the right. You were stuck with Jean, Connie and Armin, who all squatted down and held weapons tightly in their hands. Sure enough, a wagon trailed past, two people not in uniform hanging out of the back. They looked like they were searching for something and held illegal weapons in their hands that they definitely shouldn't have. 

You bit your thumb, wondering why they were there. Armin was watching for Levi's signal, who was standing behind a tree with Mikasa and Sasha, but something wasn't quite right. Sasha knew too; she was still looking around as if she'd heard something else but couldn't figure out where it'd come from or what it was. 

Suddenly, you heard a high-pitched whistling sound, and something was shot into your neck. Your eyes widened, and when you touched it, you felt something sharp sticking out. Oh no.

"Y/n!" Armin exclaimed, turning around to see a group of men appearing out of the shadows, weapons in their hands. Jean and Connie were first into action, but Levi beat them to it, telling them to look after you instead. You went to move, but you couldn't. Your mind was slowly shutting off and you became extremely drowsy. Within seconds, black spots appeared in your vision, and the cries of the rest of the team became fuzzy and unrecognisable. The last thing you remembered was hitting the floor with a thud and seeing a grubby, bearded face leaning over with a sick grin on his nasty lips.

\----

"LEVI!" you exclaimed, your eyes snapping open as you sat up. You rubbed your eyes frantically, trying to regain your vision as your heart raced rapidly against your chest. Your head was still a mess, and you were unsure where you were. The room was lit by a singular, dull candle sitting on the floor in the corner, and your legs were too numb to move. However, this room didn't look like anything you recognised. It was a cell, but it certainly didn't look like the one you'd been in two months prior. 

The walls were disgustingly dirty, with mould climbing up and weird stains splattered across in various patterns. You weren't sure what the stains were since they were all different colours, but you were convinced the brownish-red was blood. You shivered in the cold room, and you noticed that the only thing you were wearing was an oversized, white nightie. Someone had changed you without permission, and you felt gross knowing that someone other than Levi had seen your nude body. 

The only items in the cell were the candle and the bed you was currently sat on, which wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world. In fact, it was hard and had a thin blanket on top, which did pretty much nothing to battle the cold. Your heart banged against your ribcage, and you couldn't figure out where you were. The cell had no windows nor any sign of the outside world, and you prayed that this wasn't what you thought it was.

"Ah, you're awake," you heard a voice say, and you turned your head with an uncomfortable groan. Where the tranquiliser dart had hit was painful, and all head movements caused an ache. A man was standing there, his arms crossed over his chest in an intimidating way that didn't bother you in the slightest. If they wanted to see you scared or submissive, there was no way in hell you were letting them. He had a mop of unruly, curly black hair, and he was tall and lanky. His expression was sour, and his nose was always slightly wrinkled as if there was a bad odour in the air. He also hid one of his dark brown eyes with an eyepatch, and you wondered if he actually needed it or he just wanted to look edgy. 

"Morning," you muttered, putting your head on your hand as you stared him down. "Why am I here?"

"Y/n's your name, right?" he asked, completely ignoring your question. Well, if he was going to be like that, then so were you.

"I asked you a question, you idiot," you glowered, pressing your foot against the floor to see if you could stand properly. Thankfully, you could, but your stance was still a bit wobbly. The man glared at you, his eyebrows furrowed. "Why am I here?"

"Who put _you_ in charge?" he scoffed, wandering over and gripping the bars of the cell, his face mockingly pressed against them as if you were a poor circus animal. "Last time I checked, you're our prisoner, which means we'll be asking the questions. Understood?"

"Awh, that's unfair," you answered with a sigh, wandering over. He stepped back, but you gave him a pouty look and played with the collar of your shirt. As suspected, he couldn't help but stare at your cleavage, which you'd 'accidentally' shown. You gave him a soft smile and changed your attitude completely; thank god you were blessed with good acting skills and an innocent face. "Although I can't deny, I enjoy being controlled and dominated like that. It's exactly why I fell for Levi. God, that man can't be beaten."

"What are you playing at?" he scoffed, pretending he wasn't affected by your sudden change in behaviour. However, you could tell he was. He'd gone slightly pink in the face and he'd straightened his back, trying to look professional. His eyes were also actively avoiding your body.

"Ugh, men like you are useless at this game," you complained, pressing your palm to your cheek and purposefully yet discreetly pressing your breasts together. You'd learnt that most of the men in the Underground were disgusting freaks and would've lunged at you instantly, yet this man seemed to be holding back. Maybe he was polite after all and you'd have to come up with a different tactic. It was a stupid idea in the first place. "Come here, I don't want anyone else hearing."

"There's no-one else here, you slut," he said bluntly, and you almost lost your composure. Never mind, he wasn't polite at all. 

"Oh god, don't call me that," you sighed with a hint of a moan. You felt gross saying such a thing to a stranger and acting so provocatively, but if it was going to get you out, then so be it. "I'll melt. I can't help it when such a man as dominating as you says such dirty things to me."

He was almost bright red, but you spotted a glint of something in his eye. You internally cheered; at least this was going somewhere. 

_Just don't fuck it up now, Y/n._

"You're such a freak," he complained, rolling his eyes. "I got warned that you'd be fucked up in the head, but I didn't expect you to be this weird."

"I'm not usually," you shrugged, brushing your hands gently down your body and playing with the hem of your nightie. You even showed off a hint of thigh (how risque). "I don't know what was in that tranquillizer dart, but dear god, I'm under that spell."

"You're nuts!" he exclaimed, wandering over to the bars and gripping them tightly, his face pressed in between them. Then, his voice lowered so only you could hear him, and he continued, "Although I can't deny, you are an attractive woman."

"Oh?" you asked with a smirk, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pressing your face up close. God, he had awful breath. Still, as long as you remained eye-contact, you could do what you needed to do and then snap at him all you wanted. "You're going to tell me where the fuck I am, or you won't have a dick left. _Understood_?"

"You don't scare me," he cackled, swatting your hand away and walking back to the wall, his eyebrows raised. "For a minute there, you did have me confused, but I saw through it. I didn't take you for a slut." 

"I was worried you wouldn't fall for it," you sighed, holding your hands behind your back with a sigh. "You're not as useless as I thought. Damn it."

He ignored you, and you sat back down on the bed, leaving one hand behind your back while you brushed your hair backwards.

"I must say, for a prisoner, your body is stunning."

"Oh, so you're the asshole who oh-so-politely changed me," you said passive-aggressively, learning that being straight-lipped and not showing that you were angry was much better than cursing and screaming. You'd learnt that from Levi. He was silent, but you knew you were correct. "Since you know so much about me, it's only fair that I know about you, isn't it? What's your name, darling?"

"That's for me to know and for you to never find out," he said confidently, and you almost laughed. This guy was definitely new; he was trying too hard to be one of those cliche, cocky villains you read in books, and it wasn't threatening at all - it was just cringy. You gave him a look, and he raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You're awful at your job," you said, thankful you'd been given a newbie to guard your cell. The man cocked his head, rather offended at what you'd said, but then his eyes widened in shock when you raised your arm. There, in your right hand, was a ring of keys you'd managed to unclip from his belt when you'd got him pinned up against the bars of the cell. "Just a tip for next time, if there even is one. Don't fall for a prisoner's easy-ass tricks."

With that, you ran to the cell door and unlocked it before he could grab you, and once it was open, you grabbed his head and smacked it against the wall, knocking him out cold. You hoped he would be okay; being a criminal didn't suit him and he could grow to do good things if he tried hard enough. Not all hope was lost for that man.

Pulling off his shoes and putting them on your own feet, you tried to figure out a way to run in them. You didn't fancy running around barefoot in dirty conditions; what if there were needles or pins in the ground you couldn't see? Having an infection in your foot really wasn't on top of your priority list, but the shoes were rather big on you and difficult to move in. Thankfully, they were boots so they stayed on much easier.

Knowing you'd have to be quick to escape, you hurried down the hall. If one person saw that man on the ground unconscious and your empty cell, the entire Underground would be looking for you, and you weren't easy to miss, either. 

"Hey!" you heard, and you turned around to see two much larger men running towards you. One of them had a gun, and you tried to dodge the bullets without dropping the keys or slipping over. The first man, who was rapidly balding and had a missing front tooth, went to punch you, but you managed to grab his wrist and flip him over your head, a tactic you'd only used once and in training. It worked, and he yelled out in pain when he was winded. You kicked him in the crotch so he couldn't get up, and then you went for the gunman. Having a gun on you would be much easier down here, even if it wasn't your prefered weapon. 

He was heavier than the previous man, and you knew that flipping him over your head was out of the question. Instead, you slid in between his legs and grabbed them both, causing him to slide over and land on his face. You climbed on top of him and wrenched the gun out of his hand, aiming it towards the two of them in case they tried anything.

"Before I go, why the hell am I here?" you asked, and the two groaned. The first man was still clutching his lower regions, and you figured you'd accidentally busted one of his testicles. The second was being sat on, and you hand his arm pulled in an awkward way that could be easily broken if you moved it even an inch. That was also something you'd learnt from Levi. "Who are you, and why did you kidnap me?"

"We're the League of Rats," the first one hissed, and your eyes widened in fear. THIS was what Wilhelm was talking about, and THIS was what he meant by betrayal. Emmett and Imelda would find out where you were going and tell the new gang of Rats, who would kidnap you. Why they'd done it was unknown. 

"Is that all you're going to tell me, Busted Balls?" you asked, eyebrows raised. "I figured that out a while ago. Do I need to kick you in the dick again to get you to talk some more?"

"We don't know why you're here," the second one snapped, and you were unsure whether he was telling the truth or not. "We've just been told to keep you from escaping."

"Why am I not dead?" you questioned, and they both shrugged. "Well? If they wanted me dead, they would've shot me ages ago. And talking about ages ago, how long have I been here?"

"Two days," the second man said, and your heart sunk. What had happened to the others? You hadn't expected them to come and save you because they were on a mission. Saving Eren and Historia was much more important to not only them but also humanity, but surely they were worried, right? They had no idea what'd happened to you, and they probably have no idea whether you're dead or alive. You gulped, hoping they were okay, but this just made you even more motivated to get out. 

"Well, it's been a pleasure to meet you," you said with a sigh, dropping the man's arm but kicking him in the stomach so he didn't grab for you when you got away. You aimed your gun at both men as you passed so they wouldn't try to kill you again; although, it was unlikely from the state of them. "But I'm off! Also, I wouldn't recommend telling anyone about our nice encounter, because next time I see you, you'll die. Got it?"

They both groaned in response, and you ran off.

\----

{two days ago}

"Why are you all still sat here, you brats?" Levi asked, glaring at the rest of his troops. Sasha was knocked out on the ground and was being cared for by Connie, while Jean and Armin were sat on tree trunks, stunned by what'd just happened. The blonde had a gash across his leg and was being treated to by Mikasa, who was giving the occasional death stare at her captain. They were all terrified; Levi's tone wasn't loud, but it was threatening and even more frightening. They knew for a fact he was fuming and would blow at any minute. "Well?!"

"Captain, they almost killed Sasha and Armin, give us a break," Mikasa snapped back, and Armin tried to calm her down before she got into a fistfight with the black-haired man. She was annoyed that she hadn't managed to save Y/n. The h/c woman had been carried away by a man surrounded by three others, who all had guns and brilliant aim. Levi was trying to not get killed himself while Connie, Jean, Mikasa, Sasha and Armin all went after her. The attackers had been warned of Levi, so they all went after him. Although he'd managed to kill two of them, he didn't have enough time left to go after Y/n. They were already long gone, and would easily be able to kill him from that height. The rest of the squad had never seen him so distraught and wondered what he'd do next. These ambushers were trained well (most of them were, anyway) and had managed to get away. 

"We need to continue," Levi said bluntly, his expression much more tense than usual. He wasn't just angry, he was worried. The past few days, he'd noticed how anxious she'd gotten over the things she had experienced and things that'd been said to her, and he should've believed it. He was an idiot for not making sure she was safe, and now she'd slipped from his grasp. He wasn't even sure if she was dead or not, but what upset him most was the fact that he couldn't go after her. He had to follow his orders as a captain and find Eren and Historia first. 

"But what about Y/n?" Connie asked, nibbling on his thumbnail as he brushed his fingers through Sasha's hair, hoping she was okay and would wake up soon. She'd been dodging the bullets so well, but in doing so, she'd then crashed into a tree and knocked herself out. 

"What about her?" Levi snarled, and Connie flinched with a gulp. 

"We can't just leave her!" Jean exclaimed, and it was obvious he was just as upset as everyone else. The last thing he'd done was argue with the woman, and although he pretended not to, he really liked her and enjoyed her company. "What if she's dead?"

"Jean, stop it," Armin replied, massaging his temples. "Don't say things like that!"

"I can't help it," the brunette complained, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. "What if she is, Armin? We can't just pretend forever."

"We have to go after Eren and Historia first," Armin said softly, but he was so conflicted. He knew for a fact that Historia would survive and Eren most likely had a bit of time left, but what about Y/n? For all he knew, she could be dead already. Yet...

"They kept her alive for a reason," Mikasa said, and the blonde nodded in agreement. "I doubt they'll kill her straight away."

"Just shut up," Levi replied bluntly, and Armin's mouth snapped shut in fear of being yelled at. Mikasa wrinkled her nose at the man but complied anyway. Jean and Connie wanted to keep going, but they knew deep down that saving Eren and Historia was much more important. "That brat is powerful, and I know she'll be okay. There's no way Y/n would be kept there without a fight. Hell, she'll probably kill them before they even arrive."

At least, that's what he hoped would happen. He stared up at the sky, his heart racing against his chest as he thought about all the possibilities. What if she was taken to the Underground and couldn't get back to him? What if she was locked away forever and was violated in ways he didn't like to imagine? What if she was tied to a chair and being tortured? 

_No, don't think like that, Levi..._

He slapped himself, trying to get out the thought of Y/n being hurt out of his head. He couldn't bear to imagine it, and if there was anyone he could pray to, he hoped she would be okay and safe in no time.

"I've never met anyone quite like Y/n," he heard Connie say, and he turned his head to the hazel-eyed boy. He was talking to himself, yet everyone was listening. "She's kind, but she's someone I never expected to like. Sasha and I saw her during her first training session, and I was quite scared of her at first. She insisted we go say hi, and although Y/n was rude at first, we then became friends. So, if she's scary when she's not even meaning to, then imagine what she's like when she's trying to be. I'm certain she'll make it out alive."

"Yeah, she's scared me a few times too," Jean sighed, shaking his head. "She's the strongest woman I've ever met, so... I'm sure she'll have killed a few people once she gets back to us."

"If she isn't back by the time we've got Eren and Historia, we'll all be going after her, so don't worry Captain," Connie said, and the man glared at him. 

"I'm not worried," he snapped, and the younger rolled his eyes. Everyone knew he was lying. "And you guys won't. It's dangerous in the Underground, and you'll be in more danger with me around."

"Whatever you say," Connie said with a sigh, and that was the end of the conversation. Levi glanced over at the rest of his team. They had done the best they could, and if it wasn't for Jean's help, he could've been in a sticky situation too. That group was well-informed and knew a lot about Levi's squad and himself, so they must've been planning Y/n's capture for a while. He wanted to punch himself for not catching on earlier. 

A few birds flew past in the trees above, and he sighed, closing his eyes for a few seconds.

_Stay safe, brat._


	35. ~ escape!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tysm for 100 kudos!! ily <3

"Stay there or I'll blow your head off!"

Those were the last words you'd managed to say before getting a bag shoved over your head and being dragged away by an unknown person. You kicked and yelled, trying your best to gain attention from someone else and to get away. It was pointless though; this wasn't like titans. These were humans with brains, who could think and could do much more than walk around and eat people with stupid gormless expressions.

At one point, you wished you _were_ fighting titans instead.

"Y/n Y/l/n," you heard a man's voice chuckle, and the bag was pulled off, revealing the room to you. It was lit by a singular set of three candles sat on a table beside you, and you were bound with rope to an unfortunately uncomfortable chair. You rolled your eyes when you realised how easy you'd be able to get out of the rope, but fighting off these criminals after you'd managed to get out of it would be another, larger problem. "It's been a while since I've seen you."

Recognising the voice, you looked up to find the source of it, and sure enough, right in front of you was a very tall, large man who you definitely wouldn't be able to take down with brute force alone. This was Bomb's son Aldo Zeiger, the new leader of the Rats who was too young to be killed or even know what was happening all those years ago. He was your age, maybe a few years older, but less experienced in the world of crime. That was blatantly obvious, starting from how the rope had been tied around you. A proper criminal would have another member standing behind them to make sure the victim didn't find a way to get out, and they'd also use something stronger than rope. 

"Yeah, I was hoping I wouldn't have to see your ugly face again," you mumbled with a sigh, glancing up at him. He chuckled lowly, sending a shiver up your spine. He could easily break your neck if he wanted to, but that didn't seem like what he wanted. In fact, he was the only one in the room except for you and another man in the corner, who wasn't as large as him but taller. "Anyway, I've been here long enough, Zeiger. What do you want?"

"Awh, I was hoping we could get to know each other more," he complained with a sigh, spinning something around in his fingers. You couldn't tell what it was, but you didn't want to know. "You're looking good in your older years."

"Rude, I'm only twenty-three, you douchebag," you glared, and he laughed again. He was forcing it, and you wondered if it was some sort of scare-tactic he was trying out. Either way, you couldn't tell if it affected you or not. You were already scared shitless. "Unfortunately, I can't say the same for you."

"You're so mean, Y/n," he whined, and you found the childish-attitude he was putting on very offputting and creepy. Especially because he looked more mature than he was. His previously-youthful face had been cursed with plenty of wrinkles, making him look twenty years older, and a pair of heavy bags sat underneath his brown eyes. His lips were thin and chapped, and you could smell his awful breath from miles away. Two of his front teeth were missing too, and he had a golden one on his bottom row. A scar sat on his chin, and it looked like a stab wound. To top it all off, he had a mop of greasy, curly black hair that sat on his head, and you wondered how a boy so charming before had become so... ugly. 

"Says the one who ambushed me and my friends and then kidnapped me," you muttered, still wondering how Levi and the squad were doing. You prayed silently that they were as safe as they could be and were succeeding in their mission of saving Eren and Historia. 

"Well, I needed to see you again," he said, putting a finger underneath your chin and tilting your head upwards so your eyes met. You were tempted to spit in his face, but since you were tied up and unsure of what he wanted with you, you chose against it. "My, you've gotten even prettier. Even as a child, I was pissed that I could never get you, but now, I have you right where I want you."

"Sorry, I'm really not interested in going on a date with you," you grimaced, glad he hadn't noticed what you were doing yet. While he'd been distracted and busy talking, you'd been very discreetly moving your arms behind your back, loosening the bonds on the rope so you could slip one of your hands out. It'd be a tight squeeze, but once just one of your hands was out, you'd be on your way out of here. "First of all, I'm not the dating type, and second of all, you put my friends in danger and kidnapped me. I hope you know that being some yandere weirdo won't get me to fall for you."

"Even if I let you become the Queen of the League of Rats?" he pouted, and you shook your head solemnly. Even if Levi asked you to do such a thing, you'd say no. Not only was the title enough to put you off (seriously, who'd want to be called the queen of rats?), but so was the fact that these were the people who killed people close to you and tortured you for months. Just looking at Aldo made you feel ill. "What a shame. I guess I'll just have to force you."

With that, he lifted what was in his hands, and you recognised it as the tool you'd used to rip off Sannes' fingernails. Your eyes widened ever so slightly, and you hoped he couldn't hear your heart racing. However, if he gave you just a few more seconds-

"Do you have any last words before I put this over your lips?" he asked, pulling a gag from his pocket and twirling it in his fingers. "I hate hearing girls as pretty as you scream in agony. It's heartbreaking."

Your stomach dropped. Just how many women had he done this to?!

"To be honest, I'd like an apology," you said, and he cocked his head in confusion. "Maybe then, I won't be so harsh on you."

"What do you mean-"

Before he could finish, your hands slipped from the rope and you grabbed his head. You slammed it against the floor, and with the few seconds you had before he either got up or the second guy in the room got to you, you untied the rope around your ankles. Aldo, however, was quick to move, and he grabbed your right leg tightly. You nearly fell, but you picked up the chair and smashed it over him, causing his grip to loosen and for you to get out. 

The second man rushed over, and you dodged his first punch, allowing you to grab his arm, sneak behind him and shove him to the ground, your knee in his back. This man was noticeably much stronger than you, so you'd have to be careful. Yet you'd managed to overpower him, and you rammed his face into the ground, causing his nose to break. Aldo got up and tried to attack, so you quickly punched this guy in the temple and knocked him out cold. Whether he was dead or not, you didn't care. You recognised him, too. This was someone close to Bomb, who hadn't been there when the lot of them had died. He was tactical and very strong and had most likely come up with the plan to ambush you all, but he was useless against enemies who were well-experienced in martial arts and other fighting techniques. 

Jumping up, you dodged two of Aldo's punches, and you used a small opening when he stepped to try and kick him in the groin. However, he managed to grab onto your leg and pick you up, making you gasp out loud. He lunched for your face, grabbing it with his palm and squeezing. This also would've caused your nightgown to fall from your body and over your face, revealing things you didn't particularly want the man to see if it wasn't for holding it up with one hand. This left you with one free arm, which was left in an awkward position and couldn't reach any vital areas. Freaking out, you did the one thing you could think of.

Bite him.

"YOU BITCH!" he yelled, releasing his palm to reveal his blood pouring from his hand. This gave you a chance to wrench his hand off your leg, and you fell to the ground. With that, you grabbed the closest thing on the desk (a very sharp blade) and ran out of the room, slamming the door as you left.

Out of breath now and unsure where you were, you headed to the closest light source, which was at the end of the corridor. Now, you had a blade on you, which was an easier weapon of choice since you were useless at aiming with a gun. You'd also found out that it startled criminals more when a lady runs at them with seemingly no weapon yet look somewhat confident than holding a gun from a far distance. It showed that they were completely stupid or more powerful than they seemed.

Thankfully, it was the latter for you. 

"Oi, she's escaped! Grab her!" you heard Aldo's voice from behind yell, and two people popped out from the corner. One was a man and the other was a woman, and you examined what they had on them. The guy held a gun, whereas the blonde lady had two knives in her hands. Cursing to yourself, you quickly dodged the bullet and went for the girl first. You doubted the guy would risk killing his comrade just for you, but then again, you were unsure what he'd be like.

Sure enough, once you were fighting the woman, he couldn't shoot. Instead, he put the gun back in his pocket and tried to grab you with his hands, but you cut him with the knife. You managed to throw the woman over your head (she was incredibly light) and stab the man in the right shoulder. It wasn't life-threatening, but he'd have much more difficulty using a gun now unless he wanted to feel immense pain. 

You found a set of stairs that lead to a door, and you assumed you were in a dungeon. Running up them proved difficult barefoot; they weren't only dirty but also rather slippery, and you'd be surprised to find out that no-one had fallen down them yet. 

Reaching for the door handle, frustration hit you when you found out it was locked. Oh well, time to knock it down. 

It was only wooden and was rotting anyway, so you found the weakest point and kicked it down. Aldo had never been the quickest runner, and since he'd spent the last ten years growing fatter, he wasn't doing himself any favours. He was close, but not close enough to grab you. 

The door led to the rest of the building. There were quite a few gang members in here, and you nearly barfed to see a pair doing the dirty in the corner. Rolling your eyes, you rushed past. A few men tried to grab at you, and you were unsure whether they were abiding by Aldo's orders or just wanted to take advantage of you - you were still in your night-gown, after all. 

"Stop her!" you heard Aldo's voice yell again, and a few people attempted to grab you but failed. Your knife skills were impressive, and they were bleeding out before Aldo had even finished what he was saying. Luckily for you, the 'League of Rats' wasn't doing so well anymore, and the group had fallen apart under Aldo's rule. He'd prioritised how many people he gathered as well as scare tactics over skill, power and technique. His father would be turning in his grave. 

"Y/n, don't leave me down here..." you then heard Aldo say, and you turned to see the man crouched on the floor, holding his arm. You'd managed to cut him in the process, and he was bleeding. He was perfectly fine, bar a broken thumb from when you'd gotten your leg out of his grip and a bite mark on the palm of his hand. He looked pitiful. "It's awful. I wish I could see the sky from your eyes and the rest of the world."

"Men like you don't deserve it," you said bluntly, and you knew he'd given up. You'd nearly escaped last time before getting captured again, and you weren't giving this chance up just because you pitied this disgrace of a human being. God, if it were Levi, he'd have gone back just to beat him up. You knew now that killing him would be no good of a punishment. Letting him live when he clearly didn't want to anymore was the best form of torture. "Don't come for me again. Got it, you fucking idiot? I don't want to be part of your stupid gang, and I most certainly don't want anything to do with you. Cheerio!"

With that, you hopped out of the building and found yourself back in the streets of the Underground. Unsurprised by how overpopulated it was, you were disgusted to see even more people dying helplessly in the streets, their legs barely working anymore and their skin so pale and thin that you could see the hollows of their cheeks. Your heart shattered, but there was nothing you could do. Hopefully, once Historia was queen, she could do something to change this disgraceful place. 

Now, how were you supposed to get out of here? You were certain that the Military Police would try to take advantage of you in such 'provocative' clothing once you got to the top, and those stairs would destroy your feet if you decided to go up barefoot. Thankfully, there was a selection of houses close by, and one woman had her laundry hanging out. A skirt wouldn't do at all, so you jumped over the fence and reached up, tugging a pair of cargo jeans and a white blouse down and snatching a pair of trainers from near the back door. Then, hiding behind half-a-dozen bins, you quickly got changed, hoping to God that nobody could see you. The cool air caused goosebumps to prickle on your arms, but that was the least of your worries. 

You held your blade tightly as you began to venture up the stairs. If anyone crossed you, they'd either only just live to tell the tale, never speak again (missing tongue) or simply die. You were just getting started, and you were already fed up. After experiencing years of being captured and getting out of simple traps like that, they simply bored you. Of course, it still scared you because you had no idea what could happen if something went wrong, but it wasn't as terrifying as being captured by Levi and Erwin two months ago.

 _Two months._ Things really were going fast.

"Hey, where do you think _you're_ going?" you heard a voice cackle as you got up the first set of stairs. You turned your head to see three men sitting there with blades in their hands and sick smiles on their faces. Just from their lazy attempts at tattoos that sat on their bulky arms, you knew they were just as useless as Aldo's 'assassins'. You glared at them, and you noticed one of them hesitate. "We aren't just going to let a stupid wench like you pass without money. So cash up."

"Yeah, a girl with those looks must be loaded," the second guy cackled, and you rolled his eyes. "I'd be surprised if her pussy is even tight anymore."

"Do you want to fucking die?" you asked calmly, your eyebrows raised. Your knife was wielded backwards, just like Kenny had taught not only you to do but also Levi. It was most effective in situations like this. The first and second man laughed, but the third saw the bloodlust in your eyes and chuckled nervously. "Because I can do just that."

"Erm, is that blood on her face?" the third one muttered, and the two noticed the slightly busted lip on your face and the splatter of blood that rested on your cheek. It'd mainly been hidden by your hair, but now it was visible, and the first shuddered. However, the second one didn't seem to care at all.

"I don't care. She isn't getting past unless she coughs up. C'mon bitch, we haven't got all day," he complained, but before he could say anything else, his arm was up in the air, his blade had fallen to the ground, and your knife was pinned to his throat. The other two were too stunned to move, and you glared into the second guy's shaken eyes. "W-what-"

"Any of you try me and this guy will die," you hissed, and the third nodded. He seemed to be the most intelligent of the group and knew who not to mess with, and you were one of those they had to let past in fear of dying. "And then I'll cut both of your tongues out so you can't talk to me in such a foul way ever again."

They both nodded, and you let the guy go. Not without punching him in the face though.

Then, you continued your journey up the stairs, passing worse people as you went up. At one point, you were nearly shot in the leg if it wasn't for your blade being there. If you weren't so high on adrenaline, you'd probably have passed out from shock. 

Thankfully, you didn't end up killing anybody. You didn't particularly want to, anyway.

The cool summers breeze of the outside world twirled gently around your body, and you breathed it in with happiness. It could never and would never be as good as the air outside of the walls, but this was as good as it got for now. A smile on your face, you nearly cried with happiness as you wiped the blood from your face and blade. A group of Military Police were sat near the top, but they were too drunk to notice you. Despite this, you still tried to sneak past.

After the successful coup d'état, Commander Erwin should be back with the Survey Corps. You had no idea what'd happened in the past three days and even if Levi and the Squad were safe. The only place you could think of going was to Erwin's office, but even he might not be there. 

Gulping, you looked around. There seemed to be some sort of... celebration?!

"Erm, excuse me, but what's happening?" you asked a guy in the street, tapping him on the shoulder. You'd dropped your blade on the floor and most of the blood was gone now (there was only a little bit left on your hand), so you looked like a regular civilian. Yet he still gave you an odd look.

"Haven't you heard?" he chuckled, raising an eyebrow. "We've got a new Queen! We're saved!"

"Sorry, I've been asleep for the past couple of days," you smiled. New queen?! So Historia was safe! That surely meant the others were... right? 

You rushed off, leaving the poor man confused, and you turned a street corner to see none other than Historia standing in the castle guardians getting coronated, a crown being placed on her head. Heart pounding against your chest, you were incredibly proud of her. Becoming queen only a couple of days after being told you're part of the royal family must be scary, but you knew for a fact she'd be a wonderful queen. 

"Y/n!" you heard a voice from behind call, and you turned to see Sasha running over, beaming from ear to ear. You opened your arms and she jumped into them, despite being taller, and she squealed. "You're alive!"

"Yeah, just," you chuckled, running a hand through her brown hair. You pulled away to see tears of relief in her eyes, and you smiled, cupping her cheeks. "I'm so glad you're safe, Sasha."

"Hell, I thought we'd lost ya!" she exclaimed, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. "God, you had me scared. C'mon, we need to find the others!"

"I was hoping you'd say that," you laughed, and she snorted. You were delighted she was alright, out of all people, and if she was acting so enthusiastically, then surely nobody died, right?

_Right?!_

"Captain's been a right pain in the ass since you left," she complained with her eyebrows furrowed, and you felt your cheeks heat up. He'd been worried? "None of us are as good with his feelings as you are. It was frustrating, not knowing if you were alive or not. I tried to get him to change his mind, I promise I did, but we had to go after Eren and Historia. Not that I prefer you or anything, I love you all equally, but I knew they were alive, you see. I-"

"I understand, Sasha," you interrupted, a small grin on your lips as she ranted and protested her innocence. "It's okay. He knew I could get out of it on my own."

"I don't think he did..." she mumbled, and your heart shattered. He knew how strong you were, but was he genuinely that concerned?

You knew he thought you were one tough cookie; after all, you were Humanity's Second Strongest, but had he really doubted you? He was a lonely man, and you were the only one left that he truly had strong feelings for. He cared about his squad, Hange and Erwin - no doubt - but he didn't love them as he loved you. 

"Guys!" you heard Sasha shout, and you looked into the distance to see Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Connie and Jean, all standing collectively to watch the coronation that was nearly over. Of course, they had front row seats. Connie was the first to notice, and you saw his eyes light up with joy when they saw you. "It's Y/n! I found Y/n!"

"Y/n!" Connie exclaimed, and the others turned and rushed over. "You're okay!"

"Except for the black eye," Jean chuckled, but you could tell he was just as relieved as everyone else. You pressed your hand to your eye, and sure enough, it had swollen up slightly from the punch you'd received trying to escape. Whoops. "Oh God, I'm so glad you're okay."

The group pulled you into a hug, and you couldn't stop laughing. Sasha and Connie were nearly in tears, and Armin wouldn't let go. Mikasa and Eren stood their distance, but they were just as relieved as the others. Eren had a mild cut across his forehead, but at least he wasn't as hurt as you thought he'd be. 

"I think we ought to see a certain somebody," Jean teased, and you would've punched him in the face if you weren't so tired. It was painfully obvious how exhausted you were, and he even offered to give you a piggyback so you didn't have to walk, which you denied. 

"He'll be standing with Hange and Erwin over there," Eren pointed, and you followed his finger to see the rather tall blonde male surrounded by other superior officers. However, Levi wasn't there. It wasn't that you couldn't see him; he genuinely wasn't there. "Or at least, he should be."

"That bastard better not have gone down there..." you mumbled, hoping that the man hadn't gone down looking for you. However, you knew he hadn't when the group went silent. Sasha giggled quietly, and you raised an eyebrow at her. Then, you followed where she was looking, and your heart skipped a beat. 

Standing there, only twenty feet away, was the one and only Levi Ackerman.


	36. ~ aftermath

He hadn't even noticed you yet, he was busy fiddling with his uniform as he stared at the ground sadly. You'd never seen such an expression on his face, yet you knew what it was. He knew he was supposed to be happy with the results of the mission and act as a pillar for the other cadets, yet he couldn't be. He'd lost one of the members of his squad - well, he thought he had anyway.

"Levi!" you exclaimed, and he looked up, his eyes widening when he saw your face. You ran over, and he opened his arms just in time for you to jump into them. You felt his face nuzzle into your shoulder, and you wondered if he'd cry again. Taking you by surprise, you heard him laugh! It was nothing you'd ever heard before, but you still loved it. There were relief and happiness in his tone, and he held you tightly with his arms around your waist. "Hey!"

"I'm so glad you're safe, you brat," he chuckled, pulling away and cupping your face with his hands. He had a smile on his face and his eyes were filled with life, something you hadn't ever seen before. Knowing you made him feel that way definitely raised your ego, but you were also glad to see him so happy. "I didn't fancy going back down into that dump to save you. Damn, I missed you."

"I missed you too, Captain," you giggled, and you felt him kiss you softly on the lips. "If it wasn't for those extra few techniques you taught me, I might've come back with a few more injuries than this."

"Are you hurt anywhere?" he asked suddenly, examining your arms, neck and face. "How's your arm?"

"I think it's healed now," you replied, pointing to the small cast that sat on your wrist. Sure enough, it was more flexible than it had been before and there were no pains left. You'd forgotten about it, so you were thankful Levi had bought it up to check. "And I'm okay, I think."

"You need to tell me everything that happened," he said, his tone becoming serious as he looked you in the eyes. You averted your eyes as you shifted foot to foot, not wanting to think about it right then. He seemed to understand, and his soft smile returned. "I'm so glad you're safe, Y/n. I don't know what I'd have done if you were stuck down there, or even worse got yourself killed."

"As if I'd let those scumbags kill me," you chuckled, fiddling with your thumbs nervously. "Anyway, how is everyone? Is everyone safe? Did anyone die?"

"We'll talk about that later," he said softly pulling you into another hug and holding you tight. He didn't have the heart to tell you about the incident with Kenny's squad, Eren and Rod Reiss' giant titan transformation. He'd noticed how tired you were just by how slow your running was and how lazily you were holding onto him, and he didn't want to blast your head off with what'd happened while you were gone. "For now, we need to visit Erwin. He's back in command, and we need to tell him that you're back before he sends someone searching for you."

"Yeah, that'd be a good idea," you smiled, pulling away from him and linking your hand with his. His usually-blunt expression had returned, but that wouldn't erase the memory of him smiling and laughing out of your mind. You stood there for a few minutes, watching the rest of the coronation as your head rested comfortably on his shoulder. Hearing his breathing and heartbeat soothed your nerves, and you closed your eyes, taking in the cheers from the crowd and the sounds of happiness you rarely got to hear. Levi squeezed your hand, and your eyes fluttered open. He was looking straight ahead, watching as Historia was crowned, but there was still light in his eyes. This moment of happiness was one you'd cherish, and you were sure Levi would too. 

"League of Rats?" Erwin asked, his eyebrows raised. You nodded, your leg bouncing up and down at the pace of your heartbeat. You hated repeating everything you'd just been through, and Levi noticed your discomfort as soon as you began talking. He was professionally sat beside Erwin, but he spoke up or gave you the odd comforting glance whenever he knew you didn't want to continue. "So you know these people?"

"From when I was little, yes," you muttered, really not wanting to talk about your childhood in front of someone like him. The only one who knew was Levi, and the only reason you'd opened up to him was because of the nightmare you'd had with him. "But all of them had died except Wilhelm. The guy in the dungeons. Unfortunately, I forgot the leader had a son."

"I would normally get the Military Police involved, but at the moment, I can't trust them," Erwin stated, and you nodded. "I hope you understand that right now, we can't do anything about him."

"I understand, Sir," you nodded, but Levi looked pissed. He'd heard the entire story now, and you knew he despised nobody more than Aldo Zeiger. If it was up to him, he'd have tortured and killed the man already and he was incredibly annoyed that you hadn't done so yourself. "But could I and Levi go down there and get the rest of the group? It shouldn't take too long."

"As much as I trust you both, I can't have that happening," Erwin sighed, and you pouted. "It's not up to us as Survey Corps to interfere with the law, especially in the Underground. Hopefully, Historia Reiss will change that now that she's queen."

"Let's hope," you chuckled, taking a sip from the tea Levi had poured. "Anyway, sorry to change the topic, but how close are we now to knowing the truth? I heard that we've got quite a lot of information out of this and we're going to be getting more soon."

"Yes, we learned more about Historia and the true royal family, and we also learned more about titan shifters and who Eren's family actually are," Erwin explained, but you knew he hadn't fully figured it out yet. After all, Levi and his Squad had only returned six hours ago and had killed the huge titan that was Rod Reiss. "We'll be sending Levi back to the chapel to search for any survivors and any more clues, but after that... I reckon Hange will be experimenting with Eren again."

You could tell that Erwin was happy with the results. He wasn't smiling, but he was much more relaxed than usual, and his eyes shimmered with positivity. You responded with a smile, glad that finally the Survey Corps were respected and people weren't as glum as usual. The past two months had been filled with stress and anger and a ton of negativity, and for now, everyone was bubbly. Although you knew it wouldn't last forever and something else was bound to happen next month, you were relieved and your heart swelled. 

"You're both dismissed for now," the blonde man then said, and you nodded, standing from your chair. "I have a feeling there are some people outside waiting for you."

"Great," Levi mumbled, and you cocked your head at him. The pair of you left, and as soon as you opened the door, you saw Queen Historia and the rest of the cadets walking down the corridor. They seemed to be giving her some sort of pep talk, and her expression was nervous. You raised an eyebrow, but it seemed that Levi knew just what was going on. He sighed.

"What's going on?" you whispered to him, but when you saw Jean call out 'Pound that runt', you knew exactly what was going to happen.

Historia was going to punch him.

They stopped in front of the two of you, and you leaned against the wall, giving her space. Historia took a few deep breaths before yelling, running over and punching him right in the arm. The rest of the squad gasped while Mikasa smiled smugly, and you nearly laughed out loud. 

"Did that hurt?!" she asked with a nervous chuckle, her fists in front of her proudly. "Well, I'm Queen now so too bad! If you have a problem with-"

However she was cut off when a low chuckle left Levi's lips, and the whole squad gasped in surprise, including you. He'd never laughed in front of them, so this was a whole new side to Levi they'd never seen before. 

"Heh, thanks, you guys," he said, and your heart skipped a beat. "I needed that."

Historia was stunned, but she was delighted with what she'd done. She turned to you and smiled widely, and you realised she hadn't seen you in nearly a week. Rushing over, she pulled you into a hug, and because she was shorter than you, you were able to put your chin on the top of her head easily.

"How come I get punched and that brat gets a hug?" Levi muttered, making you and Historia laugh. Jean, Connie, Sasha, Armin and Eren were stunned by their Captain's change of attitude, but Mikasa just seemed somewhat happy that Eren wasn't getting beaten up again or her friends weren't getting cursed out.

"Because I'm preferred," you giggled, and he glared at the two of you, to which you smiled brightly at. Seeing that caused his glare to falter, and he tried not to grin again. "I can't believe I'm being hugged by royalty! Your majesty, I may dirty your dress."

"So what?" she asked, pulling away and tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "And don't call me that, it's so weird and surreal to be called 'Your majesty'. Y/n, imagine if tomorrow you get told you're going to become Queen and overthrow me, and then two days later you're crowned Queen. At fourteen!"

"Yeah, I guess that is crazy," you grimaced, before glaring at Levi. He'd pretty much forced her into the role, but at the same time, at least she was happy. She knew what she was doing would benefit humanity greatly, and you knew that with someone like her in charge, the world would be a better place.

For now, anyway."

"I've gotta go," Levi then said, and the others raised their eyebrows. "back to the chapel."

"I'll come with," you insisted, and although he was hesitant to allow you on another mini-mission, he agreed. The others said their farewells and left, leading the Queen back to the Capital. Levi sighed, fiddling with the buttons of his green Survey Corps Coat. You were still in the jeans and top you'd stolen, and your arms had gathered goosebumps. He pulled it off and wrapped it around your shoulders, and you raised an eyebrow at him.

"You're shivering," he said, and although it was true, you didn't want _him_ to get cold. However, he was wearing a light grey button-up underneath, and although the sleeves were cuffed, it should keep him somewhat warm for now. "The chapel is destroyed, Y/n, so be careful when we arrive."

"Understood Captain," you replied, and he sighed, shaking his head. "What?"

"You don't need to be so formal when it's just me and you," he said, and you gave him a small smile. "Yeah, when the others are around then you should, but when it's us... you don't have to be."

"Thank you," you replied, and you felt him take your hand. The sleeves on the coat were a little bit too long, but Levi was able to find your palm and take it. "Levi, does Erwin know about us?"

"Probably," he shrugged, and you knew that no matter what the Commander said, Levi would find a way to work your relationship around the rules. You hoped Erwin would allow it out of the kindness of his heart instead of what he should do, but then again, you didn't know the man as well as Levi did. "It's not that difficult to figure out, is it? You're all over me."

"Shut up," you muttered, going pink in the cheeks. "It's more like _you're_ all over _me_."

"Who can blame me?" he asked, and you felt yourself get more embarrassed by the second. "You're gorgeous."

"Levi, shut it," you replied, looking away and trying to hide your flushed face but failing. Levi chuckled lowly, and he took your chin and forced you to look in his eyes. If there was something you'd learnt about that man, it was that he loved teasing you one way or another, and although you pretended you hated it, deep down you found it fun. 

"Yep, I was right," he said, pressing a kiss against your forehead. "Fucking perfect."

"Stop!" you exclaimed, shoving your face into his shoulder as you giggled. "You embarrass me."

"Good," he said, ruffling your hair. You were surprised this clean-freak even allowed you to touch him, never mind snuggle your face into his shoulder and hold his hand. You appreciated it though. "I'm doing my job well, then."

"Job?!" you giggled, looking up at him and poking him in the nose. "Being a good boyfriend is not a 'Job', you dimwit."

"No, but making someone like you embarrassed is," he said, and you punched him playfully in the chest. "My, I'm wounded."

"Good."

It didn't take long to get back to the now-destroyed chapel. Your eyes widened when you saw the huge gaping hole in the ground, and your mouth dropped to see the boulders that'd filled it, along with the endoskeleton of Eren's titan body. Levi's eyebrows simply raised, and you bit your thumbnail nervously. How had the whole of Levi's squad, plus Hange and Moblit, survive this mess without any serious injuries? 

"Y/n," you heard Levi say, and you turned your head to see a man sat by the trees, barely alive. Half of his scalp was burned, and he had obvious burns and scratches across his face. Worse, he was bleeding heavily, and that was noticeable from where you were standing. You both looked at each other, and you gulped.

_Could it be..._

The two of you rushed over, and although you'd never been that close to Kenny in the first place, it was clear Levi had been. Although his face was just as blunt as ever, you could see worry in his eyes. You followed, and sure enough, it was Kenny Ackerman. 

"So... you brats come to finish me off?" the man coughed, and the two of you squatted down in front of him. He looked frailer than ever, and your heart sunk. "Huh, I never expected... you two to visit me on my... deathbed."

"Yeah, neither did we," Levi said, and the older man chuckled, coughing again as he clutched his stomach. You looked away, not wanting to see the fatal injuries he'd gathered. It was too weird to see a man you'd always been afraid of in such a position. 

"So, I never did get an answer," he muttered, wincing as he moved even the slightest. Levi went to help, but he was swatted away. "Are you two brats... dating or something?"

"Would it be weird if I said 'yes'?" you asked him, and he chuckled again, his eyebrows furrowed. How could you be joking around at such a time? It was weird, but it felt... like it had to be done. He'd always had a wicked sense of humour, and you hoped that he'd die as happily as possible when you joked with him.

"With those burns and blood loss, there's no helping you now," Levi sighed, and you wanted to hit him for being so blunt. Then again, it had to be said at some point. 

"Yeah? I wonder..." the man muttered, pulling something out of his pocket. The two of you stared in awe as he pulled out a small box, and although you didn't know what it was, you felt uncomfortable just by the look on Levi's face. "I swiped this little one right out of Rod's bag. Seems if I inject this, I'll turn into a Titan. One of those dumb Titans... unfortunately. For a while... it should extend my... life."

"Kenny, that's a ridiculous id- mph!" you exclaimed, before being cut off by Levi's hand over your mouth. You glared at the shorter male, but he opened his mouth to talk.

"You've had the time and strength to inject yourself, so why haven't you?" he asked. Good point.

"Yeah... I wonder..." Kenny sighed, grimacing as he continued to bleed out. You knew Levi so desperately wanted to help him, but there was nothing he could do. While he kneeled down in front of the man, you sat cross-legged on the ground, letting them have their moment. "If I don't inject it right, I might end up like he did... all messed up."

"I know you're not sitting here waiting to die," Levi replied, his eyebrows raised. "Don't you have a better excuse?"

"I don't wanna die..." he said, and that made your heart shatter. He never had wanted to, which was why he was so strong in the first place. "and I wanted power. But I see... I think I understand why he did it, after all this time..."

"Huh?" Levi asked lazily, his eyebrow perked up. You cocked your head, just as confused. Who was he talking about in particular?

"Everybody I've met was all the same," Kenny said, taking a deep, steady breath. "Drinking, women, worshipping God, even... Family, the King, dreams, children, power... Everyone had to be drunk on somethin' to keep pushing on... Everyone was a slave to somethin'. Even him... A-and what are you two? Heroes?"

"I don't know," you muttered, looking down at the grass and pulling it up. Levi turned his head to you, and then back to Kenny, who had a smirk on his face despite being on the brink of death. Suddenly, Levi grabbed his shoulders and pinned him to the tree, his eyes wide.

"Kenny. Tell me everything you know! Why doesn't the First King want humanity to survive?!" he exclaimed, and you grabbed his shoulder, trying to prise him off. 

"Levi, you're going to hurt him!" you hissed, but the older man chuckled. 

"You're too kind, Y/n," Kenny muttered, and you looked back down at the ground again, unsure whether he was complimenting you or not. "And, Levi, beats me. But we Ackermans... opposed him... for that reason."

Levi gulped, and it was then that you realised... he had no idea what Kenny was to him. You'd known they were related, but you didn't know how closely. In fact, you knew just as little about the elder as Levi did. 

"My last name seems to be Ackerman, too. You... What were you to my mother?" the raven-haired man asked, his eyes flickering up to Kenny. His voice was much softer now, and it was the first time you'd ever heard the man talk about his family. 

"Heh, you idiot... Just her brother," Kenny then answered, and you could almost hear Levi's heart drop. His mouth was left slightly agape, and you bit your lip in concern. So this man was... Levi's uncle!?

"That day... why? Why did you leave me?" Levi asked, and you could hear how heartbroken he was. He'd trusted Kenny so much, and yet he'd abandoned him. So this was why Levi was how he was. Because everyone he'd trusted had either died or left him. "And you went to Y/n straight after! You abandoned me and then found somebody else."

"Because... I'm not meant to be someone's father..." he breathed out, and you gulped. "We'd already got that... connection, Levi, and I couldn't... handle it. Y/n was passed over to... my team instead of me."

"Imelda, Monica and Emmett," you muttered, and the man nodded, before shoving the box in his hands to Levi, who held it to his chest with wide eyes. The man glanced down at it, unsure why he'd been given it. You glanced over his shoulder, and you felt Levi shudder beside you. 

"Kenny-" he began, but when the two of you looked up, he was gone. The life was gone from his eyes, and his mouth was left agape. You turned to Levi, whose expression had turned from one of surprise to sadness. He sighed and shook his head before standing up and glancing over at you. 

"Levi," you began, but he shook his head.

"It's fine," he said, and you knew it wasn't. He'd just lost the person who'd raised him, and although it didn't affect you as much as it did him, you couldn't imagine how much it hurt. "I doubt they'll let us bury a criminal like him inside the walls."

"We can't just leave him here," you sighed, and Levi ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Can't we go back and get a coffin or something and bury him here?"

"No," he answered, and you grimaced. "First, it'd be difficult getting it here on our own. Secondly, I think the military police would notice if they saw us carrying a coffin all the way out here, and they'd also notice if we bought his dead body back. Y/n, we either leave him here or we bury him without a coffin."

"Either way, his body will be eaten by bugs," you muttered, and Levi nodded.

"He's dead, he won't know," the shorter man said bluntly, and although you knew it pained him to do so, there was no other way. "Y/n, did you know he was my uncle?"

"I knew you had the same last names, but I assumed you knew as much," you said honestly, looking up at him. He was up on his feet, but you were still on the ground. You'd seen death too many times to be fazed by it now, but seeing such a powerful man dead made you uncomfortable. "But no, I had no idea you were his nephew."

"That asshole," Levi mumbled, looking away and stuffing the small box into his pocket. You could tell he hated even seeing Kenny's body, never mind being close to it. Only meer seconds ago had he been talking to the two of you, and now he was dead. "C'mon, brat. We need to get back."

"Okay," you replied, glancing back at Kenny one last time before going back home.


	37. ~ we're back home

"Honey, I'm home!" you exclaimed with a wide smile, kicking open the door to Levi's apartment. He face-palmed with a groan as he followed you in, wondering how long you'd be this enthusiastic for. It wasn't that he disliked it when you were in this mood; as a matter of fact, he loved seeing you happy and energetic. He just couldn't seem to keep up, and it drained him. Then, you flopped onto the bed, kicking your shoes off. "Oh God, you don't even KNOW how much I've missed this bed!"

"You've made the floor muddy, you brat," Levi grumbled, picking up your shoes and placing them neatly beside his. "Why do you have to be so untidy?"

"I'm not _that_ bad, am I?" you asked with a pout, sitting up and looking over at him. "I mean, at least I'm better than Jean."

"You make the top three, along with Eren and Historia," Levi replied, wandering over and taking a strand of hair into his hand while examining it. "You ought to go shower before mucking up the bed. You're dirty."

"Wow, thanks," you said sarcastically, rolling your eyes. You knew he didn't mean it rudely though, and you slung your legs over the edge of the bed. "Can't I go to sleep first?"

"Absolutely not," he said, raising his eyebrows. "Shower, and then you can go to bed."

"Meanie," you sighed, standing up and crossing your arms at him. He was smaller than you now since he was sat on the edge of the bed, and you stuck your tongue out. 

"You won't get cuddles," he said, and you gasped. Cuddles were a rare thing, mainly because he wasn't the touchy type unless it was night or he hadn't seen you in a long time. You'd assumed as much, since he was so stand-offish, so him threatening you with such a thing was scandalous. 

"I will be back," you hissed jokingly, pretending you were a comic-book villain as you slipped into the bathroom, locking the door. For the first time in a while, you looked into the mirror, and you gasped out loud in horror. 

Not only was your hair pretty greasy and messy, but it was also caked with dried blood and dirt. You wondered how Levi had even been able to live with that up until now, and although you were mad nobody had mentioned it, you were also glad they hadn't. Mainly because you'd have gone back to the apartment as soon as possible to wash in insecurity. A bruise had formed over your eye, and you pouted, noticing a small cut on your lip too. 

"Fuck's sake," you cursed quietly, turning on the shower and slipping your hand under the water. It was only hot for five minutes before cutting out to cold, so you quickly hopped out of your clothes and stepped under. As soon as the warm water hit your skin, you sighed with relief, the droplets slipping down your body with ease. Levi had bought you your own loofa, so, covering it with soap, you got to scrubbing your body down. Bruises were already beginning to form from the whole experience, and you grumbled quietly to yourself. Hopefully, you'd wake up one day with none. 

The smell of lavender filled the room, and you smiled, closing your eyes as you rubbed shampoo into your hair. Scalp massages were simply the best, especially after a hard day, and you hummed in satisfaction. It was a familiar tune, yet you couldn't figure out where you'd learnt it from. Music was something you enjoyed, but you never heard it often. It was a shame since it calmed you so easily, and you knew that if you were to pursue another career, it would be music-related. 

Without realising, your humming began to get increasingly louder, especially when you threaded conditioner into your h/c hair and got lost in the feeling. The past week, you'd had to shower in the cold water of the cottage, so having a hot one was so much better and relaxed your muscles. 

Eventually, the water began to turn cold, and you knew it was time to jump out. You turned the water off and waddled into the middle of the bathroom, tying your wet hair into a towel and wrapping another around your body. The mirror was slightly steamed up, but you could still see your face in the reflection. You sighed, sure you could see another figure behind you, but when you glanced over your shoulder, there was no-one there. 

Why did you deserve everything you had? After living such a blood-stained life, why did you deserve a home, friends and the love of your life? Would all of that be brutally sucked away from you one day as a cruel and torturous punishment? Closing your eyes for a few seconds, you thanked whoever it was that was letting you live such a life now before leaving the bathroom. Levi was now sat on the sofa opposite the bathroom, and he looked up at you.

"You should hum more," he said, and you a hint of pink appeared in your cheeks. "Your voice could send me to sleep."

"Well, if it helps you get more than two hours a night, then I'll hum as much as you want me too," you chuckled, sitting down on the edge of the bed and ruffling the towel over your wet hair. Then, you pulled it off, the strands of hair smacking you in the face not-so-elegantly. "How do I look?"

"Like a wet dog," he said harshly, and you glared at him.

"I was hoping something more along the lines of 'you're cute, brat', but thanks Levi," you answered with a sigh, lowering your voice to mock the man on the other side of the room. Then, you reached down into the drawer beside the bed and pulled out a nightgown. 

"Tch," he said in response, and you smiled. Finally, he was back to his normal self. He no longer had to worry about losing you, because he knew that if you did go missing or something happened, you'd get out of it easily. He no longer had to cram all his feelings into two months so he could get out everything he wanted; now, he could spread it out, and it made him incredibly happy to be able to do that. 

"So, we've got a few months to spare," you said into the silence of the room, dropping the towel and pulling the nightgown over your head. Levi looked away, giving you privacy despite being intimate with you a couple of times before. "What do you wanna get up to when we're not training?"

"There's not much to do within these walls," the man sighed, and you nodded, sitting back onto the edge of the bed. A candle had been lit beside your bed and another two were lit in the middle of the room, and the moonlight slipped in between the closed curtains. It was about eight o'clock at night. "But we can find something."

"We could go to that popular tea shop close by," you suggested, wondering how popular it'd be. Once the two of you were retired (if you even got to the point of retirement before dying, that was), you could set up your own tea shop. While he made the tea, you could get along well with the customers to attract more sales. After all, you were much better with people than Levi was. 

"I don't mind where we go," Levi said, putting the book he was reading on the arm of the sofa and wandering over, squatting down in front of you and twirling a strand of your hair around his finger. "As long as you're safe, I'm happy."

"Same with you," you giggled, cupping his face and kissing him softly. "Softie."

"You don't have the right to call me that," he replied with a shake of his head, sitting beside you. "You know I could snap you in half if I wanted to."

"How romantic," you said sarcastically, and he chuckled. "But you wouldn't dare."

"Only because I don't want to be covered in scratches and bruises," he responded, wrinkling his nose. "I'd rather not be dirtied up, thanks."

"Is that the only reason you wouldn't?" you teased, laying across his lap and teasingly poking him in the cheek. He swatted your hand away with a half-arsed glare and he was tempted to tickle you off of him. "Hmm?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Levi said bluntly, and you pouted. 

"You love me really."

"Hah, as if."

You glared at him, but you knew he was just being playful in his own way. By telling you that he didn't love you just got him to see your pouty, grumpy face, and he lowkey loved it. The way you puffed out your lips and furrowed your brows made him want to kiss your face all over. 

"Meanie," you sighed, sitting up and facing your back to him. "You no longer get to sleep in the bed."

"I'm always on the couch anyway," he shrugged, starting to stand up. "Well, I know when I'm not wanted. I'll be back over there reading."

"Wait, no," you said quickly, your improvisation skills nowhere to be seen as you tried to come up with a plan for him to stay with you. He turned his head and raised an eyebrow. Instead, you resorted to straight-up begging. "Please stay."

"Glad I wasn't the first to crack," he answered, and you couldn't help but smile as you looked down at the ground. He sat back down on the edge while you sat cross-legged against the headboard, and he placed his finger underneath your chin, tilting your head up. His grey eyes scanned your face, and you suddenly felt aware of everything he was doing. His touch... where he looked... everything. "Damn."

"What?" you asked, raising an eyebrow. "Did I miss a spot when I was washing?"

"No," he said, a tiny smile appearing on his lips. "I'm just wondering how I found someone so wonderful."

"Oh god, not this again!" you exclaimed, your face going bright red as you hid in your hands. Pleased with your reaction, he spoke again, teasing you in the same way he had done earlier. 

"What? Are you ashamed to be so perfect?" he asked, and you punched him in the arm. "Damn, I'm hurt, Y/n. I give you all these compliments and what do I get? Attacked."

"You embarrass me, that's why," you giggled, watching as he pulled your hands away from your face. "What are you doing?"

"I want to see your flustered face," he said, and you shaded yourself with your hair. However, he brushed it away, tucking it behind your ears. "Ah, there we go. Precious."

"Stop it, you pain-in-the-ass," you blushed, unsure how hot your face was. How could he get you so flustered so easily? It wasn't just the compliments; it was the sly way he said them and the look in his eyes as he did so. They were meaningful, and he showed that he meant it. "I'll die if you carry on like this."

"It's nice to know that I'm the only one who can get you like this, though," he said softly, planting a small kiss on your forehead. Kisses had become an essential part of your relationship, even if they were just small and friendly. It allowed the two of you to know that this was real, and you'd be together no matter what. Levi wasn't always the best with his words (unless he wanted to embarrass you), so those small kisses meant the world and more. 

"True," you sighed, flopping onto his chest dramatically. He lifted you up so you were now on his lap (his legs were crossed), and you hummed in satisfaction when he placed his head on top of yours and one of his arms wrapped around your body. His other hand intertwined with yours on his chest, and he took a deep breath. "Is it my turn yet to hit you with compliments of the century?"

"Absolutely not," he said, and you grinned against his chest. "But you're going to, aren't you, brat?"

"You betcha!" you giggled, rubbing your thumb calmly over the back of his hand. "But... I dunno what to say."

He scoffed, and you raised your eyebrows. "And you say _I'm_ a bad boyfriend."

"Hey, I've never complimented someone in this way before," you chuckled, your eyes fluttering shut and sleepiness washed over you. Although he had a usually-cold demeanour, he had a warm embrace, and you loved that. "There's just too much to say about you, Levi. You're perfect to me, even if you have your off-days where you're super grumpy. But doesn't everyone? Despite everything you've been through, you really do care about your team and want them to be safe. You were the first person I opened up to since Monica passed away, and you made me feel like someone I didn't think I was. You make me happy, and I want to spend all my time with you if that's even possible. I could go on forever about what I love about you, but I'm sleepy, so I'm gonna finish off with this. You're stunning. A handsome man, if I do say so myself."

You finished, but the room was silent. Your eyes widened, and you wondered if he'd fallen asleep because you'd spoken so much. After all, it wasn't out of the realm of possibility. However, when you felt his arm tighten around your waist and his hand squeeze yours, you knew he hadn't. He was simply overwhelmed with what you'd said. 

"Y/n, I..." he began, but he couldn't find the right words. Instead, you sat up, let go of his hand and pulled him into a sweet, gentle kiss. 

"You don't need to say anything," you smiled, running a hand through his soft hair. His eyes were wider than normal, and his lips were slightly agape. He seemed dumbfounded. "Just promise you won't change for me, and that's all I need."

"I promise," he said with a small smile, and he was unable to look you in the eyes. Was he... embarrassed?

"Hah! Now I know what your flustered face looks like!" you exclaimed with a grin, poking him in the cheeks. He growled something under his breath before pushing you off of him, making sure to jab you in the most ticklish spots and making you squeal. He then stood up and put his hands on his hips, looking at you as you slipped under the duvet of the bed. You looked super comfortable, and he longed to be there with you as soon as possible. "Are you going to join me soon, Levi? I'm cold."

"Like hell you are," he chuckled, but he was going to. He dipped into the bathroom and changed into a pair of boxer shorts before joining you, and you were still always stunned at his physique. Any girl would go crazy over him, and you'd managed to get him in bed with you. Not even as a one-off, either. He slipped in beside you and took your hand, pressing the back of it to his lips as if you were royalty. "Go to sleep, Y/n. You look exhausted."

"You're not wrong," you said with a smile, watching as he rolled you over and put his arms around your waist and his head on yours. "Oh, are we spooning now?"

"Shut up," he muttered, and you giggled to yourself before eventually falling asleep.


	38. ~ plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my apologies for not updating in a few days <3

Fumbling around as you began to slowly wake up, your hands moved around and across your body to hopefully feel the warm embrace of Levi. However, unsurprisingly, he wasn't there. Sighing to yourself, you sat up gently, letting your eyes adjust to the sunlit room and stretching. You could hear some movement and the occasional footstep, so you assumed he was awake and still in the room. 

"Morning," you mumbled, rubbing your eyes and finally allowing yourself to see. Sure enough, Levi was standing in the middle of the room, wearing his usual grey shirt and black bottoms. He glanced over from what he was writing down and gave you a little wave. "How'd you sleep?"

"Better than usual," he answered, wandering over and sitting on the edge of the bed. "More than two hours for once, so we should sleep together more often."

"I'd love that," you chuckled, your voice cracking slightly due to just waking up. He ruffled your hair with one hand, messing it up more than it was already, and gave you a small kiss on the tip of your nose before giving you a second on the lips. 

"You were out like a log the whole night," he said, and you grimaced. "I didn't want to wake you up because you looked so comfortable."

"Thanks," you replied, giving him a wide, morning smile before yawning. "What you up to?"

"None of your business," he said, and you pouted when he hid it with his hand, not allowing you to read it. "Anyway, we'll be going down for breakfast in half an hour, so get your ass in gear before I carry you downstairs. Then, we'll come back up, and we'll be cleaning this damned apartment. Look at the dust!"

To emphasise his point, he swiped his finger across the desk. The slightest of dirt appeared on his finger, but you knew him enough by now to know that this meant the WHOLE ROOM had to be deep cleaned. 

"Then, we'll go visit the town," he said, his tone softening. "We can visit that cafe you've spoken about before and get some lunch, and then the rest of the day... we can do anything. I know Hange will be doing some stuff with Eren and Erwin, whatever that crazy bitch does on their days off, and the rest of the Squad will either be helping them or doing whatever they want."

"Sounds wonderful," you grinned, glad you could finally have a day off with Levi again. Just having a day to yourself without the worry of being killed by a titan or a human, in that case, sounded like heaven, and you prayed to whoever was up there that nothing went wrong. "Now, shift, I need to get changed."

"Change into something nice," he said, and you raised an eyebrow at him. 

"What, do you want me to change into a pretty little skirt with a bow at the back?" you asked sarcastically, and he rolled his eyes. 

"You look gorgeous in whatever you wear, but you know what I mean," he said, and you nodded. Casual but formal. 

Pulling the drawer open, you pulled out a long, blue plaid skirt and a white blouse with long sleeves and black buttons up the front. You smiled at your choice of clothing before running into the bathroom to change. You didn't mind Levi seeing you naked anymore, but at the same time, you didn't particularly want someone walking in on you or seeing you from the window. 

Looking into the mirror, you then brushed your hair into an appropriate hairstyle before leaving the room, Levi's eyes wandering across your body with a pair of raised eyebrows. "You look pretty."

"Thanks," you chuckled, spinning to make sure the skirt moved properly and didn't look awkward. He returned his eyes to what he was writing, then added his signature and pulled an envelope from one of the draws underneath his desk. He placed the letter inside but didn't seal it. You cocked your head and watched as he then placed the letter in a pile of important ones, ones that you were never allowed to see, before standing back up and straightening his back. "You ready to go?"

"I was waiting for you to put your shoes on," Levi said, and you mentally face-palmed before pulling your pair of boots out from the shoe-rack and slipping them on. "Y/n, how do you sleep so much?"

"I dunno, I just get tired," you replied, realising that your answer was completely useless to him. "Well, I didn't sleep well back when I was out in the streets. I think it's mainly because I feel safe now, and I know nobody is going to harm me in here. I also know how to relax my mind and block out the stress and worries. Why?"

"I wish I could sleep properly just so I could spend more time with you," he muttered, and you couldn't help but smile as you finally finished buckling up your boot. It was currently nine in the morning, and you were surprised Levi had let you sleep in that long. Standing up, he then took your hand in his before opening the door. You'd noticed the way he held your hand; your fingers interlocked tightly, making it harder for you to leave his side. It was sweet. "What do you want to eat, brat?"

"You're so mean," you pouted, and he rolled his eyes as he locked the door. You knew he didn't mean it, and you'd known that since you first met. He showed his love in different ways to normal people, and that was to be expected, so you didn't mind. "Hm, I don't know. According to Sasha, the chefs are making pancakes because it's a special occasion. I wouldn't mind having some of those."

"We'd better get down there quickly before they're all gone, you lazy bones," he said, and you giggled to yourself. You could hear footsteps behind you as you went down the stairs, and you turned your head to see Hange following, their hair messier than usual as they spoke in deep conversation with Moblit. It appeared that he had a head injury from before, and it was thankfully healing well. "And before Four-Eyes notices us."

As if on cue, Hange lifted their head, and a wide smile appeared on their face. They skipped a few steps before slinging their arms around your's and Levi's shoulders, causing the black-haired male to scowl and try and shove them off. However, you couldn't stop laughing as you tried to avoid getting hit in the head. 

"How are you two lovebirds doing?" they asked enthusiastically while Moblit tried his damned best to prise them off. Levi rolled his eyes again and cursed at them, but they simply ignored him. "It's a lovely day today."

"Indeed," you chuckled, glad they were back to their bubbly self again. Back in the hut, they'd seemed so glum and stressed, and you missed seeing their joyous self. Even Levi wasn't being as harsh as he usually would be, and he seemed to notice the light in their eyes. "Have you just woken up?"

"Can you tell?" they asked, lifting their goggles to reveal the bags underneath their eyes. "I couldn't sleep very well because I was up all night plotting experiments, with Moblit's help of course."

"Until you finally passed out on me," he muttered, shaking his head. "I thought I'd never see the day."

"And you call us lovebirds," Levi complained, and you finally hit the bottom of the stairs, none of you miraculously falling due to Hange's enthusiasm. However, Levi never let go of your hand, occasionally squeezing it to make sure you were okay. He knew you were friends with Hange and he trusted them with his life, but he knew that they could go too far and accidentally upset someone. That was never the case with you, though. You seemed to enjoy their eccentric side, and if you liked them, then he was okay with them hanging around. 

"I tried to stay awake but no, I could not. And this meanie didn't even try to wake me up," Hange sighed, bopping Moblit on the head. He shook his head with a sigh, and you wondered if he had to put up with them like this all the time. Either way, it was clear he was incredibly loyal, and you admired him for that. 

Soon enough, Hange got distracted by something (or someone) in the distance, and they ran off, Moblit following and trying to get them to come to the dining hall for breakfast. Levi breathed out and rolled his eyes, and you gave him a quick glare.

"They're exhausting," he mumbled, and you jabbed him harshly in the arm. "What was that for, brat?"

"You appreciate them really," you chuckled, and he sighed. You knew that meant that he agreed, and you continued walking with a satisfied grin on your face. "How long have you known Hange, Levi?"

"Six years," he answered, and you raised your eyebrows. "And somehow I haven't killed them yet."

"I assume they're a close friend of yours," you said, but he didn't say anything. You knew he denied getting close to people, which was why you argued with him quite a lot and why he refused to acknowledge his friendships. You knew he cared more about Hange than he'd like to admit despite trying to push them away, and you smiled softly at the thought. "Y'know, I've always admired you, Levi."

"Why?" he scoffed, and you nearly hit him for that. "Why do so many people admire me when I lead them to their deaths?"

"Because no matter what, you'll always get the job done," you said, and he cocked his head. "I wouldn't be able to. You block out any emotional ties and do what you believe is going to benefit our world more rather than what you'd prefer to do, which is why I don't resent or hate you for going after Historia and Eren instead of me. I think that's just another thing that makes you humanity's strongest."

"I felt awful when I couldn't go after you," he muttered, looking down in shame. "I don't regret it, because everyone came back okay, but I can't tell you how much guilt I felt when I watched you get carried away."

"Yeah, Sasha did say you were grumpier than usual."

"Tch, that brat."

You laughed at his response, and you noticed a small smile appeared on his lips. The pair of you eventually reached the dining hall, and for once, Levi didn't let go of your hand. He didn't care if dating someone ruined his reputation or made the cadets think less of him; he could easily scare the shit out of them and bring them back to order. 

"Captain Levi," you heard a low male voice from behind say, and you turned to see the familiar blonde you called Commander Erwin. He was watching the shorter raven-haired man put a plate of food onto his tray, and Levi looked up at him with the cold-stare he gave everyone that wasn't you. "I'd like to talk to you later. Meet me at my office at 4pm."

"Sure," he muttered, and you unlinked your hand from his to grab your food. You thanked the chef, a young girl about Sasha's age and height with her blonde hair cut into a bob. She smiled before moving onto the Commander and the other people in the line. "Goddamn it, another meeting."

"That's what you get for being a Captain, Captain," you grinned, and he frowned at you, picking up his tray and wandering over to the table he was so used to sitting at now. You followed, picking up a glass and sitting down beside him. Other higher-ups sat along the row, and you suddenly felt awkward, being the most inferior amongst these people. You weren't supposed to sit with them, yet Levi allowed you to and gave a glare to anyone who looked as if they wanted to complain. 

"Y/n, I'd like you to be Vice Captain," Levi suddenly said out of the blue, and you nearly dropped your fork. "We currently don't have one on the Squad, and I'm not asking just because I like you. I believe that someone with your skills deserves a higher ranking."

"Are you just saying that so I can accompany you to your meeting with Erwin later?" you questioned, and he rolled his eyes with a shake of the head. 

"Of course not, dummy," he said, and you couldn't help but giggle to yourself. "Is that a yes or a no?"

"I mean, sure," you replied, and he nodded in satisfaction. "That's cool though... Vice-Captain Y/n Y/l/n of the Levi Squad. It has a nice ring to it."

"Don't get too cocky, brat," he snapped, and you nodded with a small grin. "Or I'll give the role to somebody else."

"Sorry," you chuckled, scratching the back of your neck nervously as you shoveled a forkful of pancake into your mouth. "Say, did you hear about the rumour of Historia opening up orphanages across the city?"

"Yeah, she asked me to help out late last night," he answered, pouring water into his and your glasses. "I received the letter. She's planning to bring the orphans from the underground up to the surface, and I couldn't be happier with the idea."

"You certainly look it," you said sarcastically, pointing at his straight-lipped expression. "In all seriousness, it sounds like a great idea. I hope those kids grow up to have a body count of zero."

"Me too," he agreed, sipping the water. A group of girls on a table about ten feet away were staring at you and him, and as soon as you looked at them, they looked away with frowns. You chuckled to yourself, realising that you'd probably receive some amount of hate from girls who obsessed over the man you were currently dating. It was a well-known fact that everyone had had a crush on Levi at some point, even though he was an asshole to most. He was attractive though, so that's probably why. "You could help out too. We both know our way around the Underground pretty well."

"You're going to use this as an excuse to find Aldo, aren't you?" you asked, and he raised his eyebrows. 

"Of course not," he lied, shaking his head. "Why would I ever do that?"

"Because you're like that," you sighed, finishing off your pancakes. He chuckled below his breath, taking a sip of his water to hide his amused expression. "So, are you going to tell me what you were writing earlier? Or are you just going to hide it from me?"

"You'll find out eventually," he sighed, knowing that no matter how much you wanted to know, you would never go rummaging through his stuff and break his trust. After all, what he was writing was incredibly private, and he didn't want someone nosy (especially you) to see it until it was complete. "Now, finish eating so we can go back up and clean that goddamn apartment. Because you're living with me now, I'll have to get a bigger one."

"Can you even do that?" you asked with raised eyebrows, your heart skipping a beat when it finally sunk in that he wanted to live with you. "I thought yours was already the largest you could get."

"Well, it'd be difficult to persuade Erwin into letting us live elsewhere, but there's no fault in trying," he said, cracking his knuckles. You knew what that meant; Erwin would either let you live together outside of the Survey Corps apartments or he'd face Levi's wrath. And if you were smart, like Erwin was, you'd know never to go against Levi's will. 

"What was that Levi?" you teased, and he scowled through gritted teeth. "You want to live with me?"

"Shut up, you brat," he muttered, and you saw a hint of colour appear in his usually-pale complexion. You adored being the only person who could get him embarrassed. "You're the only one I can put up living with."

"That's sweet," you grinned, jabbing him in the thigh. He swatted your hand away, looking elsewhere to distract himself from how hard his heart was pounding. It wasn't that Levi was scared, worried or concerned. It was something... completely different, and he liked it. At first, it weirded him out and he assumed he was having palpitations or a heart attack, but he'd gradually gotten used to it, and every time it happened, it was when he was around you. 

_Hell, I'd gladly live with you for the rest of my life if the world wasn't so damn cruel._

_You'd seriously consider growing old with me?  
_

_I've managed to put up with you thus far, why not forever?  
_

Ever since that day, he'd just grown more and more fond of you and he'd never realised somebody could feel so much towards a single person. He put his head on his hand and just watched you ramble on about nothing in particular, and he couldn't help but smile a little. You finally stopped talking and noticed the expression on his face, and your heart squeezed. Going pink in the face, you picked up your tray.

"I-I'll put this back," you muttered, but before you could go, he took your wrist, nearly causing you to drop your food onto the ground. "Huh?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to do that," Levi said quickly and bluntly, letting you go. He wasn't exactly sure why he'd grabbed onto you like that; maybe it was just to make sure everything was real. Standing up, he then followed, taking his tray with him. Why was his mind being so weird right now? It wasn't just then that he realised he loved you. He'd known for a while; maybe this was finally his acceptance. 

"Y'know, I'm really going to enjoy the next few hours," you said sarcastically, shaking your head as you left the dining hall. "I'm probably going to get dust up my nose or something."

"So you agree the room's dirty, then?" he asked, and you pouted, realising you'd just fallen into his trap. He smirked discreetly, taking your hand again and squeezing it softly. 

"I hate you," you pouted, and he raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, I bet you do," he said, stuffing his other hand into his pocket. "But I know that's your way of saying you love me."

"Hey!" you exclaimed, playfully punching him in the arm. "Don't make me say it, Levi!"

"Say what?"

"I love you."


	39. ~ a year later

A year passed in the blink of an eye, and you found yourself outside of the walls for the first time ever. The air was so clean and fresh, just as Levi had said, and your eyes widened to see the lands of sand that Armin had spoken about. You were tempted to hop off of your horse just to touch it, but you had to keep going. This expedition was just you, Levi, Hange, Connie, Sasha, Jean, Eren, Mikasa, Armin and Floch Forster, and you'd been told you were finally visiting the ocean. After a year of torture and hardships, you were finally going to see the world you'd always wanted to see. 

However, today, Levi was acting... strange. He hadn't spoken to you much, and his eyes were straight ahead. He was occasionally snappy, and Hange teased him about nothing in particular, causing him to lash out. You'd left him to it though, knowing that it was best to leave him alone if he was in one of his moods again.

"Hey, are you excited, Y/n?" you heard Armin say from beside you, and you nodded with a smile. The boy had nearly died months ago, sacrificing himself for Eren and the Survey Corps, but Levi used the titan serum on him, causing him to become the Colossal Titan. It was a lot for the poor boy to take in and he felt guilty, but he was still grateful to be alive and be allowed to see the ocean. 

"I can't wait," you replied quietly, looking up at the blue sky. A collection of fluffy clouds passed by and a flock of birds weaved in and out of them, having the time of their lives. You wished you were that free. "You've always wanted to see the ocean, right?"

"Ever since I was little," Armin admitted shyly, and Mikasa nodded from beside him, the smallest of smiles on her lips. "According to my book, it's really salty, so I wouldn't recommend drinking it."

"I wasn't planning to," you chuckled, and your conversation was interrupted when Eren pointed to a large wall.

"I'm sure of it... this is the place where Eldians were made into Titans," he said, and Levi nodded. You felt your stomach in your throat as he continued to speak. "And beyond that..."

Sure enough, you ended on top of a cliff, and your eyes widened to see what you assumed to be the ocean. You nearly jumped off your horse, but Hange stopped you before you fell off the edge. Sasha had her hands clasped over her mouth, unable to believe what she was seeing, and Connie and Jean gave each other competitive expressions.

"I'll be the first one there!" Jean said enthusiastically, and before anyone could object, he shot off on his horse, much to the clear dismay of Levi. 

"As if!" Connie exclaimed, following. There appeared to be a large trail that led from the top of the cliff and down to the ocean, yet it was heavily overgrown. You'd known for years that the earth had been widely populated at one point by humans so they'd probably made the path, but due to the titans, the paths hadn't been used, allowing nature to take back what it'd lost. 

Once you finally reached the masses of sand and small waves of the ocean, you hopped off of the horse and sunk slightly, your eyes widening. Jean was already standing by the water, his boots and socks flung elsewhere with his jeans rolled up so he could paddle. Connie was in the process of doing the same, and Sasha was just climbing off her horse. 

"Can you believe it?!" she exclaimed, watching as Jean gasped out loud when the water hit his feet. "It goes so... far!"

"Armin, we did it!" you called out, the blonde male running over with his jaw dropped in awe. You laughed at his expression before getting off your own horse, nearly falling off if it wasn't for Hange standing there. You still weren't the best at horse-riding, so they and a few others had to help you up and down and make sure you were safe. "It's just like you said."

"My eyes!" you heard someone say, and you turned to see Sasha on the ground already, her bottoms getting completely soaked as Connie tackled her down. "It's so salty!"

"And you had to taste it," you sighed, pulling off your own boots and gasping as your feet touched the warm sand, causing you to sink a little. "Woah..."

You turned your head to see Connie running over, and your eyes widened in sudden panic. Oh god.

"This is for beating me up last week!" the male exclaimed, tackling you over and causing your entire body to go into the ocean. 

"Connie! You bastard!" you yelled, sitting up in the water and causing your wet hair to hit your face. "Jean, go and get him!"

"Got it!" the taller male nodded, and you brushed your hair out of your eyes to see him grab Connie by the legs and throw him in. You burst out into laughter, watching the trio fight as Connie and Sasha tried to drag the older male in with them. Mikasa and Armin were talking while Eren watched the waves, his eyes mesmerized with the sight. 

"Ooh, what's this?!" Hange asked, stepping in the water and pointing at a small creature floating in the water. It looked see-through, with a jelly-like body and strange pink strands coming from its body. At least, you assumed it was the creature's body. 

"Hange, it might be poisonous, so don't touch it," Levi said bluntly, standing by the side of his horse and still in his full clothing. Everyone else was having fun and jumping around in the ocean, but he was the only one standing out. You also noticed his expression; it looked almost sad, and your heart dropped. As soon as he noticed your gaze, he looked away, staring at the ground. Pouting, you tried to come up with an idea to bring him with you, but knowing the clean-freak, he wouldn't dare let the sand or salty water touch his feet. 

"Levi," you began, wandering over to your boyfriend of nearly a year. It was currently mid-April, and although Aprils inside the walls were cold and bleak, this one seemed special, and the sun beat down on your body kindly. He looked up, his grey-eyes blank. However, you'd known him long enough to know what that meant by now. He was upset with something, but masked that with both anger and grumpiness. Or, it could be something else. He was a mystery, even to you. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asked, his eyes rolling slowly as he crossed his arms. "I'm perfectly fine."

"You look like you'd rather be anywhere else," you said, and he 'tched', glancing back at the ground. Hange noticed, but a small smile appeared on their face as they looked away. It was clear as day that the pair was hiding something from you, and you were anxious about it. Hange had been teasing him about it, and he was grumpier than usual. They couldn't be more obvious if they tried. "Come on, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! Please come into the ocean with me."

"And get pushed over?" he said with a raised eyebrow. "No thanks."

"You're so boring," you sighed exasperatedly, and then he chuckled, catching you off guard. So... he wasn't sad? What the hell was going through that man's mind?"

"Y/n," he began, his voice much lower than you'd expected. You cocked your head. "Sometimes, you've seen me writing in the middle of the night, and I don't let you read them. Do you remember?"

"Oh yeah," you said, your mind flooding back to the many, many irritating times where he'd just be sat at his desk writing something you weren't allowed to see. Then, he'd put it at the bottom of his draw, and as frustrating as it was to not see what was on it, you didn't want to intrude on Levi's privacy. "What about them?"

"Well, you can read them now," he muttered, reaching into one of his pockets and pulling out a thick, sealed envelope, writing scribbled on the back. You turned it over, and your eyebrow raised to see your name on it. "Levi... what is this?"

"Tch, just read it," he said, watching as you opened up the envelope. Your eyes widened to see at least ten pieces of paper, and on them was his handwriting, as small as possible as to not take up too much room. "I'll go over to Four-Eyes, and you're not allowed to come over until you've finished reading."

"Ugh, I hate you sometimes," you muttered, regretting even worrying about him. However, as soon as you started reading, your heart skipped a beat. 

**_1\. Hi, brat. It's currently the 21st of June 850, and you're fast asleep in my bed. I wish I could be there with you, because you look so comfortable, but there's too much on my mind right now. Anyway, as you've probably figured out by now, I'm not the best at romance or expressing what I'd like to, so whenever I want to tell you something but can't, I'll write it here. For example, right now, I just want to tell you how much I care about you. I cringed writing that, but it's true. I like your hugs, kisses, your eyes, laugh... hell, I could write pages and pages but you're waking up right now so I can't. I'll give you this letter when... I dunno, maybe in a year on some special occasion. I'll continue writing soon. I love you, Y/n._ **

**_2\. It's the 28th of June. I didn't get a chance to write again because you, you brat, are clingy as fuck and won't leave me alone for five minutes. Anyway, yesterday, we went back into the Underground to save some orphans and I accidentally imagined having a child. There was a sassy, blue-eyed kid - I think his name is Noel - and he was annoying as hell but also my favourite out of all of them. I'm gonna stop writing about this because you'll probably think I'm a total weirdo when you read this. Also, you made me laugh earlier. I can't remember what you said, but it was about Eren's ugly titan form. I really appreciated it, and I love you, Y/n._ **

**_3\. July 3rd is today's date. We went out for tea and I ended up getting jealous over this gross-ass kid flirting with you. Your oblivious, dumbass didn't even realise what was going on, but I certainly did. That guy is definitely scared of me now. I spoke to Erwin earlier about getting a house, but that damned beast titan thing was spotted again and he's too worried about that to focus on anything else. I don't know who that beast titan is, but I will kill it. Whatever happens, stay safe. I love you, Y/n._ **

**_4\. July 20th. I thought I'd lost you. Again. We lost Erwin and a shit ton of cadets. I couldn't kill that damned beast titan, and I'm so fucking mad about it. Then, I had to choose Armin over Erwin because those damned kids got me all emotional. Y/n, you stupid, stupid, stupid brat. You nearly died just to protect Jean Kirstein. Him out of all people! How would you have kept your promise then? You're currently in hospital being treated for burns and you're in a coma. I have no idea who took you to the top of the wall; the only ones who could've done it would be Hange or the rest of my squad, but they all say they have no idea. I hope you wake up soon, I miss your annoying as fuck voice and it's too quiet in my apartment that I have to stay in my office to keep me occupied. Hange is heartbroken because Moblit died to save them, and I can't begin to imagine that being you. So don't do it again. I love you, Y/n. Too much._ **

**_5\. July 22nd. You're awake and healthy. Thank God, I'm so happy you're okay. I love you, Y/n._ **

**_6\. July 29th. We started training again yesterday, and I told you to stay out of commission, but obviously, you didn't listen. Although, you did beat the shit out of Kirstein so that's a bonus I guess. But there's no way you'll ever beat me. Just hearing you laugh for the first time in ages made my day, and I'd gladly listen to your laughter forever. Luckily for me, I think you've forgotten about this letter. You dumbass. I love you, Y/n._ **

**_7\. Today is the 6th of August. Hange Zoe is officially the new Commander, and I hope they doesn't mess shit up. We went into the Underground today, and although you told me not to, I kept an eye out for Aldo. Who can blame me? I never saw that ratbag asshole though, so he should think himself lucky. Anyway, you got distracted so I had to catch you as you fell off a building like the klutz you are. I have no idea how you're Humanity's Second Strongest or how I ended up liking you so much. And do you know what you said when you fell?! "Whoops, I seem to have fallen for you." You're so embarrassing, but I love you, Y/n._ **

The letters continued on like this, Levi adding something at least once every week all year. There were sixty he'd written altogether and they all ended the same way, with the same four words. By number thirty, you were crying, trying not to get the tears onto the paper in case the words smudged and you couldn't read it anymore. 

Finally, you came across the last one, and you had to clasp your hand over your mouth to stop yourself from crying out loudly.

**_60\. It's the 14th April, 851. We're going to see the ocean tomorrow, hopefully. I have something planned, but I don't know if I have the guts to do it. Imagine, being Humanity's Strongest Soldier, and being afraid of telling the love of your life something you've wanted to say since the beginning. I plan to give you this when we reach the ocean, mainly because I think that's the best place to do it. And by 'do it', I mean ask you a certain question. Turn around and look up at me. If I'm not distracted by Hange's dumbass or one of the others, I should've been watching you read this. I just hope you're not crying. For the last time in these letters, I want to tell you something. I love you, Y/n._ **

You were actually afraid to look up. What was Levi going to ask or do? Your heart raced against your chest, and your hands trembled as you shakily put the letters back inside their envelope. Gulping and holding your breath, you looked up to see Levi, who was watching from the edge of the ocean. He had a small smile on his face, and his eyes were watery. He was just as nervous as you were; that was blatantly obvious just by the way he held himself. Hange gave him a quick look of encouragement, and that was all he needed to walk back over. 

Levi knelt down in front of you, both his knees in the sand, and he took your hands in his. The envelope was now beside you, and you were unable to look him in the eyes. You hadn't even realised that the rest of the squad was watching in suspense, either unaware of what was going on or acting very well to pretend they didn't.

"Y/n, sorry for making you cry," he muttered, brushing his thumbs over the backs of your hands. You laughed, choking a little on your tears. "I didn't expect you to get this emotional."

"I-I c-couldn't h-help it, you d-ouchebag," you stammered, wiping your eyes with your soggy sleeve. Your hair had almost dried due to the sun beating down on you, so thankfully, you didn't look that bad. You sniffled, and Levi took his hand away from one of yours and tucked your hair behind your ear, tilting your head upwards so he could look at you fully.

"I never believed in love," he started, and you began to bawl again for no reason in particular other than the fact that it was Levi talking. "I never wanted to fall for anybody, either. I thought it was all cringy and I'd get attached to someone who I'd eventually lose. But then you came into my life, and I thought 'Fuck it'. So that's why I'm here, right now, kneeling in front of you, about to ask you this."

He reached into his pocket and bought out a small box, and your eyes widened as he pulled it open.

"Brat, will you marry me?"

By now, not only were you shaking, but he was too. His hand visibly shook as he held the small box open, and you looked up at his watery eyes. For the first time in a year, he looked scared, and your heart ached. 

"O-of course!" you exclaimed, unsure what came over you but you pulled him into a hug. He was surprised at your reaction, but he hugged back, squeezing you into his torso as he buried his smile into your shoulder. You heard Hange squeal and clap from behind, and even the cadets were cheering. You flipped them off, laughing as you tried to wipe your own eyes. Pulling away, he reopened the small box and pulled out the silver ring, a small, green gemstone sitting in the middle. It looked incredibly expensive, and you wondered how he'd got the money to afford such a thing. 

"Now, get off the ground before you get sand everywhere," Levi commanded, and you giggled as he helped you up. Your face was flushed pink and was tear-stained, so it was no surprise that the black-haired man you were now engaged to pulled out a napkin and began to dry your eyes. "Look at you."

"I can't," you whispered, and he rolled his eyes with a sigh at your comment. "I probably look awful."

"As if," Levi chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. You heard Jean gag, and you pulled away just to glare at the boy before returning back to your fiance's plump lips. 

"That's so cute," you heard Sasha say to an extremely bubbly Hange. 

Levi put his arms around your waist and pulled away, cursing to himself. He hated any PDA that was more than hand-holding, and he especially hated doing anything in front of his squad, but this moment was just too special and he couldn't help it. 

"I love you, Levi," you said quietly, pressing your forehead against his.

"Love you too, brat."


	40. ~ ten years later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very minor manga spoilers <3

"Oi, sleepy-head, get up."

"Five more minutes," you muttered, pressing the sides of the pillow to your ears as you tried to block out anyone who tried to wake you. This included Levi, who was poking you in the sides to try and wake you. However, you swatted him away, opening just one eye to glare at him.

It'd been ten years since you met. Ten years since you started dating, nine years since he proposed and a blissful four years since you got married. Yet, after all of that, you'd still never managed to beat him in a fight. 

"You don't scare me, brat," he chuckled lowly, and from the pitch and hoarseness of his morning voice, you assumed he hadn't been up long either. "Now get up before your breakfast goes cold."

"Awh, you made me breakfast?" you asked, slowly sitting up as you rubbed your eyes, trying to wake up properly before you said or did something stupid. He sat on the edge of the bed, watching as you stretched your arms and yawned. Ever since he'd proposed, barely anything had changed in your personalities, which is what you were happy with. He'd opened up more and become more emotionally-aware, but that was only because he'd gotten used to you around. Ever since the war, however, you'd both become much more protective of each other, spending pretty much all day and night together. The only things that had changed were the battle wounds on your bodies.

Of course, you both had your fair share of injuries. Levi, after being involved in an explosion, had a couple on his face, but one was more prominent than the rest. It was the one across the right side of his face that caused him to go partially blind in that eye. He'd also lost two of his fingers, but other than that, he was the same man you'd fallen for years ago. 

As for you, you'd got a burn scar across your neck and your pinkie finger on your left hand was missing. Smaller, white scars were scattered across your body, caused by accidents that thankfully didn't cost you your life. Glancing up at Levi, he took your hand in his and squeezed.

"I made toast and eggs," he said, rubbing the back of your palm with his thumb. You send him a soft smile and nodded, opening your arms out for a hug. Rolling his eyes with a sigh, he shuffled over, allowing you to get up onto your knees and shuffle over, pulling him into a hug. 

The two of you lived in a small cottage out in the countryside, about a mile away from the nearest town and close to a farm. Occasionally, the farmers let you ride the horses, knowing you were both higher-ups and protected people from the war. There were still a handful of people who disliked you, Levi and the others, but you didn't mind. Finally, you were happy and not worried about getting eaten or killed.

"Thank you," you sighed, feeling his hands slip up your nightgown and rub against your back. You giggled, pulling away and kissing him softly on his right cheek where his scar was. He'd never admitted it, but you knew he was worried you'd leave him because of his wounds from the war. You'd told him before that he was being stupid and you would never do such a thing, and to prove it, you kissed him over the scar every morning. And to prove to you he'd never leave you, he'd kiss the burn on your neck. 

"You're so sappy, God," Levi grumbled, and you gasped dramatically, poking him in the shoulder.

"Shut it, you old man," you teased, flopping over his lap and giving him a playful expression, smiling as you felt his hand run gently through your bed-head hair. He wasn't that old; he'd turned forty back in December, and you were currently thirty-three. However, you liked making fun of him, even if somehow he still looked as young as he did when you first met him. The only thing that'd changed was that his muscles weren't as pronounced anymore. He still liked to work-out, but he wasn't as intense and didn't need to worry about 3D manoeuvre gear anymore. It was the same for you, too.

"Tch, 'old man'?" he asked, his eyebrows raised as you took his other hand, playing with the two fingers and thumb he had left. Like his scar, he'd been worried you'd be afraid of his right hand too, but as he should've expected, you didn't care. "There's a seven-year difference, you brat."

"Exactly, I'm still young and beautiful and you're growing old," you chuckled, and he punched you in the arm. It wasn't forceful; in fact, it didn't hurt a bit, but you still punched him back. That was how your relationship worked, and it was a damn good one. "I'm kidding! You're still as hot as ever."

"I better be," Levi muttered, pushing you off of his lap so he could stand up. "Anyway, if your toast is cold, don't blame me. It's your fault."

"Of course it's my fault," you chuckled, sitting up and brushing your hair from out of your face. "I know that."

You hopped out of your bed and slid your feet into a pair of fluffy slippers, then followed your husband down the stairs. He ran a hand through his hair, and you realised you'd most likely have to cut it again. He still had the same undercut from years ago with the occasional grey hair now (they weren't obvious at all though), but seemed to get longer much quicker than before. 

"It's on the table," he said, pointing to the kitchen. He'd also got a plate opposite yours, and it seemed that he'd waited until you were awake to start eating his own. You smiled at him before giving him a swift kiss on his cheek and sitting down at the table. Thankfully, the toast and eggs were still lukewarm. 

"What do you wanna do today?" you asked, swallowing a mouthful of toast as Levi sat opposite you, beginning to eat his own. "Stay in?"

"Apparently, it'll be a clear night," he started, stabbing his fork into his egg. "And I know you like stargazing, so we could do that later."

"Yeah, that sounds fun," you replied. Levi finally had a good sleep schedule, getting at least six hours per night now while you sometimes got double that amount. He enjoyed the nights with you because it allowed him to be much more intimate when he couldn't throughout the day. Whether the intimacy was sexual or not, he didn't care. Just being able to hold you was enough for him, especially after the many, many times he'd thought you'd died in the past. Each time seemed to be scarier than the last, and maybe that was because his love for you had just grown every day. Now, he was able to live with you and keep you safe. 

_You'd seriously consider growing old with me?  
_

_I've managed to put up with you thus far, why not forever?_

Finally, that promise was coming true. 

"We'll just spend all day here then?" Levi asked, and you nodded. He was happy with that answer. "My, I guess I'll have to spend my entire day bullying you. Sounds fun."

"Oh God," you muttered, mouth full of toast. His 'bullying' usually meant humiliating you, and that could be him being incredibly cheesy, throwing you compliments, being incredibly touchy, or, the worst one, being a pain in the ass. "Sounds awful."

"Don't say words you don't mean, Princess," he said, and after all these years of being with him, you still got flustered over the stupid pet-names he gave you. Hiding your face with your hair and fork, you heard a small laugh leave Levi's mouth. 

"Asshat," you muttered, unable to come up with anything better. You'd never been good at giving Levi pet-names; there were barely any that suited other than 'Babe', 'Darling' or 'Baby', which you rarely used anyway. Yet he had tons for you, which he mainly used to tease or fluster you. Before dating, you'd never have guessed he was like that in a relationship, but you certainly weren't complaining. And he didn't seem to mind that you called him insults. He knew he was the only person who received such treatment, and it oddly made him feel better about himself.

You opened your mouth to call him another name, but then you felt something fluffy touch your ankle and a small mewl. Looking down, you saw your Himalayan cat, her beady eyes looking up at you in anticipation.

"Levi, did you forget to feed Sasha again?" you asked with raised eyebrows, and he shook his head. "Awh, or does my little baby want a fuss?"

You picked up Sasha and sat her in your lap, playing with her fur and giving her little tickles. She was nearly three years old, given to you as a gift for your thirtieth birthday from Levi. It was also because you couldn't have a child due to fertility issues (this was caused by everything you'd been through). And yes, her name was Sasha. Named after your first friend on the surface. 

"Sometimes, I think you prefer that cat over me," Levi muttered, and you laughed, tickling under her ears. 

"As if I'd _ever_ prefer anybody over you," you answered back, giving him a soft smile that made his heart squeeze. "Dummy."

Standing up, you kissed Sasha on the nose before placing her back on the floor, taking a sip from the tea Levi had made. Living on your own, you'd both learned how to make different types of tea, including Levi's new favourite: jasmine tea. The back garden was where you grew all sorts of plants and foods, such as carrots, potatoes, strawberries, watermelons, peas and tomatoes. There was even an apple tree growing near the bottom, a rosebush sitting just beneath it. You both took pride in your garden, making sure it was tidy and the plants were healthy. Because the two of you were the highest-ranking Survey Corps of Paradis, you'd both been rewarded for it, and that was through a nice house with a large garden, a small stream even running through it.

It was all you could ever ask for, and if going through another war meant keeping this new life forever, you'd join in a heartbeat. 

Standing by the back window, you stared into the sunny sky, the clouds moving past gently as Sasha hopped onto the counter, wanting to be fussed again. You sighed at the attention-whore, brushing your fingers through her fur and tickling her sides. Then, you felt a second attention-whore come up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and sitting his head on your shoulder.

Turning your own head, you kissed Levi on the cheek and noticed a twinkle in his grey eyes. It was obvious he was so much happier now, even if it was still difficult for him to smile. Just the way he acted and how he presented himself proved it. He rarely came off as cold anymore, and he only insulted those close to him in a playful way or insulted those who deserved it. When friends came over, he still used all his old 'nicknames', but it was much less harsh than before.

"I love you, pumpkin," you giggled, making fun of him for being so clingy. He was never the type for PDA; he liked his affection towards you to be private. It wasn't that he was embarrassed or put off by the idea of showering you with affection in public, he just believed that love was a private thing and he didn't want people getting involved. This resulted in a lot of cuddles at home, especially when neither of you were at work. 

"Tch, pumpkin," he muttered, a hint of pink appearing in his pale cheeks. "How original."

"Is that all you're going to take from that?" you exclaimed, making him grin. "I just proclaimed my love to you and you're complaining about the pet-name!? Wow, now I see what your priorities are."

"I'm kidding," he chuckled, pinching your tummy and nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck. He could feel your pulse, and he felt at ease to know that you were really there, in his arms and in love with him as much as he was with you. Sighing softly, he then finished with, "I love you too, loser."

*

*

*

{ the end }

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support on my story! I really wasn't expecting it to get this many kudos and hits, and it's super nice to see all the positive comments :)  
> This story began as an experiment to see what I could write and how far I could go, so I was surprised to see that people liked it!  
> Once again, thank you so much for reading my story. It's been really fun to write it and I think I ended up becoming an even more dedicated Levi fangirl, whoops <3  
> Georgie x


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